Non, Je Ne Regrette De Rien - quartetship
This is actually a fic I did on request for the wonderful
paddynmoon, and just never got around to posting here.
Title: Non, Je Ne Regrette De Rien (or "No, I do not regret anything")
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,352
Era: After DH (The Afterlife- I hope this does not offend anyone)
Disclaimer: They're JK's characters, I'm just puppy-sitting <3
- - - - - - -
Remus Lupin sat, apparently alone, in the cabin of a train headed in an unknown direction. He wasn’t sure just how long he’d been a passenger, and was equally unsure of why. He watched out the window, looking for a familiar landmark. Nothing changed. The scene outside remained constant; the landscape morphed slightly, and people moved at lightening speed, but it was otherwise the same location. Yet the train was definitely in motion. He could see the vibration of movement on the window.
Remus raised a hand to touch the glass and memories came flooding back to him. The wounds covering his arms were hideous and new; he’d received them in battle with a death eater. He brought a finger to the edge of one gash, braced for the sting. It never came. He stroked the cut, and several others, but felt nothing. It was then that his last memory returned: a jet of piercing green light.
---
He shuddered. His eyes returned to the window, still fumbling to make out its picture. Even as he stared, he saw the faint reflection of his own face. Or perhaps it was someone else’s. It showed a younger man, one with caramel colored hair and far fewer scars. The smile of the visage came into focus, and only then did Remus realize it truly was his own. Grinning, he reached again for the glass and was greeted by a hand without the marks of age he’d grown to know, or even the terrible lacerations he’d just seen there. He would have continued examining himself if the train hadn’t given such an enormous lurch.
After several moments of stillness, the door of Remus’s cabin slid open. He took his cue to exit, and followed the vacant hallway to the open ramp. As he treaded warily into the outside, he found himself where he’d been only hours before. The Forrest. Hogwarts was in sight. But there were no death eaters, no Voldemort, no war raging here. There was nothing but quiet.
The feeling of belonging overwhelmed Remus as he rounded the last bend of the Forrest. He closed his eyes and inhaled the serenity. There was a splashing in the lake just over the hill, and Remus made his way lazily toward it. Something had drained all sense of urgency from him, and he simply felt unhurried and calm. That didn’t last however, once he discovered the origin of the splashing sound.
---
A tall, slender man stood at the water’s edge, tossing pebbles into it aimlessly. He was handsome, more youthful then Remus remembered, and the startled look he gave Remus upon hearing him gasp was beautifully familiar. Sirius Black smiled with all the spirit of his soul, and moved confidently toward his friend. Remus approached the other man with caution.
“Are you…real?” Remus stammered, still quite uncertain. He realized it was the first time he’s spoken since… he’d been here. The figure held out a hand and laughed.
“As real as you are, I suppose.” Sirius said warmly, beckoning Remus closer.
“What are… what are you doing… here?” Remus breathed, motioning to indicate their surroundings.
"Where else, mate?" Sirius beamed, gazing at the castle in the distance.
Remus didn't seem satisfied. "I know where we are. But why are you... here?" He pointed at the area Sirius occupied. " I mean here. Now. Why?"
Sirius shrugged and offered a half smile. “I was waiting. For you” His smile wavered as he placed a hand on Remus’s shoulder. Remus gasped, realizing he could feel Sirius’s touch.“Didn’t think you’d be here this soon, what with Tonks and Ted and--” Sirius broke off, his smile gone entirely. “Thought you’d have more to…tend to, you know? Married man and all that.” Sirius looked on the verge of laughing or screaming, and was shaking Remus very lightly with every word.
Remus’s breath hitched as Sirius withdrew his hand. Remus grasped it instinctively, and he felt heat behind his eyes. “Pads, you were dead” he whispered. He closed his fingers around Sirius’ and began speaking rapidly. “I never… I mean I care for her… but I wouldn’t have if… you were… but if you’d see Teddy, you’d …if it could have been y--”
Sirius pressed Remus’s lips closed with a fingertip and moved his palm up the werewolf’s cheek. He rubbed at the tears that were tightening Remus’s skin as he spoke. “Yes well, you weren’t left that option were you? I’m a fool, I really am. I all but killed myself that night at the ministry!” When Remus tried to object, Sirius spoke louder. “I left Harry with no one. I left you! After all those promises I wouldn’t.” Remus saw the shine of tears building in his friend’s eyes. “And I couldn’t just take it back this time. I couldn’t fix it! So I just had to wait here, to apologize.” He placed a warm hand on Remus’s neck and sighed helplessly. “I’ve never regretted anything more!” Remus wasn’t entirely sure who closed the gap, but they were then locked in a desperate embrace, both crying silently.
