WHAT IF IT COMES ALIVE AND EATS ME JUDITH, and other stories written by Aya illustrations by Aya
So, I'm sure, as some of you know, my good friend Judith recently loaned me her Doctor Who boxsets of Season 3 and 4 (she's stinking rich). And, the same some of you would know that I've just been introduced, to the existence of the Vashta Nerada, who are scarily brilliant and brilliantly scary. Steven Moffat is a genius- Silence in the Library and Forest of the Dead are my favourite episodes now, besides Blink. (The former two I watched, alone, in the dark. The latter was viewed with Judith and ended in the using up of a few trees to dry my tears and bruises, on Judith, because I have a vice grip.) And because I'm a paranoid motherfucker whose imagination is too overactive for her own good, below is a transcript of everything I have texted Judith at one in the morning. (I have texted A LOT because Whatsapp, the app I used to text, is free. So.)
1:09 - omg
1:09 - I just realised something
1:10 - the only people who could survive an alien invasion or apocalypse or things
1:10 - would be hipsters
1:10 - I mean
1:10 - think about it
1:10 - to take over the world sontarans used to infiltrate cars
1:11 - and the adipose were highly commercialised mainstream fat reduction pills
1:11 - hipsters ride bikes and drink weird protein shakes and stuff
1:11 - We wouldn't be affected
1:12 - WHAT IF HIGHLY MARKETED MAINSTREAM SOFTWARE PROGRAMS ARE ALIEN
1:12 - WHAT IF THEY'RE ON OUR PHONES
1:12 - EVERYONE HAS A PHONE
1:12 - ALMOST EVERYONE
1:12 - ANY ALIENS COULD USE IT TO WIPE US OUT, EASY
1:13 - WHAT IF THE SOFTWARE WAS TWITTER, OR INSTAGRAM.
1:13 - THROUGH INSTA THEY COULD LEARN ABOUT THE HUMAN RACE, HAVE ACCESS TO CONTEMPORARY INFORMATION THAT COULD BE VITAL TO THEIR SUCCESS
1:14 - THE PHOTOS COULD ACTUALLY PUT US UNDER LIKE DULL OUR BRAINS
1:14 - AND WE SPEND SO LONG ON OUR PHONES
1:14 - ESPECIALLY ON APPS LIKE INSTA
1:14 - AND THEY COULD SUCK OUT OUR BRAINS THROUGH HYPNOSIS
1:15 - I THINK I'M GOING TO ASK MY DAD FOR A PAGER NOW
1:15 - BONUS I DON'T NEED TO DEAL WITH [EOPLE AS MUCH
1:15 - I KNOW IT IS 1.15 IN THE MORNING
1:15 - BUT I CAN'T SLEEP I AM PARANOID
1:15 - JUDITH
1:15 - WHAT IF IT'S WHATSAPP
1:16 - WHAT IF SINGAPORE IS THE MAIN TARGET THIS TIME
1:16 - WE'RE 3rd IN THE WORLD FOR RECIEVING TOURISTS
1:16 - AND WE SHIP EVERYWHERE
1:16 - OMG WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE
1:17 - if you cannot tell I am paranoid as fuck
1:24 - THE IPAD JUST LIT UP
1:24 - CAN'T FUCKING SLEEP
1:26 -JUDITH
1:26 - WHAT IF IT'S THE IPADS
1:26 - AND IPHONES
1:26 -WE DON'T HAVE IPHONES
1:26 -BUT WE HAVE AN IPAD
1:26 -WOULD IT BE ENOUGH TO KILL ME
1:26 - WHAT IF IT COMES ALIVE AND EATS ME JUDITH
1:27 - WHAT DO I DO THEN
1:27 - I REALLY CAN'T SLEEP
1:27 - I AM TERRIFIED
1:27 - FUXK
1:27 - I NEVER EVEN GOT TO CUDDLE ONE DIRECTION
1:27 - OR WRITE A BOOK
1:27 - OR GO TO UNIVERSITU
1:28 - OR EAT HOMEMADE MAC N CHEES
1: 28 - CHEESE
1:28 - EVEN MY POOH BEAR ISN'T HELPING
1:28 - SHIT
1:28 - WHAT IF IT TURNS ON ME
1:28 - WHAT DO I DO THEN
1:29 - IT'S BEEN MY LIFELONG COMPANION
1:29 - WHAT IF ITS THE SOFT TOYS
1:29 - YOU BROUGHT ME TO THIS STATE OF PARANOIA YOU BITCH
1:30 - IS THIS WHAT PEOPLE WHO ARE SCARED OF THE SUN AND PEE IN BOTTLES ARE LIKE
1:31 - WHAT IF ITS THE BLANKETS
1:31 - SHIT
1:31 - I LOVE MY BLANKET
1:31 - IT WOULDN'T WORK IN SINGAPORE
1:31 - BUT YOU COULD ATTACK IN THE WINTER
1:31 - AND THE ENTIRE EUROPE AND AMERICA AND MOST OTHERS
1:31 - THEY'D DIE
1:32 - SINGAPORE WOULD SURVIVW THOUGHA
1:32 - oh okay in that case I'm good
1:32 - WAIT WHAT IF THE BLANKETS INFILTRATED ARE WORLDWIDE
1:32 - SHIT
1:33 - I HEARD A STONE DROPPIBG
1:33 - WHY IS A STONW DROPPING
1:33 - IS THAT THE VASHTA NERADA EATING A PIGEON
1:33 - FUCK ITS NIGHTTIME
1:33 - I'M SURROUNDED BY DARKNEESS
1:34 - OTHER PEOPLE ARE ON TBEIR DEATHBED
1:34 - I'M ON A DEATHSOFA
1:34 - LITERALLY IF I DIE NOW I'M ON THE SOFA
1:35 - BECAUSEM Y BED DOESN'T HAVE THE COVERS DRIED YET
1:35 - SO
1:35 - IF ID ONT MAKE IT ALIVE
1:35 - ABD SOMEONE TURNS ON THE WIFI ON MG PHONE
1;35 - AND YOU. RECIVE THIS ONE AY
1:35 - JUST KNOW
1:35 - THAY YOU ARE COOL ACTUALLY
1:35 - NOT THA AWKARD
1:36 - AND YOR PISTUES IS FUNE
1:37 - I was thinking
1:37 - what if they use bras
1:37 - boob containers
1:37 - they could wipe out the female populatiob
1:37 - use the men as a labour force
1:38 - what if they go for. The boobs
1:38 - i like my boobs
1:38 - Ok wait that's ridiculous
1:38 - i thibk I can sleep. now
1:38 - goodnight jazza
1:57 - Do you think though if they attacked using bras they couldvsee the boobs wearing said bras
because that's a lot of titties that's like a huge porn channel man
1:57 - AND OMG ITCOULDVBE
1;58 - PERVERTS CLICKING ON AN IMAGE OF THE BOOBS COULD SELF DESTRUC THEVBRA
1:58 - AND WIPE OUT THE GIRLS
1:58 - OH MY GOD
1:58 - late night whatsapping
2:00 - I am hilarious can we put this on the web
2:00 - we shoukd