Beautiful Disaster
Title:: Beautiful Disaster
Rating:: PG-13 or R (to be safe)
Pairing:: Remus/Draco (Dremus)
Summary:: Remus loves Draco, but Draco fights his feelings for Remus. Love won't give up on Draco, though... One-shot, drabble on my icon made by magdelena1969
Warnings:: Small amount of sexual situations, foul language.
A/N's:: None really, wrote this very fast so I hope it's not rubbish. It's very fluffy and probably a little cheesy. *shrugs*
Things had changed with the war, as things often do. People died, places were destroyed, children were orphaned, others were lost.
Hogwarts, as everyone suspected, had been taken, then recovered at the end. It only took a short time, after the war ended, for the school to be up and running once again. Dumbledore still stood as Headmaster, McGonagall as his deputy. Some of the staff remained the same, others, some who'd fallen in the war and others who just felt it was time to move on, left open posts that had to be filled.
And Dumbledore, as he would, did his best. With adding to the staff, Dumbledore also added to the Hogwarts grounds, two very significant things. The first being a cemetery. Just a small thing, with small markers for those of the Order who had perished in the war. The second was an orphanage for the children left without family. That refered to all children of the war as well, those from the Order and those of fallen Death Eaters.
And from the latter came many. Also from the latter left a very intense prejudiced in the Wizarding World, and prevented many of those children from being adopted. Five years after the war ended, many of the children left were from less favourable families.
The orphanage was not quite visible to the students and staff at the school. You had to cross the cemetery and pass round the bed of the Forbidden Forest to get to the large building, and only certain people had access to pass through the wards. It was for the protection of the children, as there had been many an attack on them in the beginning.
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It was a slightly warmer day, in the middle of September. Term had begun once again, though it was after the last class had ended. A tall, blonde, young man with very pointed features, wearing heavier black robes strode through the cemetery purposefully, a slight sneer to his expression.
Heading through the wards of the orphanage, the man waltzed into the tall building and into the common room, in search of Remus Lupin, his colleague.
Draco Malfoy, the surprising ally of the war, was now working as Potions Professor and Head of Slytherin House. He wouldn't have accepted the post, or so he openly declared to anyone that would listen, if his father hadn't fouled up the Malfoy name to the point of un-repair. The last part was quite true, Draco could not find another place in the Wizarding World that would offer him a job, no matter how good his deeds had been at the end of the war.
He accepted the post with a quiet dignity, though he was a rather snarky person, filling Severus Snape's shoes quite well. He was just as stoic and sarcastic in class, though if anyone had bothered to notice, he was just slightly more fair to the other houses.
Now, walking into the large orphanage common room, Draco spotted the slightly aged werewolf sitting at a large, round table with ten children, all under the age of nine. They were chatting happily, folding on little bits of paper which Draco recognised as origami.
After not being noticed, Draco cleared his throat loudly. "Lupin," he said with a slight sneer.
Remus looked up and smiled softly at the sight of his colleague. "Ah Prof Malfoy, have you come to join us?"
"Not exactly," Draco said with a slight sniff.
"There's plenty of room here," Remus almost teased, waggling his eyebrows just a bit.
Draco fought the urge to roll his eyes and instead, crossed his arms. "Prof Dumbledore would like a word, and tea, I'm sure. He's sent me to fetch you, as if I didn't have enough to do already. If you'd be so kind as to oblige him, so I can get on with my work..." "Of course," Remus said with a very soft smile and a faint nod. "I'll just clean up here. No need to wait for me, Prof Malfoy."
"I hadn't planned on it," Draco snarled, and quickly turning on his heel, he marched out of the building and headed back towards the castle.
As Draco walked through the cemetery, he suddenly found himself stopping in front of the very large and most significant grave marker of all. It was a semi-large statue of Achilles and Patroclus, wrapped in each other's arms. Underneath the statue was a small marker with simple words written on them.
They loved despite the war,
In death, may they lie in each other's arms for eternity.
Severus Snape
Born 9 January 1960
Died 14 May 1999
Harry Potter
Born 31 July 1980
Died 14 May 1999
Draco's eyes fell on the faces of the statue, which suddenly looked disturbingly like the two dead lovers.
Draco couldn't say he ever liked Potter, he certainly hadn't joined the Order to befriend him, and they never fully got on.
Snape, however, was a different story. Snape had managed to show Draco the beauty of making a decision for himself, and that, in the end, was what led him to his place at the final battle.
The slightest bit of tears in his eyes, Draco knelt down and pressed his hand to the top of the marker. He didn't say anything, there was nothing to be said at that moment. Severus knew how thankful Draco was, and Harry knew... well he knew that things would never be perfect between them, but it was always mutual.
He sat there for some time, he wasn't quite sure for how long, until a soft noise brought him out of his thoughts.
Slightly embarrassed at being caught so emotional, Draco stood up and whirled round to face the intruder. Of course , Draco thought, bloody Lupin .
"What? Do you enjoy interrupting people's personal thoughts, Lupin?" Draco spat, absently running his fingers through his gelled hair, dishevelling it slightly.
Remus gave an apologetic smile and turned away from Draco to face the statue. "It does resemble them, doesn't it? Very few got to see the two of them as they were when they felt safe..."
"Because they were rarely safe," Draco retorted angrily. "Having Dark Lords marking you for death will make leisurely time with lovers very rare."
"You and I saw them though," Remus continued, un-phased by Draco's tone. "They were so beautiful."
Draco frowned, confused as to why Lupin was never put off by his attitude, his angry words. "Whatever," he whispered, attempting to make the tone angry, and failing.
