The Hawthorne Effect (Heart of Darkness Remix) [Harry Potter, SB/RL, SB/JP]
Title: The Hawthorne Effect (Heart of Darkness Remix)
Author: Esinde Nayrall comtesse_sin
Summary: Before Sirius, there was nothing. Before Remus, there was James.
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/James Potter
Warnings: BDSM, implied bloodplay.
Spoilers: None.
Title, Author and URL of original story: “My Intended, My Ivory, My Station, My River”, cedarlibrarian, http://archive.skyehawke.com/story.php?no=3467&chapter=1
The Hawthorne Effect (Heart of Darkness Remix)
The Hawthorne Effect refers to how people change their behaviour when they aware that they are being watched.
~~*~~
All he can think is that Sirius wasn’t supposed to see him like this.
“Remus, is something wrong?”
He’s the one that is supposed to ask that question, the one that makes sure that Sirius is all right. Sirius shouldn’t have to ask him, shouldn’t have to worry about him, shouldn’t fucking see him like this.
“Are…” Sirius looks vaguely guilty as he watches Remus make the bed up properly. “Do you want me to help you do that?”
“No,” he says truthfully. “It only takes me a couple of minutes to clean up.”
Sex with Sirius is always messy - there are toys to be cleaned and put away, blood and sweat and candle wax and come to be charmed out of the sheets, and silk blindfolds and ties and leather collars and cuffs to be folded away for next time.
Sirius is usually in the shower while Remus packs everything away. They could just as easily use cleaning charms on themselves as they do on the rest of the room, but a hot shower is good for soothing muscles that have been exerted or cramped.
This time, though, Sirius was halfway through showering when he realised he’d forgotten the unguent he usually applied to the cuts Remus gave him, and had come scampering back to the bedroom stark naked, dripping wet and just in time to see Remus frowning as he threw the silks and the leathers back into their drawer before shutting the drawer with unnecessary force.
“What, then?” Sirius asks, coming closer, not willing to let the issue go.
Remus can’t tell Sirius the truth, which is that he occasionally wonders whether or not Sirius wishes that he were with James rather than with him. He’s not jealous of what Sirius and James did together - he knows that James was the first person Sirius kissed, and vice versa. He’s also not jealous of the countless number of people - boys and girls - that Sirius blazed a path through after James found Lily.
What worries him is that James and Lily have been fighting with one another recently, although they appear to have patched it all up today. Still, Remus worries about the amount of time that Sirius spent with James when it seemed that Lily didn’t want anything to do with him. He’s not worried about Sirius straying - betrayal from Sirius is about as likely as blood from a stone - but he doesn’t like the way James spends time with Sirius when it’s convenient and then drops him like a rancid sandwich when it isn’t.
“I was thinking of our first time,” he replies, looking up at Sirius with a tentative smile. Seeing Sirius with his wet hair plastered to his head, instead of feathery light and tumbling-into-his-eyes as he usually wears it, always makes Remus smile.
It was towards the end of seventh year, and unbeknownst to he and Sirius, they’d both been shagging the same, trollopy, sixth year, Ravenclaw tart. Arden Featherstonehaugh (pronounced ‘Fanshaw’), for appallingly ill-though out reasons, took it upon himself to arrange meetings - the same meeting, as it turned out - with Sirius and Remus at the same time and the same place.
“Fucking Featherstonehaugh,” Sirius says, mispronouncing his surname deliberately. “Probably thought we were going to fight over him, the vain wanker,” Sirius adds, but without any real heat.
Rather than fighting over him, Sirius and Remus had tied Arden to a chair and then proceeded to play with and then fuck one another so that Arden could watch - hard, aching and unable to get free to do a damn thing about it.
“It was the best place for him, really. I came harder from having him just watch than from anything he ever did with me before,” Sirius says, looking off to the side, remembering.
