Lucky Number Seven (By the Numbers Remix) [Harry Potter; Sirius/others, Sirius/Remus; R]
Title: Lucky Number Seven (By the Numbers Remix)
Author: rynne
Summary: The seven people Sirius Black has kissed, and the reason he hasn't had sex until the last one.
Rating: R
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Sirius/others, Sirius/Remus
Warnings: Het and slash
Spoilers: Through Order of the Phoenix
Title, Author and URL of original story: 35 Years of Virginity and Counting! by lupinslittlesis
Notes: Apparently your assigned author came through, lupinslittlesis, but I'd already finished this, and figured you wouldn't mind having more than one fic. ;) Many thanks to the lovely thistlerose, for the great beta on short notice.
1. Anna Vogt
Sirius is seventeen years old, and James has been teasing him endlessly because he's never kissed a girl.
"Shut up about it already!" Sirius growls at James. "Not everyone finds the person they want to spend their life with before they've even left school."
James, finally secure in his beloved Lily's affection, replies laconically, "No, I suppose not." Then his eyes gleam mischievously. "But it's not like the only person you'll ever kiss is the girl you're gonna marry. I can't believe I'm saying this to you, of all people, but live a little, Padfoot. Kissing's fun."
"There are plenty of other ways to have fun," Sirius protests, thinking that running around as a dog in the Forbidden Forest is far more interesting than snogging girls. He has more sense than to say that out loud, though. "There's no one I'm particularly interested in kissing, anyway." Especially since the relationship is inevitably short-lasting, and probably not even worth the effort.
James snorts, clearly disbelieving. "No one? Seriously? All of the lovely girls in this castle, and there's not one you're interested in snogging?"
"Not really, no." Sirius wishes Remus were here, and not in the library with Peter. He understands Sirius's disdain for teenage romances, and usually manages to distract James from his teasing. Sirius loves James like a brother, but sometimes Remus is just a far more comforting person to be around.
James shakes his head slowly and tsks. "That's just because you don't know what it's like." His gaze wanders around the room. "Look, there's Anna," he says, inclining his head towards where Anna Vogt, one of their fellow seventh years, sits at a table, working on something. "Go kiss her."
Sirius shoots an incredulous look at James. "What, you want me to kiss her, out of nowhere?"
James shrugs casually, but his eyes are still gleaming behind his glasses. "Unless you're scared, of course." He tilts his head and adds solicitously, "You know I wouldn't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with, don't you, Padfoot? If you're scared of a little kiss..."
Bugger this, Sirius thinks, and stands up, giving James a dirty look. "I do this, and you shut up about the kissing thing," he states, and James nods.
"Yes, of course," he says. Then he pretends to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye. "Our little Sirius, all grown up and kissing girls for the first time..."
Sirius heads across the room, looks back, and scowls at the grin on James's face. When he reaches Anna, she looks up and blinks. "Sirius?" she asks. "You need something?"
James, I'm going to kill you, he thinks, then takes a deep breath and swiftly leans down.
Anna's eyes widen just as his lips hit hers, and her mouth is slightly open--something Sirius does not take advantage of. But since he's not interested in adding tongue, he's not quite sure about what to do next.
He doesn't get much time to think about it, though, before Anna's palm meets his cheek with a stinging smack. He pulls back in surprise, his hand coming up to cover his cheek, and Anna glares up into his eyes.
"I'm not going to be one of your dares, Sirius Black," she says firmly. "You do that again, you'll get worse than a smack. You tell Potter that goes for him too, Head Boy or not."
"Right," Sirius mutters, still a bit stunned that she actually slapped him. "Sorry."
James is laughing uproariously when Sirius turns around, and Sirius just knows that James will never let him live this down.
2. Abigail Penstone
After his disastrous attempt at a first kiss, Sirius decides he needs more practice. There's still no one he's really interested in, but now that he's looking, there are a few girls he wouldn't mind getting to know a bit better, to see if he could become more interested. He still doesn't think that any relationship he forms in school is going to last very long, but he's beginning to consider it good practice for later in life.
He gets partnered for an Ancient Runes project with Abigail Penstone, a tall seventh year Ravenclaw. She's very pretty, especially her eyes, which are a sort of honeyish brown--reminding him of Remus, actually, though he tries to forget the comparison because that's his friend--and Sirius thinks, All right. I can do this.
They're doing research in the library when Sirius makes a move. He waits until she's looking at him, and, disregarding the fact that she's talking, he leans forward and presses his mouth against hers.
When she stills, he pulls back, afraid he's done something wrong. Her cheeks are red, and she quickly averts her eyes.
"I've got a boyfriend," she says quickly, still not looking at him. "Jason Zeller, in Hufflepuff."
"Oh," Sirius replies, and has a quick mental debate. Does he like Abigail enough to see if he can persuade her to drop the boyfriend? After a few seconds, though, he decides it's not worth it--there are plenty of other girls at Hogwarts who aren't attached. While Abigail is pretty and smart, he doesn't know her well enough to want to fight for her. "Sorry about that, then," he says, figuring apologizing is the quickest way to move on. "Forget it ever happened?"