Remus sighed just a little and turned back to face Draco. "Have you ever been in love?"
Draco's frown deepened. The question confused him. He and Remus had never been on friendly terms, and the question was so personal. "Why?" Draco demanded, feeling suspicious.
"Simply curious," Remus answered with a slight shrug. "May I ask you a personal question?"
"You just did," Draco snapped.
Remus chuckled. "I suppose I did. Might I ask you another?"
Draco sighed and wanted to snap at him, but for some reason, he shrugged. "Alright then."
Remus stared at Draco for a long moment, his amber eyes boring into Draco's sliver ones. Eventually, he opened his mouth and spoke. "Why is it that you dislike me so much?"
Draco blinked, then sighed. It was a question he'd half been expecting for a year now, since Remus had started an attempt at friendship. But Draco didn't want any friends, didn't want lovers, didn't want any sort of relationship that could potentially weaken him.
Was he jealous of others that had that? Absolutely. One of the reasons that kept him from a a proper friendship with Harry. Harry had what Draco craved. Yet what had it gotten Harry? Frustration, anger, a bit of love and eventually, simultaneous death with said lover. What was the point?
But then again, there was something about Remus that Draco wanted to reach out and touch. He couldn't even say it was physical, because Remus wasn't beautiful. He was scarred, his tawny hair was liberally sprinkled with grey. He was a bit meek at times, and Draco preferred powerful, and Remus, above all, seemed constantly cheery. It was enough to make Draco sick.
And yet...
There was something.
It was a sort of something that kept Draco, more often than not, from snapping angrily at him. From telling Lupin he was nothing but a monster, or a stupid Gryffindor, or any of the other insults that constantly sat on the tip of Draco's tongue.
And now this question, one that Draco didn't really want to answer. He would have, of course, had he known why he couldn't stand Remus. But he was completely clueless, and perhaps that was what frustrated him the most.
"It's really none of my business," Remus said after the prolonged and very tense silence. "I'll just be on my way." The older man turned on his heel and started away.
Draco watched the older man take a few steps away. He was content to let him continue back to the castle, and let things be as they usually were, but his mouth had other plans.
"Lupin!" his traitorous tongue called out, "Wait!"
Remus paused, and slowly turned. Looking into Draco's face, he slowly made his way back. "Yes, Draco?" he said very softly, his hands digging deep into the pockets of his robes.
Draco sighed and brushed a lock of loose hair that had drifted into his eyes. "I just... I don't particularly dis- like you," he said, arguing with his brain, but whatever part was controlling his mouth was very stubborn. "I just... "
"We all have our issues," Remus said gently. "I won't begrudge you yours. I only wish..." and then he trailed off, his eyes moving to stare down at the ground.
"What?" Draco asked, both annoyed and curious.
Remus sighed and shrugged. "I had only hoped that you might... well I won't lie and tell you I'm not hoping for more, but I will take anything you have to offer me, Draco."
Draco, who was entirely confused by this point, rolled his eyes. "You do realise you're making no damn sense, Lupin."
Remus chuckled heartily and nodded. "Yes I'm aware. I get that way when I'm nervous."
"Oh for Merlin's sake," Draco nearly shouted, "you've known me for years now! What is there to be nervous about?"
Remus gave a curt nod, a sharp breath, and then, without further warning, moved forward, taking Draco by the shoulders. Before the blonde had a moment to wonder, or even breathe, Remus lowered his mouth to Draco's, capturing the blonde's lips in a gentle kiss.
It wasn't exactly chaste, but Remus was kind, swiping his tongue over Draco's bottom lip. The blonde, captivated by the gentleness and the moment, obliged the werewolf and opened his mouth. His arms moved of their own violation, wrapping themselves around Remus' waist, and he allowed the kiss to continue until both men were quietly desperate for breath.
When they broke, Draco's mind whirled with a thousand thoughts and he found himself quite out of breath. When he finally looked up, he saw Remus standing a few paces away, looking up at the sky.
Draco wanted to hate him for the kiss, wanted to scream insults at him for making him feel something other than hate. Because he did. Draco felt a thousand different things, but none of them were bad. All of the things craved more of that contact, and Draco suddenly hated himself for it.
"How long?" Draco finally managed.
Remus knew exactly what Draco meant and gave a small shrug. "Since last year, I suppose, though it might have been longer. I tried, Draco, but you wouldn't respond to me. I thought perhaps there was someone else. For a while I thought it might have been because you'd been in love with Severus... or maybe Harry. Then I thought perhaps you hadn't swung my way, but I learnt you favoured only men. I... I was just confused by the end."
Draco gave a bitter laugh and wrapped his arms around his middle. "This... You... I mean, you and I... it would be... " Draco floundered and hated himself just a little bit more.
Remus smiled softly. "I can't help it, Draco, and I can't find anything so wrong with it." He stepped closer to Draco, so close the blonde could feel Remus' breath on the side of his face. With a bit of courage, Remus raised his hand and raked his fingers through Draco's hair, drawing them down over Draco's cheek. Remus' thumb lingered on Draco's lips, and his eyes closed for the barest of moments before he drew his hand away. "You are so beautiful," he whispered.
Draco closed his eyes and silently begged for Remus to touch him again. The older man's fingers stirred a desire in him, a desire for more of what they'd just shared, something that mirrored what Harry and Severus shared. But he didn't, and couldn't bring himself to ask for it aloud.
"It would be a disaster," Draco choked out eventually.
Remus sighed and took a step away. "A disaster for whom, Draco?"
Swallowing thickly, Draco turned to face Remus fully and looked deep into the amber eyes. "It would be a disaster, Remus, and I don't think my heart could take it." It was the most emotional, the most open, the blonde had ever been, perhaps in his entire life.
