(no subject)
I've been beating myself up wondering why something so good, turned out so bad. I could write novels & paint you portraits, but they still wouldnt even begin to convey the kind of friendship I had with her. She was my grace, she was my heart. Every memory I have in my head of this summer is with her. I wish I knew why I say the things I say, or do the things I do. I wish I knew why I am so bitter, maybe she was right when she said "Perhaps it is her lack of heart? Yes, lack of heart; due to a young lad who's had it since the first hello a year or two ago. We can't help but let boys like him do it to girls like us. Girls like us fall in love every fucking day. It is a truly sad, repetitive manner. What else could make her so vile toward me?" Who knows. All I know is that I blame her for being so non-existent in my life, when it's not all of her fault, it's mine too. We both have our own lives to live, we both have things to do that do not involve one another. I was just too selfish to realize that. She was still there to listen, even though I couldnt see her. She was still there.
Everytime I pop The Dismemberment Plan, The Detachment Kit, or Modest Mouse in my cd player, my mind drifts back to those summer days where I was truly infinite. Those warm days when we did nothing but make eachother smile.
I lied when I told you I would never forgive you, I lied. Because I will always forgive you for everything. I want you to know that you'll always have a pair of shoulders to cry on, you'll have have someone to come to when you feel like your world is crashing down. You'll never be alone, not as long as i'm still breathing. No need for reminding, you're still all that matters to me.
those words we used to speak, still ring loud &; true. "and we'll all float on."