Shed Some Light, McKirk, PG-13 1/1
Title: Shed Some Light
Author: remorsful_rain
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kirk/Bones
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot, and am making no money off of this.
Summary:
He could practically feel Jim’s ‘bullshit detectors’ go off.
I’m falling apart again
And I’m looking in both directions
But it’s make believe, it’s all pretend
I’m still getting over who I was
There’s no sense of trust, there’s no definition of love
So…
Shed some light on me
And hold me up in disbelief…
Two weeks later and they were still walking on ice around each other. McCoy didn’t completely trust Jim and Jim didn’t want to do anything to make him more upset so their relationship was at a standstill. Jim was still living somewhere else and McCoy was still sleeping alone.
But it wasn’t like McCoy couldn’t feel the distance, at least not subconsciously. Stubborn by nature he kept telling himself that he was just fine with cold sheets and coming in at 3 a.m. to an empty bed, but after a long day that had turned into a night at the clinic his nightmares were telling him something different…
It was dark, too dark. He couldn’t see. There were walls but he couldn’t see them. It felt as if he was moving, fast but he couldn’t tell how fast or where he was going. Suddenly he could feel the four walls. They were way too close, and he was alone. He was trapped in the dark with walls closing in on him, alone. Suddenly light streamed in through a portal. McCoy squinted and peered through it, which turned out to be a mistake. McCoy was in the flying tin can people called a shuttle, heading straight for a burning raging sun. He wanted to move to scream, to tear his gaze away from his imminent death, but feet were frozen to the spot. He could feel the heat grow around him the walls began to buckle under some kind of force. He was going to die in one of the worst ways possible, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
McCoy shot up in bed, gasping for breath. He quickly lifted up a hand and rubbed at his face, as if it could wipe away the clinging memory of his dream.
“Bones?”
Oh no, no, no, he couldn’t be, shouldn’t be here. There was no way Jim Kirk was standing in his kitchenette.
“What the hell are you doing here?” McCoy muttered, peering through his splayed fingers. Sure enough that was Jim standing in the moonlight, staring at him.
“You never changed the codes and I wanted to check on you.” Jim shrugged.
“Check on me?” McCoy asked in disbelief.
“Yeah, you usually come over after your shifts to make sure my cuts are healing, which might I add are already healed, and you didn’t. I asked around and someone told me you’d put in a couple extra hours to help with the shuttle crash victims.” Jim was watching him carefully as he said the last part, as if he knew that it had dredged up old fears.
“I’m fine,” McCoy breathed, dropping his hand.
He could practically feel Jim’s ‘bullshit detectors’ go off.
“Really?” Jim asked, taking a step closer.
“Yes really,” McCoy had always been drawn to Jim’s striking blue eyes, but he hated the way they seemed to bore into your soul.
“You didn’t look fine when I came in.”
Shit. “How long have you been here, by the way?”
“Long enough,” Jim replied simply.
“That’s great, but as you can see I’m perfectly fine. Now can you get the hell out of here so I can go back to sleep?”
Jim acted as if he hadn’t heard him; McCoy was really going to do something about that selective hearing problem. Instead the blonde took a step and then another and another until he was right next to McCoy’s bed. Those eyes were still staring at him, though they seemed to be full of indecision versus intensity. As if making his decision, Jim quickly stripped off his jacket, pants, shoes, and socks, leaving him in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt.
“What are you doing?” McCoy growled, confused.
“Scoot over,” Jim ordered ignoring the question.
McCoy rolled his eyes in annoyance, but long used to the enigma that is Jim Kirk, he moved over.
Jim quietly slid in between the sheets and turned to face him. Before he knew it arms were wrapping around his shoulders and he found his head tucked underneath Jim’s chin.
“What the hell?” McCoy hissed.
“It’s okay,” Jim whispered rubbing his hands down McCoy’s back.
“I’m going to ask this again. What the hell are you doing?” McCoy growled, pushing against Jim chest which only made the arms around him tighten.
“Just repaying a favor. Do you remember that night a couple of months ago? I was angry and pissed off at those guys for trash talking my dad, and the bar tender called you to come and get me.”
“Yeah, I remember,” McCoy huffed, settling down somewhat. Struggling was useless anyway, Jim always tended to be on the slim but strong side.
“Well you helped me reach the next level in my life, now I’m returning the favor, for the both of us. I don’t want to rush into this again. I want to do it right this time around.” Jim whispered in his ear, the broad hands stilling against his back. “What happened today has messed with you and you can try to deny it all you want, but I know better.”
Damn perceptive, genius bastard.
“So?” McCoy asked, feeling the skin on Jim’s neck quiver as he spoke. He wasn’t about to give anything away, Jim had to be up to something.
“So, I’m just here.”
“The hell you are,” McCoy suddenly hissed rolling them over so he was on top. Jim wasn’t ever just there, he threw himself into everything. It was that intensity that was going to make him a great captain.
