15 Years of Pursuing a Cute Boy [3/3]
Title: 15 Years of Pursuing a Cute Boy
Pairing: Taoris
Rating: PG
Summary: These letters of my love written for you, I've been sending them out for 15 years. And theres still no reply...theres still no reply
I II
Tao was out of breath. His hair clung to his forehead, and in his hand he held a crumpled white envelope he had clenched in his run to find Kris.
“Kris?” Tao coughed and wiped the sweat off his face. Kris was sitting on a bench over looking the frozen ocean.
“Tao?” Kris turned around upon the sound of panting, “What are you doing out here? It's like zero degrees out!” He hurried to his friend's side and held him close, “Aren't you cold?”
“N-No. I kinda ran here...”
“Why?” Kris led the exhausted boy over to the bench and sat him down. He removed Tao's beanie and began to fan his face.
“I-I needed to find you..” Tao held the crumpled letter in his hand, “I needed to give you something...”
“Well what is it?” Kris asked, concerned as to why Tao's face was growing redder by the second.
With trembling hands, Tao held the crumpled love letter out to him, “T-This...Sunny was never the person writing you those love letters.”
Kris looked down at Tao's soft, trembling hands and took the letter from him. Night had already fallen and he could clearly see the o: Kris ritten on the envelope under the streetlight. “I already figured that out.”
He slowly and gently ripped the sealed envelope by wiggling his thumb around it, like he had done with ever letter before. He removed the crumpled, folded letter from inside and unfolded it. Tao was trembling.
Dear Kris,
I've written poems of my love for you for five years straight. I've never gotten a reply back and I never expected one. But I wanted to tell you that I love you. Genuinely, honestly, I love you.
Love,
Huang Zi Tao
Kris looked up at Tao's red face. His breath was taken away. This letter had been much like the ones before; except for two things. One, it wasn't a poem. Two, instead of it being from anonymous it was signed from Huang Zi Tao.
“I love you.&rdquo
-
Kris looked outside from his hospital window. The sunflowers that grew in the garden were full size now and a few patients were sitting around them in their wheelchairs chatting about it.
“Kris, your meal is here.” Jia knocked on his door and promptly entered, wielding his lunch on a brown rectangular tray.
“Thank you, please leave it on my table.” Kris replied, still starring out the window.
Jia did as he requested and picked the envelope off the table, “Is this finished?”
Kris nodded. It had been a habit for Jia to mail Kris's love letter everyday when she dropped off his lunch. “Have you received a reply back yet?” She already knew the answer, since she gave Kris his mail.
“No. It's funny isn't it? The only thing in the whole wide world I can remember is Tao but yet he won't even reply to me. I just...I just want to see his face once more. That's all I can think of. Just...one image of his face. It's the only image of him I have.”
Jia nodded, “I'm sure you'll get one soon.”
“It's been three years.”
The nurse tried to change the subject, “Would you like to take a trip outside after lunch?”
“No thank you, it's a little too cold for me today. I don't know how the other patients stand it.”
“Oh them? Well they know they don't have much time left...” Jia said in a solemn tone, “They're trying to use ever moment of it beautifully.”
“They're lucky.”
“Huh?”
“Oh nothing. It's suppose to get a lot warmer tomorrow. I'll go out then.”
Jia nodded and smiled before leaving, another unpleasant thought on her mind.
-
“It's warmer today, are you sure you don't want to go outside?”
Kris nodded, “I'm sorry. This poem isn't done yet. I'll give it to you when you come to collect my trash.”
“That's fine, take your time. Here, I have something that might lift your spirits.” Jia placed an old radio on his desk, “You know english right?”
“Yeah. Are you making me listen to english music?” He smiled
She turned on the radio and adjusted it until it finally received a signal, “I just thought you'd want to listen to something you don't hear everyday is all.” She smiled and left.
Kris leaned back in his chair and drummed his pen against the desk. He was nearly finished with the poem. A soft guitar played over the radio and Kris found himself lost in the lyrics.
Love of mine, someday you will die. And I'll be close behind, I'll follow you into the dark.
No blinding lights, or tunnels of gates or white; just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark.
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied, illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs.
If theres no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you into the dark.
In a daze, Kris wandered out of his room and headed down the hall, hoping to find Jia in one of the offices. He passed an open door and peered in, a young woman was sitting on the bed, laughing and smiling, holding a small baby. Her husband was beside her, laughing and smiling as well. Kris was envious of them. He wished he could be as happy with Tao as that couple.
