(no subject)
You know what fucking sucks? not fucking being able to talk to people, and know that it will stay with that person..why should i be upset though. everything i have been told is a fucking lie,so why not have MORE people lie to me? i am so bummed...i feel left out of everything. marching band always goes to the movies, and there is a halloween party today. but no, of course I can't go! and it makes me feel like shit! It sucks being poor...i always have to ask kristen and david for rides, and they probably hate me for it...no one understands how bad off we are, and with the halloween party, michelle was all like, it's only $5.00. yea, five dollars i may never have in a lifetime. when i get money for lunch, it comes out of bill money. we don't have any food at our house. I dont get how some people can be so lucky. And then, on top of our already poor poorness, my dad is going to jail, so he is going to lose his job!once he loses his job, we lose the house, car...everything. and no one understands. so i always make up lame excuses as to why i can't go places. i dont go to the movies bc my mom said so. i dont go to the halloween party bc i have chores to do. how about I am the poorest person in marching band, and all the parents feel sorry for me, and that is probably why they offered to pay for my glassmen trip! I just want to be able to do things without having to think about money, my family, and what awaits for me when i come home. doesn't that seem fair? i mean, it's pretty evident my mom hates me. and i don't want to cause anyone, anymore trouble. she makes me feel so bad about myself.just bc i dont suck up to her when her heart is hurting her..no one really knows what goes on. I want to leave when i am 17. but i am held back by two things. One, I dont have anywhere to go, and two, it would probably kill my mom.I feel so tiny compared to everyone else, and it bums me out. I cna't go out tping bc i can't afford to buy any. I can't do the simplest things, and it makes me feel bad and left out. I guess this is how it has to be. sorry for being poor.