Bareback Flying On A Really Big Duck (The Dive and Drown Remix) [Harry Potter; James/Remus]
Title: Bareback Flying On A Really Big Duck (The Dive and Drown Remix)
Author: dracofiend
Summary: Remus likes James. James knows it. Sort of.
Rating: R
Fandom: Harry Potter
Words: ~5000
Original Fix Remixed: Away Laughing On A Fast Camel, by the lovely sazzlette
It wasn't that Remus didn't want to go. He did. He'd automatically agreed when Mrs Potter had explained about her and Mr Potter's holiday, how there'd been a mixup with dates, how there'd be no one in the house, how James needed someone there. She'd rounded it off with a faint sigh of, "You know James."
"Of course," Remus had said. He was a positive influence like that. James had rolled his eyes while his mother had smiled, and Remus had thought of the grin James would've been grinning if it had been Sirius nodding politely instead. Still, here he was, standing in front of James with the door shut behind him, gripping his suitcase for the two-week stay and mumbling a ridiculously apologetic offer to leave.
"Nonsense, Moony," James grinned, and Remus felt a little better. "Nobody as pretty as you could be a bother."
He knew he was supposed to grin back at this, and if he'd been someone else (Sirius) he would've done--he would've cocked a bit of brow, answered with something smart, like...god, he didn't know. So he just looked away, wishing he didn't get so weird when he was nervous. Or with James.
"I'll give you the grand tour," James was saying. Remus started pointing out that it wasn't like he hadn't been here before (last week, for instance--the Potters' summer party), but James had grabbed the suitcase and was swinging it up the stairs. "And this, my dear Moony, is the second-floor landing--note the exquisite detail in the bannister here, I believe it dates to the mid-twentieth century..."
---
Remus grinned, kicking aside pillows as James ruffled his hair. The pillowfights in the dormitory were never as fun because there were a lot fewer pillows and a lot more people--but this had been good, just him and James, and a much lower chance of having your eyes gouged out by errant knuckles.
"Come on--let's see what my mum's left us for dinner," James said, bounding down the stairs. Remus followed him into the kitchen. "Aha! Curry!" James was crowing, lifting a potlid, then pulling out a drawer and fishing out a spoon. "Want some?" He waved it at Remus, rummaging around for a second spoon.
"Um," Remus said, watching James dive in.
"Ooh, spicy!" James slurred through potatoes.
"Where are the plates?" Remus moved toward the cabinets and opened a door, peering up.
"Oh, to the left one. Yeah. Great. Thanks, mum," James grinned at the plates Remus had taken down, then jabbed Remus in the side with his curry-coated spoon. "Want something to drink?" He went to the refrigerator and poked his head in. "We've got...milk, juice, butterbeer, water..."
Remus heaped a few scoops of curry and a few scoops of rice onto a plate. "Water's fine." He was filling up a second plate when James turned around, with a prominent stalk of celery wedged up each nostril.
"You sure? I'm having butterbeer."
"Yes. Doesn't that hurt?"
"The green beans felt nicer but they didn't stick." He wrinkled his nose--the stalks didn't budge. "I dare you to eat them."
"No. Where do you keep the glasses?"
James smiled and stepped up to Remus, leaning in until they were only inches apart. Remus pressed himself against the edge of the sink but forced himself to stare steadily into James' glinting eyes behind their frames. That was the only way, with people like James.
James scrunched his eyes shut, gave an almighty snort, and the celery shot free, landing in the curry with two soft plops.
"Ah, much better," he grinned, taking a deep breath through his nose. He grabbed the other plate of curry from the countertop and turned to the table.
Remus didn't say a word. He simply sat down at the table--and thrust his foot out to kick.
James was already tilting back in his chair. "Missed," he laughed, hoisting his feet onto the seat, waiting for Remus' next move. He was smirking with teeth and his hair was all up, and Remus froze then glanced down so he wouldn't lunge across (bad idea bad idea, bad bad BAD--)
"Hey, Moonboy," James said. "It's really not so bad."
Remus jerked his head up to the quirk of James' smile, flushing all at once and extremely alarmed.
James reached over and fetched out a drippy piece of celery. "Quite tasty, actually," he said, crunching down. "Goes well with the curry." He took another bite, then gestured at Remus' dish. "Aren't you gonna try it?"
Remus laughed, a bit loudly. "Fuck no. You eat it!" He picked up the remaining stalk and flung it onto James' plate.
James grinned, and did.
---
The next night Remus couldn't sleep very well. It was the nettles, of course--the nettle stings he'd got in the wooded area by the house. Remus hadn't minded when James was pushing him around--he hadn't even tried particularly hard to dodge away--but when James pushed him into that patch of stinging nettles...well, Remus' mood had turned rather quickly. And then it had turned again, when James had offered to apply the murtlap essence himself. More than once.
Remus sighed, unable to roll onto his stomach without pain. He replayed the conversation, wincing when he remembered how he'd shouted at James for the bottle. He wondered what would've happened if he'd said sure, that'll be great, and taken off his shorts. Humiliation, probably. Definitely. James would've had to put his hands up there, as the damned stings had gotten in the worst places, and they would've been all slick and warm with the murtlap essence, and Remus would've--embarrassed himself. Like he was doing right now. At least James wasn't watching, or listening by the bloody door.
Remus stilled his hand--he couldn't do this anyway. The skin was too tender--he needed more murtlap. Carefully, he eased out of bed (ouch, ouch) and padded over the carpeting. The hall was empty when he opened the door, and the floorboards were cool under his feet. He moved quietly toward the darkened bathroom--then stopped.
