my grandfather, The Price is Right, and homophobia

[renenet]

Recently I visited my grandparents upon the occasion of my grandfather's 84th birthday. I joined Grampie in the living room for much of his daily television routine, which includes The Price is Right. One of the contestants that day was a man who set off my gaydar from the moment he started down the aisle. He did well on the show and was very

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[renenet]

Thanks. *hug* back to you for your support and for living with option b...and for being callous and strange sometimes because I like that very much. (May your grandmother rest in peace, toes curling up in her size six shoes like the Wicked Witch of the East under Dorothy's house).

Underneath the matter-of-factness there flows a current of self-doubt, though. It's not so much doubt about not telling them under present circumstances because that *feels* right--like it's at least 90% about protecting them (I'll spare you the reasoning behind that as it's lengthy and boring) and it fits with the whole information-operates-on-a-need-to-know-basis-only thing that my father, sister, and I apply across the board with my grandparents. But I question myself about why that feels right--why I feel that my sexuality is not need-to-know information for them. Questions like: Shouldn't my queerness feel so integral to my being that someone not knowing about it means that they don't really know me? (Which is a gateway to a whole "am I queer enough?" riff.) But as I've been thinking about this question over the last few days, I've pretty much come down to the belief that my decision says more about my relationship with my grandparents than it does about my relationship with my queerness. There are a lot of ways in which my grandparents don't really know me--huge important aspects of my life that just aren't relevant to my relationship with them (political beliefs, fannishness, thoughts I think, books I read, etc.). But they do know my basic personality and intelligence, my (grandparent-sanitized) sense of humor, some of my interests, the names of some of my friends (about whom they endearingly ask the same "now, what is s/he doing?" question every other time the name comes up), my favorite carbonated beverage (always in stock at their house)--my whole granddaughter self. And that's valid.

But, my god, that's enough about me--and more than enough about my grandparents. Let's talk about you some more... ;)