theatrical_muse #217: Ring/Book Picture
I'm sure it says a lot of extremely unflattering things about my personality, mindset, whatever you want to call it that the first thing I saw when I looked at this picture wasn't the heart shadow, or even the ring, but a few snippets of text on an otherwise obscured and blurry page. There it is, though. For all of Wallace's talk of me being a marshmallow back when we first met what I saw wasn't the romantic 'forever love' image, or even the words on the right hand side of the image that clearly tie back to it.
Not even close. I saw 3 : ruined or destroyed physically or morally 4 : DENIED; also : HARDENED. I wish I could have seen the flowery stuff. The stuff that might point to some idea of me being happy or even in love somewhere down the line. I've had enough of that other stuff to last several lifetimes over at this point. Maybe that's the problem? Maybe I'm just too damaged to trust, to open myself up so that the flowery stuff even becomes a possibility because I've been conditioned to see loving people as if not a weakness a vulnerability that can be exploited when you least expect it. Just when it could destroy you the most. I'm not talking about simply romantic love here. Anyone who's read my postings for any length of time has to know that much so I won't get into it right now.
Maybe under this tough-as-nails-don't-care-what-anyone-thinks exterior I've got going, Wallace is right. Maybe deep in my core I am that Marshmallow. It's gotta be worth something that I wish I had been drawn to the ring and the heart shadow. That I want to be able to believe in that happily ever after scenario.
There's got to be something more out there than what I'm living now.
Veronica Mars
Veronica Mars
317
Not even close. I saw 3 : ruined or destroyed physically or morally 4 : DENIED; also : HARDENED. I wish I could have seen the flowery stuff. The stuff that might point to some idea of me being happy or even in love somewhere down the line. I've had enough of that other stuff to last several lifetimes over at this point. Maybe that's the problem? Maybe I'm just too damaged to trust, to open myself up so that the flowery stuff even becomes a possibility because I've been conditioned to see loving people as if not a weakness a vulnerability that can be exploited when you least expect it. Just when it could destroy you the most. I'm not talking about simply romantic love here. Anyone who's read my postings for any length of time has to know that much so I won't get into it right now.
Maybe under this tough-as-nails-don't-care-what-anyone-thinks exterior I've got going, Wallace is right. Maybe deep in my core I am that Marshmallow. It's gotta be worth something that I wish I had been drawn to the ring and the heart shadow. That I want to be able to believe in that happily ever after scenario.
There's got to be something more out there than what I'm living now.
Veronica Mars
Veronica Mars
317