And just like that, he has his cue. Sirius was and is Remus’ first and only love. James was Sirius’ first love. Is he the first and only, though? I can’t ask Sirius that…
But what Remus can say instead is, “I did too. It’s different, isn’t it, when there’s someone watching?” Sirius nods slowly, dislodging shower water from his damp head, and sending them racing in rivulets down his naked body. “I was trying to think if there was anybody that I could ask to…”
“To watch?” Sirius asks, frowning slightly. “You want someone to… Remus, are you bored with me?”
The last is said in a high, distressed whisper and Remus’ heart hurts as he goes over to his boyfriend and gathers him close, because he knows that what Sirius really wants to ask is ‘are you leaving me’.
This is the last thing he wants, for Sirius to be hurt in any way. If Sirius doesn’t want to be with James, then the accusation - and Sirius will interpret it as an accusation - that he does will hurt him. And if Sirius does want to be with James…
Can’t think about that right now, he tells himself, catching the worried look on Sirius’ face.
“I’m not bored with you,” he says, leading Sirius back to their bed. “Whomever it is would only be allowed to watch, nothing else.”
Not unless you want it, he adds mentally. He is also about to say that they’ll only go ahead with it at all if it’s okay with Sirius, but that isn’t how it works with them. Sirius relies on Remus to know Sirius better than Sirius knows himself. Sirius relies on Remus to know and to do what is best for Sirius, to give Sirius what he needs and what Sirius wants but can’t ask for.
Time to find out if James is one of those things.
“Come here,” he says, pulling Sirius closer. Reaching for his wand, he charms himself and Sirius clean. “Forget about the shower,” he says, when Sirius twists around to look at him. Kissing Sirius on the forehead, he adds, “I’ll keep your muscles warm.”
“You know I’d do anything you asked, don’t you?” Of course I know, he wants to say, but instead he draws the covers over them and settles in as if to sleep. “If you finally do think of someone, then - ”
“I’ve thought of someone,” he says, before taking Sirius’ face in both hands and kissing Sirius’ mouth.
“Who?”
Remus tells him.
Sirius’ face shifts, as though he doesn’t want Remus to see what he is thinking. “Have you said anything to him?”
“I haven’t,” he says gently, stroking Sirius’ cheeks with his thumbs. “I thought he might take it better coming from you.”
~~*~~
He doesn’t know what it is that Sirius tells James to convince him to come.
But come James does, sitting at one corner of their bed, leaning back against the post and watching with faint disapproval as Remus puts Sirius through his paces.
He uses the candles tonight, because he might frighten James off forever if he uses the knives the first time. The candles aren’t any less painful, but unlike knives, they don’t lead to the spilling of blood or any of the Dark Magic associations that go with it.
And Sirius…
Sirius is perfect, and has never been more beautiful to Remus than he is tonight. They hardly take their gazes off one another, and even when Remus turns away to fetch and light the candle, he can feel Sirius still looking at him.
It takes only the lightest touch to Sirius’ thigh before Sirius moves his legs apart so Remus can kneel there, careful not to block James’ view. He’s bound Sirius’ cock with a shiny steel ring, snapped tightly at the base. He’s also put the leather cuffs on Sirius tonight, rather than using the silk ties, because he wants James to know that Sirius can stand up and walk away or push Remus off whenever he wants to.
Carefully cupping Sirius’ balls in one hand, he lifts them out of the way so that he can drip warm wax onto the newly shaved skin between Sirius’ legs. Sirius barely flinches, but Remus is aware of James shifting his weight, as though he is feeling the pain on Sirius’ behalf.
Remus looks up to check that Sirius is all right, and he sees that Sirius has his head tipped back, with his eyes closed and his lips parted in pleasure. Reassured, he brings the candle closer to Sirius’ body so that the wax that strikes the tight skin of Sirius’ balls is warmer than before.
When he spills a drop of wax onto the tip of Sirius’ cock, managing to land most of it squarely on the slit, the candle is so close to Sirius’ body that he should be able to feel the heat from it. Sirius cries out when the wax hits him, an inarticulate sound somewhere between surprise and rapture, and his hands claw into the sheets.