Someone was in there. Wanking.
Remus realized he was very much out of place, and acutely erect. James' throaty voice (Sure you don't want me to rub it in for you?) was tickling his ear--he could hear each stroke James was pulling along his cock. Fuck. They were already fast--Remus had to get ready--he dropped his chin and held his breath when the little snapping noises broke off, leaving a tight box of silence into which James was coming, just behind the almost-closed door.
The sound of the faucet helped Remus breathe again, and he was properly sleep-faced when James emerged from the dark.
"Oh," Remus murmured, with a convincingly smothered yawn. "Prongs. Night." He started to scratch at his thigh before he remembered it would hurt, but James had shuffled off and didn't see him flinch. Remus slipped into the safety of the bathroom and shut the door securely. He didn't bother with the light, but went straight to the cabinet where the murtlap was kept. The bottle was still damp where James' wet fingers had rescrewed on the cap.
The moon was plenty bright enough for Remus to see what he was doing, and he applied the murtlap with brisk, efficient swipes--not at all the way James would've done it, if Remus had let him. No, James would've done it slowly on purpose, whispering, "You like that?" with pursed lips and a wink. He would've grinned while Remus struggled not to get hard, then laughed at Remus' failure. His eyes would've widened as Remus' breathing quickened--but (and here Remus let himself imagine) it would've been okay, because James would be careful. Remus would be helpless and gasping (he was gasping, keep quiet), and James would be careful not to rub the stings the wrong way.
Remus finished up and found himself falling asleep. He managed to rinse his hands (oh right, must dry them) and replace the bottlecap before stumbling into the hall.
---
Fun-word Scrabble, Remus thought, had been a genius idea. "Blargle," he murmured, to inform the rug of this fact. The fuzzy fibers against his face started itching his nose.
"There! I've got it!" James shouted over his snuffling.
"What?" Remus rolled over, knocking aside the wine bottle. He tried to catch it, then saw it was empty anyway.
"Wang!"
"You've got a wang?" Remus had to laugh at the sheer wittiness of his wit.
"Nonononono on the words--here, you're lying on my erection!" James yelped, leaping protectively over the little wooden tiles. Remus burst into sloppy giggles.
"Come on, Moony, don't make me touch you," James groaned. Then he sat on Remus' legs and god, it was so funny because now James was the one lying on his erection--almost, at least--
Remus twisted to safety, pushing his face back to the carpet. "You wouldn't dare," he muttered, wanting James to leave him alone.
His stomach lurched audibly when James thrust a hand in, digging under the shirt and into his trousers--Remus' eyes flew open to catch his friend's reckless grin. He shoved James off, hard, ruining the board.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Remus rasped. James could be a dick but it was usually on accident--except he knew about this and he was still fucking around. Remus got up, weaving with anger. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight."
He was sure it was all a big fucking laugh for James--and Sirius too, once James told him all about it. Remus hit the bed snarling, hating Sirius and James. He meant to go on snarling for some time longer--but the wine was so winey and the sheets were so soft, and Remus thought he could take it up again tomorrow.
In the morning, though, it seemed a rather pointless exercise, as he was a bit mixed-up and had no energy to snarl. Then James said hey, let's go swimming!, which was exactly what Remus kind of wanted to do. So off they went.
---
"Not so bad, is it?" James shouted through the splashing. Remus was still shivering--his balls were sucking in--when James tackled him.
"Gaaaaaahhh!!" Remus shrieked as their bare bodies collided. It was cold and James was bony and there was mud in his eyes. "James!" he choked, feeling warm fingers at his hip. "I can't breathe!" But he was lying, because he could, and he was laughing against James. The grip around him eased and Remus didn't waste the chance--quick as a fish he whirled and jerked James under, pushing down his friend's shoulders before his hands slipped free. James tried to kick him and pull him in at the same time; Remus dodged the foot but couldn't stay afloat. This was brilliant! fantastic! jabbing James in the river! Remus gleefully re-established his hold, grinning in the water as his captive writhed, pushing him. He couldn't hang on--he squeezed James' cock.
When Remus popped up, James was spluttering behind him, and for a sickening moment, all the words from Scrabble night pounded through his head.
"Moony?" James said, and Remus turned around, forgetting he was supposed to splash.
He regretted it the next instant when James showered him with mud.
"Blrgugh!" Remus coughed. "Wanker!" He sent up a spray of water as James paddled off laughing. Remus dove after him, smiling through the hair plastered over his eyes. So it was all right--James didn't mind. Probably he figured it for a random grab, which meant they could forget it. Remus decided it was the next best thing. He scraped up a fistful of sludge from riverbed and threw it at James, where it splattered in black streaks across his left shoulder. James didn't even look back--he just disappeared from view. Remus laughed and pushed off before the tosser could resurface.
They finally got out after more fighting and some floating, their toes smeared with dirt, their faces pinkly burned.
"You're not gonna put those on, are you?" James said as Remus strode quickly toward his clothing. Getting out of the river naked was a bit easier than getting in, but Remus wasn't a big fan of either. "It's so lovely without!"
Remus stepped a foot through his shorts. "I'm not walking around here naked--you're obviously plotting to push me into more nettles." He glanced around to grin and caught James' eye.
"I am not!" James protested, bending to retrieve his glasses. He put them back on, then picked up his clothes. "So you've nothing to fear, my dear--no one's looking at your perky little arse."