Kris had money, he knew that. He was also sure he was famous in some way since he would often see Jia talking to a person in a suit a lot, that person always had a concerned face and Kris wondered if they had been important to him before the accident. He had money and people who cared deeply for him. The only thing he didn't have was someone to love. Tao was the only thing he didn't have.
-
Kris lay in a heap under his bedsheets. There was a mini snow storm falling outside and the hospital was ice cold. The radio Jia had given him the year before still played a gently tune, calming Kris. He was stressed. Mainly because all he wanted in the whole world was to see Tao again, and he knew that was far fetched. It was stressing him out.
A soft guitar played over the background and Kris's clenched closed eyelids fluttered open at the familiar tune.
I'll follow you into the dark...
Kris burst out of the bed and threw on his long overcoat, and rummaged through his small box of belongings, pulling his shoes out of the very bottom. After adding a scarf and a coat he snatched the love poem from his desk and ran out the door, nearly knocking Jia over who had came to deliver his dinner.
“Kris, where are you going?!” Jia yelled.
“To mail my letter to Tao!”
He ran out the door and into the blinding cold, there was only one thing on his mind: Tao. Kris knew there was a mailbox right outside the hospital, the one he believed Jia dropped all of his letters into.
There was one thing Kris failed to remember. He failed to remember that in the six years in the hospital he had been transferred to a room in another building, a building right across the street from the main building and the mail box. Kris didn't remember it until he saw the mail box across the street and dashed, not even thinking of cars.
A flash of light, an impact, and an glimpse of his beloved Tao standing next to the mailbox with a concerned face was all Kris saw before his memory returned. That day marked his fifteenth year of sending letters.
-
Kris sat up straight in his bed, he scanned his surroundings and found himself in the same hospital room he had spent so many years in before. Something was different though; he could remember everything, and the first thing that came to his head made him burst into tears.
“K-Kris? What's wrong?” Jia, who was scribbling on a clipboard rushed to his side.
“T-Tao...”
“What about Tao?”
“He's dead!”
“What?” Jia asked, confused.
“He's been dead for fifteen years.”
-
Graduation was exactly one month away, and needless to say, Kris was very excited about it. But who could blame him? Even Tao was absolutely bubbling in his seat.
“Kris? What do you plan to do after graduation?” Tao's fingers intertwined with Kris's.
“Hmm...go back home of course. And well...spend lots of time with you. Doing everything we ever dreamed of.” He leaned over and kissed Tao
The ringing of his cellphone disrupted his daydreaming. The number was not one his phone recognized.
“Hello?”
“Yes, hello. Is this Wu Fan?”
“Yes it is. Who is this?” He stood up from his seat in the library and began to walk outside.
“My name is Jia. I'm a nurse at the hospital on 8th street. I regret to inform you that your loved one, Huang Zi Tao was involved in an accident and-” Kris was frozen place, “died about ten minutes ago in surgery.”
Kris threw the door open ran down the sidewalk, and off the campus. From his college the hospital was about fifteen minutes away by car. But Kris didn't have time for that. It took him fifteen minutes on foot to reach the hospital.
He slid through the automatic glass doors and slammed into the nurses' desk. A young woman with short black hair and a name tag with 'Jia' printed on it looked horribly surprised at Kris's ratted appearance.
“Huang Zi Tao. W-Where is he?”
“Who are you?”
“Wu Fan. You just got off the phone with me.” Kris was gritting his teeth and tears were being squeezed out of his eyes, “Please, where is he?! I need to see him right now!”
“Room 312. Down the hall to your right.” The young girl, who Kris thought must've been only a few years older then he, answered.
Kris nearly collapsed in the doorway upon seeing Tao lying on the hospital bed. A doctor was writing some things down on a clipboard, “You must be Wu Fan. I've just contacted Tao's parents, but since they live quite far away they-”
Kris collapsed on the edge of the bed, “Tao..Tao! Answer me dammit!”
He was a mess. Tao's eyes were permanently closed, his face was at peace though. There were a few cuts but anyone could easily believe he had just been sleeping.
“A car hit him.” The doctor placed a hand on Kris's shoulder but he pushed it off. He placed a hand on his boyfriend's soft cheek and brushed a bit of dirt away.
“I...I will love you. Even in death I'll still love you.” Kris leaned over and kissed Tao's cold lips before turning around and leaving the room. As he past the nurses' desk he looked Jia in the eyes. It was a face he didn't want to remember, so he erased her from his memory. She chose to too.
Two weeks later Kris wrote his first love letter.
-
Kris's feet stopped in front of his hospital building. After he had been given the all clear on his injuries he had been swept out of the hospital. Jia had given him the radio as a goodbye gift. He looked up at Tao's tree. Full grown, it just reached Tao's window.
