(no subject)
Well, how the Hell are You doin today ?? Oh, me ? I'm quite nice, thank you. Very sweet of you to ask. Haha. Yeah thats right....I have to be up really early tomorrow and its already almost 12 and i'm still not asleep. Why ? Cuz i drank two Amps and took two stackers cuz I thought I wouldn't make it through wrork we-hell whaddaya know ? I'm wide as fuck awake now. yahoo.
Well, since I am so incredibly bored, I went back and read my first 20 or so entries... maybe even more than that, I read from November, to around mid-February. And you know what ? It made me want to be mad, sad, happy, and depressed all over again. Just reading about what I put myself through . (of course, with the help of a few others)
But anyways.....did I mention that THERE IS 14 DAYS TILL I'M 18 ?
Whoa baby that's all I gots to say, But speaking of my birthday, I've decided that I don't want to go out for my birthday...just wanna spend a "quiet" night at the camp. Oh wow....it's gonna be CrAzY! Join us, won't you ? For what will be the most exciting night in Lake Fields in a loooong time ? haha So get a boat and holla atcha girl RT! (thats me baby ! =)
Anywho....So oik I was reading a few journals from around Christmas and I talked a lot about Brannon and how I was wishing that he'd come back cuz I thought the second he'd be back that ALL my problems would vanish and everything would be perfect and I would never run into any drama ever again . Then reality called me about two and a half weeks ago and said "Reyne', he's back, and honey, it's not what you thought it would be ." That bothers me in so many different ways. I love that boy. I always will. No one willl ever take his place in my life. NO ONE. But now, that I've spent a few days with him, I just see and believe that him and I are on two totally different pages. We're still in the same book, but waaay different pages. I tried not to be mean about it. I kinda did in the end and I know things didn't end the way I wanted it to . But, everything happens for a reason and if it's meant to be, it'll happen again later on down the line. I think that we've both went different ways and want different things right now. He wants to be serious with someone right this second and I'm just starting to embrace the whole "independence" thing. ( cuz god knows I was pushing the love thing for too long)
Let's change the subject. In fact, I wanna bring someone up who is also from my past. We won't reveal his name because he has a problem with people knowing the truth. ( and I'm the dumb one for agreeing to andf respecting that) But I digress. So we shall call him Taaka. As I was reading some of my past journals, I realized, I said something about Taaka in every singel entry. How sickening is that ? but what is even more sickening than that is how much I showed that I cared about Taaka. Damn..look at what Taaka has put me through in thisn past year and 7 months ? I put sooooooo much time and energy and heart into me and Taaka's friendship that it makes me wanna throw up. Because....with a few times excluded...I cannot find a good reaon at this point and time why any of it was worth it. Back in January when you dropped me, I was so depressed. Nothing really gets me down that bad...but that time, I was soooooo dowm about everything because someone I thought that really cared about me, made me feel like nothing, Like I was absolutely nothing to them. So, please, Mr.Taaka, could you please tell me if our past friendship was worth anything ? Cuz as of now, there is nothing that comes to mind that makes me want to be happy about the thought of you.
Oh, and by the way, the nexr time your relationship fails....please do not come to me. I'm tired of being the person you run to for support only to be dropped once ya'll are okay again. You've run out of second chances with me. "It's always..Reyne' come be my friend..blah blah blah." Yeah, i was the dumb one for a while for dealing with you for so long. It's not happening again. You know I care about you and always will. But you will not and I mean WILL NOT use me anymore, pal. Grow the fuck up. Learn how to respect people ad their feelings.
Someone....PLEASE tell me why I care(d) so much !!
Because as much as I hate to admit it, I am softhearted. ....Hell, I'm a softhearted-bitch . Hahha Is that possible ? In my case, it is. If you don'r like it, then I don't like you =)
Brannon told me that I had obviously changed. And I aked him how. He said besides my hair getting long (lol), he siad that he could see a big change in the way I handle thngs and that I stand up for myself a lot more and that he oculd tell that I'm just all around a stronger person. That made me feel good. I am a much stronger person than O used to be. I will not get stepped on anymore by anyone. But someimes my assertiveness is mistaken for bitchiness. Oh well. Like I said....if you don'y like who I am, then please, fuck off.
As days go by, and the drama continues, I realize that it is the bayou that keeps the drama around. I wish and wish and wish that I would be living in Jeanerette right now and be starting ULL soon like I wanted to. God, thats all I want. To get away from the fuckin bayou !!! Ughhhh !
Did I mention that tomrrow is Lana's first baby shower ? Yesss. I can't wait for that baby...=) And I can't wait for her second baby shower....thats the one we're throwing her. It shall be fun, Cuz we have a fun family. Crazy bitches haha.
Well, have a great weekend...I shall. I Love You all ! (except a few!!)
Peace -- RT