Swallowing back tears, Draco turned on his heels and dashed back to the castle, not looking back to see if Remus was following him. Shutting himself in his quarters, Draco curled up in his armchair in front of the fire, a glass of firewhiskey in his hand, and a determination to forget the feeling of love in those gentle fingers that had caressed his cold cheek... and empty soul.
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Of course Draco could not forget, and by midnight, he realised he wasn't going to be able to sleep. Draco was often prone to bouts of insomnia anyway, and over the years he found that only a long walk could take the edge off the sleeplessness and give him some semblance of hope for a proper rest.
Grabbing his heavy outer cloak, Draco soon found himself wandering round the grounds, guided by the light of the half-moon. It didn't surprise him when Draco found himself back at Harry and Severus' grave marker, and it didn't surprise him that a few bitter tears slipped down his cheeks.
"Why did he have to do it?" Draco asked aloud. "I was content hating him and attempting to have him hate me. Why him? Why that bloody half-wolf Gryffindor? Is this what it was like for you, Sev? When you realised you were in love with Harry Bloody Potter?" And then Draco stopped.
"No," he whispered, because he was not insinuating that he was in love with Remus Lupin. "It can't happen. It would be a complete and total disaster."
Draco took a few steps away from the grave, and before long, he found himself dashing across the grounds in a heavy run. Gasping for breath after several moments, Draco found himself at the entrance to the orphanage. He was now tired, out of breath, and very cold. Wrapping his arms around his middle, Draco walked into the foyer of the large building and made his way to the common room. It was empty, as it should be at midnight, and there was a slow burning fire in the grate.
Heading towards the flames, Draco attempted to warm himself. As he held his hands out to the fire, Draco's eyes fell on a small box which was filled with the small folded paper cranes that Remus and the children had been making earlier.
Draco envisioned Remus' gentle fingers folding, and folding, creasing and smoothing the paper until it no longer resembled a flat, empty square. He wonderd if Remus' fingers could do that to him. To make him resemble something than the hollow, empty shell he felt that he was.
The memory of those fingers digging into his shoulders as Remus' soft lips pressed against his, as Remus' hot tongue probed Draco's mouth, as Remus' fingers caressed his cheek, lingering on his mouth...
Shaking his head almost violently, Draco pulled himself out of the memory and growled. "Enough," he hissed to himself. "It has to be enough, because I won't let it happen again."
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Remus tried to get Draco's attention several times throughout the next week, and Draco found it rather hard to evade the persistent older man.
Eventually, however, Draco's nerves wore down and he allowed the confrontation. But he wasn't kind about it. He couldn't afford to be kind, and Draco knew for it to end, he had to make sure Remus knew there was no hope.
"Please, Draco," Remus started as he stepped into Draco's office, "I know you felt something. I could see it in your eyes."
"Horny," Draco snapped as he leant against his desk, an arrogant smirk plastered across his pointed face. "Which a quick trip into London happily took care of. I'm not interested in love or any of that rubbish..."
"You didn't seem so sure when the kiss ended," Remus said in a slightly shaking voice. "I heard what you said.."
"Yes, I'm a hopeless romantic when I think I'm going to get a shag. Of course it only took me a moment to realise I could do much better than a half-human, and promptly left for London that night." It was a blatant lie, one that tore Draco inside as much as it tore Remus on the outside.
"And you..." Remus said, tears pooling in his eyes.
"Look Lupin, I didn't want to lead you on. Hence this little chat. I'm tired of you hounding me. Go and obsess over someone else, I'm tired of you." And leaving no room for anything else to be said, Draco brushed past Remus and stormed into his quarters.
He spent the next several hours sobbing into his pillow, sure that he was making a colossal mistake, but unable to take it back now. And he hated himself even more.
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Remus found himself sitting on his sofa with his former partner in the Order, and his forever friend, Nymphadora Tonks. She was also working at Hogwarts, as the Muggle Studies Prof, and she'd been keeping an eye on her cousin, knowing how much Remus loved him.
After Remus told the entire tale, Tonks let out a short laugh and shook her head. "He's lying, Remy," she said with a shrug.
Remus frowned and looked at Tonks. "Sorry?"
"I said, he's lying . I was up that night and I felt someone enter the wards just beyond the cemetery. I grabbed the invisibility cloak and decided to investigate and I found Draco talking to himself. Well... actually I think he was talking to Snape, but eventually he went into the orphanage, warmed himself by the fire, said a few more things to himself and then ended up wandering back to his quarters."
Remus took this all in and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why would he lie?"
"Because he's in love with you, and it scares him," Tonks said with a shrug. "He'll come round, I'm sure."
Remus sighed and leant his head back against the chair. "He's a stubborn person, Tonks. I'm not sure if he'll ever change his mind."
Tonks smiled very softly and reached out to squeeze Remus' shoulders. "If Snape could give in to Harry, Draco will give in to you."
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So it happened that one day whilst Draco was seated in his office, sipping on a hot cuppa, Remus entered. He didn't move much further than the doorway, but Draco could feel him as if he were leaning over him and whispering into his ear.
"I know what you said before," Remus said softly, not letting Draco speak at all, "and I happen to know it was a lie. For whatever reason, you fear an us . I'll let you give into that fear, but when you're ready, I'm here. What you find to be disastrous, I find to be beautiful, and when you see what I see, you know where I'll be." And without pausing at all, Remus turned on his heel and walked out of the office.
Draco watched his retreat, speechless and his heart racing. Remus knew he was lying... Draco hadn't been a good liar anyhow, and above all, he still wanted Draco.