"Except you, I suppose," Remus replied airily, because the sun made him brazen and James was okay. He tugged on his shirt.
James chortled, then flicked a piece of caked mud at him. "Moony, you fucking fascinate me."
Remus didn't quite know what to say about that.
"Come on quick! Back to the house at once!" James boomed loudly, then sprinted up the bank with his clothes balled up in a fist.
Remus sprinted after him, with no intention of catching up.
---
"What's your one say?" James asked, munching down on a bit of fortune cookie.
Remus pushed aside his lo mein and broke open his own fortune cookie, then fished out the little slip of paper.
"Help," he read aloud. "I'm being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery."
"Bwa ha!" James guffawed, lunging across empty cartons to snatch the slip from Remus. He glanced at it and grinned up. "So you want to see Egypt, huh? Why Egypt?"
Remus shrugged. "I don't."
"Of course you do! Says right here, 'You long to see the pyramids of Egypt.' These things never lie!" James jumped out of his chair. "Hey, I know, let's go right now!"
"What?"
"Sure! I've never been to Egypt either!"
"What are you--"
"We're going to Apparate! You ready?" James squeezed his eyes shut. "Okay, one, two--"
"Wait! You can't--"
James opened his eyes and hopped over to Remus, grabbing his arm. "Well if you wanted to sidealong with me you only had to ask! Now tuck in your arms--"
"StopstopstopstopSTOP!!" Remus screamed, wrenching free his wrist. "We'll be splinched for SURE it's THOUSANDS of miles away are you fucking INSANE!"
James blinked at him--then burst out laughing. "You scream like a bloody girl!" he howled.
Remus glowered and punched James in the stomach.
"Ow!" James grinned. "That's my sweet and spicy pork!" He punched Remus back--but Remus dodged the blow and stepped on James' foot. He tried to dart toward the living room, but James caught him by the elbows, spinning him around. Remus broke away with a well-placed jab to James' ribs and raced for the safety of the couch. He leaped over the arm and onto a cushion--only to be tackled from behind.
"Tosser!" he shouted as he toppled down face-first. James whooped as he thudded onto Remus' spine, pinning Remus' wrists to each side while jouncing his hips to avoid Remus' backward kicks.
"Stop kicking!" James shouted, trying to dig a knee into Remus' lower back. "You'll get me in the balls!"
"So I haven't gotten them yet," Remus grunted, swerving his foot toward James' crotch.
"Nonono look!" James yelped, arching his body up high. "Look!" he panted next to Remus' ear. "We'll go see the pyramids!"
Remus turned his head as far as it would go--and got an eyeful of black hair. He blew at it, and James winked before the hair flopped back into place.
"I told you," Remus heaved, trying not to feel James breathing on him. "I've no interest in the pyramids." He saw James purse his mouth, considering.
"All right then," James said. "We'll stay here." His hips whumped down on Remus all at once. "And snuggle."
Remus winced under the sudden weight of James' chest. He smiled into the cushion anyway.
---
"D'i miss sumthin'?" Remus mumbled, pushing his nose against--shoulder. Oh, James' shoulder. He yawned, rubbing an eye with one hand, too tired to be self-conscious.
"You missed the bit with the giant polar bears and the lasers."
"Oh," Remus murmured. That's right, they'd been watching a film, one of James' favorites that didn't seem to make a lot of--
Remus jumped back. James stared at him curiously.
He bit his lip, averting his eyes as James leaned in a little.
"You er--um," Remus stuttered.
"What, Moony?"
Remus couldn't manage a reply. He could feel himself flushing and he tried to stop the flow but James' cock was hard, jutting from his thigh, pulling at his underwear, nearly snapping out. He closed his eyes. forcing back images of his mouth around that cock. Oh god, oh god, stop STOP stop...
"Ah," James said. Remus heard him moving around. "Look, it's a perfectly natural reaction."
"To what?!?" Remus blurted, flicking open his eyes in horror. Had he inadvertently done something in his sleep? Started wanking off? Started wanking James off??
"To...things," James muttered. Then he started turning pinkish. "I'm not bent or anything. Not that I've got anything against it--" James looked up just as Remus did the same, and it was a mistake because his face was getting hotter and look, even James was embarrassed, it was so obvious...
"I'm not!" James was insisting, and it pissed Remus off while making him want to laugh at the same time. "I'm straight! Like a maypole," James babbled. "Well maybe not a maypole but some kind of pole. A big straight manly pole. All long and hard and straight."
"James, shut up," Remus groaned, pushing himself as far as he could get, into the arm of the sofa, away from James. He shut his eyes again so he wouldn't see James inch closer--but the crazy stream of images wouldn't go away (the cock in his mouth--boxers stretching out--James' pretty shade of pink, defensive, telling him he might--)
"Honestly, it's just girls!" James protested, looking almost desperately at him, and that made Remus angry, the way James wanted to pretend. Maybe Sirius would laugh it off and everything would be fine but he wasn't Sirius and he didn't care about being fine, not if James could look like that, even if it was only when they were alone--
The next thing he knew, they were shouting at each other until they were both standing up, furious, and Remus had never hated James more than he did in that moment--so he tore his fist from the pocket of his pajamas and hit James in the jaw. Hard.
The next thing after that he was crouching over his friend, stammering a frantic, "Oh god, James, are you all right?" James was sprawled on the ground, holding his scrunched-up face, and Remus couldn't feel the throb in his knuckles over the throb of oh no oh no oh no in his head.