"Right." He's vaguely disgruntled at how quickly she agrees, but he goes back to his research, and resolves to actually get to know the girl next time, before kissing her. At least, know her well enough to make sure she doesn't already have a boyfriend.
Later that day, he renews his resolution to actually get to know the girl before trying for a relationship. Jason Zeller catches up to him in the entrance hall after dinner, tells him that kissing his girlfriend in a public place is probably not a good idea, and hexes him before Sirius can cast a shield. Incredibly embarrassing.
James, Remus, and Peter all laugh at the tentacles sprouting from his face, and continually tease him long after Madam Pomfrey fixes the hex.
3. Jennifer Timlin
He's going to do it properly this time. He really, really is. He's getting tired of James laughing at him. Now all he needs is the right girl.
Still, he's surprised when Jennifer Timlin asks him to the last Hogsmeade weekend before Christmas break. She's a fifth year, so he doesn't think he would have gotten to know her if they hadn't been on the Quidditch team together, Jennifer as a Chaser and Sirius as a Beater. But she's pretty enough, tall, with blue eyes and really curly brown hair, and he likes her smile, so he agrees.
They have a great time in Hogsmeade. She's funny and smart, as happy to go to Zonko's as to Scrivenshaft's, and she makes a face when they pass Madam Puddifoot's on their way to the Three Broomsticks.
She's the one who kisses him, late in the afternoon. She tugs him off the road on the way back to Hogwarts, pulls his head down to her, and kisses him. Her mouth moves against his, and when he opens his mouth in surprise, she slips her tongue inside and twines it with his. It is eminently clear that she knows what she's doing.
She smiles at him when she pulls away, then takes his hand and starts walking again before he can think of anything to say.
But he likes her a great deal, he finds. She flirts with him at Quidditch practice, asks him for help with her homework when she needs it, and is unafraid to simply climb into his lap in the common room and start snogging him, ignoring the snickers from his friends. Anyone able to ignore his friends, he decides, is pretty impressive.
They started dating so close to Christmas hols that Sirius isn't sure whether or not he should get her a Christmas present, but Remus says it's better to be safe than sorry, so he gets her a blank book from Scrivenshaft's. He remembers she told him she likes to write, so he thinks she might like being able to do whatever she wants with that.
They both go home for Christmas, Sirius to the Potters and Jennifer to her Muggle family. He gets an excited letter on Boxing Day thanking him for the book, and apologizing for being bad at thinking of gifts. He eats one of the Chocolate Frogs she gave him, and writes her back to thank her and tell her not to apologize.
But the owl returns to him two days later, the letter unopened. He doesn't know why until he sees the Daily Prophet, and her name on the list of those recently killed.
He hadn't been in love with her, but he'd liked her, a lot. He thinks it might have become love, given more time. And for more than a year after her death, he finds himself thinking of her every so often, and can't bring himself to be interested in anyone else.
4. Drew Heffeneffer
Sirius is nineteen, and just getting over the realization that he likes men as well as women. None of his friends know, and he's not sure how they'll react. The wizarding world isn't as vehement about it as he's heard the Muggle world is, but most people still aren't that enthused by the idea of two blokes together.
Still, there are a few gay bars in wizarding London, and Sirius, finally ready to put Jennifer behind him, is curious enough to go to one of them. Maybe he'll even have better luck with men than he does with women.
Once he's there, he sits at the bar and orders a Firewhisky, then turns on his stool to look around. There's no one he recognizes--most appear to be several years older than Sirius. Some look like older versions of people he's known at Hogwarts, but no one he can put a name to.
He's barely taken his first sip when someone sits down next to him, and Sirius glances over to see sandy blond hair and light brown eyes. "I'm Drew Heffeneffer," the man says, then, to the bartender, "I'll have what he's having."
"Sirius Black," Sirius offers, looking more closely. This one looks a little familiar...and the surname pricks in his memory. Not a pureblood name, but very memorable.
"Sirius," Drew repeats, looking thoughtful, then suddenly snaps his fingers. "I remember you. I was in fourth year when you got Sorted. First Gryffindor from your family in generations, right?"
"That's me," Sirius agrees, now remembering. "You ended up Ravenclaw prefect, right?"
He nods, then takes a sip of his drink when it comes to him. "Was being Sorted into Gryffindor not rebellious enough for you, then?" Drew asks, grinning. "What does your family think about--" he gestures around the room with his glass, "--this?"
Sirius stiffens, then takes a large gulp of his Firewhisky, relishing the burn as it slides down his throat. His family is the last thing he wants to think about now. "I haven't spoken to my family in years. I don't know what they think, and I don't really care."
Drew reaches over and touches his hand in apology. "Yeah, all right. Sorry if I brought up bad memories."
But Sirius shakes his head and replies, "It doesn't matter. Long time ago, you know."