He looked down at the dirt the tree had sprouted from and began to cry again. He remembered the short visit they had back home before graduation, and one week before Tao's death when he helped him plant the tree.
“Look, Kris! I'm putting this tin in the dirt under the tree, see? In fifteen years you can dig it up and read it.”
Kris's eyes went wide at the memory and he ripped the remaining tears aways and pounced to the ground, hands first in the dirt. He dug and dug, at the very base of the tree until he found the rusted tin. He yanked it out of the soft dirt and with another large yank, ripped the top off.
All that was inside was an envelope that sai To: Kris. It was Tao's last love poem to him.
-
Tao's window was open. The spring weather was very nice, and Kris couldn't help but feel warmed up by it. In his hand he held his last love poem to Tao.
The past few months after his return from the hospital had been an easy going one. His editor had published his last book and given him a fruit basket and some medicine as a goodbye gift. Tao's window remained open for a large portion of time, so when he felt like it; Kris would fold up the letters into airplanes and throw them from his window to Tao's. They always landed right inside, stacked up among all the other letters in the room Tao once occupied.
Kris looked down at the envelope. It contained every remaining word Kris could think of for Tao. It contained every feeling the amnesia Kris had for Tao, and every feeling of his hope for him. As soon as Kris thought he could see Tao again, he disappeared from him again.
From the moment I first lay eyes on you, I never knew you would effect my life in a way.
Huang Zi Tao, the one who taught me I could love again, I owe it all to you.
I continue living every day in hope of seeing you face to face once more.
From my small hole, I glance up at you shining so brightly and wonder if I will ever be standing there next to you.
Even if we may never meet again, I still love you.
I will walk with you on the beach, I will hold your hand when you start to cry. Please remember I am here for you. Please keep smiling from where you are, because that's what keeps me living on.
From here I can see you, but can you see me?
To me that doesn't matter. All I wish is for you to be happy for all eternity.
Because I know I can't wish the same for me.
Huang Zi Tao, I love you.
Kris tied the letter to a balloon and leaned out his bedroom window. He released the balloon into the air and watched it float up to the heavens.
He released the balloon on a Thursday. It was his sixteenth year of love poem writing, and he still received no reply
a/n: based off of this and this
Thanks for reading
Pairing: Taoris
Rating: PG
Summary: These letters of my love written for you, I've been sending them out for 15 years. And theres still no reply...theres still no reply
I II
Tao was out of breath. His hair clung to his forehead, and in his hand he held a crumpled white envelope he had clenched in his run to find Kris.
“Kris?” Tao coughed and wiped the sweat off his face. Kris was sitting on a bench over looking the frozen ocean.
“Tao?” Kris turned around upon the sound of panting, “What are you doing out here? It's like zero degrees out!” He hurried to his friend's side and held him close, “Aren't you cold?”
“N-No. I kinda ran here...”
“Why?” Kris led the exhausted boy over to the bench and sat him down. He removed Tao's beanie and began to fan his face.
“I-I needed to find you..” Tao held the crumpled letter in his hand, “I needed to give you something...”
“Well what is it?” Kris asked, concerned as to why Tao's face was growing redder by the second.
With trembling hands, Tao held the crumpled love letter out to him, “T-This...Sunny was never the person writing you those love letters.”
Kris looked down at Tao's soft, trembling hands and took the letter from him. Night had already fallen and he could clearly see the o: Kris ritten on the envelope under the streetlight. “I already figured that out.”
He slowly and gently ripped the sealed envelope by wiggling his thumb around it, like he had done with ever letter before. He removed the crumpled, folded letter from inside and unfolded it. Tao was trembling.
Dear Kris,
I've written poems of my love for you for five years straight. I've never gotten a reply back and I never expected one. But I wanted to tell you that I love you. Genuinely, honestly, I love you.
Love,
Huang Zi Tao
Kris looked up at Tao's red face. His breath was taken away. This letter had been much like the ones before; except for two things. One, it wasn't a poem. Two, instead of it being from anonymous it was signed from Huang Zi Tao.
“I love you.&rdquo
-
Kris looked outside from his hospital window. The sunflowers that grew in the garden were full size now and a few patients were sitting around them in their wheelchairs chatting about it.
“Kris, your meal is here.” Jia knocked on his door and promptly entered, wielding his lunch on a brown rectangular tray.
“Thank you, please leave it on my table.” Kris replied, still starring out the window.
Jia did as he requested and picked the envelope off the table, “Is this finished?”
