Fic: Thou Shalt Not Covet
Title: Thou Shalt Not Covet
Author: remuslives23
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2163
Characters/Pairings: Tosh, Team; mentions of Jack/Ianto, Ianto/Lisa, Gwen/Rhys, Owen/Katie, Owen/OC's, Tosh/Owen (unrequited)
Summary: On second glance, a blessing can look like a curse.
Notes/Warnings: Written for tw_lucky_7 for the prompt envy.
Disclaimer: This fiction is based on characters and situations created and owned by Russell T Davies, the BBC and affiliates. No money is being made and no offense is intended. Characters are of legal age for sexual situations.
Toshiko Sato typed her last command into the Hub's computer then sat back with a tired sigh. She pushed her fingers up under her glasses and rubbed her eyes. They'd all been on the go since five o'clock this morning and now - after Gwen's sliced thigh, Ianto's near free-fall off a cliff, and Jack's actual death by Weevil - it was nearing midnight and the loose ends were finally tied off.
She watched as Ianto shoved bandages and Gwen's torn jeans into a black rubbish bag, muttering something to Owen that had the other man scowling at him. Gwen shook her head at them and attempted to get up off the couch, only to have both Ianto and Owen push her back down onto the cushions. Toshiko's gaze rose to Jack who was leaning against the railings on the upper level, smiling softly at the now-bickering trio.
Toshiko smiled. There was so much she'd grown to admire, to love about the people she worked with, but, as she watched the easy camaraderie, the good-natured snarking, she couldn't help but think back to a time where she also envied them.
*
Owen
Owen was a sexual creature. Toshiko would have loved to be as comfortable with her body, with her sexuality as he was, to be able to share herself so freely with others, to seek out what she needed and satisfy the craving without any guilt or fear or regret. She'd watched him over the CCTV as he entered one of his usual clubs and tried to imagine herself there: on the dance floor, tense muscles loosening as her body swayed, hair swinging free as she twisted to the pounding beat of the music, raw sexuality drawing the attention of the crowd as she lost herself in the moment.
She couldn't do it.
She couldn't be wild or sensual. She couldn't allow herself to just drown in the music, to forget about the thighs that she thought were slightly thicker than ideal, about how her backside looked in her skirt, about how she'd kill to have Gwen's breasts. She couldn't throw aside her inhibitions, and it frustrated the hell out of her.
So she pulled her hair back, slipped her glasses on and hid in the Hub, watching sadly over the CCTV as Owen headed out for the nearest club and the most willing warm body.
Gwen
She saw Rhys pacing up and down the Plass on the CCTV and called out to Gwen who looked up and beamed that endearing gap-toothed smile. Toshiko watched her as she grabbed her jacket and handbag, calling out a farewell before racing for the invisible lift. A minute later, Gwen carefully stepped out from behind the perception filter and was promptly tugged into an engulfing hug.
Toshiko smiled at the obvious joy in that simple embrace, how Gwen seemed to melt and unwind when wrapped in Rhys' arms. The toughened, relentless soldier that had held a gun on an alien this morning and threatened to shoot (and meant it) was gone and, in her place, was Rhys' girlfriend whose single desire right now was to go home, have some wine and pasta, and listen to her boyfriend extol the horrors of working in haulage.
Toshiko thought of her own home - house - and what awaited her that evening and, for a moment, hated Gwen for showing her that it could be done, there could be a line drawn between home and Hub. It made her empty house seem even colder knowing that she couldn't blame the job for her loneliness anymore.
Yes, she hated Gwen a little, but mostly, she just wanted what she had.
Ianto
The days Before Lisa, she'd barely noticed Ianto, rarely gave him a second thought or glance. The days immediately After Lisa, Toskiko tried desperately not to look at him. She wasn't sure she could hide the hurt, the anger, she felt at his betrayal, and she was certain the she didn't want to see the anguish, the pain in his eyes because if she saw it, she would remember everything else he'd revealed that night. She would remember how he looked at the once-beautiful woman enclosed in the metal prison. She would remember the lengths he went to, the chances he took, the lives he was willing to put at risk... all to save the woman he loved.
