Never Mind the Cowboys
I've been informed by alert reader kamacazee666 that cowboys do not, in fact, live in the desert. I have my doubts about that claim, but Miss Cazee is in fact from the desert, and my chalkboard map made no claim that cowboys actually lived in the desert. Here at Remote Planet, Inc., we hold ourselves to a high degree of accuracy and precision. So, in the interest of not having to step in the same shit twice, I've included a partial transcript of a rambling explanatory e-mail I sent to Miss Cazee, in response to her criticism, WHICH, as you may choose to note, explicitly called me a damned liar.
...since my credibility is at stake here, I feel it's necessary to let you know that I did NOT lie to my students. I did not mean to imply that the Cowboy Warning was in the desert region. These were just two independent examples of map elements that we chose to include. The Cowboy Warning was spread liberally over Wyoming, Montana, and the Dakotas, which, at last check, all contain cowboys in numbers that exceed the Normal Cowboy Concentration (NCC) to an almost comically inappropriate degree. If cowboys were toxic, the Wyoming border would be plastered with Mr. Yuck stickers. We saw cowboys in Wyoming who had probably never heard of John Wayne and may have been unaware that gold had been discovered at Sutter's Mill. I'm sure if we'd had conversations with them, the phrase "by cracky" would have leaked from their mouths within two minutes.
-snip-
On the whole, cowboys rank pretty low on my list of Amusing Semi-Mythical Subculture Archetypes (ASMSA's). In little or no particular order, they're outdone by: wizards, ninjas, pirates, knights, genies, and whatever the hell Robin Hood was.
So, that said:
Love, wizards, ninjas, pirates, knights, genies, whatever the hell Robin Hood wuzzes, lube, curly fries, waffles, peace, clouds, hicks, rednecks, and country music fans, BUT NO FUCKING COWBOYS,
prince jim, the meticulously honest
...since my credibility is at stake here, I feel it's necessary to let you know that I did NOT lie to my students. I did not mean to imply that the Cowboy Warning was in the desert region. These were just two independent examples of map elements that we chose to include. The Cowboy Warning was spread liberally over Wyoming, Montana, and the Dakotas, which, at last check, all contain cowboys in numbers that exceed the Normal Cowboy Concentration (NCC) to an almost comically inappropriate degree. If cowboys were toxic, the Wyoming border would be plastered with Mr. Yuck stickers. We saw cowboys in Wyoming who had probably never heard of John Wayne and may have been unaware that gold had been discovered at Sutter's Mill. I'm sure if we'd had conversations with them, the phrase "by cracky" would have leaked from their mouths within two minutes.
-snip-
On the whole, cowboys rank pretty low on my list of Amusing Semi-Mythical Subculture Archetypes (ASMSA's). In little or no particular order, they're outdone by: wizards, ninjas, pirates, knights, genies, and whatever the hell Robin Hood was.
So, that said:
Love, wizards, ninjas, pirates, knights, genies, whatever the hell Robin Hood wuzzes, lube, curly fries, waffles, peace, clouds, hicks, rednecks, and country music fans, BUT NO FUCKING COWBOYS,
prince jim, the meticulously honest