Setting the candle back onto its stand, Remus leans forward to kiss Sirius’ clutching fingers and moulds the palm of one hand against Sirius’ hip, giving Sirius the barest suggestion of a push. Without a word, Sirius sits up and Remus helps him roll onto his belly and then to lift up onto his forearms and knees.
He takes Sirius slow and hard, the way they both like it, and even though he’s positioned them so that they are facing James, Sirius is entirely caught up in being fucked.
The whole night, from beginning to end, neither of them look at James.
~~*~~
The James he remembers from school was never a patient boy, but nearly five months - five months during which Remus slowly escalates what he does to Sirius when they play - pass before James approaches him to talk about Sirius.
“I'm not sure about this,” James says, staring into his tea as though it holds the answers to life’s mysteries.
“About your being a part of us.”
“Well…yeah.”
“What makes you unsure?”
“I guess… What you and Sirius do, it…”
“It makes you uncomfortable,” he suggests, trying to get James to get to the point.
“Stop telling me what I think! You and Sirius… you have no idea how amazing the two of you are together. He loves you and what you do to him… well, with him,” James adds judiciously, when Remus raises an eyebrow at him. “But I don't… I don't want to jeopardize what you have by being an intruder in something that obviously means so much to both of you.”
It’s obvious that James hasn’t the faintest idea what he wants, let alone what he’s talking about, but Remus nods as though he understands.
“So there's only one solution that I see,” he says, trying not to smile at the way James’ face lights up with hope.
“And that is?”
“Join us. Do more than just watch,” he says, quickly adding, “You don't have to, of course. But I can't say I'd object and I have a feeling Sirius feels the same way.”
He hopes that James agrees. Sirius and James never fucked or shagged or made love with one another at school - they’d kissed a lot and had only just discovered fondling when Lily discovered James.
It was bad enough when he thought he was competing with James for Sirius’ love. When Sirius told him he’d never actually gotten any further than furtive groping with James, Remus realised that he wasn't competing with an inpet, fumbling adolescent, but with a fantasy. He would constantly be meaured up against what the sex might have been like with James. He knows what Sirius' imagination is like - there's no way he can compete with that.
James is still looking doubtful, so Remus leans forward and kisses him. James pulls away after a moment and regards him steadily.
“I'll do it.”
Of course you will.
~~*~~
“Got a surprise for me, Moony?”
He’s put the cuffs on Sirius again this time, so that if Sirius wants to get away at any time - get away from James? Or from me? - he can.
“Yes, I do,” he replies, brushing his lips across Sirius hand. “And I think it’s one you might even like.”
“Ooh. Does it involve whipped cream and a dog collar?”
“Even better,” he whispers back, carefully leading a blindfolded Sirius - his blindfolded Sirius - to their bed, where James is waiting for them. He looks over to James and nods, as Sirius starts to climb onto the bed.
“This way,” James says softly.
“Jamie?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
Remus thinks his heart will shatter into a hundred, thousand pieces at the way Sirius’ face lights up when he hears James’ voice.
“You’re here!” Sirius says excitedly, crawling straight towards James.
Even though he hasn’t said anything to Sirius about tonight - only that there would be a surprise - Sirius knows that something is different, because James isn’t sitting at a corner of their bed anymore. Rather, he’s sitting in the middle of the head of the bed.
“Is that how the two of you normally say hello?” he asks, placing a hand on Sirius’ back and gently urging him closer to James.
Fuck and get it over and done with. He’s not for you, not the way you think you want. He’s not sure which of the two of them he means it for.
“No,” Sirius whispers, almost apologetically, before searching for James’ face with his hands, running his fingers over James’ body before pulling James forward to be kissed. Sirius isn’t passive with James, not the way he is with Remus, and when James pulls away from the kiss, Sirius moves to kiss and suck at James’ throat.