Kris nodded. It had been a habit for Jia to mail Kris's love letter everyday when she dropped off his lunch. “Have you received a reply back yet?” She already knew the answer, since she gave Kris his mail.
“No. It's funny isn't it? The only thing in the whole wide world I can remember is Tao but yet he won't even reply to me. I just...I just want to see his face once more. That's all I can think of. Just...one image of his face. It's the only image of him I have.”
Jia nodded, “I'm sure you'll get one soon.”
“It's been three years.”
The nurse tried to change the subject, “Would you like to take a trip outside after lunch?”
“No thank you, it's a little too cold for me today. I don't know how the other patients stand it.”
“Oh them? Well they know they don't have much time left...” Jia said in a solemn tone, “They're trying to use ever moment of it beautifully.”
“They're lucky.”
“Huh?”
“Oh nothing. It's suppose to get a lot warmer tomorrow. I'll go out then.”
Jia nodded and smiled before leaving, another unpleasant thought on her mind.
-
“It's warmer today, are you sure you don't want to go outside?”
Kris nodded, “I'm sorry. This poem isn't done yet. I'll give it to you when you come to collect my trash.”
“That's fine, take your time. Here, I have something that might lift your spirits.” Jia placed an old radio on his desk, “You know english right?”
“Yeah. Are you making me listen to english music?” He smiled
She turned on the radio and adjusted it until it finally received a signal, “I just thought you'd want to listen to something you don't hear everyday is all.” She smiled and left.
Kris leaned back in his chair and drummed his pen against the desk. He was nearly finished with the poem. A soft guitar played over the radio and Kris found himself lost in the lyrics.
Love of mine, someday you will die. And I'll be close behind, I'll follow you into the dark.
No blinding lights, or tunnels of gates or white; just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark.
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied, illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs.
If theres no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you into the dark.
In a daze, Kris wandered out of his room and headed down the hall, hoping to find Jia in one of the offices. He passed an open door and peered in, a young woman was sitting on the bed, laughing and smiling, holding a small baby. Her husband was beside her, laughing and smiling as well. Kris was envious of them. He wished he could be as happy with Tao as that couple.
Kris had money, he knew that. He was also sure he was famous in some way since he would often see Jia talking to a person in a suit a lot, that person always had a concerned face and Kris wondered if they had been important to him before the accident. He had money and people who cared deeply for him. The only thing he didn't have was someone to love. Tao was the only thing he didn't have.
-
Kris lay in a heap under his bedsheets. There was a mini snow storm falling outside and the hospital was ice cold. The radio Jia had given him the year before still played a gently tune, calming Kris. He was stressed. Mainly because all he wanted in the whole world was to see Tao again, and he knew that was far fetched. It was stressing him out.
A soft guitar played over the background and Kris's clenched closed eyelids fluttered open at the familiar tune.
I'll follow you into the dark...
Kris burst out of the bed and threw on his long overcoat, and rummaged through his small box of belongings, pulling his shoes out of the very bottom. After adding a scarf and a coat he snatched the love poem from his desk and ran out the door, nearly knocking Jia over who had came to deliver his dinner.
“Kris, where are you going?!” Jia yelled.
“To mail my letter to Tao!”
He ran out the door and into the blinding cold, there was only one thing on his mind: Tao. Kris knew there was a mailbox right outside the hospital, the one he believed Jia dropped all of his letters into.
There was one thing Kris failed to remember. He failed to remember that in the six years in the hospital he had been transferred to a room in another building, a building right across the street from the main building and the mail box. Kris didn't remember it until he saw the mail box across the street and dashed, not even thinking of cars.
A flash of light, an impact, and an glimpse of his beloved Tao standing next to the mailbox with a concerned face was all Kris saw before his memory returned. That day marked his fifteenth year of sending letters.
-
Kris sat up straight in his bed, he scanned his surroundings and found himself in the same hospital room he had spent so many years in before. Something was different though; he could remember everything, and the first thing that came to his head made him burst into tears.
“K-Kris? What's wrong?” Jia, who was scribbling on a clipboard rushed to his side.
“T-Tao...”
“What about Tao?”
“He's dead!”
“What?” Jia asked, confused.
“He's been dead for fifteen years.”
-
Graduation was exactly one month away, and needless to say, Kris was very excited about it. But who could blame him? Even Tao was absolutely bubbling in his seat.
“Kris? What do you plan to do after graduation?” Tao's fingers intertwined with Kris's.
