Once Upon A Time...
There was a time, long ago, when I was artistically inclined. Where I was encouraged to start a portfolio, and to pursue art in college. My high school art teacher, Ms. Dunn, was disheartened to know that I instead decided to pursue history rather than art. She could not comprehend why.
In all honesty, I felt like I was not talented in the least in art. I lacked the tools, the technology, everything that artists now implement daily to make a living. A former friend of mine, who was well off, had things like Photoshop, a new computer, everything she needed, all because she screamed for her parents to get them for her, and so she got them. Because of that, her art was always more popular, and as soon as that happened, she began to look down on everyone else's art, to the point of telling me to give up.
So I did. I don't know why, but I did. Probably had to do that she also did the same thing with my writing, my singing, anything that I felt vaguely proud of, she tore it down and made it seem like shit in comparison to how great anything she did was.
Only now have I realized that I have squandered so much time when I could have been nurturing my own talents, but instead shied away from them because I was afraid of being rejected.
Even now when I am getting back into costuming, I am feeling that same sort of anxiety. I know what the community is like, and how elitist it is. I cannot help but feel dwarfed and scrutinized before I even begin. I've never been to another con other than JAFAX and GenCon, I never had the funds, but now that I sort of do...I'm not sure what I can do.
That, and working 58 hours a week makes it hard to have much of a life...
Wish I knew what to do.
In all honesty, I felt like I was not talented in the least in art. I lacked the tools, the technology, everything that artists now implement daily to make a living. A former friend of mine, who was well off, had things like Photoshop, a new computer, everything she needed, all because she screamed for her parents to get them for her, and so she got them. Because of that, her art was always more popular, and as soon as that happened, she began to look down on everyone else's art, to the point of telling me to give up.
So I did. I don't know why, but I did. Probably had to do that she also did the same thing with my writing, my singing, anything that I felt vaguely proud of, she tore it down and made it seem like shit in comparison to how great anything she did was.
Only now have I realized that I have squandered so much time when I could have been nurturing my own talents, but instead shied away from them because I was afraid of being rejected.
Even now when I am getting back into costuming, I am feeling that same sort of anxiety. I know what the community is like, and how elitist it is. I cannot help but feel dwarfed and scrutinized before I even begin. I've never been to another con other than JAFAX and GenCon, I never had the funds, but now that I sort of do...I'm not sure what I can do.
That, and working 58 hours a week makes it hard to have much of a life...
Wish I knew what to do.