"You hit me," James muttered.
"I'm so sorry. I really am, really sorry," Remus exhaled, wide-eyed, stunned that he'd done this, put James on the floor.
"You nancying little trollop, I can't believe you hit me," James growled, shoving Remus roughly aside. Remus tumbled back on his heels, knowing there was no point now--they'd still be friends probably but James had just been playing, he really wasn't--
--hurt, because he was launching himself at Remus. Remus lost a few precious seconds, dazed by surprise, but got himself together enough to raise a respectable fight. Then James tried to bite him, on the shoulder, where his pajamas had been tugged away, and James' tongue was so warm even as his teeth carved in that Remus let him do it. He half-regretted it a second later, when James' whole body paused, and James' hand came sliding past his chest, down his front. Remus couldn't move as James palmed his erection, passing fingertips gently over the cotton of the cloth.
"James, don't," Remus heard himself whisper, and he meant it, if James didn't. "Prongs."
James laughed, sounding normal enough. "You are, aren't you?" he huffed over Remus' neck. "You are."
"I think it's pretty obvious I'm not a girl," Remus answered unhappily, because James was always accusing him of that.
"A homosexual, you cunt."
"Oh," Remus said, twisting his chest but not his hips, since James' hand was still there. This whole conversation was stupid and unnecessary--by now James had to know, but he still had to dig, turn everything up, pawing and probing until he had Remus wriggling beneath him. "Don't know, really," Remus finally said. It was vaguely easier than Of course I am, you arseface. "I might be."
At that James dipped his fingers under the elastic of the pajamas.
"James, don't--"
"I'm just--"
"--tell Sirius." Remus was breathing fast, wanting him to promise.
James looked at him blankly--then he burst out laughing. "But just imagine how jealous he'd get," James murmured a moment later, grabbing at the pajamas when Remus started squirming away, embarrassed at having asked such a silly, impossible thing. He laughed, awkwardly--then James' fingers curled around his cock and it was suddenly okay.
"I told you," James said, rolling his hand up Remus' shaft. The creases in his palm were coarse along the skin. "I knew you were a fag."
Remus knew it too. He jerked down James' shoulder and pressed their mouths together.
"Prongs," he murmured, "shut up." Twisting from the floor, he knocked James to the carpet, straddling him amidst the frayed edges of his sleep robe. He leaned in close, his hair skimming James' glasses, watching James' mouth move as he smiled.
"What're you going to with me now, paint my toenails?" James teased. Remus stared back at the careless, crooked grin, studying it for the umpteenth time.
"Oi," James said, when Remus didn't reply. "Moony, what're you planning?" He bucked his hips, but Remus stayed firm.
"Thought I'd give you a lesson in shirtlifting," he said at last, quietly, unclenching his grasp on the last dregs of sense. He edged down a little to peel back the hem of James' shirt, and barely heard James' chuckle ("Woah, you lifted that right up!") as he yanked down the underwear and sank his mouth over James' cock.
"Ohfuck," whispered James, going very still. "Fuck. Fuck." Remus sucked harder, to make James do it again--and he did, but without words, which was insanely better.
Remus' only thought was that he musn't think--and neither could James, caught helpless as a moth in the sleeves of the robe. Remus wanted him to stay caught--wanted him to come--wanted James in his mouth in his arse in his hands but James was groaning then snarling and Remus wanted to laugh. So he did, with his lips moist from James' prick--knowing he could do everything he liked because James would grab and not push (the certainty was dizzying), if only, if only, his arms were free.
Remus bent his neck and re-sheathed James' cock--then promptly choked as James jerked his hips with a vengeance. Remus coughed, swallowing, smiling as he slithered from James' legs to crawl beside him. His mouth glistened in triumph and he kissed James brusquely, a sharp kiss with teeth that tasted kind of like metal.
"Easy," James mumbled, twisting aside his head. "Bad Moony--"
Remus cut him off with a rough hand on his cock and a deep bite in his shoulder, grinning into the strained neck when he heard James whimper. "Who's the fag now?" he whispered, trailing his hand away, biting into James' earlobe. James bucked against his arm--Remus waited for the retort--but James only let a soft clipped gasp, and came.
Remus looked down incredulously as James' pinched face relaxed. He shuffled back on his knees, anxiously, when James' eyes started to open.
James gazed at the ceiling. Remus bit his lip.
Then James sighed a contented ah, and sat up slowly, unwinding himself from the oversized robe. "You sneaky little hussy," he said in scathing tones, pulling his underwear back over his cock. Remus shrugged at the carpet, awkward and happier than he'd ever, ever been. He heard James laugh and raised his head to a sofa cushion, flapping in his face.
"You are dead, Lupin!" James growled, but Remus had jumped to his feet on instinct.
"Only if you can catch me, foureyes!" he shouted, speeding toward the stairs. James thundered up behind him.
"Saucy tart!" James bellowed. "You're not getting away from ME!"
Remus careened down the hall, hitting the halfway mark before James dropped him to the ground. "Aha!" James shouted, battering him with the cushion.
"Okay! Okay!" Remus laughed between thwacks, waving his arms futilely. "Okay!"
"So you surrender, you wretched creature of evil? You acknowledge my victory?" James narrowed his eyes sternly, brandishing his weapon with a flourish.
"What happens if I do?" Remus grinned. "Does it mean you get to be top?"