Toshiko wondered if anyone would ever look at her like that, like the universe was created around her. She wasn't sure she was capable of that kind of head over heels love, so she doubted she'd ever attract it - particularly when she spent up to twenty hours a day below ground.
But it didn't stop her wanting it.
She started looking at Ianto again about the same time he started wearing brightly coloured shirts. He was careful to hide it when the team was around, but when he thought he was alone, Toshiko saw that look in his eyes, that same soft expression that he had on his face when he looked at Lisa.
Only it wasn't Lisa he was looking at now.
She couldn't help but envy Ianto who, despite the repeated chipping away at his heart and soul, could still let himself fall completely, irrationally, irrecoverably in love.
Jack
She watched Jack flirting at a bar and admired his confidence.
She watched Jack grab Ianto in the Plass and kiss him hard on the lips and wished she had his courage.
She watched Jack eat in his office, more food landing on his collar and the desk than stayed in his mouth, and gesticulate wildly as he told Gwen a mad tale and longed for his casual carelessness.
She watched him calm the latest almost-victim of a Weevil attack while the others did damage control, getting the burly man to smile and blush and swallow the amnesia pill without question, and wanted just half of his charm.
Jack lived his life with no thought or care for convention or rules or labels. The idea of living so freely both fascinated and frightened Toshiko who both longed for and resisted such things.
She watched Jack laughing in the Autopsy Bay with Owen and wished she was more like him.
*
Toshiko bit her lip, watching Ianto as he phoned Rhys for Gwen, reassuring him in that rich, deep voice as he and Owen helped a protesting Gwen into her spare jeans. There was much to envy about her team mates, but for everything about them and their lives she envied, there were some troubles she wouldn't want for all the alien tech in the world.
*
Owen
She knew he didn't think anyone knew, but despite her tentativeness around men, Toshiko wasn't born yesterday. She knew that for a man to be that self-destructive and determined to shag his way through Cardiff rather than settle down, there had to be a broken heart in his past. So she went looking and found her.
Katie.
Now Toshiko knew why Owen filled his bed with a different warm body every night, knew why he scorned Gwen and Rhys for their comfortable domesticity, knew why he taunted Ianto about being Jack's part-time shag. And she knew, with a certainty that made her chest ache, that Owen would never, ever, return her feelings because Owen was a man who liked to win. He wouldn't put himself in a position where he could lose again.
It was Owen's heartbreak... and hers.
Gwen
Gwen wiped the smeared mascara from the corner of her eye and smiled wanly up at Ianto as he silently offered a coffee. 'Thanks, Ianto,' she murmured, voice hoarse with still-unshed tears.
She'd held herself together while Owen patched up Rhys' bullet torn shoulder, but finally, while Rhys was still unconscious, Gwen had let herself feel the fear of the close call. Her job - her failed balancing act - had almost cost her the man that kept her grounded to reality and, this time, there would have been no reversal of time to fix it all.
It was times like these Toshiko wondered how Gwen had done it. How she had kept all Torchwood's secrets from Rhys, how she'd explained the long hours and injuries and phone calls that interrupted their lives. And now, she had to do it again. She had to make her fiance forget all about his bravery, about the wonder that came with realising that aliens weren't just science fiction and that we weren't alone in the universe. She had to betray the man she loved yet again.
And she had to find a way to live with herself after.
Ianto
Ianto was so cool, so solemn and controlled, that it was hard to believe there was anything but frost beneath the surface. But one look at the (really badly erased) CCTV footage from the Hub late at night and Toshiko realised that it wasn't ice running through Ianto's veins; it was fire. There was so much hidden passion underneath that cool exterior and Toshiko saw from the way Ianto looked at Jack, kissed him, touched him, just how hot that fire burned for Jack.
Ianto loved so deeply - with his whole heart - and Jack... Jack loved, but he didn't love. He had put his heart in a cage and although it was there for all to see, no one could touch it. Ianto had come close - closer than Toshiko suspected anyone had in a long time - and Toshiko was so scared for him because he would die for Jack, for a love that Jack might never reciprocate, for a man who could leave him at the crook of a Time Lord's finger.
And she was scared of what would happen when Ianto's fire was extinguished.
