every step counts
i had an interesting week
i resisted the temptaion perfectly, and even felt great for doing it.
then a few hours later a wave of depression buried me
still it was a good step, even if it hurt for a brief tiork agme
amelia helped alot especially with my depression.
i got a job and it was great to work again
i found out that despite what i felt about my time studying history
i encouraged others to study history, which makes me very happy because it is so important in my opinion for people to study history
on sad note, i found that i keep a wall between me and me feelings for amelia. that made me sad, but finding the wall, i can work to bring it down for good. we both have made mistakes, and it would be a mistake to keep her at any distance from my heart. im not very trusting sometimes, and she dserves all of it. so it hurt to know that i still have protections around her, it is nice to be able to start tearing down the block.
however, it should be noted that this walls also keeps me from sharing all my feelings with her. i find words get suffocated and i cannot communicate. somtimes that is a good thing though, because im dumb and say dumb things. there are some things that really take up alot of thought, and i want to talk about them, but what good would it do?
so ts week i relearned that some things dont need to be talked about, that amelia and i (as well as the rest of the world) will NOT agree on everything. she may choose friends that i do not like, and i may choose hobbies that annoy herand we may have seperate and equally valid ideas on how things need to be done. though this is no new, i think perhaps having fresh perspective on this matter is worth something. if only we did not have so much pride.
pride is what hurts our marriage and our feelings more than anything. even saying "im not fighting anymore" is still our pride.
we have no money,so we are gointo have to give up many things, especially pride. more on this later. must punch laptop in the face.
i resisted the temptaion perfectly, and even felt great for doing it.
then a few hours later a wave of depression buried me
still it was a good step, even if it hurt for a brief tiork agme
amelia helped alot especially with my depression.
i got a job and it was great to work again
i found out that despite what i felt about my time studying history
i encouraged others to study history, which makes me very happy because it is so important in my opinion for people to study history
on sad note, i found that i keep a wall between me and me feelings for amelia. that made me sad, but finding the wall, i can work to bring it down for good. we both have made mistakes, and it would be a mistake to keep her at any distance from my heart. im not very trusting sometimes, and she dserves all of it. so it hurt to know that i still have protections around her, it is nice to be able to start tearing down the block.
however, it should be noted that this walls also keeps me from sharing all my feelings with her. i find words get suffocated and i cannot communicate. somtimes that is a good thing though, because im dumb and say dumb things. there are some things that really take up alot of thought, and i want to talk about them, but what good would it do?
so ts week i relearned that some things dont need to be talked about, that amelia and i (as well as the rest of the world) will NOT agree on everything. she may choose friends that i do not like, and i may choose hobbies that annoy herand we may have seperate and equally valid ideas on how things need to be done. though this is no new, i think perhaps having fresh perspective on this matter is worth something. if only we did not have so much pride.
pride is what hurts our marriage and our feelings more than anything. even saying "im not fighting anymore" is still our pride.
we have no money,so we are gointo have to give up many things, especially pride. more on this later. must punch laptop in the face.