"Obviously!" James cried, biffing him with the cushion. Remus laughed and stopped trying to duck away.
Author: dracofiend
Summary: Remus likes James. James knows it. Sort of.
Rating: R
Fandom: Harry Potter
Words: ~5000
Original Fix Remixed: Away Laughing On A Fast Camel, by the lovely sazzlette
It wasn't that Remus didn't want to go. He did. He'd automatically agreed when Mrs Potter had explained about her and Mr Potter's holiday, how there'd been a mixup with dates, how there'd be no one in the house, how James needed someone there. She'd rounded it off with a faint sigh of, "You know James."
"Of course," Remus had said. He was a positive influence like that. James had rolled his eyes while his mother had smiled, and Remus had thought of the grin James would've been grinning if it had been Sirius nodding politely instead. Still, here he was, standing in front of James with the door shut behind him, gripping his suitcase for the two-week stay and mumbling a ridiculously apologetic offer to leave.
"Nonsense, Moony," James grinned, and Remus felt a little better. "Nobody as pretty as you could be a bother."
He knew he was supposed to grin back at this, and if he'd been someone else (Sirius) he would've done--he would've cocked a bit of brow, answered with something smart, like...god, he didn't know. So he just looked away, wishing he didn't get so weird when he was nervous. Or with James.
"I'll give you the grand tour," James was saying. Remus started pointing out that it wasn't like he hadn't been here before (last week, for instance--the Potters' summer party), but James had grabbed the suitcase and was swinging it up the stairs. "And this, my dear Moony, is the second-floor landing--note the exquisite detail in the bannister here, I believe it dates to the mid-twentieth century..."
---
Remus grinned, kicking aside pillows as James ruffled his hair. The pillowfights in the dormitory were never as fun because there were a lot fewer pillows and a lot more people--but this had been good, just him and James, and a much lower chance of having your eyes gouged out by errant knuckles.
"Come on--let's see what my mum's left us for dinner," James said, bounding down the stairs. Remus followed him into the kitchen. "Aha! Curry!" James was crowing, lifting a potlid, then pulling out a drawer and fishing out a spoon. "Want some?" He waved it at Remus, rummaging around for a second spoon.
"Um," Remus said, watching James dive in.
"Ooh, spicy!" James slurred through potatoes.
"Where are the plates?" Remus moved toward the cabinets and opened a door, peering up.
"Oh, to the left one. Yeah. Great. Thanks, mum," James grinned at the plates Remus had taken down, then jabbed Remus in the side with his curry-coated spoon. "Want something to drink?" He went to the refrigerator and poked his head in. "We've got...milk, juice, butterbeer, water..."
Remus heaped a few scoops of curry and a few scoops of rice onto a plate. "Water's fine." He was filling up a second plate when James turned around, with a prominent stalk of celery wedged up each nostril.
"You sure? I'm having butterbeer."
"Yes. Doesn't that hurt?"
"The green beans felt nicer but they didn't stick." He wrinkled his nose--the stalks didn't budge. "I dare you to eat them."
"No. Where do you keep the glasses?"
James smiled and stepped up to Remus, leaning in until they were only inches apart. Remus pressed himself against the edge of the sink but forced himself to stare steadily into James' glinting eyes behind their frames. That was the only way, with people like James.
James scrunched his eyes shut, gave an almighty snort, and the celery shot free, landing in the curry with two soft plops.
"Ah, much better," he grinned, taking a deep breath through his nose. He grabbed the other plate of curry from the countertop and turned to the table.
Remus didn't say a word. He simply sat down at the table--and thrust his foot out to kick.
James was already tilting back in his chair. "Missed," he laughed, hoisting his feet onto the seat, waiting for Remus' next move. He was smirking with teeth and his hair was all up, and Remus froze then glanced down so he wouldn't lunge across (bad idea bad idea, bad bad BAD--)
"Hey, Moonboy," James said. "It's really not so bad."
Remus jerked his head up to the quirk of James' smile, flushing all at once and extremely alarmed.
James reached over and fetched out a drippy piece of celery. "Quite tasty, actually," he said, crunching down. "Goes well with the curry." He took another bite, then gestured at Remus' dish. "Aren't you gonna try it?"
Remus laughed, a bit loudly. "Fuck no. You eat it!" He picked up the remaining stalk and flung it onto James' plate.
James grinned, and did.
---
The next night Remus couldn't sleep very well. It was the nettles, of course--the nettle stings he'd got in the wooded area by the house. Remus hadn't minded when James was pushing him around--he hadn't even tried particularly hard to dodge away--but when James pushed him into that patch of stinging nettles...well, Remus' mood had turned rather quickly. And then it had turned again, when James had offered to apply the murtlap essence himself. More than once.
Remus sighed, unable to roll onto his stomach without pain. He replayed the conversation, wincing when he remembered how he'd shouted at James for the bottle. He wondered what would've happened if he'd said sure, that'll be great, and taken off his shorts. Humiliation, probably. Definitely. James would've had to put his hands up there, as the damned stings had gotten in the worst places, and they would've been all slick and warm with the murtlap essence, and Remus would've--embarrassed himself. Like he was doing right now. At least James wasn't watching, or listening by the bloody door.
Remus stilled his hand--he couldn't do this anyway. The skin was too tender--he needed more murtlap. Carefully, he eased out of bed (ouch, ouch) and padded over the carpeting. The hall was empty when he opened the door, and the floorboards were cool under his feet. He moved quietly toward the darkened bathroom--then stopped.