“Why don’t you make yourself comfortable, Sirius? Lie down,” Remus urges, guiding Sirius with a few touches. Sirius is as attuned to his directions and as responsive as ever, disengaging from James at once. Remus undresses quickly as Sirius slowly moves into position, ever wary of falling off the bed, and laughs when James averts his eyes. “James, it’s all right to look. It’s not like you haven’t seen plenty already.”
God, but he wants to get this over and done with quickly.
“Move up a little,” James says, addressing Sirius. “Put your head in my lap.”
Sirius does as James asks, but laughs, “You’ve got bony legs.”
Remus doesn't hear James' response, but it is clear that James wants some sort of reaction from him because he looks over at him expectantly. He’s really not sure what James expects him to do - if Sirius’ insolence bothers him, its up to James to reprimand him. Remus certainly isn’t about to do it for him.
Although, to be fair, Sirius can’t judge the situation if he can’t see James.
“James, take his blindfold off,” he says, moving into position between Sirius’ legs.
He smiles to himself because he knows that Sirius can be blindfolded and tied up and gagged, but will still respond to the subtlest of his touches. And it’s not just because they’ve been together for nearly a year - they’ve always understood each other’s needs and desires. They don’t need words or meaningful looks to communicate - only touch.
James does as he is told, slowly unravelling the blindfold as Remus prepares Sirius to be fucked. Once Sirius is hard, he slips the steel ring into place, securing Sirius’ erection for the rest of the night. Then he moves up the bed to James, wrapping his slicked fingers around James’ thick, eager cock, and ensuring that he is ready.
“Do you want James tonight, Sirius?” Reaching down with his other hand, he touches Sirius’ throat, causing Sirius look up at him with wide, grey eyes. “Would you like that?” he asks, quietly.
Neither Sirius nor James say anything, and the silence seems to stretch forever. Without a word - he is damned if he is going to be the first to speak - he gets up and sits on the corner of the bed where James usually sits. It’s as clear an indication as any he can give Sirius that he doesn’t mind if Sirius wants James tonight.
Sirius kneels up almost instantly, presses James back against the head of the bed and kisses him and kisses him and kisses him.
He wants to close his eyes, he doesn’t want to see James fucking his Sirius, but at the same time he wants to see Sirius’ face and judge for himself whether or not this is something Sirius actually wants.
As it happens, he’s thankful that he's chosen to watch, because James takes Sirius quickly, thinking only of his own pleasure, and completely oblivious to the way Sirius shifts underneath him, raising his hips and doing all the work while James pounds into him.
For all his worry, for all the time it’s taken to bring them to this, it’s barely moments before James starts to come, emptying himself into Sirius before lifting himself off and sitting against the headboard, not bothering to attend to Sirius at all.
And when Sirius starts to sit up, still hard and wanting and desperate for release, it’s Remus he turns to, not James. He’s gathered Sirius to him before James has caught his breath, settling Sirius into a kneeling position so that he is sitting back on his heels, his thighs spread, and his cock red and wet and hard.
“Sirius could watch us,” he offers half-heartedly. After all, the invitation was for James to join both of them, not just to fuck Sirius. James has that unconvinced, uncertain expression on his face again. Remus responds as he did before, leaning forward to kiss James again.
“No,” James says softly, pulling away from him. “I’ll… I’ll watch.”
Good.
It takes just one touch of his hand on Sirius’ chest to get Sirius to stretch out on his back. There's no need for any 'are you sure's or 'is this okay's, because that isn’t how it works with them. Sirius relies on Remus to know Sirius better than Sirius knows himself. Sirius relies on Remus to know and to do what is best for Sirius, to give Sirius what he needs and what Sirius wants but can’t ask for.
And it's clear, from tonight, that James is not one of those things. Because James does more for you just by watching than by actually touching you.
Remus puts himself between Sirius and James, not caring if he is blocking James’ view, because he no longer needs to pretend that this is for Sirius’ benefit or for James’. Not when James has made it clear he has no idea what Sirius needs, and not when Sirius has made it clear that it’s Remus that he wants.