---
After they could both breathe normally again, Remus looked questioningly at Sirius. “So this is it then?” he asked, looking from his friend to the sky and back again. When Sirius nodded, Remus took his hand. “And we’re not going anywhere? It’s just you and I?” Sirius shook his head in agreement, as a smile began to play at his lips.
“Just you and me, Moony” Sirius spoke finally, eyes still fixed on Remus. “Well, Prongs and Lily are running around here somewhere, but--” He trailed off as Remus’s smile burst into something resembling a sunrise, and he couldn’t help but return the look.
“Then why regret it all, Pads?” Remus’s voice was comforting and sure. “Why regret what’s brought you here, with them?”
“There you go being reasonable again." Sirius mocked. "It just could have been easier getting here” Sirius objected. “We could have had years together. You could have been with me instead!” Sirius sounded like a dejected child as he spoke. Remus gave a sideways smile and pulled himself closer to the other man.
“You still shouldn’t regret any of it.” He smiled at Sirius, causing a pouted expression that was so typically, enchantingly Sirius. “I don’t. Being with Nymphadora made me happy, and I could never regret my son, or giving my life to protect his future.” Remus’s words were honest, but gentle. “Because look where it’s led me. The exact same place it led you- the same place it led Lily and James. That speaks volumes alone, Sirius.”
Sirius nodded again, his eyes still searching Remus’s for assurance. “What are you saying, Moony?” he asked the eyes rather than the whole of Remus.
“I’m saying,” Remus started, regaining his friend’s attention, “that it doesn’t matter what we could have had or what could have been!” He turned Sirius’ face toward his own and kissed him with all the hunger of the years of love they’d lost. The feeling of their skin, their lips, their mouths together was everything Remus had missed. The heat was torturously tangible, and the feeling of desire almost as searing. Remus could feel every move Sirius made, and it reminded him that even here, Sirius was real to him. He trembled in their embrace, and his partner did the same. As they reluctantly parted, Remus spoke softly. “All that matters is what we do have, and what is, and that--” he trailed tender kisses toward his lover’s ear “--is forever.”
Later, as they sat off to find their other friends, Remus felt his fingers being interlaced with his lover’s. He breathed a sigh of contentment. He was home, the place that held every happy memory, the only place he’d ever truly lived. Sirius, Lily and James were all within reach again. Everything, all the turmoil and hardship had led him here. Here, to eternity, surrounded by love and friendship. He had nothing left to dread, nothing left to want or to fear. He had no regrets.
- - - - -
Comments are appreciated <3
paddynmoon, and just never got around to posting here.
Title: Non, Je Ne Regrette De Rien (or "No, I do not regret anything")
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,352
Era: After DH (The Afterlife- I hope this does not offend anyone)
Disclaimer: They're JK's characters, I'm just puppy-sitting <3
- - - - - - -
Remus Lupin sat, apparently alone, in the cabin of a train headed in an unknown direction. He wasn’t sure just how long he’d been a passenger, and was equally unsure of why. He watched out the window, looking for a familiar landmark. Nothing changed. The scene outside remained constant; the landscape morphed slightly, and people moved at lightening speed, but it was otherwise the same location. Yet the train was definitely in motion. He could see the vibration of movement on the window.
Remus raised a hand to touch the glass and memories came flooding back to him. The wounds covering his arms were hideous and new; he’d received them in battle with a death eater. He brought a finger to the edge of one gash, braced for the sting. It never came. He stroked the cut, and several others, but felt nothing. It was then that his last memory returned: a jet of piercing green light.
---
He shuddered. His eyes returned to the window, still fumbling to make out its picture. Even as he stared, he saw the faint reflection of his own face. Or perhaps it was someone else’s. It showed a younger man, one with caramel colored hair and far fewer scars. The smile of the visage came into focus, and only then did Remus realize it truly was his own. Grinning, he reached again for the glass and was greeted by a hand without the marks of age he’d grown to know, or even the terrible lacerations he’d just seen there. He would have continued examining himself if the train hadn’t given such an enormous lurch.
After several moments of stillness, the door of Remus’s cabin slid open. He took his cue to exit, and followed the vacant hallway to the open ramp. As he treaded warily into the outside, he found himself where he’d been only hours before. The Forrest. Hogwarts was in sight. But there were no death eaters, no Voldemort, no war raging here. There was nothing but quiet.
The feeling of belonging overwhelmed Remus as he rounded the last bend of the Forrest. He closed his eyes and inhaled the serenity. There was a splashing in the lake just over the hill, and Remus made his way lazily toward it. Something had drained all sense of urgency from him, and he simply felt unhurried and calm. That didn’t last however, once he discovered the origin of the splashing sound.
---
A tall, slender man stood at the water’s edge, tossing pebbles into it aimlessly. He was handsome, more youthful then Remus remembered, and the startled look he gave Remus upon hearing him gasp was beautifully familiar. Sirius Black smiled with all the spirit of his soul, and moved confidently toward his friend. Remus approached the other man with caution.