Jack
Jack was the kind of good-looking that made strangers stop and stare. He was charming and funny and sexy in a way that made even straight men wonder what it would be like to be with him.
But it was all a veneer, a front like the Tourist Information Centre. One that was almost impossible to breach, but occasionally, the armor was stripped away and the ancient sorrow etched into Jack's face was bared for all to see.
When she first heard Jack's secret, Toshiko was awed by all the possibilities, all the things she would do if she lived forever. She envied Jack for the fearlessness, the opportunities, his immortality gave him.
But now, as she surreptitiously watched Jack as he looked down on his team from the gallantry, all of the pain he had endured throughout time and space reflecting in his eyes, she realised that every freedom, every advantage Jack had gained had come at a high price.
A friend.
A child.
A lover.
Jack's long life wasn't about living at all. It was about loss.
And it was forever.
Toshiko no longer envied Jack his long life, his experiences. Now, she prayed for him to find some peace.
*
'Go home,' Jack called, breaking Toshiko out of her reverie as he clattered down the stairs. Toshiko looked up at him and he smiled back at her. 'Everyone. We can tidy up tomorrow.'
He shot Ianto a look which had Ianto rolling his eyes, but they all obeyed, moving around each other in the way a family who are comfortable with each other does.
'You too, Toshiko,' Jack said softly, stroking a gentle hand over her hair. He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. 'Don't know what I'd do without you.'
She smiled at him and he gave her a wink before he headed towards Ianto, whose eyes lit up when they fell upon him. Jack smiled a different smile when he reached him, some of his long-lived weariness lifting as Ianto brushed some imaginary lint off his shoulder. Gwen had taken the phone from Ianto and was grinning at something Rhys was saying. Owen tugged on his jacket at the workstation next to hers, smiling at Toshiko as he mumbled something about arranging that pub night they had been talking about. Toshiko sat and watched them all fondly before Owen tossed her jacket at her and inclined his head towards the doorway. She laughed and pulled it on, following Owen and Gwen out the cog door, waving to Jack and Ianto as they went.
They were her family, and she would fight for them all until her very last breath.
fin
Author: remuslives23
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2163
Characters/Pairings: Tosh, Team; mentions of Jack/Ianto, Ianto/Lisa, Gwen/Rhys, Owen/Katie, Owen/OC's, Tosh/Owen (unrequited)
Summary: On second glance, a blessing can look like a curse.
Notes/Warnings: Written for tw_lucky_7 for the prompt envy.
Disclaimer: This fiction is based on characters and situations created and owned by Russell T Davies, the BBC and affiliates. No money is being made and no offense is intended. Characters are of legal age for sexual situations.
Toshiko Sato typed her last command into the Hub's computer then sat back with a tired sigh. She pushed her fingers up under her glasses and rubbed her eyes. They'd all been on the go since five o'clock this morning and now - after Gwen's sliced thigh, Ianto's near free-fall off a cliff, and Jack's actual death by Weevil - it was nearing midnight and the loose ends were finally tied off.
She watched as Ianto shoved bandages and Gwen's torn jeans into a black rubbish bag, muttering something to Owen that had the other man scowling at him. Gwen shook her head at them and attempted to get up off the couch, only to have both Ianto and Owen push her back down onto the cushions. Toshiko's gaze rose to Jack who was leaning against the railings on the upper level, smiling softly at the now-bickering trio.
Toshiko smiled. There was so much she'd grown to admire, to love about the people she worked with, but, as she watched the easy camaraderie, the good-natured snarking, she couldn't help but think back to a time where she also envied them.
*
Owen
Owen was a sexual creature. Toshiko would have loved to be as comfortable with her body, with her sexuality as he was, to be able to share herself so freely with others, to seek out what she needed and satisfy the craving without any guilt or fear or regret. She'd watched him over the CCTV as he entered one of his usual clubs and tried to imagine herself there: on the dance floor, tense muscles loosening as her body swayed, hair swinging free as she twisted to the pounding beat of the music, raw sexuality drawing the attention of the crowd as she lost herself in the moment.
She couldn't do it.