Drew looks at him carefully. "Yeah," he says, and quirks a smile. "Listen, you want to get out of here?"
Sirius looks at him, then gulps down the rest of his Firewhisky. He'd been curious enough to come here, and Drew is pretty attractive. There's something about him that Sirius just...really likes. He nods. "I'd like that," he says, and stands.
They go to Drew's flat, and are kissing before they've even finished walking in the door. Sirius has never been kissed like this before, hot and consuming and passionate and clearly going somewhere, and finds he both likes it and is sort of nervous about it. Drew pushes Sirius's jacket off and slides his hand up Sirius's shirt as he kicks the door shut behind him. Sirius has his own hands buried in Drew's hair.
They stumble over to the sofa, Sirius falling back onto it and Drew climbing on top of him, straddling his hips. Even with two pairs of jeans between them, Sirius feels Drew reacting to him, and gasps, pulling out of the kiss and throwing his head back. Drew seems to take that as an invitation, and starts kissing Sirius's throat, then sucks on Sirius's pulse hard enough to leave a bruise. Sirius groans.
His eyes closed, most of his concentration going to the feel of what Drew is doing to him, Sirius still starts in surprise when he feels a hand fondle him through his jeans--and, abruptly, he wonders what the hell he's doing. He doesn't even know Drew, beyond that he's three years older and was a Ravenclaw prefect.
He's also only just figured out that he likes men as well as women--but he's not sure he's ready to have sex with them. Not when this is further than he's ever gone with a girl. He has no clue what he's doing, and something is telling him this isn't the time to learn, or the person to learn with.
Drew seems to realize that he's having second thoughts, because he draws back. "Sirius?" he asks.
Sirius looks at him, and realizes abruptly that Drew's hair is just a bit lighter than Remus's, and his eyes just a bit darker. He's taller and not quite as thin, his face slightly more round, but now that Sirius thinks about it...he does resemble Remus.
The man he's close to having sex with looks a great deal like one of his best friends. He's not sure what to do with this revelation.
"Sorry," Sirius mutters. He scrubs a hand over his face, feeling the heat on his cheeks, and is not sure whether it comes from embarrassment or arousal. "I don't think I can do this."
Drew considers him. "Is it something I--" he starts, but Sirius shakes his head. It's not his fault that he looks like Remus, or that Sirius is shaken enough about this resemblance that his desire has vanished. It's not even his fault that Sirius thinks he's probably too nervous to have gone through with it even if he hadn't had his realization about Remus.
"It's just me," he says. He shifts, and Drew stands. "Sorry about this."
"It's all right," Drew replies, but when Sirius looks him in the eye, he sees the frustration. He turns away. "If there's anything else I can get you..." He trails off.
Again, Sirius shakes his head. "I think I'll just go." He grabs his jacket from where it fell on the floor, shrugs it on. He glances back at Drew once, but Drew isn't looking at him.
Then he Disapparates.
5. James Potter
He's drunk. He's really, really drunk, and that's probably the only reason he's even considering this.
"Go on," Peter wheedles. His eyes are bright and he keeps breaking out into laughter. "Dare you."
James is also pretty damn sloshed, because so far he hasn't protested beyond saying, "I'm about to get married, you know."
"Yeah," Peter says, shrugging, "but you're not married yet. Have you never thought about kissing Sirius before? You've always been so close!"
"Not really, no."
This answer doesn't seem to make a dent in Peter's enthusiasm. "It's your stag night, and it's just a kiss. It doesn't mean anything."
Sirius blinks at James. "He's not going to shut up until we kiss," he points out, and James groans.
"Yeah, you're pro'bly right," he concedes. "Stay still, all right?" And then James is kissing him, open-mouthed and sloppy.
Sirius kisses back, just as sloppily. He can taste the alcohol on James's breath, and when their tongues meet and tangle, it's wet, and really not very good. It's not the worst kiss he's ever had, but even drunk, he can't get over the fact that it's James, and he's never really wanted to kiss James, not even when he discovered his attraction to blokes.
They pull back at the same time. Both are grimacing, and, also at the same time, they swipe the backs of their hands across their mouths. Remus, who had been sitting in the background watching, laughs.
Remus. After Drew Heffeneffer, Sirius realized he actually does find Remus attractive. Very attractive. And maybe he's never wanted to kiss James, but he thinks he might like kissing Remus, or even more than kissing. Except that Remus is still one of his closest friends, and there are so many reasons why he shouldn't even be considering this. He doesn't even know if Remus likes blokes at all, not to mention the fact that it could easily screw up their friendship.
He's even tried to pick up a few people, since Drew, but he's never been able to get beyond a bit of light conversation at the bar. He wants Remus too much to have sex with someone else, but he'd still rather be friends with Remus than have sex with him. He doesn't know what else he can do.
"There, Wormtail," Sirius says, trying to stop thinking about Remus. "We've kissed. Now you can shut up about it."
