entrevista
want to read the world's most awesome MCR interview?
Interviewer: So, Gerard, there are rumours circulating on the internet that you occasionally touch your brother in a manner that has been deemed inappropriate by the majority of the Earth's populace. What do you have to say about this?
Gerard: Oh, me and Mikey? Yeah, we totally fuck all the time.
Interviewer: ...what?
Gerard: Oh, I mean...uh....that's gross?
Interviewer: So. Mikey. You like the buttsex?
Mikey: Heh. Well, as a member of My Chemical Romance, I don't see where I have a choice. Even if I didn't already hold a complete and passionate love for hot, steamy buttsex, I'd have grown to view it as a constant and unchanging companion in my otherwise dark and desolate life.
Interviewer: ...Um...
Mikey: Yes. I like buttsex.
Interviewer: Sweet.
Interviewer: [Clearly uncomfortable, by this point. Shifts in seat.] So, uh, Gerard...why don't you tell me...um...a bit about the band's, uh...hobbies, I guess.
Gerard: [Smiles.] Okay, okay. Oh, the crazy shit we get up to in our spare time. There was that one day when Toro dressed up like a pumpkin and kidnapped those Japanese schoolgirls. And then there was that time we went to the fair and me and Mikey had sex on the ferris wheel and the rollercoaster. Twice. And then there was that one night that we were in my hotel room fucking against the wall and Frankie walked in on us. Then he joined. [Wistful, faroff look.] You remember that, Mikes?
Interviewer: [Stares, coughs, and stares some more.]
Interviewer: Hey, Frank. Feelin' left out yet?
Frank: Nah, I'm good. See?
Interviewer: Right.
Interviewer: So, besides fucking each other into oblivion, what are some of the band's goals for the future?
Frank: We're gonna be NINJAS! [Strikes ninja-esque pose.]
Mikey: [Snickers.]
Gerard: [Rolls eyes and pushes Frank over.]
Frank: [Looks momentarily wounded and then sits on Gerard's lap.]
Gerard: Actually, now that we've done the punk-rock thing and the performance-band thing, we're considering covering some new territory with our next album.
Interviewer: Really, now? What new territory would that be?
Gerard: Boy band.
Pete: They'll also be starring in my porno, which I plan to leak to the internet via my Sidekick.
Gerard: No, Pete Wentz.
Interviewer: Yes, Pete Wentz.
Interviewer: So a boy band, huh?
Gerard: Yeah. Bob's gonna be the angry, emotional one, Mikey's gonna be the whore, I'm gonna be the posh one, Ray is gonna be the psychotic skinny white boy, and Frank's gonna be Justin Timberlake.
Frank: CUZ I'M BRINGIN SEXY BAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gerard: Yeah...
Mikey: Why do I have to be the whore?
Gerard: ...do you really have to ask that? I mean, just look at you, Mikey. Even in the old promo pics.
Mikey: The hell are you talking about?
Frank: [Pulls picture out of his wallet.] See, here...
Mikey: [Leans over.]
Gerard: See? Clearly I am the angry, emotional one in this picture, as Bob was not a member of the band then, but look at you Mikey.
Mikey: ...okay, yeah, I can kinda see where you're coming from. Man, my hair was fuckable then. Why'd I dye it black?
Frank: We've asked you that about 300 times, moron.
Interviewer: [Facepalm.] Oh God...
Interviewer: Do you have anything else to add? Freaks.
Mikey: What was that?
Interviewer: I said, "Please."
Mikey: Oh, well that's nice.
Gerard: Actually yeah. After we're done with the boy band shit, we're going to be gangstas.
Interviewer: All right. Well, we wish you the best of luck with your endeavors. [Turns to smile at camera.] Remember not to tune out just yet, guys. Next, we'll be chatting with the members of Fall Out Boy.
Frank: [Laughs.] Oh, man, you have to interview those fags? Good luck, dude. They're fucking crazy.
[All exit stage right.]
...okay, so maybe that was myself and spankmerotten being extremely bored in our second hour class and comment-spamming one another with various bits and pieces of the aforementioned interview. but you have to admit, it's still pretty damn amusing. and it has pictures!