Reaching for his knife, his gaze locked with Sirius’, Remus allows himself to smile, more certain of himself than he’s ever been before.
Author: Esinde Nayrall comtesse_sin
Summary: Before Sirius, there was nothing. Before Remus, there was James.
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/James Potter
Warnings: BDSM, implied bloodplay.
Spoilers: None.
Title, Author and URL of original story: “My Intended, My Ivory, My Station, My River”, cedarlibrarian, http://archive.skyehawke.com/story.php?no=3467&chapter=1
The Hawthorne Effect (Heart of Darkness Remix)
The Hawthorne Effect refers to how people change their behaviour when they aware that they are being watched.
~~*~~
All he can think is that Sirius wasn’t supposed to see him like this.
“Remus, is something wrong?”
He’s the one that is supposed to ask that question, the one that makes sure that Sirius is all right. Sirius shouldn’t have to ask him, shouldn’t have to worry about him, shouldn’t fucking see him like this.
“Are…” Sirius looks vaguely guilty as he watches Remus make the bed up properly. “Do you want me to help you do that?”
“No,” he says truthfully. “It only takes me a couple of minutes to clean up.”
Sex with Sirius is always messy - there are toys to be cleaned and put away, blood and sweat and candle wax and come to be charmed out of the sheets, and silk blindfolds and ties and leather collars and cuffs to be folded away for next time.
Sirius is usually in the shower while Remus packs everything away. They could just as easily use cleaning charms on themselves as they do on the rest of the room, but a hot shower is good for soothing muscles that have been exerted or cramped.
This time, though, Sirius was halfway through showering when he realised he’d forgotten the unguent he usually applied to the cuts Remus gave him, and had come scampering back to the bedroom stark naked, dripping wet and just in time to see Remus frowning as he threw the silks and the leathers back into their drawer before shutting the drawer with unnecessary force.
“What, then?” Sirius asks, coming closer, not willing to let the issue go.
Remus can’t tell Sirius the truth, which is that he occasionally wonders whether or not Sirius wishes that he were with James rather than with him. He’s not jealous of what Sirius and James did together - he knows that James was the first person Sirius kissed, and vice versa. He’s also not jealous of the countless number of people - boys and girls - that Sirius blazed a path through after James found Lily.
What worries him is that James and Lily have been fighting with one another recently, although they appear to have patched it all up today. Still, Remus worries about the amount of time that Sirius spent with James when it seemed that Lily didn’t want anything to do with him. He’s not worried about Sirius straying - betrayal from Sirius is about as likely as blood from a stone - but he doesn’t like the way James spends time with Sirius when it’s convenient and then drops him like a rancid sandwich when it isn’t.
“I was thinking of our first time,” he replies, looking up at Sirius with a tentative smile. Seeing Sirius with his wet hair plastered to his head, instead of feathery light and tumbling-into-his-eyes as he usually wears it, always makes Remus smile.
It was towards the end of seventh year, and unbeknownst to he and Sirius, they’d both been shagging the same, trollopy, sixth year, Ravenclaw tart. Arden Featherstonehaugh (pronounced ‘Fanshaw’), for appallingly ill-though out reasons, took it upon himself to arrange meetings - the same meeting, as it turned out - with Sirius and Remus at the same time and the same place.
“Fucking Featherstonehaugh,” Sirius says, mispronouncing his surname deliberately. “Probably thought we were going to fight over him, the vain wanker,” Sirius adds, but without any real heat.
Rather than fighting over him, Sirius and Remus had tied Arden to a chair and then proceeded to play with and then fuck one another so that Arden could watch - hard, aching and unable to get free to do a damn thing about it.
“It was the best place for him, really. I came harder from having him just watch than from anything he ever did with me before,” Sirius says, looking off to the side, remembering.
