The Grand Adventure [TM]
For some reason of late, I've been thinking of times gone. I realize, intellectually, that this is a futile exercise, and yet, there it is. I got some news this week that I am sure is in large part responsible. Later this year, I am likely going to come face to face with the outcome of a decision from my past. On the one hand, this will be a good thing (because this particular decision led to someone I like very much getting something very good in their life). But this possibility still has brought to the fore some psychic resonance for me. What if I had done something different? I had it within me at the time to make a very different decision and I'm fairly certain it would have had a good outcome for me, and likely given me a Grand Adventure [TM].
At any given time, all any of us can do is act based upon information we have at hand, and wait to see where the cards end up. It's usually not a fruitful exercise to look at the past and engage in what ifs. Granted, there can be lessons in the past for us to incorporate into the now, but I'm not sure that's true in this case. I can look to one specific moment where I made a decision, and it didn't turn out as well for me as I would have liked.
I'm usually the kind of person who is decisive about my decisions. At the time, I knew that particular choice carried a lot of risk, but with a great potential pay-off. Yeah, crashed and burned. And yet, even now, I'm not sure if I would do differently if I had the same opportunity before me, despite the possibility that choosing differently likely would have led to a Grand Adventure [TM].
I suspect most of would like to have some kind of excitement as is brought about by a Grand Adventure [TM], but usually that kind of excitement can only be sustained for some period of time before mundane realities take over. I allowed someone else to have a Grand Adventure [TM], which makes me happy. But I find myself wishing I could now have one.
I don't see that happening any time soon. Anyone who knows me knows I live a relatively quiet life. This is partly my nature (I am a classic introvert so that is what feels comfortable to me) and partly by design (I had lots of the wrong kind of adventure when I was young, so a quiet, stable life has great appeal to me now).
So does this mean my time for the Grand Adventure [TM] has passed? I'm sitting in a coffeeshop, looking around me at all the young people, with all the possibilities ahead for them (perhaps unknown to them), and part of me thinks perhaps so. It feels like Grand Adventures [TM] really are for the young.
I imagine there are those who say I need to go out and make my own Grand Adventure [TM]. I understand where that comes from. But it's also easier said than done, given mundane constraints I have to deal with. And the thing is, I like those constraints. I like my job, I like the students I work with, I like having my own house, with my little cats. I like having the ability to while away the afternoon in a coffeeshop if I so chose. I know there are people struggling with much greater problems than me, some literally life and death. I recognize that in so many ways, I am one of the lucky people. I know that the only guarantee any of us has is the now. Sure, statistically I've got a lot yet ahead of me, so why give up on the idea that I can still have a Grand Adventure [TM]? But statistics deal with probabilities, not certainties. (My family learned that lesson all-too-harshly when my brother died one morning on his way to work.)
The now that I have is pretty good, I know it is, even if it is quiet. But for a brief moment, I got a taste of something bigger, something bolder and perhaps even a little reckless. And for what seemed like good reasons at the time, I let it go. I can't help but think I should have chosen differently, because now I can't help but feel there are no more opportunities for my Grand Adventure [TM].
At any given time, all any of us can do is act based upon information we have at hand, and wait to see where the cards end up. It's usually not a fruitful exercise to look at the past and engage in what ifs. Granted, there can be lessons in the past for us to incorporate into the now, but I'm not sure that's true in this case. I can look to one specific moment where I made a decision, and it didn't turn out as well for me as I would have liked.
I'm usually the kind of person who is decisive about my decisions. At the time, I knew that particular choice carried a lot of risk, but with a great potential pay-off. Yeah, crashed and burned. And yet, even now, I'm not sure if I would do differently if I had the same opportunity before me, despite the possibility that choosing differently likely would have led to a Grand Adventure [TM].
I suspect most of would like to have some kind of excitement as is brought about by a Grand Adventure [TM], but usually that kind of excitement can only be sustained for some period of time before mundane realities take over. I allowed someone else to have a Grand Adventure [TM], which makes me happy. But I find myself wishing I could now have one.
I don't see that happening any time soon. Anyone who knows me knows I live a relatively quiet life. This is partly my nature (I am a classic introvert so that is what feels comfortable to me) and partly by design (I had lots of the wrong kind of adventure when I was young, so a quiet, stable life has great appeal to me now).
So does this mean my time for the Grand Adventure [TM] has passed? I'm sitting in a coffeeshop, looking around me at all the young people, with all the possibilities ahead for them (perhaps unknown to them), and part of me thinks perhaps so. It feels like Grand Adventures [TM] really are for the young.
I imagine there are those who say I need to go out and make my own Grand Adventure [TM]. I understand where that comes from. But it's also easier said than done, given mundane constraints I have to deal with. And the thing is, I like those constraints. I like my job, I like the students I work with, I like having my own house, with my little cats. I like having the ability to while away the afternoon in a coffeeshop if I so chose. I know there are people struggling with much greater problems than me, some literally life and death. I recognize that in so many ways, I am one of the lucky people. I know that the only guarantee any of us has is the now. Sure, statistically I've got a lot yet ahead of me, so why give up on the idea that I can still have a Grand Adventure [TM]? But statistics deal with probabilities, not certainties. (My family learned that lesson all-too-harshly when my brother died one morning on his way to work.)
The now that I have is pretty good, I know it is, even if it is quiet. But for a brief moment, I got a taste of something bigger, something bolder and perhaps even a little reckless. And for what seemed like good reasons at the time, I let it go. I can't help but think I should have chosen differently, because now I can't help but feel there are no more opportunities for my Grand Adventure [TM].