2am
Title: one day (they'll tell you that you've changed)
Focus: Jinwoon
Word Count: 1100
Notes: For kelseypaige♥ Sorry this took so long, Nhaca :(! And.. sorry for the cop-out ending. :\
When One Day runs into Daehun in the studio, or when he stops by on purpose to watch them practice, Jinwoon is always the one that hangs back just a little. He watches as Nichkhun greets Daehun (“Hey brother, how’ve you been, man?”), as Junsu chats with him (“When are you going to learn better English so you can teach me?”), as everyone clamours to take pictures with him, as they chide Daehun for not coming to visit more.
Jinwoon tells himself that One Day acts the same way when they see Doojoon or Seuchi, but the truth is that they don’t. When it’s Daehun, everyone is always a little more excited, a little more reluctant to let him go. Jinwoon never says anything because he doesn’t trust himself not to be bitter or spiteful.
Sometimes he wonders if Seulong feels the same way towards Changmin. After all, before Changmin became part of 2AM, Seulong was the best (and everyone knows that second best means nothing at all). He tries to talk to Seulong about it once, starts to say, “Hyung, are you ever jealous-”, but changes his mind and swallows his words. Seulong is different from him, Jinwoon realizes. Seulong doesn’t regret, doesn’t feel cheated; whether or not Changmin is a better singer than him isn’t the biggest worry of his life. “Hyung,” Jinwoon says instead, “I really admire you.” And he means it.
As far as Jinwoon knows, Daehun never gave a real reason for dropping out, and nobody has ever asked him for one. Instead, when he visits, the members bring up the Hot Blood days. They talk about the missions and the performances, about singing ‘Propose’ (which Jinwoon was present for) and about singing ‘A Song for Mama’ (which Jinwoon had watched from the audience). The thing about Daehun is that he was good, so good, and Jinwoon knows that he’s lucky to be where he is now (he could have never had a chance). Even though he had stood next to Daehun as they sang ‘Propose’, even though they had shared a stage (a life a room a smile), Daehun had commandeered the performance. He had been the star, not Jo Kwon or Seulong and definitely not Jinwoon.
(He’d left the stage after ‘Propose’ and before ‘Gimme Dat’, smiling at Taekyeon, then going backstage and crying. “It’ll be okay, Jinwoon, you’ll see - everything will be okay in the end,” but even then he’d known not to believe everything people tell you.)
Sometimes Jinwoon wonders if Daehun hates him.
You don’t have to cry
I will make you smile
Out of 2AM, Jinwoon spends the most time on the internet. He browses his fansites and looks at the comments his fans leave on his pictures- “Oppa, you are the sweetest thing in the world”, “Amazing strong magnae” and wonders what they know that he doesn’t. One time he finds a forum on which a fan has commented, “Jinwoonie oppa deserves 2AM, and they need him, too. If 2AM had Daehun oppa instead, the atmosphere would be different. Daehun oppa doesn’t try hard enough.” The truth, Jinwoon thinks, is that Daehun doesn’t need to try, not with talent like that.
Jinwoon goes to sleep thinking about the comment, and when he wakes up the next morning, he checks to see if it’s still there. (He doesn’t trust himself, doesn’t trust his dreams.) It is.
When Jinwoon turns eighteen, One Day throws him a coming-of-age party. Daehun is there with a present and a smile - “I was in the neighbourhood,” he says, and Jinwoon accepts the present with what he hopes is surprise and delight on his face. He is sure that someone planned Daehun’s presence.
“You’re unnaturally quiet,” Chansung remarks at some point during the night, already half-drunk but still nursing a bottle.
“Some of us age gracefully,” Jinwoon says pointedly.
Park Jinyoung personally comes in at 1AM to break up the party (“But it’s not 2AM yet,” Jo Kwon protests) and Jinwoon is heading back to his room when Daehun stops him, two cups of coffee and a strange look on his face.
Jinwoon finds himself sitting on the steps to his dorm, face-to-face with the one person he’s been the most scared of looking at for almost a year.