"Yeah." James is still grimacing, but Sirius doesn't take it personally. He feels the same way. "Never doing that again. Thank Merlin for Lily."
Peter is pouting, Remus is still laughing, and Sirius decides he needs more alcohol.
6. Polly Fenwick
He catches up with her after an Order meeting, hurrying after her when she walks away from everyone else. It's only been a few days since Benjy died, and she's been looking pale, shaky, and in need of a friend.
"Polly!" he calls, as he gets closer. She stops, but doesn't turn around. "Polly," he says gently, once he catches up with her. "It's not safe to be by yourself these days. Let me take you home."
She still doesn't turn to look at him, doesn't even say anything, but eventually she nods, and they walk in silence until they reach the Hogwarts gates and can Apparate.
Sirius has always liked Polly Fenwick. A Gryffindor two years ahead of him, he's always thought she could have been a Hufflepuff--she was one of the few who unconditionally accepted him, a Black in Gryffindor. She was always kind to him, and though they were never particularly close, when she and her husband Benjy joined the Order, Sirius made sure to return that kindness.
When they reach her house, a homey cottage in Devon, he follows her inside, and starts making tea while she sits down at the table and stares at her hands. As he waits for the tea to steep, he sits down beside her, and covers her hands with one of his.
"I'm sorry about Benjy," he says, feeling her hands tremble beneath his. "I didn't know him very well, but he seemed like such a great wizard."
Slowly, she nods. "Yeah," she says. "He really was. Oh, Sirius. I miss him!"
He scoots his chair closer to hers and puts his arm around her shoulders. "Of course you do," he murmurs. "We're all going to miss him."
She leans her face into his neck, and he wraps the other arm around her. He can feel her tears leaking onto his skin, but though her body shudders a bit, she doesn't start sobbing. He just rubs her back and holds her for several long minutes, until the tears stop.
He tilts his head down to look at her as she draws back, and she looks up at him. He raises a hand to cup her cheek and wipe some of her tears away with his thumb, and she smiles at him. And, before he can consider whether or not it's a good idea, he leans in and kisses her.
He keeps it chaste and light, his lips closed and his eyes open, gaze locked onto hers. He imbues all the comfort and friendship he has in that kiss, and smiles a bit against her lips when he sees that she understands. She closes her eyes and lets him kiss her.
Then the kettle goes off--the tea is done. He pulls back and smiles at her again before standing and fixing the tea. He brings both mugs to the table, and nods when she says an absentminded, "Thanks."
They sit there for a while, until after the tea is gone. Finally she sighs and opens her eyes again. "Thank you, Sirius," she murmurs, giving him a wan smile. "I think I can take it from here."
He nods, accepting that because he knows she's strong enough to survive this, then leans in and presses a kiss to her forehead before standing up. "You know where I am if you need me," he says, and it's her turn to nod. Then, with one last glance at her, he Disapparates.
7. Remus Lupin
The kiss is clumsy. Their noses are bumping and they're a bit sloppy, and the kiss is carried far more by enthusiasm and excitement than skill. Still, it's not bad for a first kiss, and actually quite good considering it's his first kiss with Remus.
"Wow," he says, pulling back, just enough so that he can breathe properly again.
"Yes," Remus agrees. They blink at each other, then lean in again.
It's still sloppy. Not quite as bad as when Peter dared him to kiss James, but not the best kiss he's ever had. They're awkward and their rhythm is off. I'm rusty, Sirius thinks, before it occurs to him that he's not the only one who is. "What's your excuse?" he asks, and after a bit of pestering, Remus explains.
It's a surprise to find out that not only has Remus kissed only six people in his life, but he's still a virgin. It's one thing for Sirius to have never had sex--he was only twenty-one when he was thrown in Azkaban, and it's not exactly easy to find partners when on the run and unable to bathe and groom regularly. But Remus?
He's always found Remus attractive. Even before he figured out he was attracted to men sexually, he thought Remus was a good-looking bloke. Then he discovered he was attracted to Remus specifically, and though that threw him a bit, now he finds that's something that hasn't changed. Yeah, now he's sort of thin and worn, and his hair is greying, but Sirius still finds him pretty damn sexy.
Part of him regrets never kissing Remus, before Azkaban. He'd thought about it a few times, but always ultimately decided that life was too complicated as it was to risk screwing up one of the best friendships he'd ever had. Maybe if he'd decided to go for it anyway, that relationship might have been a source of strength for both of them, and he would never have suspected Remus of being the spy.
Part of him regrets, but part of him is glad that they're doing this now, that a broken romantic relationship is not among all the baggage they've been sorting through. And the rest of him is just happy that they're doing this at all, that they haven't missed their chance.
He's never had sex before. He'd had a few opportunities, before Azkaban, but for one reason or another had never taken them. Now here he is, at thirty-five, and he's probably going to be fumbling like a teenager, learning as he goes along.
But, as he and Remus kiss and moan and struggle with clothes, as they tumble naked to the bed and explore newly-revealed skin, he figures there's no one else he'd rather learn with. It may have taken a long time for them to get here, but they've made it in the end, and that's what matters.