"Too much," Draco whispered, but what he really meant was 'too little.' He wanted Remus, but he wasn't sure if he could ever give in.
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Warm hands caressed his body, a tongue slowly tracing a path down his chest, dipping into his naval before travelling just a bit lower. Draco's hips bucked as a warm mouth engulfed his prick, swallowing it whole. A firm stroke of a tongue combined with heavy sucking, a bit of humming and Draco was so near the edge.
The hands kept a firm grip on his hips as he was brought closer and closer. Draco threw his head back and....
Woke, with a muffled cry, and sticky bed sheets.
"Fuck," Draco whispered. It had been well over three weeks and he'd been plagued by dreams of Remus. It was getting to be too much for him.
And it wasn't the sex in the dreams, his hand could take care of that problem. No, it was the fact that Draco could no longer deny that he was in love with Remus. He had to tell him, but Remus was on a short holiday recovering from the full moon, and Draco was still petrified.
Rising from his bed, Draco quickly showered and dressed, but his head was still elsewhere. Thankful it was a Saturday, Draco decided to take a walk, to try and sort things out.
He didn't expect to find himself at the orphanage, but before he could turn round and leave, he was stopped by his cousin.
Sneering at her cheerful face, Draco prepared a scathing remark to her hello. "Wotcher, Draco. For someone who claims to hate children, you sure come here often."
Draco rolled his eyes. "This stupid building happens to be in the direct path of my walk," Draco snapped, knowing that made absolutely no sense whatsoever.
"No matter," Tonks said waving her hand. "With Remus being ill, we're short an adult and you can fill in his place."
Draco scowled, but allowed the chipper woman to pull him into the common room where the children were all folding origami, again. "Still with that Muggle rubbish."
"It isn't specifically Muggle, nor is it rubbish. It's fun," Tonks said and shoved a small box of papers at him. "I happen to know that you are rather good at origami, so get folding."
"Why?" Draco demanded as he extracted a piece of blue paper from the pile.
"You and Prof Tonks are going to charm them when we're done," a small, curly-headed boy explained. "We're going to take them outside and let them loose."
Draco snorted in disdain but continued to fold. As they assembled a small army of animals, Tonks quietly began a conversation.
"You finished being a git?" she asked, elbowing him in the ribs.
Draco winced and rubbed his side, scowling at her. "What are you on about?"
"With Remus, I mean," Tonks said with a laugh. "I know how you feel about him and everyone knows how he feels about you. Why don't you pull your head out of your arse and just tell him."
The little boy who'd spoken to Draco gasped at the use of the word arse. "You just said... " he whispered, pointing at Tonks.
The pink-haired woman winked and put a finger to her lips. "Shhh, don't tell. It has to be our secret."
The little boy's face suddenly went sombre and he gave a soft nod. "I won't tell."
Draco pressed his hand to his mouth to suppress a laugh. "Glad to know they're learning proper behaviour from you lot," Draco said under his breath.
"I'm a good influence," Tonks defended, "and don't try and change the subject. What's your problem, anyway?"
"I just..." Draco said, but he couldn't really defend himself. He'd already been planning on talking to Remus... once he'd plucked up the courage, anyway.
"You just what?" Tonks pressed.
"I do love him," Draco whispered.
"I know, so just tell him," Tonks said with a smile. "He should be here soon."
Draco took in that little bit of information and grew anxious and nervous. It was time to tell Remus, and he couldn't put it off any longer. Suddenly struck with a thought, Draco grabbed a quill and set out to carry out his small plan.
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Several hours later, Draco, Tonks, thirteen children and fifteen boxes of origami animals headed outside into the bright sunshine.
"Alright you lot," Tonks called, "grab your animals and set them on the ground. Once they're all properly arranged, Prof Malfoy and I will charm them."
The children all quickly scrambled to set out their animals and as they did, Draco spotted a dark figure in the distance, slowly walking towards them. It was Remus. His timing is perfect , Draco thought, as he set out his own small bundle of animals on the ground.
The children finished quickly and just as Remus came into full focus, Tonks and Draco charmed the folded bits of paper. In a small flurry, each and every animal came to life, and took off running, hopping, flying into the distance.
All of them at Remus.
The werewolf's tired face lit up, a smile gracing his features as the small creatures fluttered past him. He looked up at a small flock of cranes as they flew towards the sun, and then at several butterflies that flew around his head.
As his gaze trailed over to Tonks and Draco, who were standing near the chattering, laughing children, amber eyes met grey, and locked.
Not dropping his gaze, Draco pulled a small crane out of his pocket, whispered a charm and let it float out of his hands. It fluttered directly to Remus who watched it for several moments before reaching out and plucking it from the air. The charm ended and the werewolf slowly un-folded the white paper.
Eyes scanned the black writing and whilst they did, the blonde slowly closed the gap between them, stopping just a few feet short of the older man.
Draco cleared his throat softly and Remus looked up. "You mean this?" Remus asked, his voice slightly choked.
Draco gave a very soft nod. "I suppose I have... for some time... but I was afraid."
"And you're not now?" Remus asked gently.
Draco gave a small chuckle. "Of course I'm afraid, I'm bloody petrified but... I love you, you stupid ass."
Dropping the paper to the ground, Remus reached out and grabbed Draco by the shoulders. A hitched breath and a kiss later, Draco and Remus were back inside the castle, wrapped in each other's arms, both silently begging that it would last.
Back out on the field, a small piece of paper fluttered in the wind, speaking volumes to the quiet spirits who watched over those they still loved.
I love you, Remus
My beautiful disaster....