Someone was in there. Wanking.
Remus realized he was very much out of place, and acutely erect. James' throaty voice (Sure you don't want me to rub it in for you?) was tickling his ear--he could hear each stroke James was pulling along his cock. Fuck. They were already fast--Remus had to get ready--he dropped his chin and held his breath when the little snapping noises broke off, leaving a tight box of silence into which James was coming, just behind the almost-closed door.
The sound of the faucet helped Remus breathe again, and he was properly sleep-faced when James emerged from the dark.
"Oh," Remus murmured, with a convincingly smothered yawn. "Prongs. Night." He started to scratch at his thigh before he remembered it would hurt, but James had shuffled off and didn't see him flinch. Remus slipped into the safety of the bathroom and shut the door securely. He didn't bother with the light, but went straight to the cabinet where the murtlap was kept. The bottle was still damp where James' wet fingers had rescrewed on the cap.
The moon was plenty bright enough for Remus to see what he was doing, and he applied the murtlap with brisk, efficient swipes--not at all the way James would've done it, if Remus had let him. No, James would've done it slowly on purpose, whispering, "You like that?" with pursed lips and a wink. He would've grinned while Remus struggled not to get hard, then laughed at Remus' failure. His eyes would've widened as Remus' breathing quickened--but (and here Remus let himself imagine) it would've been okay, because James would be careful. Remus would be helpless and gasping (he was gasping, keep quiet), and James would be careful not to rub the stings the wrong way.
Remus finished up and found himself falling asleep. He managed to rinse his hands (oh right, must dry them) and replace the bottlecap before stumbling into the hall.
---
Fun-word Scrabble, Remus thought, had been a genius idea. "Blargle," he murmured, to inform the rug of this fact. The fuzzy fibers against his face started itching his nose.
"There! I've got it!" James shouted over his snuffling.
"What?" Remus rolled over, knocking aside the wine bottle. He tried to catch it, then saw it was empty anyway.
"Wang!"
"You've got a wang?" Remus had to laugh at the sheer wittiness of his wit.
"Nonononono on the words--here, you're lying on my erection!" James yelped, leaping protectively over the little wooden tiles. Remus burst into sloppy giggles.
"Come on, Moony, don't make me touch you," James groaned. Then he sat on Remus' legs and god, it was so funny because now James was the one lying on his erection--almost, at least--
Remus twisted to safety, pushing his face back to the carpet. "You wouldn't dare," he muttered, wanting James to leave him alone.
His stomach lurched audibly when James thrust a hand in, digging under the shirt and into his trousers--Remus' eyes flew open to catch his friend's reckless grin. He shoved James off, hard, ruining the board.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Remus rasped. James could be a dick but it was usually on accident--except he knew about this and he was still fucking around. Remus got up, weaving with anger. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight."
He was sure it was all a big fucking laugh for James--and Sirius too, once James told him all about it. Remus hit the bed snarling, hating Sirius and James. He meant to go on snarling for some time longer--but the wine was so winey and the sheets were so soft, and Remus thought he could take it up again tomorrow.
In the morning, though, it seemed a rather pointless exercise, as he was a bit mixed-up and had no energy to snarl. Then James said hey, let's go swimming!, which was exactly what Remus kind of wanted to do. So off they went.
---
"Not so bad, is it?" James shouted through the splashing. Remus was still shivering--his balls were sucking in--when James tackled him.
"Gaaaaaahhh!!" Remus shrieked as their bare bodies collided. It was cold and James was bony and there was mud in his eyes. "James!" he choked, feeling warm fingers at his hip. "I can't breathe!" But he was lying, because he could, and he was laughing against James. The grip around him eased and Remus didn't waste the chance--quick as a fish he whirled and jerked James under, pushing down his friend's shoulders before his hands slipped free. James tried to kick him and pull him in at the same time; Remus dodged the foot but couldn't stay afloat. This was brilliant! fantastic! jabbing James in the river! Remus gleefully re-established his hold, grinning in the water as his captive writhed, pushing him. He couldn't hang on--he squeezed James' cock.
When Remus popped up, James was spluttering behind him, and for a sickening moment, all the words from Scrabble night pounded through his head.
"Moony?" James said, and Remus turned around, forgetting he was supposed to splash.
He regretted it the next instant when James showered him with mud.
"Blrgugh!" Remus coughed. "Wanker!" He sent up a spray of water as James paddled off laughing. Remus dove after him, smiling through the hair plastered over his eyes. So it was all right--James didn't mind. Probably he figured it for a random grab, which meant they could forget it. Remus decided it was the next best thing. He scraped up a fistful of sludge from riverbed and threw it at James, where it splattered in black streaks across his left shoulder. James didn't even look back--he just disappeared from view. Remus laughed and pushed off before the tosser could resurface.
They finally got out after more fighting and some floating, their toes smeared with dirt, their faces pinkly burned.
"You're not gonna put those on, are you?" James said as Remus strode quickly toward his clothing. Getting out of the river naked was a bit easier than getting in, but Remus wasn't a big fan of either. "It's so lovely without!"
Remus stepped a foot through his shorts. "I'm not walking around here naked--you're obviously plotting to push me into more nettles." He glanced around to grin and caught James' eye.
"I am not!" James protested, bending to retrieve his glasses. He put them back on, then picked up his clothes. "So you've nothing to fear, my dear--no one's looking at your perky little arse."
