Take that Steve! I'm actually posting about my birthday!
Friday
This whole adventure started at around 9oo in the morning (the time at which my body decides I've had enough sleep regardless of the fact that it is summer vacation). Mum and I went around the house tidying up and checking off my list of stuffs to bring to the cottage for my birthday party. The boys were supposed to arrive at around 11:30. Supposed to. Naturally, they showed up before 11oo and well before I was ready. They visited with Mum in the living room, while I printed some shifty looking directions off of Google Maps. Note to Google Maps: Warsaw is not West of my cottage! When I took the map downstairs and commented on the "I don't think this looks right" quality of the directions, Mum told me to print off the directions listed on the website itself. Grudgingly, I ran upstairs and printed off a second set of directions which told me to go in the complete opposite direction.
We piled stuff into the Golf (which is not exactly designed to transport 4 twenty-somethings with weekend packs and a cooler) and set off to pick up Emma. I gave Macaroni my CD case to pick something for us to listen to on the way up to the cottage. Steve chose, of all things, the one mix tape given to me by an ex-boyfriend. I'm not sure why that CD is even in my traveling case (Lord knows I never listen to it). At any rate, I was super embarrassed because the vast majority of the songs on that CD do not reflect my tastes in music. It also brought up some not so pleasant memories, which I promptly shoved to the back of my subconsciousness, where they belong. ANYWAY! We got Emma eventually and were cottage bound!
An hour later we were at my cottage and to my surprise nobody made any comment about the fact that my cottage isn't vair cottagey! I was actually thrilled that they seemed to like it! We unpacked the car and then we made ourselves lunch. And by "we" of course I mean "I" made lunch. I didn't mind though. We sat down at the kitchen table and enjoyed our sandwhiches and "grape drink" before setting out for the Warsaw Caves.
We were about halfway to the caves when I stopped and looked down beside me.
Xenos: Did we bring the flashlights?
Everyone paused for a moment of "I thought you were in charge of that" silence followed by a "SRSLY?" moment. I turned the car around! 20 minutes later we were at the exact same spot on the road, this time with flashlights and batteries in tow. All the while, Macaroni was looking smug because he remembered his flashlights which were conveniently sewn into his hat.
A few erractic turns and missed roads later, we arrived at the park. It cost $9.oo for us to park our car and wander around the park for as long as we desired. It was a thrifty birthday indeed. The boy at the gatehouse gave us a brochure/map of the caves, which would definitely come in handy during our adventure.
The caves themselves were not what I, nor I think anyone else, had expected. They were not the kind of open caverns that have stalactites and stalagmites chillin' all over the place, but more of a collection of very tight squeezes in between rocks. I'll give you a description of each of the caves.
Cave 1: The first cave we entered and also, by far, the scariest. Everyone was feeling claustrophobic in this one, but no one made any mention of it. We climbed down a narrow passage way and soon discovered how wet, cold and muddy the caves were. Fortunately, we all brought sweaters which were quickly pulled on. After a ten foot descent, we shuffled along a narrow passage way and climbed up into the first "large" chamber. There was only enough room to sit flat on the ground with your back hunched over. Macaroni and Scruffy decided to crawl (on their stomachs) through a very small passage way to see where it went. Emma and I found another way into the second chamber that didn't involve belly shimmies. This is where we found our first bat and only bat! We also decided to consult the brochure at this point, which proved difficult in the pitch dark. We scrambled back into the "large" chamber and down a smaller passage way that lead to nowhere. When we came back into the "large" chamber the third time, some of us were completely disoriented and now knew why a safety line would have been a good idea.
Cave 2/3: Was smaller than cave one and slightly less frightening. From Cave 2, we climbed down into Cave 3. The floor of this cave was covered most entirely in ice. Macaroni decided that it was probably not a good idea to venture further into this cave, because there would be no way to climb back out on the sheer ice surface. He climbed a little higher to see if we could get out through an opening. I took a step forward to look at it myself and slipped and began sliding forward. A split second later Scruffy's arms were around my waist and Macaroni's hand was clamped around my wrist. Phew! During our cave expedition we all looked out for each other. Usually it was Macaroni who was behind me and catching me when I slipped.
Cave 4: Was iced over, so we didn't get to explore it.
Cave 5/6: These caves were walking ones for the most part. Generally, they were open to the sky as well. But they were still kind of cool to explore. At the end of the sixth cave, it narrowed out into a small crawl space. We elected Emma to explore it first and see if it lead anywhere. She said it didn't go anywhere but there was enough room for us to pile in and look around. I was not comfortable with this suggestion. It looked really small and I didn't want to get into a crawl space that I couldn't turn myself around in. The boys said I could wait for them outside if I wanted to. But I thought about it and didn't want to miss out on a potentially cool opportunity, so I decided to go ahead. "That's my girl! I would have secretly been disappointed if you hadn't gone in," Macaroni told me. I crawled in, but was still feeling slightly claustrophobic, so I told Macaroni to give me a little more time to crawl in before he came in after me. We all squeezed in and took our last "in a cave" picture.