Author: rynne
Summary: The seven people Sirius Black has kissed, and the reason he hasn't had sex until the last one.
Rating: R
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Sirius/others, Sirius/Remus
Warnings: Het and slash
Spoilers: Through Order of the Phoenix
Title, Author and URL of original story: 35 Years of Virginity and Counting! by lupinslittlesis
Notes: Apparently your assigned author came through, lupinslittlesis, but I'd already finished this, and figured you wouldn't mind having more than one fic. ;) Many thanks to the lovely thistlerose, for the great beta on short notice.
1. Anna Vogt
Sirius is seventeen years old, and James has been teasing him endlessly because he's never kissed a girl.
"Shut up about it already!" Sirius growls at James. "Not everyone finds the person they want to spend their life with before they've even left school."
James, finally secure in his beloved Lily's affection, replies laconically, "No, I suppose not." Then his eyes gleam mischievously. "But it's not like the only person you'll ever kiss is the girl you're gonna marry. I can't believe I'm saying this to you, of all people, but live a little, Padfoot. Kissing's fun."
"There are plenty of other ways to have fun," Sirius protests, thinking that running around as a dog in the Forbidden Forest is far more interesting than snogging girls. He has more sense than to say that out loud, though. "There's no one I'm particularly interested in kissing, anyway." Especially since the relationship is inevitably short-lasting, and probably not even worth the effort.
James snorts, clearly disbelieving. "No one? Seriously? All of the lovely girls in this castle, and there's not one you're interested in snogging?"
"Not really, no." Sirius wishes Remus were here, and not in the library with Peter. He understands Sirius's disdain for teenage romances, and usually manages to distract James from his teasing. Sirius loves James like a brother, but sometimes Remus is just a far more comforting person to be around.
James shakes his head slowly and tsks. "That's just because you don't know what it's like." His gaze wanders around the room. "Look, there's Anna," he says, inclining his head towards where Anna Vogt, one of their fellow seventh years, sits at a table, working on something. "Go kiss her."
Sirius shoots an incredulous look at James. "What, you want me to kiss her, out of nowhere?"
James shrugs casually, but his eyes are still gleaming behind his glasses. "Unless you're scared, of course." He tilts his head and adds solicitously, "You know I wouldn't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with, don't you, Padfoot? If you're scared of a little kiss..."
Bugger this, Sirius thinks, and stands up, giving James a dirty look. "I do this, and you shut up about the kissing thing," he states, and James nods.
"Yes, of course," he says. Then he pretends to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye. "Our little Sirius, all grown up and kissing girls for the first time..."
Sirius heads across the room, looks back, and scowls at the grin on James's face. When he reaches Anna, she looks up and blinks. "Sirius?" she asks. "You need something?"
James, I'm going to kill you, he thinks, then takes a deep breath and swiftly leans down.
Anna's eyes widen just as his lips hit hers, and her mouth is slightly open--something Sirius does not take advantage of. But since he's not interested in adding tongue, he's not quite sure about what to do next.
He doesn't get much time to think about it, though, before Anna's palm meets his cheek with a stinging smack. He pulls back in surprise, his hand coming up to cover his cheek, and Anna glares up into his eyes.
"I'm not going to be one of your dares, Sirius Black," she says firmly. "You do that again, you'll get worse than a smack. You tell Potter that goes for him too, Head Boy or not."
"Right," Sirius mutters, still a bit stunned that she actually slapped him. "Sorry."
James is laughing uproariously when Sirius turns around, and Sirius just knows that James will never let him live this down.
2. Abigail Penstone
After his disastrous attempt at a first kiss, Sirius decides he needs more practice. There's still no one he's really interested in, but now that he's looking, there are a few girls he wouldn't mind getting to know a bit better, to see if he could become more interested. He still doesn't think that any relationship he forms in school is going to last very long, but he's beginning to consider it good practice for later in life.
He gets partnered for an Ancient Runes project with Abigail Penstone, a tall seventh year Ravenclaw. She's very pretty, especially her eyes, which are a sort of honeyish brown--reminding him of Remus, actually, though he tries to forget the comparison because that's his friend--and Sirius thinks, All right. I can do this.
They're doing research in the library when Sirius makes a move. He waits until she's looking at him, and, disregarding the fact that she's talking, he leans forward and presses his mouth against hers.
When she stills, he pulls back, afraid he's done something wrong. Her cheeks are red, and she quickly averts her eyes.
"I've got a boyfriend," she says quickly, still not looking at him. "Jason Zeller, in Hufflepuff."
"Oh," Sirius replies, and has a quick mental debate. Does he like Abigail enough to see if he can persuade her to drop the boyfriend? After a few seconds, though, he decides it's not worth it--there are plenty of other girls at Hogwarts who aren't attached. While Abigail is pretty and smart, he doesn't know her well enough to want to fight for her. "Sorry about that, then," he says, figuring apologizing is the quickest way to move on. "Forget it ever happened?"