She couldn't be wild or sensual. She couldn't allow herself to just drown in the music, to forget about the thighs that she thought were slightly thicker than ideal, about how her backside looked in her skirt, about how she'd kill to have Gwen's breasts. She couldn't throw aside her inhibitions, and it frustrated the hell out of her.
So she pulled her hair back, slipped her glasses on and hid in the Hub, watching sadly over the CCTV as Owen headed out for the nearest club and the most willing warm body.
Gwen
She saw Rhys pacing up and down the Plass on the CCTV and called out to Gwen who looked up and beamed that endearing gap-toothed smile. Toshiko watched her as she grabbed her jacket and handbag, calling out a farewell before racing for the invisible lift. A minute later, Gwen carefully stepped out from behind the perception filter and was promptly tugged into an engulfing hug.
Toshiko smiled at the obvious joy in that simple embrace, how Gwen seemed to melt and unwind when wrapped in Rhys' arms. The toughened, relentless soldier that had held a gun on an alien this morning and threatened to shoot (and meant it) was gone and, in her place, was Rhys' girlfriend whose single desire right now was to go home, have some wine and pasta, and listen to her boyfriend extol the horrors of working in haulage.
Toshiko thought of her own home - house - and what awaited her that evening and, for a moment, hated Gwen for showing her that it could be done, there could be a line drawn between home and Hub. It made her empty house seem even colder knowing that she couldn't blame the job for her loneliness anymore.
Yes, she hated Gwen a little, but mostly, she just wanted what she had.
Ianto
The days Before Lisa, she'd barely noticed Ianto, rarely gave him a second thought or glance. The days immediately After Lisa, Toskiko tried desperately not to look at him. She wasn't sure she could hide the hurt, the anger, she felt at his betrayal, and she was certain the she didn't want to see the anguish, the pain in his eyes because if she saw it, she would remember everything else he'd revealed that night. She would remember how he looked at the once-beautiful woman enclosed in the metal prison. She would remember the lengths he went to, the chances he took, the lives he was willing to put at risk... all to save the woman he loved.
Toshiko wondered if anyone would ever look at her like that, like the universe was created around her. She wasn't sure she was capable of that kind of head over heels love, so she doubted she'd ever attract it - particularly when she spent up to twenty hours a day below ground.
But it didn't stop her wanting it.
She started looking at Ianto again about the same time he started wearing brightly coloured shirts. He was careful to hide it when the team was around, but when he thought he was alone, Toshiko saw that look in his eyes, that same soft expression that he had on his face when he looked at Lisa.
Only it wasn't Lisa he was looking at now.
She couldn't help but envy Ianto who, despite the repeated chipping away at his heart and soul, could still let himself fall completely, irrationally, irrecoverably in love.
Jack
She watched Jack flirting at a bar and admired his confidence.
She watched Jack grab Ianto in the Plass and kiss him hard on the lips and wished she had his courage.
She watched Jack eat in his office, more food landing on his collar and the desk than stayed in his mouth, and gesticulate wildly as he told Gwen a mad tale and longed for his casual carelessness.
She watched him calm the latest almost-victim of a Weevil attack while the others did damage control, getting the burly man to smile and blush and swallow the amnesia pill without question, and wanted just half of his charm.
Jack lived his life with no thought or care for convention or rules or labels. The idea of living so freely both fascinated and frightened Toshiko who both longed for and resisted such things.
She watched Jack laughing in the Autopsy Bay with Owen and wished she was more like him.
*
Toshiko bit her lip, watching Ianto as he phoned Rhys for Gwen, reassuring him in that rich, deep voice as he and Owen helped a protesting Gwen into her spare jeans. There was much to envy about her team mates, but for everything about them and their lives she envied, there were some troubles she wouldn't want for all the alien tech in the world.
*
Owen
She knew he didn't think anyone knew, but despite her tentativeness around men, Toshiko wasn't born yesterday. She knew that for a man to be that self-destructive and determined to shag his way through Cardiff rather than settle down, there had to be a broken heart in his past. So she went looking and found her.
Katie.