Rating:: PG-13 or R (to be safe)
Pairing:: Remus/Draco (Dremus)
Summary:: Remus loves Draco, but Draco fights his feelings for Remus. Love won't give up on Draco, though... One-shot, drabble on my icon made by magdelena1969
Warnings:: Small amount of sexual situations, foul language.
A/N's:: None really, wrote this very fast so I hope it's not rubbish. It's very fluffy and probably a little cheesy. *shrugs*
Things had changed with the war, as things often do. People died, places were destroyed, children were orphaned, others were lost.
Hogwarts, as everyone suspected, had been taken, then recovered at the end. It only took a short time, after the war ended, for the school to be up and running once again. Dumbledore still stood as Headmaster, McGonagall as his deputy. Some of the staff remained the same, others, some who'd fallen in the war and others who just felt it was time to move on, left open posts that had to be filled.
And Dumbledore, as he would, did his best. With adding to the staff, Dumbledore also added to the Hogwarts grounds, two very significant things. The first being a cemetery. Just a small thing, with small markers for those of the Order who had perished in the war. The second was an orphanage for the children left without family. That refered to all children of the war as well, those from the Order and those of fallen Death Eaters.
And from the latter came many. Also from the latter left a very intense prejudiced in the Wizarding World, and prevented many of those children from being adopted. Five years after the war ended, many of the children left were from less favourable families.
The orphanage was not quite visible to the students and staff at the school. You had to cross the cemetery and pass round the bed of the Forbidden Forest to get to the large building, and only certain people had access to pass through the wards. It was for the protection of the children, as there had been many an attack on them in the beginning.
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It was a slightly warmer day, in the middle of September. Term had begun once again, though it was after the last class had ended. A tall, blonde, young man with very pointed features, wearing heavier black robes strode through the cemetery purposefully, a slight sneer to his expression.
Heading through the wards of the orphanage, the man waltzed into the tall building and into the common room, in search of Remus Lupin, his colleague.
Draco Malfoy, the surprising ally of the war, was now working as Potions Professor and Head of Slytherin House. He wouldn't have accepted the post, or so he openly declared to anyone that would listen, if his father hadn't fouled up the Malfoy name to the point of un-repair. The last part was quite true, Draco could not find another place in the Wizarding World that would offer him a job, no matter how good his deeds had been at the end of the war.
He accepted the post with a quiet dignity, though he was a rather snarky person, filling Severus Snape's shoes quite well. He was just as stoic and sarcastic in class, though if anyone had bothered to notice, he was just slightly more fair to the other houses.
Now, walking into the large orphanage common room, Draco spotted the slightly aged werewolf sitting at a large, round table with ten children, all under the age of nine. They were chatting happily, folding on little bits of paper which Draco recognised as origami.
After not being noticed, Draco cleared his throat loudly. "Lupin," he said with a slight sneer.
Remus looked up and smiled softly at the sight of his colleague. "Ah Prof Malfoy, have you come to join us?"
"Not exactly," Draco said with a slight sniff.
"There's plenty of room here," Remus almost teased, waggling his eyebrows just a bit.
Draco fought the urge to roll his eyes and instead, crossed his arms. "Prof Dumbledore would like a word, and tea, I'm sure. He's sent me to fetch you, as if I didn't have enough to do already. If you'd be so kind as to oblige him, so I can get on with my work..." "Of course," Remus said with a very soft smile and a faint nod. "I'll just clean up here. No need to wait for me, Prof Malfoy."
"I hadn't planned on it," Draco snarled, and quickly turning on his heel, he marched out of the building and headed back towards the castle.
As Draco walked through the cemetery, he suddenly found himself stopping in front of the very large and most significant grave marker of all. It was a semi-large statue of Achilles and Patroclus, wrapped in each other's arms. Underneath the statue was a small marker with simple words written on them.
They loved despite the war,
In death, may they lie in each other's arms for eternity.
Severus Snape
Born 9 January 1960
Died 14 May 1999
Harry Potter
Born 31 July 1980
Died 14 May 1999
Draco's eyes fell on the faces of the statue, which suddenly looked disturbingly like the two dead lovers.
Draco couldn't say he ever liked Potter, he certainly hadn't joined the Order to befriend him, and they never fully got on.
Snape, however, was a different story. Snape had managed to show Draco the beauty of making a decision for himself, and that, in the end, was what led him to his place at the final battle.
The slightest bit of tears in his eyes, Draco knelt down and pressed his hand to the top of the marker. He didn't say anything, there was nothing to be said at that moment. Severus knew how thankful Draco was, and Harry knew... well he knew that things would never be perfect between them, but it was always mutual.
He sat there for some time, he wasn't quite sure for how long, until a soft noise brought him out of his thoughts.
Slightly embarrassed at being caught so emotional, Draco stood up and whirled round to face the intruder. Of course , Draco thought, bloody Lupin .
"What? Do you enjoy interrupting people's personal thoughts, Lupin?" Draco spat, absently running his fingers through his gelled hair, dishevelling it slightly.
Remus gave an apologetic smile and turned away from Draco to face the statue. "It does resemble them, doesn't it? Very few got to see the two of them as they were when they felt safe..."
"Because they were rarely safe," Draco retorted angrily. "Having Dark Lords marking you for death will make leisurely time with lovers very rare."
"You and I saw them though," Remus continued, un-phased by Draco's tone. "They were so beautiful."
Draco frowned, confused as to why Lupin was never put off by his attitude, his angry words. "Whatever," he whispered, attempting to make the tone angry, and failing.
Remus sighed just a little and turned back to face Draco. "Have you ever been in love?"