"Right." He's vaguely disgruntled at how quickly she agrees, but he goes back to his research, and resolves to actually get to know the girl next time, before kissing her. At least, know her well enough to make sure she doesn't already have a boyfriend.
Later that day, he renews his resolution to actually get to know the girl before trying for a relationship. Jason Zeller catches up to him in the entrance hall after dinner, tells him that kissing his girlfriend in a public place is probably not a good idea, and hexes him before Sirius can cast a shield. Incredibly embarrassing.
James, Remus, and Peter all laugh at the tentacles sprouting from his face, and continually tease him long after Madam Pomfrey fixes the hex.
3. Jennifer Timlin
He's going to do it properly this time. He really, really is. He's getting tired of James laughing at him. Now all he needs is the right girl.
Still, he's surprised when Jennifer Timlin asks him to the last Hogsmeade weekend before Christmas break. She's a fifth year, so he doesn't think he would have gotten to know her if they hadn't been on the Quidditch team together, Jennifer as a Chaser and Sirius as a Beater. But she's pretty enough, tall, with blue eyes and really curly brown hair, and he likes her smile, so he agrees.
They have a great time in Hogsmeade. She's funny and smart, as happy to go to Zonko's as to Scrivenshaft's, and she makes a face when they pass Madam Puddifoot's on their way to the Three Broomsticks.
She's the one who kisses him, late in the afternoon. She tugs him off the road on the way back to Hogwarts, pulls his head down to her, and kisses him. Her mouth moves against his, and when he opens his mouth in surprise, she slips her tongue inside and twines it with his. It is eminently clear that she knows what she's doing.
She smiles at him when she pulls away, then takes his hand and starts walking again before he can think of anything to say.
But he likes her a great deal, he finds. She flirts with him at Quidditch practice, asks him for help with her homework when she needs it, and is unafraid to simply climb into his lap in the common room and start snogging him, ignoring the snickers from his friends. Anyone able to ignore his friends, he decides, is pretty impressive.
They started dating so close to Christmas hols that Sirius isn't sure whether or not he should get her a Christmas present, but Remus says it's better to be safe than sorry, so he gets her a blank book from Scrivenshaft's. He remembers she told him she likes to write, so he thinks she might like being able to do whatever she wants with that.
They both go home for Christmas, Sirius to the Potters and Jennifer to her Muggle family. He gets an excited letter on Boxing Day thanking him for the book, and apologizing for being bad at thinking of gifts. He eats one of the Chocolate Frogs she gave him, and writes her back to thank her and tell her not to apologize.
But the owl returns to him two days later, the letter unopened. He doesn't know why until he sees the Daily Prophet, and her name on the list of those recently killed.
He hadn't been in love with her, but he'd liked her, a lot. He thinks it might have become love, given more time. And for more than a year after her death, he finds himself thinking of her every so often, and can't bring himself to be interested in anyone else.
4. Drew Heffeneffer
Sirius is nineteen, and just getting over the realization that he likes men as well as women. None of his friends know, and he's not sure how they'll react. The wizarding world isn't as vehement about it as he's heard the Muggle world is, but most people still aren't that enthused by the idea of two blokes together.
Still, there are a few gay bars in wizarding London, and Sirius, finally ready to put Jennifer behind him, is curious enough to go to one of them. Maybe he'll even have better luck with men than he does with women.
Once he's there, he sits at the bar and orders a Firewhisky, then turns on his stool to look around. There's no one he recognizes--most appear to be several years older than Sirius. Some look like older versions of people he's known at Hogwarts, but no one he can put a name to.
He's barely taken his first sip when someone sits down next to him, and Sirius glances over to see sandy blond hair and light brown eyes. "I'm Drew Heffeneffer," the man says, then, to the bartender, "I'll have what he's having."
"Sirius Black," Sirius offers, looking more closely. This one looks a little familiar...and the surname pricks in his memory. Not a pureblood name, but very memorable.
"Sirius," Drew repeats, looking thoughtful, then suddenly snaps his fingers. "I remember you. I was in fourth year when you got Sorted. First Gryffindor from your family in generations, right?"
"That's me," Sirius agrees, now remembering. "You ended up Ravenclaw prefect, right?"
He nods, then takes a sip of his drink when it comes to him. "Was being Sorted into Gryffindor not rebellious enough for you, then?" Drew asks, grinning. "What does your family think about--" he gestures around the room with his glass, "--this?"
Sirius stiffens, then takes a large gulp of his Firewhisky, relishing the burn as it slides down his throat. His family is the last thing he wants to think about now. "I haven't spoken to my family in years. I don't know what they think, and I don't really care."
Drew reaches over and touches his hand in apology. "Yeah, all right. Sorry if I brought up bad memories."
But Sirius shakes his head and replies, "It doesn't matter. Long time ago, you know."
Drew looks at him carefully. "Yeah," he says, and quirks a smile. "Listen, you want to get out of here?"
