(no subject)
I was talking to mike about prom, and i decided to leave tim a message on his myspace about it and now i regret everything. I think i was better off being the naive person i was before. It started out when he never told me about his account, my friend suzie wanted to see what the fus was about and why it was he kept it from me. So anyway, she searched for his account and found it, but there didn't seem to be anything wrong, till she found his friends list. Nothing but slutty whores who have no lives and find excitement in cybering with whomever pays them any kind of attention. So i told him about it and we argued but then i was like whatever. I really dont care, it didn't say anything bad and he said they were only there becuase they were friends of his friends. So that was that and prom happened and we had a fun time and everything was good. NOW, back to me wanting to leave a message on his blog. So i'm going to leave a message when i notice this girl who has apparantly been talking to him for a while. So i read it, who wouldn't? and as i read i notice....
From: Lindsay
Date: May 2, 2005 7:43 PM
hey wats up
From: ---
Date: May 3, 2005 2:02 PM
Nothin much, yourself? What school do you go to because I have like two cousins that live in Burbank which is like right next to Bridgeview. They go to Reavis, so I was just wondering if you went there. Well anyway. My name's Tim and I go to Morton right now but I'm transferring to RB... pretty neat stuff.. not like you care, lol. Message me back sometime... you're a really pretty girl. :) I'll see ya around babe.
-Tim
SO what the fuck? and i felt like total shit. And i kept reading and there were more, some where plans were made to see each other becuase they are so conveniently located in a remote area. Then i told mike about it and at first he was like yeah... its just flirting and not to sound horrible but just about all guys do it for some kind of attention. But then he saw the rest... about going fishing and how great they think they are.
Date: May 3, 2005 2:09 PM
Subject: No Subject
Body: Hey thanks for addin' me. You're frikkin gorgeous! Anyway.. you go to Leyden huh? I go to Morton West.. we hate your football team.. wrestling team too actually. But thats the guys. I'll keep school rivalries out of this. But message me back sometime. Like to get to know ya. I'll see ya around, babe.
-Tim
I basically called him up that moment to let him know that it was over. I didn't want to talk to him at all and the more he spoke the angrier i got. I just kept hanging up and he kept calling. I was so overwhelmed and i honestly felt like he was the worst person i had ever met, worse than my ex. I ended up getting such a horrible headache i even took 2 vikitin to make it stop. He asked me to not dump him and we would talk today about it, i basically didn't want to talk period. So i said fine and i went to bed, but i didn't get any sleep despite the drugs in me, it mellowed me out a bit, but the feeling was so bad that i just couldn't shake it. I've never cried that bad or that much in my entire life. He said it wasn't him, it was his friends who have been flirting with those girls. If that were true, then why would he let it happen?? or better yet why does he still have them there? And you know what? forget it, i'm not going to care anymore, if he really wants to keep talking to them then there is absolutely nothing i can do, but I just hope that it was worth it and that i meant that much to him. He couldn't tell me about his damn account and i guess that was why, he was trying to find local girls to flirt with. Now i feel like such an idiot. I really hope he feels great about that. It's funny too because as many times as i was tempted to, i never did it to him. Never. and now i feel so stupid. So after i hung up the phone i charged my cell because the battery was practically dead, then, seeing as how i couldn't sleep i called chase. He didn't answer, but he called me back 5 min later. I basically told him everything that happened and he just listened silently. I asked him what i should do and he didn't know. He said, "we all had this perfect image of him, guess he was just too good to be true, but if he did that to you then he is not worth it." He asked if i wanted him to come over to keep me company but i didn't feel like seeing anyone.
Now i still have that headache and i dont know what to do... i have never felt such helplessness..
today i dont know what will happen. i guess by this point, i really dont care anymore
...but i still love him.