Interviewer: So, Gerard, there are rumours circulating on the internet that you occasionally touch your brother in a manner that has been deemed inappropriate by the majority of the Earth's populace. What do you have to say about this?
Gerard: Oh, me and Mikey? Yeah, we totally fuck all the time.
Interviewer: ...what?
Gerard: Oh, I mean...uh....that's gross?
Interviewer: So. Mikey. You like the buttsex?
Mikey: Heh. Well, as a member of My Chemical Romance, I don't see where I have a choice. Even if I didn't already hold a complete and passionate love for hot, steamy buttsex, I'd have grown to view it as a constant and unchanging companion in my otherwise dark and desolate life.
Interviewer: ...Um...
Mikey: Yes. I like buttsex.
Interviewer: Sweet.
Interviewer: [Clearly uncomfortable, by this point. Shifts in seat.] So, uh, Gerard...why don't you tell me...um...a bit about the band's, uh...hobbies, I guess.
Gerard: [Smiles.] Okay, okay. Oh, the crazy shit we get up to in our spare time. There was that one day when Toro dressed up like a pumpkin and kidnapped those Japanese schoolgirls. And then there was that time we went to the fair and me and Mikey had sex on the ferris wheel and the rollercoaster. Twice. And then there was that one night that we were in my hotel room fucking against the wall and Frankie walked in on us. Then he joined. [Wistful, faroff look.] You remember that, Mikes?
Interviewer: [Stares, coughs, and stares some more.]
Interviewer: Hey, Frank. Feelin' left out yet?
Frank: Nah, I'm good. See?
Interviewer: Right.
Interviewer: So, besides fucking each other into oblivion, what are some of the band's goals for the future?
Frank: We're gonna be NINJAS! [Strikes ninja-esque pose.]
Mikey: [Snickers.]
Gerard: [Rolls eyes and pushes Frank over.]
Frank: [Looks momentarily wounded and then sits on Gerard's lap.]
Gerard: Actually, now that we've done the punk-rock thing and the performance-band thing, we're considering covering some new territory with our next album.
Interviewer: Really, now? What new territory would that be?
Gerard: Boy band.
Pete: They'll also be starring in my porno, which I plan to leak to the internet via my Sidekick.
Gerard: No, Pete Wentz.
Interviewer: Yes, Pete Wentz.
Interviewer: So a boy band, huh?
Gerard: Yeah. Bob's gonna be the angry, emotional one, Mikey's gonna be the whore, I'm gonna be the posh one, Ray is gonna be the psychotic skinny white boy, and Frank's gonna be Justin Timberlake.
Frank: CUZ I'M BRINGIN SEXY BAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gerard: Yeah...
Mikey: Why do I have to be the whore?
Gerard: ...do you really have to ask that? I mean, just look at you, Mikey. Even in the old promo pics.
Mikey: The hell are you talking about?
Frank: [Pulls picture out of his wallet.] See, here...
Mikey: [Leans over.]
Gerard: See? Clearly I am the angry, emotional one in this picture, as Bob was not a member of the band then, but look at you Mikey.
Mikey: ...okay, yeah, I can kinda see where you're coming from. Man, my hair was fuckable then. Why'd I dye it black?
Frank: We've asked you that about 300 times, moron.
Interviewer: [Facepalm.] Oh God...
Interviewer: Do you have anything else to add? Freaks.
Mikey: What was that?
Interviewer: I said, "Please."
Mikey: Oh, well that's nice.
Gerard: Actually yeah. After we're done with the boy band shit, we're going to be gangstas.
Interviewer: All right. Well, we wish you the best of luck with your endeavors. [Turns to smile at camera.] Remember not to tune out just yet, guys. Next, we'll be chatting with the members of Fall Out Boy.
Frank: [Laughs.] Oh, man, you have to interview those fags? Good luck, dude. They're fucking crazy.
[All exit stage right.]
...okay, so maybe that was myself and spankmerotten being extremely bored in our second hour class and comment-spamming one another with various bits and pieces of the aforementioned interview. but you have to admit, it's still pretty damn amusing. and it has pictures!