Now Toshiko knew why Owen filled his bed with a different warm body every night, knew why he scorned Gwen and Rhys for their comfortable domesticity, knew why he taunted Ianto about being Jack's part-time shag. And she knew, with a certainty that made her chest ache, that Owen would never, ever, return her feelings because Owen was a man who liked to win. He wouldn't put himself in a position where he could lose again.
It was Owen's heartbreak... and hers.
Gwen
Gwen wiped the smeared mascara from the corner of her eye and smiled wanly up at Ianto as he silently offered a coffee. 'Thanks, Ianto,' she murmured, voice hoarse with still-unshed tears.
She'd held herself together while Owen patched up Rhys' bullet torn shoulder, but finally, while Rhys was still unconscious, Gwen had let herself feel the fear of the close call. Her job - her failed balancing act - had almost cost her the man that kept her grounded to reality and, this time, there would have been no reversal of time to fix it all.
It was times like these Toshiko wondered how Gwen had done it. How she had kept all Torchwood's secrets from Rhys, how she'd explained the long hours and injuries and phone calls that interrupted their lives. And now, she had to do it again. She had to make her fiance forget all about his bravery, about the wonder that came with realising that aliens weren't just science fiction and that we weren't alone in the universe. She had to betray the man she loved yet again.
And she had to find a way to live with herself after.
Ianto
Ianto was so cool, so solemn and controlled, that it was hard to believe there was anything but frost beneath the surface. But one look at the (really badly erased) CCTV footage from the Hub late at night and Toshiko realised that it wasn't ice running through Ianto's veins; it was fire. There was so much hidden passion underneath that cool exterior and Toshiko saw from the way Ianto looked at Jack, kissed him, touched him, just how hot that fire burned for Jack.
Ianto loved so deeply - with his whole heart - and Jack... Jack loved, but he didn't love. He had put his heart in a cage and although it was there for all to see, no one could touch it. Ianto had come close - closer than Toshiko suspected anyone had in a long time - and Toshiko was so scared for him because he would die for Jack, for a love that Jack might never reciprocate, for a man who could leave him at the crook of a Time Lord's finger.
And she was scared of what would happen when Ianto's fire was extinguished.
Jack
Jack was the kind of good-looking that made strangers stop and stare. He was charming and funny and sexy in a way that made even straight men wonder what it would be like to be with him.
But it was all a veneer, a front like the Tourist Information Centre. One that was almost impossible to breach, but occasionally, the armor was stripped away and the ancient sorrow etched into Jack's face was bared for all to see.
When she first heard Jack's secret, Toshiko was awed by all the possibilities, all the things she would do if she lived forever. She envied Jack for the fearlessness, the opportunities, his immortality gave him.
But now, as she surreptitiously watched Jack as he looked down on his team from the gallantry, all of the pain he had endured throughout time and space reflecting in his eyes, she realised that every freedom, every advantage Jack had gained had come at a high price.
A friend.
A child.
A lover.
Jack's long life wasn't about living at all. It was about loss.
And it was forever.
Toshiko no longer envied Jack his long life, his experiences. Now, she prayed for him to find some peace.
*
'Go home,' Jack called, breaking Toshiko out of her reverie as he clattered down the stairs. Toshiko looked up at him and he smiled back at her. 'Everyone. We can tidy up tomorrow.'
He shot Ianto a look which had Ianto rolling his eyes, but they all obeyed, moving around each other in the way a family who are comfortable with each other does.
'You too, Toshiko,' Jack said softly, stroking a gentle hand over her hair. He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. 'Don't know what I'd do without you.'
She smiled at him and he gave her a wink before he headed towards Ianto, whose eyes lit up when they fell upon him. Jack smiled a different smile when he reached him, some of his long-lived weariness lifting as Ianto brushed some imaginary lint off his shoulder. Gwen had taken the phone from Ianto and was grinning at something Rhys was saying. Owen tugged on his jacket at the workstation next to hers, smiling at Toshiko as he mumbled something about arranging that pub night they had been talking about. Toshiko sat and watched them all fondly before Owen tossed her jacket at her and inclined his head towards the doorway. She laughed and pulled it on, following Owen and Gwen out the cog door, waving to Jack and Ianto as they went.
They were her family, and she would fight for them all until her very last breath.
fin