“Hmm...go back home of course. And well...spend lots of time with you. Doing everything we ever dreamed of.” He leaned over and kissed Tao
The ringing of his cellphone disrupted his daydreaming. The number was not one his phone recognized.
“Hello?”
“Yes, hello. Is this Wu Fan?”
“Yes it is. Who is this?” He stood up from his seat in the library and began to walk outside.
“My name is Jia. I'm a nurse at the hospital on 8th street. I regret to inform you that your loved one, Huang Zi Tao was involved in an accident and-” Kris was frozen place, “died about ten minutes ago in surgery.”
Kris threw the door open ran down the sidewalk, and off the campus. From his college the hospital was about fifteen minutes away by car. But Kris didn't have time for that. It took him fifteen minutes on foot to reach the hospital.
He slid through the automatic glass doors and slammed into the nurses' desk. A young woman with short black hair and a name tag with 'Jia' printed on it looked horribly surprised at Kris's ratted appearance.
“Huang Zi Tao. W-Where is he?”
“Who are you?”
“Wu Fan. You just got off the phone with me.” Kris was gritting his teeth and tears were being squeezed out of his eyes, “Please, where is he?! I need to see him right now!”
“Room 312. Down the hall to your right.” The young girl, who Kris thought must've been only a few years older then he, answered.
Kris nearly collapsed in the doorway upon seeing Tao lying on the hospital bed. A doctor was writing some things down on a clipboard, “You must be Wu Fan. I've just contacted Tao's parents, but since they live quite far away they-”
Kris collapsed on the edge of the bed, “Tao..Tao! Answer me dammit!”
He was a mess. Tao's eyes were permanently closed, his face was at peace though. There were a few cuts but anyone could easily believe he had just been sleeping.
“A car hit him.” The doctor placed a hand on Kris's shoulder but he pushed it off. He placed a hand on his boyfriend's soft cheek and brushed a bit of dirt away.
“I...I will love you. Even in death I'll still love you.” Kris leaned over and kissed Tao's cold lips before turning around and leaving the room. As he past the nurses' desk he looked Jia in the eyes. It was a face he didn't want to remember, so he erased her from his memory. She chose to too.
Two weeks later Kris wrote his first love letter.
-
Kris's feet stopped in front of his hospital building. After he had been given the all clear on his injuries he had been swept out of the hospital. Jia had given him the radio as a goodbye gift. He looked up at Tao's tree. Full grown, it just reached Tao's window.
He looked down at the dirt the tree had sprouted from and began to cry again. He remembered the short visit they had back home before graduation, and one week before Tao's death when he helped him plant the tree.
“Look, Kris! I'm putting this tin in the dirt under the tree, see? In fifteen years you can dig it up and read it.”
Kris's eyes went wide at the memory and he ripped the remaining tears aways and pounced to the ground, hands first in the dirt. He dug and dug, at the very base of the tree until he found the rusted tin. He yanked it out of the soft dirt and with another large yank, ripped the top off.
All that was inside was an envelope that sai To: Kris. It was Tao's last love poem to him.
-
Tao's window was open. The spring weather was very nice, and Kris couldn't help but feel warmed up by it. In his hand he held his last love poem to Tao.
The past few months after his return from the hospital had been an easy going one. His editor had published his last book and given him a fruit basket and some medicine as a goodbye gift. Tao's window remained open for a large portion of time, so when he felt like it; Kris would fold up the letters into airplanes and throw them from his window to Tao's. They always landed right inside, stacked up among all the other letters in the room Tao once occupied.
Kris looked down at the envelope. It contained every remaining word Kris could think of for Tao. It contained every feeling the amnesia Kris had for Tao, and every feeling of his hope for him. As soon as Kris thought he could see Tao again, he disappeared from him again.
From the moment I first lay eyes on you, I never knew you would effect my life in a way.
Huang Zi Tao, the one who taught me I could love again, I owe it all to you.
I continue living every day in hope of seeing you face to face once more.
From my small hole, I glance up at you shining so brightly and wonder if I will ever be standing there next to you.
Even if we may never meet again, I still love you.
I will walk with you on the beach, I will hold your hand when you start to cry. Please remember I am here for you. Please keep smiling from where you are, because that's what keeps me living on.
From here I can see you, but can you see me?
To me that doesn't matter. All I wish is for you to be happy for all eternity.
Because I know I can't wish the same for me.
Huang Zi Tao, I love you.
Kris tied the letter to a balloon and leaned out his bedroom window. He released the balloon into the air and watched it float up to the heavens.
He released the balloon on a Thursday. It was his sixteenth year of love poem writing, and he still received no reply
a/n: based off of this and this
Thanks for reading