Draco's frown deepened. The question confused him. He and Remus had never been on friendly terms, and the question was so personal. "Why?" Draco demanded, feeling suspicious.
"Simply curious," Remus answered with a slight shrug. "May I ask you a personal question?"
"You just did," Draco snapped.
Remus chuckled. "I suppose I did. Might I ask you another?"
Draco sighed and wanted to snap at him, but for some reason, he shrugged. "Alright then."
Remus stared at Draco for a long moment, his amber eyes boring into Draco's sliver ones. Eventually, he opened his mouth and spoke. "Why is it that you dislike me so much?"
Draco blinked, then sighed. It was a question he'd half been expecting for a year now, since Remus had started an attempt at friendship. But Draco didn't want any friends, didn't want lovers, didn't want any sort of relationship that could potentially weaken him.
Was he jealous of others that had that? Absolutely. One of the reasons that kept him from a a proper friendship with Harry. Harry had what Draco craved. Yet what had it gotten Harry? Frustration, anger, a bit of love and eventually, simultaneous death with said lover. What was the point?
But then again, there was something about Remus that Draco wanted to reach out and touch. He couldn't even say it was physical, because Remus wasn't beautiful. He was scarred, his tawny hair was liberally sprinkled with grey. He was a bit meek at times, and Draco preferred powerful, and Remus, above all, seemed constantly cheery. It was enough to make Draco sick.
And yet...
There was something.
It was a sort of something that kept Draco, more often than not, from snapping angrily at him. From telling Lupin he was nothing but a monster, or a stupid Gryffindor, or any of the other insults that constantly sat on the tip of Draco's tongue.
And now this question, one that Draco didn't really want to answer. He would have, of course, had he known why he couldn't stand Remus. But he was completely clueless, and perhaps that was what frustrated him the most.
"It's really none of my business," Remus said after the prolonged and very tense silence. "I'll just be on my way." The older man turned on his heel and started away.
Draco watched the older man take a few steps away. He was content to let him continue back to the castle, and let things be as they usually were, but his mouth had other plans.
"Lupin!" his traitorous tongue called out, "Wait!"
Remus paused, and slowly turned. Looking into Draco's face, he slowly made his way back. "Yes, Draco?" he said very softly, his hands digging deep into the pockets of his robes.
Draco sighed and brushed a lock of loose hair that had drifted into his eyes. "I just... I don't particularly dis- like you," he said, arguing with his brain, but whatever part was controlling his mouth was very stubborn. "I just... "
"We all have our issues," Remus said gently. "I won't begrudge you yours. I only wish..." and then he trailed off, his eyes moving to stare down at the ground.
"What?" Draco asked, both annoyed and curious.
Remus sighed and shrugged. "I had only hoped that you might... well I won't lie and tell you I'm not hoping for more, but I will take anything you have to offer me, Draco."
Draco, who was entirely confused by this point, rolled his eyes. "You do realise you're making no damn sense, Lupin."
Remus chuckled heartily and nodded. "Yes I'm aware. I get that way when I'm nervous."
"Oh for Merlin's sake," Draco nearly shouted, "you've known me for years now! What is there to be nervous about?"
Remus gave a curt nod, a sharp breath, and then, without further warning, moved forward, taking Draco by the shoulders. Before the blonde had a moment to wonder, or even breathe, Remus lowered his mouth to Draco's, capturing the blonde's lips in a gentle kiss.
It wasn't exactly chaste, but Remus was kind, swiping his tongue over Draco's bottom lip. The blonde, captivated by the gentleness and the moment, obliged the werewolf and opened his mouth. His arms moved of their own violation, wrapping themselves around Remus' waist, and he allowed the kiss to continue until both men were quietly desperate for breath.
When they broke, Draco's mind whirled with a thousand thoughts and he found himself quite out of breath. When he finally looked up, he saw Remus standing a few paces away, looking up at the sky.
Draco wanted to hate him for the kiss, wanted to scream insults at him for making him feel something other than hate. Because he did. Draco felt a thousand different things, but none of them were bad. All of the things craved more of that contact, and Draco suddenly hated himself for it.
"How long?" Draco finally managed.
Remus knew exactly what Draco meant and gave a small shrug. "Since last year, I suppose, though it might have been longer. I tried, Draco, but you wouldn't respond to me. I thought perhaps there was someone else. For a while I thought it might have been because you'd been in love with Severus... or maybe Harry. Then I thought perhaps you hadn't swung my way, but I learnt you favoured only men. I... I was just confused by the end."
Draco gave a bitter laugh and wrapped his arms around his middle. "This... You... I mean, you and I... it would be... " Draco floundered and hated himself just a little bit more.
Remus smiled softly. "I can't help it, Draco, and I can't find anything so wrong with it." He stepped closer to Draco, so close the blonde could feel Remus' breath on the side of his face. With a bit of courage, Remus raised his hand and raked his fingers through Draco's hair, drawing them down over Draco's cheek. Remus' thumb lingered on Draco's lips, and his eyes closed for the barest of moments before he drew his hand away. "You are so beautiful," he whispered.
Draco closed his eyes and silently begged for Remus to touch him again. The older man's fingers stirred a desire in him, a desire for more of what they'd just shared, something that mirrored what Harry and Severus shared. But he didn't, and couldn't bring himself to ask for it aloud.
"It would be a disaster," Draco choked out eventually.
Remus sighed and took a step away. "A disaster for whom, Draco?"
Swallowing thickly, Draco turned to face Remus fully and looked deep into the amber eyes. "It would be a disaster, Remus, and I don't think my heart could take it." It was the most emotional, the most open, the blonde had ever been, perhaps in his entire life.