“Happy Birthday, Jinwoon,” Daehun says, and Jinwoon waits. He knows that there is only one thing Daehun would stop him at 1AM to talk about, and that this is not it. “I,” Daehun says, stops as if to gather courage (Jinwoon holds his breath), continues, “I dropped out of Hot Blood, of One Day, because I had no other choice at the time. I didn’t want to give up my spot- but I’m glad I did, I’m glad that 2AM is Jo Kwon and Seulong and Changmin and Jinwoon and not Daehun because I wasn’t ready, because you’ve done a better job than I ever could have.”
“You can’t know that,” Jinwoon says, surprising himself by talking, “You can’t say that I’ve done a better job because you never had the chance.”
Daehun shakes his head and says, slowly (as if finding the right words), “But don’t you see, if it were me instead of you, 2AM would be a different band with different fans making different music. You made this band 2AM rather than something else because of your dedication and your effort and your work,”
Jinwoon interrupts, “But you’re better than me-”
“No,” Daehun says, “You’re talented in your own right, your voice stands out, whereas I have an ordinary voice.. But that’s not what matters, Jinwoon,” he says, “It’s- I think Kwon said this- it’s the passion that you put into the music. Basically, what makes music beautiful is your soul and your spirit, and I don’t have that, not the way you do.”
Jinwoon shakes his head, looks anywhere except at Daehun, but doesn’t say anything because he doesn’t know what to say or how to say it. That’s not true, he wants to say, but he can feel Daehun looking at him and the words choke up in his throat.
They sit for a while, Daehun drinking his coffee and Jinwoon not, but the silence is comfortable (mostly).
You don’t have to cry
I will make you smile
“Daehun,” Jinwoon says, finally, “Thank you.”
Daehun smiles and says, “It’s 2AM already, Jinwoon. Go and get some sleep.”
When Jinwoon looks out his window the next morning, there are two cups of coffee sitting on the steps, one empty and the other full.
Hope, he thinks to himself. Daehun fighting.
Focus: Jinwoon
Word Count: 1100
Notes: For kelseypaige♥ Sorry this took so long, Nhaca :(! And.. sorry for the cop-out ending. :\
When One Day runs into Daehun in the studio, or when he stops by on purpose to watch them practice, Jinwoon is always the one that hangs back just a little. He watches as Nichkhun greets Daehun (“Hey brother, how’ve you been, man?”), as Junsu chats with him (“When are you going to learn better English so you can teach me?”), as everyone clamours to take pictures with him, as they chide Daehun for not coming to visit more.
Jinwoon tells himself that One Day acts the same way when they see Doojoon or Seuchi, but the truth is that they don’t. When it’s Daehun, everyone is always a little more excited, a little more reluctant to let him go. Jinwoon never says anything because he doesn’t trust himself not to be bitter or spiteful.
Sometimes he wonders if Seulong feels the same way towards Changmin. After all, before Changmin became part of 2AM, Seulong was the best (and everyone knows that second best means nothing at all). He tries to talk to Seulong about it once, starts to say, “Hyung, are you ever jealous-”, but changes his mind and swallows his words. Seulong is different from him, Jinwoon realizes. Seulong doesn’t regret, doesn’t feel cheated; whether or not Changmin is a better singer than him isn’t the biggest worry of his life. “Hyung,” Jinwoon says instead, “I really admire you.” And he means it.
As far as Jinwoon knows, Daehun never gave a real reason for dropping out, and nobody has ever asked him for one. Instead, when he visits, the members bring up the Hot Blood days. They talk about the missions and the performances, about singing ‘Propose’ (which Jinwoon was present for) and about singing ‘A Song for Mama’ (which Jinwoon had watched from the audience). The thing about Daehun is that he was good, so good, and Jinwoon knows that he’s lucky to be where he is now (he could have never had a chance). Even though he had stood next to Daehun as they sang ‘Propose’, even though they had shared a stage (a life a room a smile), Daehun had commandeered the performance. He had been the star, not Jo Kwon or Seulong and definitely not Jinwoon.