Sirius looks at him, then gulps down the rest of his Firewhisky. He'd been curious enough to come here, and Drew is pretty attractive. There's something about him that Sirius just...really likes. He nods. "I'd like that," he says, and stands.
They go to Drew's flat, and are kissing before they've even finished walking in the door. Sirius has never been kissed like this before, hot and consuming and passionate and clearly going somewhere, and finds he both likes it and is sort of nervous about it. Drew pushes Sirius's jacket off and slides his hand up Sirius's shirt as he kicks the door shut behind him. Sirius has his own hands buried in Drew's hair.
They stumble over to the sofa, Sirius falling back onto it and Drew climbing on top of him, straddling his hips. Even with two pairs of jeans between them, Sirius feels Drew reacting to him, and gasps, pulling out of the kiss and throwing his head back. Drew seems to take that as an invitation, and starts kissing Sirius's throat, then sucks on Sirius's pulse hard enough to leave a bruise. Sirius groans.
His eyes closed, most of his concentration going to the feel of what Drew is doing to him, Sirius still starts in surprise when he feels a hand fondle him through his jeans--and, abruptly, he wonders what the hell he's doing. He doesn't even know Drew, beyond that he's three years older and was a Ravenclaw prefect.
He's also only just figured out that he likes men as well as women--but he's not sure he's ready to have sex with them. Not when this is further than he's ever gone with a girl. He has no clue what he's doing, and something is telling him this isn't the time to learn, or the person to learn with.
Drew seems to realize that he's having second thoughts, because he draws back. "Sirius?" he asks.
Sirius looks at him, and realizes abruptly that Drew's hair is just a bit lighter than Remus's, and his eyes just a bit darker. He's taller and not quite as thin, his face slightly more round, but now that Sirius thinks about it...he does resemble Remus.
The man he's close to having sex with looks a great deal like one of his best friends. He's not sure what to do with this revelation.
"Sorry," Sirius mutters. He scrubs a hand over his face, feeling the heat on his cheeks, and is not sure whether it comes from embarrassment or arousal. "I don't think I can do this."
Drew considers him. "Is it something I--" he starts, but Sirius shakes his head. It's not his fault that he looks like Remus, or that Sirius is shaken enough about this resemblance that his desire has vanished. It's not even his fault that Sirius thinks he's probably too nervous to have gone through with it even if he hadn't had his realization about Remus.
"It's just me," he says. He shifts, and Drew stands. "Sorry about this."
"It's all right," Drew replies, but when Sirius looks him in the eye, he sees the frustration. He turns away. "If there's anything else I can get you..." He trails off.
Again, Sirius shakes his head. "I think I'll just go." He grabs his jacket from where it fell on the floor, shrugs it on. He glances back at Drew once, but Drew isn't looking at him.
Then he Disapparates.
5. James Potter
He's drunk. He's really, really drunk, and that's probably the only reason he's even considering this.
"Go on," Peter wheedles. His eyes are bright and he keeps breaking out into laughter. "Dare you."
James is also pretty damn sloshed, because so far he hasn't protested beyond saying, "I'm about to get married, you know."
"Yeah," Peter says, shrugging, "but you're not married yet. Have you never thought about kissing Sirius before? You've always been so close!"
"Not really, no."
This answer doesn't seem to make a dent in Peter's enthusiasm. "It's your stag night, and it's just a kiss. It doesn't mean anything."
Sirius blinks at James. "He's not going to shut up until we kiss," he points out, and James groans.
"Yeah, you're pro'bly right," he concedes. "Stay still, all right?" And then James is kissing him, open-mouthed and sloppy.
Sirius kisses back, just as sloppily. He can taste the alcohol on James's breath, and when their tongues meet and tangle, it's wet, and really not very good. It's not the worst kiss he's ever had, but even drunk, he can't get over the fact that it's James, and he's never really wanted to kiss James, not even when he discovered his attraction to blokes.
They pull back at the same time. Both are grimacing, and, also at the same time, they swipe the backs of their hands across their mouths. Remus, who had been sitting in the background watching, laughs.
Remus. After Drew Heffeneffer, Sirius realized he actually does find Remus attractive. Very attractive. And maybe he's never wanted to kiss James, but he thinks he might like kissing Remus, or even more than kissing. Except that Remus is still one of his closest friends, and there are so many reasons why he shouldn't even be considering this. He doesn't even know if Remus likes blokes at all, not to mention the fact that it could easily screw up their friendship.
He's even tried to pick up a few people, since Drew, but he's never been able to get beyond a bit of light conversation at the bar. He wants Remus too much to have sex with someone else, but he'd still rather be friends with Remus than have sex with him. He doesn't know what else he can do.
"There, Wormtail," Sirius says, trying to stop thinking about Remus. "We've kissed. Now you can shut up about it."
"Yeah." James is still grimacing, but Sirius doesn't take it personally. He feels the same way. "Never doing that again. Thank Merlin for Lily."