Swallowing back tears, Draco turned on his heels and dashed back to the castle, not looking back to see if Remus was following him. Shutting himself in his quarters, Draco curled up in his armchair in front of the fire, a glass of firewhiskey in his hand, and a determination to forget the feeling of love in those gentle fingers that had caressed his cold cheek... and empty soul.
dbdbdb
Of course Draco could not forget, and by midnight, he realised he wasn't going to be able to sleep. Draco was often prone to bouts of insomnia anyway, and over the years he found that only a long walk could take the edge off the sleeplessness and give him some semblance of hope for a proper rest.
Grabbing his heavy outer cloak, Draco soon found himself wandering round the grounds, guided by the light of the half-moon. It didn't surprise him when Draco found himself back at Harry and Severus' grave marker, and it didn't surprise him that a few bitter tears slipped down his cheeks.
"Why did he have to do it?" Draco asked aloud. "I was content hating him and attempting to have him hate me. Why him? Why that bloody half-wolf Gryffindor? Is this what it was like for you, Sev? When you realised you were in love with Harry Bloody Potter?" And then Draco stopped.
"No," he whispered, because he was not insinuating that he was in love with Remus Lupin. "It can't happen. It would be a complete and total disaster."
Draco took a few steps away from the grave, and before long, he found himself dashing across the grounds in a heavy run. Gasping for breath after several moments, Draco found himself at the entrance to the orphanage. He was now tired, out of breath, and very cold. Wrapping his arms around his middle, Draco walked into the foyer of the large building and made his way to the common room. It was empty, as it should be at midnight, and there was a slow burning fire in the grate.
Heading towards the flames, Draco attempted to warm himself. As he held his hands out to the fire, Draco's eyes fell on a small box which was filled with the small folded paper cranes that Remus and the children had been making earlier.
Draco envisioned Remus' gentle fingers folding, and folding, creasing and smoothing the paper until it no longer resembled a flat, empty square. He wonderd if Remus' fingers could do that to him. To make him resemble something than the hollow, empty shell he felt that he was.
The memory of those fingers digging into his shoulders as Remus' soft lips pressed against his, as Remus' hot tongue probed Draco's mouth, as Remus' fingers caressed his cheek, lingering on his mouth...
Shaking his head almost violently, Draco pulled himself out of the memory and growled. "Enough," he hissed to himself. "It has to be enough, because I won't let it happen again."
dbdbdb
Remus tried to get Draco's attention several times throughout the next week, and Draco found it rather hard to evade the persistent older man.
Eventually, however, Draco's nerves wore down and he allowed the confrontation. But he wasn't kind about it. He couldn't afford to be kind, and Draco knew for it to end, he had to make sure Remus knew there was no hope.
"Please, Draco," Remus started as he stepped into Draco's office, "I know you felt something. I could see it in your eyes."
"Horny," Draco snapped as he leant against his desk, an arrogant smirk plastered across his pointed face. "Which a quick trip into London happily took care of. I'm not interested in love or any of that rubbish..."
"You didn't seem so sure when the kiss ended," Remus said in a slightly shaking voice. "I heard what you said.."
"Yes, I'm a hopeless romantic when I think I'm going to get a shag. Of course it only took me a moment to realise I could do much better than a half-human, and promptly left for London that night." It was a blatant lie, one that tore Draco inside as much as it tore Remus on the outside.
"And you..." Remus said, tears pooling in his eyes.
"Look Lupin, I didn't want to lead you on. Hence this little chat. I'm tired of you hounding me. Go and obsess over someone else, I'm tired of you." And leaving no room for anything else to be said, Draco brushed past Remus and stormed into his quarters.
He spent the next several hours sobbing into his pillow, sure that he was making a colossal mistake, but unable to take it back now. And he hated himself even more.
dbdbdb
Remus found himself sitting on his sofa with his former partner in the Order, and his forever friend, Nymphadora Tonks. She was also working at Hogwarts, as the Muggle Studies Prof, and she'd been keeping an eye on her cousin, knowing how much Remus loved him.
After Remus told the entire tale, Tonks let out a short laugh and shook her head. "He's lying, Remy," she said with a shrug.
Remus frowned and looked at Tonks. "Sorry?"
"I said, he's lying . I was up that night and I felt someone enter the wards just beyond the cemetery. I grabbed the invisibility cloak and decided to investigate and I found Draco talking to himself. Well... actually I think he was talking to Snape, but eventually he went into the orphanage, warmed himself by the fire, said a few more things to himself and then ended up wandering back to his quarters."
Remus took this all in and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why would he lie?"
"Because he's in love with you, and it scares him," Tonks said with a shrug. "He'll come round, I'm sure."
Remus sighed and leant his head back against the chair. "He's a stubborn person, Tonks. I'm not sure if he'll ever change his mind."
Tonks smiled very softly and reached out to squeeze Remus' shoulders. "If Snape could give in to Harry, Draco will give in to you."
dbdbdb
So it happened that one day whilst Draco was seated in his office, sipping on a hot cuppa, Remus entered. He didn't move much further than the doorway, but Draco could feel him as if he were leaning over him and whispering into his ear.
"I know what you said before," Remus said softly, not letting Draco speak at all, "and I happen to know it was a lie. For whatever reason, you fear an us . I'll let you give into that fear, but when you're ready, I'm here. What you find to be disastrous, I find to be beautiful, and when you see what I see, you know where I'll be." And without pausing at all, Remus turned on his heel and walked out of the office.
Draco watched his retreat, speechless and his heart racing. Remus knew he was lying... Draco hadn't been a good liar anyhow, and above all, he still wanted Draco.