(He’d left the stage after ‘Propose’ and before ‘Gimme Dat’, smiling at Taekyeon, then going backstage and crying. “It’ll be okay, Jinwoon, you’ll see - everything will be okay in the end,” but even then he’d known not to believe everything people tell you.)
Sometimes Jinwoon wonders if Daehun hates him.
You don’t have to cry
I will make you smile
Out of 2AM, Jinwoon spends the most time on the internet. He browses his fansites and looks at the comments his fans leave on his pictures- “Oppa, you are the sweetest thing in the world”, “Amazing strong magnae” and wonders what they know that he doesn’t. One time he finds a forum on which a fan has commented, “Jinwoonie oppa deserves 2AM, and they need him, too. If 2AM had Daehun oppa instead, the atmosphere would be different. Daehun oppa doesn’t try hard enough.” The truth, Jinwoon thinks, is that Daehun doesn’t need to try, not with talent like that.
Jinwoon goes to sleep thinking about the comment, and when he wakes up the next morning, he checks to see if it’s still there. (He doesn’t trust himself, doesn’t trust his dreams.) It is.
When Jinwoon turns eighteen, One Day throws him a coming-of-age party. Daehun is there with a present and a smile - “I was in the neighbourhood,” he says, and Jinwoon accepts the present with what he hopes is surprise and delight on his face. He is sure that someone planned Daehun’s presence.
“You’re unnaturally quiet,” Chansung remarks at some point during the night, already half-drunk but still nursing a bottle.
“Some of us age gracefully,” Jinwoon says pointedly.
Park Jinyoung personally comes in at 1AM to break up the party (“But it’s not 2AM yet,” Jo Kwon protests) and Jinwoon is heading back to his room when Daehun stops him, two cups of coffee and a strange look on his face.
Jinwoon finds himself sitting on the steps to his dorm, face-to-face with the one person he’s been the most scared of looking at for almost a year.
“Happy Birthday, Jinwoon,” Daehun says, and Jinwoon waits. He knows that there is only one thing Daehun would stop him at 1AM to talk about, and that this is not it. “I,” Daehun says, stops as if to gather courage (Jinwoon holds his breath), continues, “I dropped out of Hot Blood, of One Day, because I had no other choice at the time. I didn’t want to give up my spot- but I’m glad I did, I’m glad that 2AM is Jo Kwon and Seulong and Changmin and Jinwoon and not Daehun because I wasn’t ready, because you’ve done a better job than I ever could have.”
“You can’t know that,” Jinwoon says, surprising himself by talking, “You can’t say that I’ve done a better job because you never had the chance.”
Daehun shakes his head and says, slowly (as if finding the right words), “But don’t you see, if it were me instead of you, 2AM would be a different band with different fans making different music. You made this band 2AM rather than something else because of your dedication and your effort and your work,”
Jinwoon interrupts, “But you’re better than me-”
“No,” Daehun says, “You’re talented in your own right, your voice stands out, whereas I have an ordinary voice.. But that’s not what matters, Jinwoon,” he says, “It’s- I think Kwon said this- it’s the passion that you put into the music. Basically, what makes music beautiful is your soul and your spirit, and I don’t have that, not the way you do.”
Jinwoon shakes his head, looks anywhere except at Daehun, but doesn’t say anything because he doesn’t know what to say or how to say it. That’s not true, he wants to say, but he can feel Daehun looking at him and the words choke up in his throat.
They sit for a while, Daehun drinking his coffee and Jinwoon not, but the silence is comfortable (mostly).
You don’t have to cry
I will make you smile
“Daehun,” Jinwoon says, finally, “Thank you.”
Daehun smiles and says, “It’s 2AM already, Jinwoon. Go and get some sleep.”
When Jinwoon looks out his window the next morning, there are two cups of coffee sitting on the steps, one empty and the other full.
Hope, he thinks to himself. Daehun fighting.