Peter is pouting, Remus is still laughing, and Sirius decides he needs more alcohol.
6. Polly Fenwick
He catches up with her after an Order meeting, hurrying after her when she walks away from everyone else. It's only been a few days since Benjy died, and she's been looking pale, shaky, and in need of a friend.
"Polly!" he calls, as he gets closer. She stops, but doesn't turn around. "Polly," he says gently, once he catches up with her. "It's not safe to be by yourself these days. Let me take you home."
She still doesn't turn to look at him, doesn't even say anything, but eventually she nods, and they walk in silence until they reach the Hogwarts gates and can Apparate.
Sirius has always liked Polly Fenwick. A Gryffindor two years ahead of him, he's always thought she could have been a Hufflepuff--she was one of the few who unconditionally accepted him, a Black in Gryffindor. She was always kind to him, and though they were never particularly close, when she and her husband Benjy joined the Order, Sirius made sure to return that kindness.
When they reach her house, a homey cottage in Devon, he follows her inside, and starts making tea while she sits down at the table and stares at her hands. As he waits for the tea to steep, he sits down beside her, and covers her hands with one of his.
"I'm sorry about Benjy," he says, feeling her hands tremble beneath his. "I didn't know him very well, but he seemed like such a great wizard."
Slowly, she nods. "Yeah," she says. "He really was. Oh, Sirius. I miss him!"
He scoots his chair closer to hers and puts his arm around her shoulders. "Of course you do," he murmurs. "We're all going to miss him."
She leans her face into his neck, and he wraps the other arm around her. He can feel her tears leaking onto his skin, but though her body shudders a bit, she doesn't start sobbing. He just rubs her back and holds her for several long minutes, until the tears stop.
He tilts his head down to look at her as she draws back, and she looks up at him. He raises a hand to cup her cheek and wipe some of her tears away with his thumb, and she smiles at him. And, before he can consider whether or not it's a good idea, he leans in and kisses her.
He keeps it chaste and light, his lips closed and his eyes open, gaze locked onto hers. He imbues all the comfort and friendship he has in that kiss, and smiles a bit against her lips when he sees that she understands. She closes her eyes and lets him kiss her.
Then the kettle goes off--the tea is done. He pulls back and smiles at her again before standing and fixing the tea. He brings both mugs to the table, and nods when she says an absentminded, "Thanks."
They sit there for a while, until after the tea is gone. Finally she sighs and opens her eyes again. "Thank you, Sirius," she murmurs, giving him a wan smile. "I think I can take it from here."
He nods, accepting that because he knows she's strong enough to survive this, then leans in and presses a kiss to her forehead before standing up. "You know where I am if you need me," he says, and it's her turn to nod. Then, with one last glance at her, he Disapparates.
7. Remus Lupin
The kiss is clumsy. Their noses are bumping and they're a bit sloppy, and the kiss is carried far more by enthusiasm and excitement than skill. Still, it's not bad for a first kiss, and actually quite good considering it's his first kiss with Remus.
"Wow," he says, pulling back, just enough so that he can breathe properly again.
"Yes," Remus agrees. They blink at each other, then lean in again.
It's still sloppy. Not quite as bad as when Peter dared him to kiss James, but not the best kiss he's ever had. They're awkward and their rhythm is off. I'm rusty, Sirius thinks, before it occurs to him that he's not the only one who is. "What's your excuse?" he asks, and after a bit of pestering, Remus explains.
It's a surprise to find out that not only has Remus kissed only six people in his life, but he's still a virgin. It's one thing for Sirius to have never had sex--he was only twenty-one when he was thrown in Azkaban, and it's not exactly easy to find partners when on the run and unable to bathe and groom regularly. But Remus?
He's always found Remus attractive. Even before he figured out he was attracted to men sexually, he thought Remus was a good-looking bloke. Then he discovered he was attracted to Remus specifically, and though that threw him a bit, now he finds that's something that hasn't changed. Yeah, now he's sort of thin and worn, and his hair is greying, but Sirius still finds him pretty damn sexy.
Part of him regrets never kissing Remus, before Azkaban. He'd thought about it a few times, but always ultimately decided that life was too complicated as it was to risk screwing up one of the best friendships he'd ever had. Maybe if he'd decided to go for it anyway, that relationship might have been a source of strength for both of them, and he would never have suspected Remus of being the spy.
Part of him regrets, but part of him is glad that they're doing this now, that a broken romantic relationship is not among all the baggage they've been sorting through. And the rest of him is just happy that they're doing this at all, that they haven't missed their chance.
He's never had sex before. He'd had a few opportunities, before Azkaban, but for one reason or another had never taken them. Now here he is, at thirty-five, and he's probably going to be fumbling like a teenager, learning as he goes along.
But, as he and Remus kiss and moan and struggle with clothes, as they tumble naked to the bed and explore newly-revealed skin, he figures there's no one else he'd rather learn with. It may have taken a long time for them to get here, but they've made it in the end, and that's what matters.