"Except you, I suppose," Remus replied airily, because the sun made him brazen and James was okay. He tugged on his shirt.
James chortled, then flicked a piece of caked mud at him. "Moony, you fucking fascinate me."
Remus didn't quite know what to say about that.
"Come on quick! Back to the house at once!" James boomed loudly, then sprinted up the bank with his clothes balled up in a fist.
Remus sprinted after him, with no intention of catching up.
---
"What's your one say?" James asked, munching down on a bit of fortune cookie.
Remus pushed aside his lo mein and broke open his own fortune cookie, then fished out the little slip of paper.
"Help," he read aloud. "I'm being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery."
"Bwa ha!" James guffawed, lunging across empty cartons to snatch the slip from Remus. He glanced at it and grinned up. "So you want to see Egypt, huh? Why Egypt?"
Remus shrugged. "I don't."
"Of course you do! Says right here, 'You long to see the pyramids of Egypt.' These things never lie!" James jumped out of his chair. "Hey, I know, let's go right now!"
"What?"
"Sure! I've never been to Egypt either!"
"What are you--"
"We're going to Apparate! You ready?" James squeezed his eyes shut. "Okay, one, two--"
"Wait! You can't--"
James opened his eyes and hopped over to Remus, grabbing his arm. "Well if you wanted to sidealong with me you only had to ask! Now tuck in your arms--"
"StopstopstopstopSTOP!!" Remus screamed, wrenching free his wrist. "We'll be splinched for SURE it's THOUSANDS of miles away are you fucking INSANE!"
James blinked at him--then burst out laughing. "You scream like a bloody girl!" he howled.
Remus glowered and punched James in the stomach.
"Ow!" James grinned. "That's my sweet and spicy pork!" He punched Remus back--but Remus dodged the blow and stepped on James' foot. He tried to dart toward the living room, but James caught him by the elbows, spinning him around. Remus broke away with a well-placed jab to James' ribs and raced for the safety of the couch. He leaped over the arm and onto a cushion--only to be tackled from behind.
"Tosser!" he shouted as he toppled down face-first. James whooped as he thudded onto Remus' spine, pinning Remus' wrists to each side while jouncing his hips to avoid Remus' backward kicks.
"Stop kicking!" James shouted, trying to dig a knee into Remus' lower back. "You'll get me in the balls!"
"So I haven't gotten them yet," Remus grunted, swerving his foot toward James' crotch.
"Nonono look!" James yelped, arching his body up high. "Look!" he panted next to Remus' ear. "We'll go see the pyramids!"
Remus turned his head as far as it would go--and got an eyeful of black hair. He blew at it, and James winked before the hair flopped back into place.
"I told you," Remus heaved, trying not to feel James breathing on him. "I've no interest in the pyramids." He saw James purse his mouth, considering.
"All right then," James said. "We'll stay here." His hips whumped down on Remus all at once. "And snuggle."
Remus winced under the sudden weight of James' chest. He smiled into the cushion anyway.
---
"D'i miss sumthin'?" Remus mumbled, pushing his nose against--shoulder. Oh, James' shoulder. He yawned, rubbing an eye with one hand, too tired to be self-conscious.
"You missed the bit with the giant polar bears and the lasers."
"Oh," Remus murmured. That's right, they'd been watching a film, one of James' favorites that didn't seem to make a lot of--
Remus jumped back. James stared at him curiously.
He bit his lip, averting his eyes as James leaned in a little.
"You er--um," Remus stuttered.
"What, Moony?"
Remus couldn't manage a reply. He could feel himself flushing and he tried to stop the flow but James' cock was hard, jutting from his thigh, pulling at his underwear, nearly snapping out. He closed his eyes. forcing back images of his mouth around that cock. Oh god, oh god, stop STOP stop...
"Ah," James said. Remus heard him moving around. "Look, it's a perfectly natural reaction."
"To what?!?" Remus blurted, flicking open his eyes in horror. Had he inadvertently done something in his sleep? Started wanking off? Started wanking James off??
"To...things," James muttered. Then he started turning pinkish. "I'm not bent or anything. Not that I've got anything against it--" James looked up just as Remus did the same, and it was a mistake because his face was getting hotter and look, even James was embarrassed, it was so obvious...
"I'm not!" James was insisting, and it pissed Remus off while making him want to laugh at the same time. "I'm straight! Like a maypole," James babbled. "Well maybe not a maypole but some kind of pole. A big straight manly pole. All long and hard and straight."
"James, shut up," Remus groaned, pushing himself as far as he could get, into the arm of the sofa, away from James. He shut his eyes again so he wouldn't see James inch closer--but the crazy stream of images wouldn't go away (the cock in his mouth--boxers stretching out--James' pretty shade of pink, defensive, telling him he might--)
"Honestly, it's just girls!" James protested, looking almost desperately at him, and that made Remus angry, the way James wanted to pretend. Maybe Sirius would laugh it off and everything would be fine but he wasn't Sirius and he didn't care about being fine, not if James could look like that, even if it was only when they were alone--
The next thing he knew, they were shouting at each other until they were both standing up, furious, and Remus had never hated James more than he did in that moment--so he tore his fist from the pocket of his pajamas and hit James in the jaw. Hard.
The next thing after that he was crouching over his friend, stammering a frantic, "Oh god, James, are you all right?" James was sprawled on the ground, holding his scrunched-up face, and Remus couldn't feel the throb in his knuckles over the throb of oh no oh no oh no in his head.