And just like that, he has his cue. Sirius was and is Remus’ first and only love. James was Sirius’ first love. Is he the first and only, though? I can’t ask Sirius that…
But what Remus can say instead is, “I did too. It’s different, isn’t it, when there’s someone watching?” Sirius nods slowly, dislodging shower water from his damp head, and sending them racing in rivulets down his naked body. “I was trying to think if there was anybody that I could ask to…”
“To watch?” Sirius asks, frowning slightly. “You want someone to… Remus, are you bored with me?”
The last is said in a high, distressed whisper and Remus’ heart hurts as he goes over to his boyfriend and gathers him close, because he knows that what Sirius really wants to ask is ‘are you leaving me’.
This is the last thing he wants, for Sirius to be hurt in any way. If Sirius doesn’t want to be with James, then the accusation - and Sirius will interpret it as an accusation - that he does will hurt him. And if Sirius does want to be with James…
Can’t think about that right now, he tells himself, catching the worried look on Sirius’ face.
“I’m not bored with you,” he says, leading Sirius back to their bed. “Whomever it is would only be allowed to watch, nothing else.”
Not unless you want it, he adds mentally. He is also about to say that they’ll only go ahead with it at all if it’s okay with Sirius, but that isn’t how it works with them. Sirius relies on Remus to know Sirius better than Sirius knows himself. Sirius relies on Remus to know and to do what is best for Sirius, to give Sirius what he needs and what Sirius wants but can’t ask for.
Time to find out if James is one of those things.
“Come here,” he says, pulling Sirius closer. Reaching for his wand, he charms himself and Sirius clean. “Forget about the shower,” he says, when Sirius twists around to look at him. Kissing Sirius on the forehead, he adds, “I’ll keep your muscles warm.”
“You know I’d do anything you asked, don’t you?” Of course I know, he wants to say, but instead he draws the covers over them and settles in as if to sleep. “If you finally do think of someone, then - ”
“I’ve thought of someone,” he says, before taking Sirius’ face in both hands and kissing Sirius’ mouth.
“Who?”
Remus tells him.
Sirius’ face shifts, as though he doesn’t want Remus to see what he is thinking. “Have you said anything to him?”
“I haven’t,” he says gently, stroking Sirius’ cheeks with his thumbs. “I thought he might take it better coming from you.”
~~*~~
He doesn’t know what it is that Sirius tells James to convince him to come.
But come James does, sitting at one corner of their bed, leaning back against the post and watching with faint disapproval as Remus puts Sirius through his paces.
He uses the candles tonight, because he might frighten James off forever if he uses the knives the first time. The candles aren’t any less painful, but unlike knives, they don’t lead to the spilling of blood or any of the Dark Magic associations that go with it.
And Sirius…
Sirius is perfect, and has never been more beautiful to Remus than he is tonight. They hardly take their gazes off one another, and even when Remus turns away to fetch and light the candle, he can feel Sirius still looking at him.
It takes only the lightest touch to Sirius’ thigh before Sirius moves his legs apart so Remus can kneel there, careful not to block James’ view. He’s bound Sirius’ cock with a shiny steel ring, snapped tightly at the base. He’s also put the leather cuffs on Sirius tonight, rather than using the silk ties, because he wants James to know that Sirius can stand up and walk away or push Remus off whenever he wants to.
Carefully cupping Sirius’ balls in one hand, he lifts them out of the way so that he can drip warm wax onto the newly shaved skin between Sirius’ legs. Sirius barely flinches, but Remus is aware of James shifting his weight, as though he is feeling the pain on Sirius’ behalf.
Remus looks up to check that Sirius is all right, and he sees that Sirius has his head tipped back, with his eyes closed and his lips parted in pleasure. Reassured, he brings the candle closer to Sirius’ body so that the wax that strikes the tight skin of Sirius’ balls is warmer than before.
When he spills a drop of wax onto the tip of Sirius’ cock, managing to land most of it squarely on the slit, the candle is so close to Sirius’ body that he should be able to feel the heat from it. Sirius cries out when the wax hits him, an inarticulate sound somewhere between surprise and rapture, and his hands claw into the sheets.