“You’re saying you don’t want this?” McCoy forcefully crashed their lips together, a hot mix of tongue and teeth. He deepened the kiss even more, noting Jim wasn’t responding with his usual fervor.
McCoy pulled away, running his tongue over his lips, tasting blood, as he observed his handy work. Jim was watching him with kiss swollen lips and wide pupils, but doing nothing else. Usually by now, Jim’s hands would’ve been all over him.
“Not if you don’t want to,” Jim gasped, trying to catch his breath after the violent kiss.
“Bullshit.” McCoy narrowed his eyes.
Jim gave frustrated sigh, as if he was dealing with a five year old, instead of a highly intelligent doctor. He gently tugged McCoy down till they were lying side by side again.
“It would be a lie to say I don’t want you right now, but there’s more to it than that. I said I’d try, and I’m damn well going to Bones,” Jim told him urgently. The hands on his face gave McCoy no choice but to watch those hypnotic blue eyes.
As much as Jim fucked his way around and brushed off responsibility, he could be stubborn and serious when he wanted to. Jim was willing to try to get over some of his…urges. McCoy still doubted his ability to do that though, someone didn’t just become monogamous, especially someone like Jim. But the only way he was going find out how things would go, was to try this out too.
“Okay, fine and you’re moving back in. I intend to keep an eye on you.” McCoy sighed.
“Good, my stuff’s packed already.” And Jim wrapped his arms around him again.
“What? You had this planned out didn’t you?” McCoy accused, pulling away.
“No I didn’t, I just never unpacked. And if it makes you feel better I’ve only fucked three girls in the last month, I am trying,” Jim told him, actually looking proud of himself.
“Only three? Do you want me to break out the confetti and noise makers?”
“I haven’t been with anyone since we got back together.” Jim defended himself.
“Jim I’m not expecting you to stop sleeping around. I’d like it better if you didn’t, and I sure I’m just setting myself up again…But just don’t bring them back here alright? I don’t need to be kept up all night because your date insists you guys take a go at round three.” McCoy sighed, looking down at the bright blue eyes.
“You don’t trust me.” It was a statement not a question.
“No I don’t.”
“Well I’m going to have to prove it to you then. Even if I screw up I’m not going to roll over and let you kick me out on the streets again,” Jim swore.
“You found a place to stay didn’t you?”
“And you missed me.”
“Maybe,” McCoy wasn’t going to admit to that, “Things were finally quieter around here with you gone.”
His dream flashed across his mind unbidden, a dark room closing in around him, flying toward certain doom. Yeah he’d been lonely. Not for the first time McCoy cursed his photographic memory as the mangled faces of the victims he’d been forced to declare dead today surfaced. A shiver ran down his spine, as the memories attempted to play with his fears.
Suddenly warm arms were wrapped around him again.
“You know I didn’t think of you as a cuddler,” McCoy snorted.
“You need this,” Jim replied, “And it’s not cuddling it’s…affectionate man hugging.”
“Man hugging huh?” McCoy asked dryly.
“Mmmmhhmm” Jim answered, sounding pleased, which after barging into McCoy’s room, and then proceeding to be forcefully touchy feely while denying sex for their greater good, was not allowed at all.
McCoy quickly and covertly moved so Jim was spooning behind him, then jabbed him in the ribs as hard as he could.
“Ow! What the hell was that for?!” Jim snapped, letting go of the doctor so he could rub the sore area.
“For being an idiotic, stupid, self-sacrificing bastard.” McCoy smirked.
“You’re still punishing me aren’t you?”
“What’s that? You’re willing to go another two weeks without sex?”
Jim blinked, “Are you?”
McCoy looked over his shoulder; quirking a brow in a way he knew drove Jim nuts.
“Bones,” Jim all but whined, and the doctor couldn’t hold back his chuckle, “That’s not funny.”
“Who said I was joking?” McCoy replied, settling back into the warm body behind him.
As he closed his eyes, he gently ran a hand over the almost imperceptible scars on the arm that was pillowed behind his head, before softly kissing them.
“Me too,” Jim murmured against the back of his neck, once again too damn perceptive for his own good.
“Still wasn’t joking,” McCoy mumbled with a grin.
He could feel Jim snort in disbelief, “We both know you won’t make it that long.”
So Jim wanted a challenge did he? Well, McCoy had gone longer than that before, after all he had an Ex-wife and a daughter. He grinned, things weren’t exactly perfect yet and he wasn’t expecting them to be, not for a long while, but at least they were on the right track, maybe. Once Jim moved back in they could start testing the new ground underneath their feet. They had a lot explore and a lot of things that could tear them apart.
Tell me something that I'll believe
Something I'll believe…- Shed Some Light Shinedown
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I'm kinda hoping this becomes a series. We'll see. I'm not exactly sure where it's going after the next part. If you guys have any songs you'd like to see me use, just let me know. I hope you enjoyed