Cave 7: We didn't find Cave 7. As we walked back from a watering hole we found a little way from the entrance of Cave 6, Macaroni said, "Maybe, Cave 7 is the place you find in your heart after going caving." We all laughed and agreed.
During our spelunking adventure we also hid a cache. We called it "Slam Spelunk" (thanks to Macaroni for the name). We tried to come up with a good hint for the cache location and finally agreed on not giving a hint, but rather a "You just clicked 'decrypt' didn't you?" message.
We also tried to find a cache supposedly hidden at the head of the trail, but my GPS was being wonky and we couldn't get it to locate us or give us an accurate idea of where the cache was. While searching for it, we did see a woodpecker though! That was neat!
After caving, we went back to the cottage and changed into fresh clothes. We decided to watch one of the old VHS tapes at my cottage. It's anyone's guess as to why we agreed to watch "The Scorpion King" but watch it we did. By the end of the movie, everyone was just really confused as to why we actually sat through the whole movie. By the time we had decided to do something else, the boys were discussing the creation of a "Scorpion King Player," which would be a VCR that had the Scorpion King movie permanently fused into the player.
After watching the Scorpion King, we decided it was high time to enjoy the outside of the cottage and so, we all stumbled outside. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to challenge the boys to two on two football. Emma and I were slaughtered. Eventually we came up with a strategy that helped us gain a couple of feet. Our strategy was to pass the ball and just walk forward slowly. It confused them the first time we tried it, but after that they just ran up and tagged us. I don't want to remember what the score was, but it is safe to assume that Emma and I failed to score any points.
Later in the evening our tummies started grumbling, so we built a fire to roast weenies on. In an odd stroke of luck, one of the huge 60 ft trees on our property fell down during a windstorm earlier in the month, so we had a pile of firewood for our bonfire. We also had a mountain of dried seaweed which had washed onto the lawn because of the high waters earlier in the season. It was excellent kindling! Once the fire was roaring, I went back into the cottage to fetch the weenies and fixins while the rest went off in search for weenie roasting sticks (they scoffed at my suggestion of using coat hangers). Macaroni found me a stick as well and worked on carving the end into a sharp point. Then it was weenie roasting time! Being the novice that I was, I had no idea how one went about roasting a weenie and as a result didn't push my weenie far enough down so it was all limp and the phallic imagery was too much to keep from giggling (also jiggling). Everyone was stunned when I admitted that I had never roasted a weenie before. I didn't know that was something you were supposed to do around campfires. All this time I had contented myself with marshmallows and smores. As it turns out, weenies roasted on an open fire is, infact, delicious and I can't wait to roast 'em again!
During our weenie roasting extravaganza, Emma and Scruffy attempted to melt cheese on their weenies over the fire. We suggested a bunch of different techniques, but nothing seemed to work to keep the cheese on the weenie. I love saying weenie, btw.
After we finished the last of the weenies, Emma and I packed everything up and brought it back inside. It was starting to get dark outside so most of us threw on longer pants and shirts and sprayed ourselves with copious amounts of bug spray. Macaroni donned some ridiculous red slippers in an attempt to cover up his feet from the attacking swarm of mosquitoes. All in all, It was quite lovely to sit around the fire with my a significant portion of my besties.
The boys got themselves beer, which Mum forced me to bring up to the cottage despite the fact that I don't drink. Macaroni agreed with me on this one, saying that it was my birthday and that everyone else should be fine with pop and juice. Beer was brought no less, and after assuring them that I didn't mind if they drank, they made proper use of it. As Macaroni was going to grab some from the cottage, he asked if I wanted any. "Five," I replied sarcastically. Scruffy looked at me and said, "You shouldn't have said that. Now you're going to have to drink!" Macaroni came back with two beers in his hand and handed one to me. "I couldn't hold all five," he said. I laughed.
When it got sufficiently dark, I proposed that we go inside and open presents, which I had been dying to do for hours. They all kind of chuckled at me because clearly I was growing impatient. So, we went inside and made some mud pie desserts (chocolate pudding, with crushed oreos and gummy worms) and then sat down for presents. The presents were absolutely awesome! Here's what I got:
Scruffy gifted me a t-shirt and a card made with crayons. The t-shirt was brown and on the front it said "Pseudo Stepford Wife" in white letters. All I can say is... Suck it, Amy.
Emma gifted me a glow stick (<3 she knows me too well), a card game, and a huge bag of candy. The card that came with it even had a maze on the back!
