(no subject)
Looks like I'll be doing two years of law here, then moving on. I really do want to be done with education, but I also feel drastically more ignorant than I can afford to be, so I have a lot of work to do, and realistically I need the time.
The risk is that if I take the more expensive route, well, the economic situation here is rapidly deteriorating and will be for a very long time yet to come. I need to ensure that I am in the most pragmatic position possible. That's why I knew I couldn't remain stateside and that's why I have been hand-wringing about all this for a while. I was accepted everywhere that counted in the end, thanks to a good deal of help, but I remain unsatisfied. That might just be because the way things are right now I'm almost impossible to satisfy, I don't know. I highly doubt the legitimacy of my feelings in general.
Still I'm doing fantastically in most ways, exercising every day without exception, reading far more than before and spending much more time writing and composing. I've also been genuinely helpful with my family, which makes me feel a good bit better.
And I've realised, because I've been feeling rather dreadfully alone a lot lately, that I really do have a very large number of good friends, and that I'm being self-indulgent and foolish. And that it's high time I stopped letting things get me down, ever. Unless it really is serious, and it isn't. And I need to stop dwelling on the possibilities that have not been realised and might never be. And I will. It's just been a hard year for that kind of thing.
I've achieved over time everything I wanted to and things I had no confidence that I would. But I clearly have a streak of self-pity somewhere, and that's unacceptable and a bit cowardly. Things are good. Things will be better. And I'll make that happen.
The risk is that if I take the more expensive route, well, the economic situation here is rapidly deteriorating and will be for a very long time yet to come. I need to ensure that I am in the most pragmatic position possible. That's why I knew I couldn't remain stateside and that's why I have been hand-wringing about all this for a while. I was accepted everywhere that counted in the end, thanks to a good deal of help, but I remain unsatisfied. That might just be because the way things are right now I'm almost impossible to satisfy, I don't know. I highly doubt the legitimacy of my feelings in general.
Still I'm doing fantastically in most ways, exercising every day without exception, reading far more than before and spending much more time writing and composing. I've also been genuinely helpful with my family, which makes me feel a good bit better.
And I've realised, because I've been feeling rather dreadfully alone a lot lately, that I really do have a very large number of good friends, and that I'm being self-indulgent and foolish. And that it's high time I stopped letting things get me down, ever. Unless it really is serious, and it isn't. And I need to stop dwelling on the possibilities that have not been realised and might never be. And I will. It's just been a hard year for that kind of thing.
I've achieved over time everything I wanted to and things I had no confidence that I would. But I clearly have a streak of self-pity somewhere, and that's unacceptable and a bit cowardly. Things are good. Things will be better. And I'll make that happen.