Long day (or 'Doc, can you buy me dinner first?)
Now, I admit that I can be a whiner.
But, today was one of those days where you just know someone in the heavens is laughing at you.
I had to change doctors because of insurance BS - went in today for what I thought would be a 10 minute lookover, then a referral to my doctor. Doc had other ideas, including the following instructions and my inner dialogue:
Doc: Now drop your underwear to your ankles.
Me: {Now that wasn't something I planned on - and no dollar bills in sight.}
Doc: Now lay back on the table...
Me: {When did Michael Jackson come into the room?}
Doc: (Sound of latex gloves being put on)
Me: {That sound is never good outside your bedroom or The Chamber.}
Doc: I'm gonna check you for a hernia...POKE...POKE....POKE...POKE...POKE
Me: {Doc, it ain't hiding from you - twice should have been plenty...you did graduate, right?}
Doc: (Grabs medicinal lube...) We need to check your prostate.
Me: {UhOh...and what do you mean 'WE'? I'm happy not knowing.}
Doc: Turn on your side and raise your knees near your chest, kinda like the fetal position.
Me: {I went to the fetal position when you brought out the lube....}
Doc: Relax.
Me: {Go to HELL!!!! You could at least put on some soft music or...)
Doc: PROD...PROD...CURVE....PROD....PROD....PROD
Me: {Find a happy place, find a happy place, men don't cry...}
Doc: Done. Everything seems to be OK.
Me: {Seems? I don't care if a tree is sticking out, you're not going back in...}
Epilogue: I am healthy (within reason), I feel cheap(er) and used. The next person back there better treat me with respect....at least call me sometimes.
But, today was one of those days where you just know someone in the heavens is laughing at you.
I had to change doctors because of insurance BS - went in today for what I thought would be a 10 minute lookover, then a referral to my doctor. Doc had other ideas, including the following instructions and my inner dialogue:
Doc: Now drop your underwear to your ankles.
Me: {Now that wasn't something I planned on - and no dollar bills in sight.}
Doc: Now lay back on the table...
Me: {When did Michael Jackson come into the room?}
Doc: (Sound of latex gloves being put on)
Me: {That sound is never good outside your bedroom or The Chamber.}
Doc: I'm gonna check you for a hernia...POKE...POKE....POKE...POKE...POKE
Me: {Doc, it ain't hiding from you - twice should have been plenty...you did graduate, right?}
Doc: (Grabs medicinal lube...) We need to check your prostate.
Me: {UhOh...and what do you mean 'WE'? I'm happy not knowing.}
Doc: Turn on your side and raise your knees near your chest, kinda like the fetal position.
Me: {I went to the fetal position when you brought out the lube....}
Doc: Relax.
Me: {Go to HELL!!!! You could at least put on some soft music or...)
Doc: PROD...PROD...CURVE....PROD....PROD....PROD
Me: {Find a happy place, find a happy place, men don't cry...}
Doc: Done. Everything seems to be OK.
Me: {Seems? I don't care if a tree is sticking out, you're not going back in...}
Epilogue: I am healthy (within reason), I feel cheap(er) and used. The next person back there better treat me with respect....at least call me sometimes.