Macaroni spoiled me. His card was in an envelope decorated with pictures of cheese and macaroni noodles. He gifted me: flowering tea and a clear glass tea pot for it (SO COOL); a tea cup and saucer that he said reminded him of me, because it looked pixelated as if it belonged to Princess Peach; and the first season of Pushing Daisies. Imma love that boy.
It was an impressive haul. After presents we piled into the family room and watched Dirty Rotten Scoundrals. It was pretty late after the movie finished and Macaroni was falling asleep in my lap so we decided to call it a day.
Saturday
I think we all kind of woke up at the same time, because it seemed that we all wandered into the kitchen at the same time. I donned my new shirt and headed into the living room while we waited for everyone to get dressed and do their morning stuff. Then, it was time for breakfast!
I think I was most excited for breakfast, after caving and weenies, because we were having homemade waffles with freshly pureed strawberry sauce and whipped cream. Emma helped me in the kitchen by cutting strawberries for the puree and a few to sprinkle on top of the waffles. Meanwhile, I worked the waffle iron. In no time we were sitting around the kitchen table with big, fluffy and delicious looking waffles on our plates. Macaroni later admitted that he was wary of the strawberry sauce, but said it turned out really well.
While the boys cleaned up breakfast, Emma and I went into the other room with Scruples and decided to try to figure out the rules of the game. It seemed pretty confusing at first, but we figured it out by the time the boys emerged from the kitchen.
Scruples is easily the most fun game in the history of fun games. I don't know how long we ended up playing for, but it was non-stop entertainment. The best part about the game is that it was created in the early 80's and many of the questions are downright offensive by our standards today: "You are the principal of a high school. Do you hire a gay teacher?" The purpose of the game is to try to find a person who will answer your question with the same response on your card ("Yes," "No," or "Depends"). If you think they're lying you can call their bluff and try to prove that they're actually an asshole to the rest of the players, and if you're successful you win the round! Tooooo much fun!
After our fill of Scruples we wandered outside again to enjoy the beautiful day. I was poking around in the garage for something to do when I stumbled across the croquet set we had. Despite protests from Macaroni, I brought it out and dumped it in front of Scruffy and Emma. We decided that we didn't want to play croquet the way it was meant to be played (where's the fun in that?), so we came up with our own game. We never officially named it, but I half heard the boys talking about crocaine, so let's call it that.
Crocaine Equipment:
- Four mallets (one for each player)
- Four coloured balls (one for each player)
- One football
Rules/How to Play
- Each player selects a mallet and matching ball.
- Players line up at one end of the field (usually a rough and uneven terrain, measuring at least 60 ft long and 20 ft wide).
- One player hits the football with their mallet aiming for a space near the centre of the field, but not necessarily centred.
- Players take turns to each hit his or her ball with his or her mallet. The objective is to get their balls as close to the football as possible.
- Players may take as many swings as needed to get their ball across the line of embarrassment (an invisible line that is marked by embarrassed smiles and laughter if not crossed).
- The player with his or her ball closest to the football is awarded one point for the round.
- If a player hits the football, they receive a half point for the round.
- Points gained in one round cannot exceed 1 (in other words, a player receives either half a point or one point).
- The exception to rule 8 is if multiple players hit the football, in which case each player who hits the football recieves half a point.
- A zone of failure surrounds the ball at points outside of a 15 foot radius of the football. If all players balls are in the zone of failure, no one is awarded a point for that round.
- At the end of each round, players move across the field, pick up their balls, and line up at the other end of the field. At this point, the last player to collect their ball may bumb the football in the opposite direction.
- Rounds are continued in this fashion until a player gets a score of exactly 6.5 points and wins the game.
- If a player gets 7 points, they lose all their points and must start back at zero.
Sounds fun, doesn't it? It is! Haha, and terribly frustrating because it has the possibility of lasting for hours. We definitely killed a lot of time playing it, and by the end Macaroni was vair grumpy. It was still insanely fun though (at least, in my opinion).
It was getting late so we drove back to Uxbridge and dropped Emma off at home. After we dropped her off, I stopped in to pick up a pizza for dinner, which took two attempts because I forgot my wallet the first time. When we got home and opened the pizza I stared blankly into the box. We ordered half peperoni, half meatlovers. We got a meatlovers pizza that only had peperoni on one half. Who orders meatlovers pizza sans peperoni?! Srsly.
We hung out in my basement for a little while after we finished dinner, then the boys had to head home.
This birthday weekend was, without a doubt, the best birthday weekend ever. The entire time I thought to myself how lucky I was to have such wonderful friends and go on such cool adventures with them. It was truely wonderful.
-Xenos
P.s. Take that, Macaroni! I finished it.