Setting the candle back onto its stand, Remus leans forward to kiss Sirius’ clutching fingers and moulds the palm of one hand against Sirius’ hip, giving Sirius the barest suggestion of a push. Without a word, Sirius sits up and Remus helps him roll onto his belly and then to lift up onto his forearms and knees.
He takes Sirius slow and hard, the way they both like it, and even though he’s positioned them so that they are facing James, Sirius is entirely caught up in being fucked.
The whole night, from beginning to end, neither of them look at James.
~~*~~
The James he remembers from school was never a patient boy, but nearly five months - five months during which Remus slowly escalates what he does to Sirius when they play - pass before James approaches him to talk about Sirius.
“I'm not sure about this,” James says, staring into his tea as though it holds the answers to life’s mysteries.
“About your being a part of us.”
“Well…yeah.”
“What makes you unsure?”
“I guess… What you and Sirius do, it…”
“It makes you uncomfortable,” he suggests, trying to get James to get to the point.
“Stop telling me what I think! You and Sirius… you have no idea how amazing the two of you are together. He loves you and what you do to him… well, with him,” James adds judiciously, when Remus raises an eyebrow at him. “But I don't… I don't want to jeopardize what you have by being an intruder in something that obviously means so much to both of you.”
It’s obvious that James hasn’t the faintest idea what he wants, let alone what he’s talking about, but Remus nods as though he understands.
“So there's only one solution that I see,” he says, trying not to smile at the way James’ face lights up with hope.
“And that is?”
“Join us. Do more than just watch,” he says, quickly adding, “You don't have to, of course. But I can't say I'd object and I have a feeling Sirius feels the same way.”
He hopes that James agrees. Sirius and James never fucked or shagged or made love with one another at school - they’d kissed a lot and had only just discovered fondling when Lily discovered James.
It was bad enough when he thought he was competing with James for Sirius’ love. When Sirius told him he’d never actually gotten any further than furtive groping with James, Remus realised that he wasn't competing with an inpet, fumbling adolescent, but with a fantasy. He would constantly be meaured up against what the sex might have been like with James. He knows what Sirius' imagination is like - there's no way he can compete with that.
James is still looking doubtful, so Remus leans forward and kisses him. James pulls away after a moment and regards him steadily.
“I'll do it.”
Of course you will.
~~*~~
“Got a surprise for me, Moony?”
He’s put the cuffs on Sirius again this time, so that if Sirius wants to get away at any time - get away from James? Or from me? - he can.
“Yes, I do,” he replies, brushing his lips across Sirius hand. “And I think it’s one you might even like.”
“Ooh. Does it involve whipped cream and a dog collar?”
“Even better,” he whispers back, carefully leading a blindfolded Sirius - his blindfolded Sirius - to their bed, where James is waiting for them. He looks over to James and nods, as Sirius starts to climb onto the bed.
“This way,” James says softly.
“Jamie?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
Remus thinks his heart will shatter into a hundred, thousand pieces at the way Sirius’ face lights up when he hears James’ voice.
“You’re here!” Sirius says excitedly, crawling straight towards James.
Even though he hasn’t said anything to Sirius about tonight - only that there would be a surprise - Sirius knows that something is different, because James isn’t sitting at a corner of their bed anymore. Rather, he’s sitting in the middle of the head of the bed.
“Is that how the two of you normally say hello?” he asks, placing a hand on Sirius’ back and gently urging him closer to James.
Fuck and get it over and done with. He’s not for you, not the way you think you want. He’s not sure which of the two of them he means it for.
“No,” Sirius whispers, almost apologetically, before searching for James’ face with his hands, running his fingers over James’ body before pulling James forward to be kissed. Sirius isn’t passive with James, not the way he is with Remus, and when James pulls away from the kiss, Sirius moves to kiss and suck at James’ throat.
“Why don’t you make yourself comfortable, Sirius? Lie down,” Remus urges, guiding Sirius with a few touches. Sirius is as attuned to his directions and as responsive as ever, disengaging from James at once. Remus undresses quickly as Sirius slowly moves into position, ever wary of falling off the bed, and laughs when James averts his eyes. “James, it’s all right to look. It’s not like you haven’t seen plenty already.”