“Are you…real?” Remus stammered, still quite uncertain. He realized it was the first time he’s spoken since… he’d been here. The figure held out a hand and laughed.
“As real as you are, I suppose.” Sirius said warmly, beckoning Remus closer.
“What are… what are you doing… here?” Remus breathed, motioning to indicate their surroundings.
"Where else, mate?" Sirius beamed, gazing at the castle in the distance.
Remus didn't seem satisfied. "I know where we are. But why are you... here?" He pointed at the area Sirius occupied. " I mean here. Now. Why?"
Sirius shrugged and offered a half smile. “I was waiting. For you” His smile wavered as he placed a hand on Remus’s shoulder. Remus gasped, realizing he could feel Sirius’s touch.“Didn’t think you’d be here this soon, what with Tonks and Ted and--” Sirius broke off, his smile gone entirely. “Thought you’d have more to…tend to, you know? Married man and all that.” Sirius looked on the verge of laughing or screaming, and was shaking Remus very lightly with every word.
Remus’s breath hitched as Sirius withdrew his hand. Remus grasped it instinctively, and he felt heat behind his eyes. “Pads, you were dead” he whispered. He closed his fingers around Sirius’ and began speaking rapidly. “I never… I mean I care for her… but I wouldn’t have if… you were… but if you’d see Teddy, you’d …if it could have been y--”
Sirius pressed Remus’s lips closed with a fingertip and moved his palm up the werewolf’s cheek. He rubbed at the tears that were tightening Remus’s skin as he spoke. “Yes well, you weren’t left that option were you? I’m a fool, I really am. I all but killed myself that night at the ministry!” When Remus tried to object, Sirius spoke louder. “I left Harry with no one. I left you! After all those promises I wouldn’t.” Remus saw the shine of tears building in his friend’s eyes. “And I couldn’t just take it back this time. I couldn’t fix it! So I just had to wait here, to apologize.” He placed a warm hand on Remus’s neck and sighed helplessly. “I’ve never regretted anything more!” Remus wasn’t entirely sure who closed the gap, but they were then locked in a desperate embrace, both crying silently.
---
After they could both breathe normally again, Remus looked questioningly at Sirius. “So this is it then?” he asked, looking from his friend to the sky and back again. When Sirius nodded, Remus took his hand. “And we’re not going anywhere? It’s just you and I?” Sirius shook his head in agreement, as a smile began to play at his lips.
“Just you and me, Moony” Sirius spoke finally, eyes still fixed on Remus. “Well, Prongs and Lily are running around here somewhere, but--” He trailed off as Remus’s smile burst into something resembling a sunrise, and he couldn’t help but return the look.
“Then why regret it all, Pads?” Remus’s voice was comforting and sure. “Why regret what’s brought you here, with them?”
“There you go being reasonable again." Sirius mocked. "It just could have been easier getting here” Sirius objected. “We could have had years together. You could have been with me instead!” Sirius sounded like a dejected child as he spoke. Remus gave a sideways smile and pulled himself closer to the other man.
“You still shouldn’t regret any of it.” He smiled at Sirius, causing a pouted expression that was so typically, enchantingly Sirius. “I don’t. Being with Nymphadora made me happy, and I could never regret my son, or giving my life to protect his future.” Remus’s words were honest, but gentle. “Because look where it’s led me. The exact same place it led you- the same place it led Lily and James. That speaks volumes alone, Sirius.”
Sirius nodded again, his eyes still searching Remus’s for assurance. “What are you saying, Moony?” he asked the eyes rather than the whole of Remus.
“I’m saying,” Remus started, regaining his friend’s attention, “that it doesn’t matter what we could have had or what could have been!” He turned Sirius’ face toward his own and kissed him with all the hunger of the years of love they’d lost. The feeling of their skin, their lips, their mouths together was everything Remus had missed. The heat was torturously tangible, and the feeling of desire almost as searing. Remus could feel every move Sirius made, and it reminded him that even here, Sirius was real to him. He trembled in their embrace, and his partner did the same. As they reluctantly parted, Remus spoke softly. “All that matters is what we do have, and what is, and that--” he trailed tender kisses toward his lover’s ear “--is forever.”
Later, as they sat off to find their other friends, Remus felt his fingers being interlaced with his lover’s. He breathed a sigh of contentment. He was home, the place that held every happy memory, the only place he’d ever truly lived. Sirius, Lily and James were all within reach again. Everything, all the turmoil and hardship had led him here. Here, to eternity, surrounded by love and friendship. He had nothing left to dread, nothing left to want or to fear. He had no regrets.
- - - - -
Comments are appreciated <3