"You hit me," James muttered.
"I'm so sorry. I really am, really sorry," Remus exhaled, wide-eyed, stunned that he'd done this, put James on the floor.
"You nancying little trollop, I can't believe you hit me," James growled, shoving Remus roughly aside. Remus tumbled back on his heels, knowing there was no point now--they'd still be friends probably but James had just been playing, he really wasn't--
--hurt, because he was launching himself at Remus. Remus lost a few precious seconds, dazed by surprise, but got himself together enough to raise a respectable fight. Then James tried to bite him, on the shoulder, where his pajamas had been tugged away, and James' tongue was so warm even as his teeth carved in that Remus let him do it. He half-regretted it a second later, when James' whole body paused, and James' hand came sliding past his chest, down his front. Remus couldn't move as James palmed his erection, passing fingertips gently over the cotton of the cloth.
"James, don't," Remus heard himself whisper, and he meant it, if James didn't. "Prongs."
James laughed, sounding normal enough. "You are, aren't you?" he huffed over Remus' neck. "You are."
"I think it's pretty obvious I'm not a girl," Remus answered unhappily, because James was always accusing him of that.
"A homosexual, you cunt."
"Oh," Remus said, twisting his chest but not his hips, since James' hand was still there. This whole conversation was stupid and unnecessary--by now James had to know, but he still had to dig, turn everything up, pawing and probing until he had Remus wriggling beneath him. "Don't know, really," Remus finally said. It was vaguely easier than Of course I am, you arseface. "I might be."
At that James dipped his fingers under the elastic of the pajamas.
"James, don't--"
"I'm just--"
"--tell Sirius." Remus was breathing fast, wanting him to promise.
James looked at him blankly--then he burst out laughing. "But just imagine how jealous he'd get," James murmured a moment later, grabbing at the pajamas when Remus started squirming away, embarrassed at having asked such a silly, impossible thing. He laughed, awkwardly--then James' fingers curled around his cock and it was suddenly okay.
"I told you," James said, rolling his hand up Remus' shaft. The creases in his palm were coarse along the skin. "I knew you were a fag."
Remus knew it too. He jerked down James' shoulder and pressed their mouths together.
"Prongs," he murmured, "shut up." Twisting from the floor, he knocked James to the carpet, straddling him amidst the frayed edges of his sleep robe. He leaned in close, his hair skimming James' glasses, watching James' mouth move as he smiled.
"What're you going to with me now, paint my toenails?" James teased. Remus stared back at the careless, crooked grin, studying it for the umpteenth time.
"Oi," James said, when Remus didn't reply. "Moony, what're you planning?" He bucked his hips, but Remus stayed firm.
"Thought I'd give you a lesson in shirtlifting," he said at last, quietly, unclenching his grasp on the last dregs of sense. He edged down a little to peel back the hem of James' shirt, and barely heard James' chuckle ("Woah, you lifted that right up!") as he yanked down the underwear and sank his mouth over James' cock.
"Ohfuck," whispered James, going very still. "Fuck. Fuck." Remus sucked harder, to make James do it again--and he did, but without words, which was insanely better.
Remus' only thought was that he musn't think--and neither could James, caught helpless as a moth in the sleeves of the robe. Remus wanted him to stay caught--wanted him to come--wanted James in his mouth in his arse in his hands but James was groaning then snarling and Remus wanted to laugh. So he did, with his lips moist from James' prick--knowing he could do everything he liked because James would grab and not push (the certainty was dizzying), if only, if only, his arms were free.
Remus bent his neck and re-sheathed James' cock--then promptly choked as James jerked his hips with a vengeance. Remus coughed, swallowing, smiling as he slithered from James' legs to crawl beside him. His mouth glistened in triumph and he kissed James brusquely, a sharp kiss with teeth that tasted kind of like metal.
"Easy," James mumbled, twisting aside his head. "Bad Moony--"
Remus cut him off with a rough hand on his cock and a deep bite in his shoulder, grinning into the strained neck when he heard James whimper. "Who's the fag now?" he whispered, trailing his hand away, biting into James' earlobe. James bucked against his arm--Remus waited for the retort--but James only let a soft clipped gasp, and came.
Remus looked down incredulously as James' pinched face relaxed. He shuffled back on his knees, anxiously, when James' eyes started to open.
James gazed at the ceiling. Remus bit his lip.
Then James sighed a contented ah, and sat up slowly, unwinding himself from the oversized robe. "You sneaky little hussy," he said in scathing tones, pulling his underwear back over his cock. Remus shrugged at the carpet, awkward and happier than he'd ever, ever been. He heard James laugh and raised his head to a sofa cushion, flapping in his face.
"You are dead, Lupin!" James growled, but Remus had jumped to his feet on instinct.
"Only if you can catch me, foureyes!" he shouted, speeding toward the stairs. James thundered up behind him.
"Saucy tart!" James bellowed. "You're not getting away from ME!"
Remus careened down the hall, hitting the halfway mark before James dropped him to the ground. "Aha!" James shouted, battering him with the cushion.
"Okay! Okay!" Remus laughed between thwacks, waving his arms futilely. "Okay!"
"So you surrender, you wretched creature of evil? You acknowledge my victory?" James narrowed his eyes sternly, brandishing his weapon with a flourish.
"What happens if I do?" Remus grinned. "Does it mean you get to be top?"
"Obviously!" James cried, biffing him with the cushion. Remus laughed and stopped trying to duck away.