God, but he wants to get this over and done with quickly.
“Move up a little,” James says, addressing Sirius. “Put your head in my lap.”
Sirius does as James asks, but laughs, “You’ve got bony legs.”
Remus doesn't hear James' response, but it is clear that James wants some sort of reaction from him because he looks over at him expectantly. He’s really not sure what James expects him to do - if Sirius’ insolence bothers him, its up to James to reprimand him. Remus certainly isn’t about to do it for him.
Although, to be fair, Sirius can’t judge the situation if he can’t see James.
“James, take his blindfold off,” he says, moving into position between Sirius’ legs.
He smiles to himself because he knows that Sirius can be blindfolded and tied up and gagged, but will still respond to the subtlest of his touches. And it’s not just because they’ve been together for nearly a year - they’ve always understood each other’s needs and desires. They don’t need words or meaningful looks to communicate - only touch.
James does as he is told, slowly unravelling the blindfold as Remus prepares Sirius to be fucked. Once Sirius is hard, he slips the steel ring into place, securing Sirius’ erection for the rest of the night. Then he moves up the bed to James, wrapping his slicked fingers around James’ thick, eager cock, and ensuring that he is ready.
“Do you want James tonight, Sirius?” Reaching down with his other hand, he touches Sirius’ throat, causing Sirius look up at him with wide, grey eyes. “Would you like that?” he asks, quietly.
Neither Sirius nor James say anything, and the silence seems to stretch forever. Without a word - he is damned if he is going to be the first to speak - he gets up and sits on the corner of the bed where James usually sits. It’s as clear an indication as any he can give Sirius that he doesn’t mind if Sirius wants James tonight.
Sirius kneels up almost instantly, presses James back against the head of the bed and kisses him and kisses him and kisses him.
He wants to close his eyes, he doesn’t want to see James fucking his Sirius, but at the same time he wants to see Sirius’ face and judge for himself whether or not this is something Sirius actually wants.
As it happens, he’s thankful that he's chosen to watch, because James takes Sirius quickly, thinking only of his own pleasure, and completely oblivious to the way Sirius shifts underneath him, raising his hips and doing all the work while James pounds into him.
For all his worry, for all the time it’s taken to bring them to this, it’s barely moments before James starts to come, emptying himself into Sirius before lifting himself off and sitting against the headboard, not bothering to attend to Sirius at all.
And when Sirius starts to sit up, still hard and wanting and desperate for release, it’s Remus he turns to, not James. He’s gathered Sirius to him before James has caught his breath, settling Sirius into a kneeling position so that he is sitting back on his heels, his thighs spread, and his cock red and wet and hard.
“Sirius could watch us,” he offers half-heartedly. After all, the invitation was for James to join both of them, not just to fuck Sirius. James has that unconvinced, uncertain expression on his face again. Remus responds as he did before, leaning forward to kiss James again.
“No,” James says softly, pulling away from him. “I’ll… I’ll watch.”
Good.
It takes just one touch of his hand on Sirius’ chest to get Sirius to stretch out on his back. There's no need for any 'are you sure's or 'is this okay's, because that isn’t how it works with them. Sirius relies on Remus to know Sirius better than Sirius knows himself. Sirius relies on Remus to know and to do what is best for Sirius, to give Sirius what he needs and what Sirius wants but can’t ask for.
And it's clear, from tonight, that James is not one of those things. Because James does more for you just by watching than by actually touching you.
Remus puts himself between Sirius and James, not caring if he is blocking James’ view, because he no longer needs to pretend that this is for Sirius’ benefit or for James’. Not when James has made it clear he has no idea what Sirius needs, and not when Sirius has made it clear that it’s Remus that he wants.
Reaching for his knife, his gaze locked with Sirius’, Remus allows himself to smile, more certain of himself than he’s ever been before.