(no subject)
Trying to keep up on writing a bit every day, just for memories' sake. Every time I don't, I look back and think, what day was that when that happened?? Or someone will tell me something and I'll think, Wow, I forgot all about that. It's kinda hard though because I don't think about it til later, then it's too late! lol. Whatever.
So right now I'm thinking about how I've started missing some things that for quite awhile, I didn't care about anymore. I'm not sure I really like these feelings. Wanting something that has never turned out well in the past. I'm trying to tell myself just don't think about it and see what happens but yet it's on my mind. Frequently. I love seeing people in love, it's so sweet. I feel like there's something wrong with me because I can't open up anymore, the way I used to. It seems as if the friends I have that are in relationships are really easygoing with each other and comfortable and I used to be that way! I can't find that part of myself right now and it's getting frustrating! I wish I could just let it go, it's kinda making me mad.
I think part of it is because I'm not sure what he's feeling. I can't bring it up either; I'm too scared lol. ok *deep breath* I'll wait, give it more time, see if he says anything. He doesn't seem like he'd easily talk about feelings though, what if he waits til I say something?? Lol Oh Jeez!! whatever...i don't know...shit
I'm wondering if I'm supposed to do anything about this day that's coming up. It's still 3 ish weeks away but I don't know. I think I'll just pretend I didn't know or I forgot about it. I'm pretty sure he won't acknowledge it. I think.
So right now I'm thinking about how I've started missing some things that for quite awhile, I didn't care about anymore. I'm not sure I really like these feelings. Wanting something that has never turned out well in the past. I'm trying to tell myself just don't think about it and see what happens but yet it's on my mind. Frequently. I love seeing people in love, it's so sweet. I feel like there's something wrong with me because I can't open up anymore, the way I used to. It seems as if the friends I have that are in relationships are really easygoing with each other and comfortable and I used to be that way! I can't find that part of myself right now and it's getting frustrating! I wish I could just let it go, it's kinda making me mad.
I think part of it is because I'm not sure what he's feeling. I can't bring it up either; I'm too scared lol. ok *deep breath* I'll wait, give it more time, see if he says anything. He doesn't seem like he'd easily talk about feelings though, what if he waits til I say something?? Lol Oh Jeez!! whatever...i don't know...shit
I'm wondering if I'm supposed to do anything about this day that's coming up. It's still 3 ish weeks away but I don't know. I think I'll just pretend I didn't know or I forgot about it. I'm pretty sure he won't acknowledge it. I think.