"Too much," Draco whispered, but what he really meant was 'too little.' He wanted Remus, but he wasn't sure if he could ever give in.
dbdbdb
Warm hands caressed his body, a tongue slowly tracing a path down his chest, dipping into his naval before travelling just a bit lower. Draco's hips bucked as a warm mouth engulfed his prick, swallowing it whole. A firm stroke of a tongue combined with heavy sucking, a bit of humming and Draco was so near the edge.
The hands kept a firm grip on his hips as he was brought closer and closer. Draco threw his head back and....
Woke, with a muffled cry, and sticky bed sheets.
"Fuck," Draco whispered. It had been well over three weeks and he'd been plagued by dreams of Remus. It was getting to be too much for him.
And it wasn't the sex in the dreams, his hand could take care of that problem. No, it was the fact that Draco could no longer deny that he was in love with Remus. He had to tell him, but Remus was on a short holiday recovering from the full moon, and Draco was still petrified.
Rising from his bed, Draco quickly showered and dressed, but his head was still elsewhere. Thankful it was a Saturday, Draco decided to take a walk, to try and sort things out.
He didn't expect to find himself at the orphanage, but before he could turn round and leave, he was stopped by his cousin.
Sneering at her cheerful face, Draco prepared a scathing remark to her hello. "Wotcher, Draco. For someone who claims to hate children, you sure come here often."
Draco rolled his eyes. "This stupid building happens to be in the direct path of my walk," Draco snapped, knowing that made absolutely no sense whatsoever.
"No matter," Tonks said waving her hand. "With Remus being ill, we're short an adult and you can fill in his place."
Draco scowled, but allowed the chipper woman to pull him into the common room where the children were all folding origami, again. "Still with that Muggle rubbish."
"It isn't specifically Muggle, nor is it rubbish. It's fun," Tonks said and shoved a small box of papers at him. "I happen to know that you are rather good at origami, so get folding."
"Why?" Draco demanded as he extracted a piece of blue paper from the pile.
"You and Prof Tonks are going to charm them when we're done," a small, curly-headed boy explained. "We're going to take them outside and let them loose."
Draco snorted in disdain but continued to fold. As they assembled a small army of animals, Tonks quietly began a conversation.
"You finished being a git?" she asked, elbowing him in the ribs.
Draco winced and rubbed his side, scowling at her. "What are you on about?"
"With Remus, I mean," Tonks said with a laugh. "I know how you feel about him and everyone knows how he feels about you. Why don't you pull your head out of your arse and just tell him."
The little boy who'd spoken to Draco gasped at the use of the word arse. "You just said... " he whispered, pointing at Tonks.
The pink-haired woman winked and put a finger to her lips. "Shhh, don't tell. It has to be our secret."
The little boy's face suddenly went sombre and he gave a soft nod. "I won't tell."
Draco pressed his hand to his mouth to suppress a laugh. "Glad to know they're learning proper behaviour from you lot," Draco said under his breath.
"I'm a good influence," Tonks defended, "and don't try and change the subject. What's your problem, anyway?"
"I just..." Draco said, but he couldn't really defend himself. He'd already been planning on talking to Remus... once he'd plucked up the courage, anyway.
"You just what?" Tonks pressed.
"I do love him," Draco whispered.
"I know, so just tell him," Tonks said with a smile. "He should be here soon."
Draco took in that little bit of information and grew anxious and nervous. It was time to tell Remus, and he couldn't put it off any longer. Suddenly struck with a thought, Draco grabbed a quill and set out to carry out his small plan.
dbdbdb
Several hours later, Draco, Tonks, thirteen children and fifteen boxes of origami animals headed outside into the bright sunshine.
"Alright you lot," Tonks called, "grab your animals and set them on the ground. Once they're all properly arranged, Prof Malfoy and I will charm them."
The children all quickly scrambled to set out their animals and as they did, Draco spotted a dark figure in the distance, slowly walking towards them. It was Remus. His timing is perfect , Draco thought, as he set out his own small bundle of animals on the ground.
The children finished quickly and just as Remus came into full focus, Tonks and Draco charmed the folded bits of paper. In a small flurry, each and every animal came to life, and took off running, hopping, flying into the distance.
All of them at Remus.
The werewolf's tired face lit up, a smile gracing his features as the small creatures fluttered past him. He looked up at a small flock of cranes as they flew towards the sun, and then at several butterflies that flew around his head.
As his gaze trailed over to Tonks and Draco, who were standing near the chattering, laughing children, amber eyes met grey, and locked.
Not dropping his gaze, Draco pulled a small crane out of his pocket, whispered a charm and let it float out of his hands. It fluttered directly to Remus who watched it for several moments before reaching out and plucking it from the air. The charm ended and the werewolf slowly un-folded the white paper.
Eyes scanned the black writing and whilst they did, the blonde slowly closed the gap between them, stopping just a few feet short of the older man.
Draco cleared his throat softly and Remus looked up. "You mean this?" Remus asked, his voice slightly choked.
Draco gave a very soft nod. "I suppose I have... for some time... but I was afraid."
"And you're not now?" Remus asked gently.
Draco gave a small chuckle. "Of course I'm afraid, I'm bloody petrified but... I love you, you stupid ass."
Dropping the paper to the ground, Remus reached out and grabbed Draco by the shoulders. A hitched breath and a kiss later, Draco and Remus were back inside the castle, wrapped in each other's arms, both silently begging that it would last.
Back out on the field, a small piece of paper fluttered in the wind, speaking volumes to the quiet spirits who watched over those they still loved.
I love you, Remus
My beautiful disaster....