what the fuck..seriously..why?
Ridefastorblast2: hey i dont like matt....there is nothing going on between us and there never will be ... we talk once in a while bc hes in my 3rd period class but thats it i swear to u ....matt loves u he wouldnt cheat on u especailly with me ...ok?
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: sam, do you remember all the times you told me that last year?
Ridefastorblast2: yea and i never went back out with him or did ne thing with him after that either
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: the end of last year, you 2 were all over each other and i know what he wrote in your "yearbook" and everyhting, that fucking hurt sam, you have no idea, you have no idea how much pain youve caused me this past year
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: i love matt with all of my fuckign heart..i always have and i always wil..but it kills me to think that somehting is going to fuck that up and i dont want it to. im never going to stop loving him..you of all people should know that..ive never given up on him..and i refuse to..ill never let him go..i love him too much.
Ridefastorblast2: .....i know i hurt u but i really never ment to ....u told me u didnt care if i went out with him and after he broke up with me that was the last time i ever did ne thing with him ppl talk and ppl say stuff but i never did ne thing with him after we went out that would piss u off ..... and if i did then tell me bc i didnt mean to
Ridefastorblast2: and if i did then im sorry it wasnt intentional
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: you were all over him, and just to see that fuckign killed me
Ridefastorblast2: when ??
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: last year..ths year
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: this*
Ridefastorblast2: not while u guys were goin out though
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: and all my friends saw you fucking grab his arm and walk you to class
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: and that was while we were going out cuz it was only a few weeks ago
Ridefastorblast2: i didnt know u guys were goin out then i swear to u i didnt i never talk to u so i wouldnt know and he didnt tell me until after and i told u that and i apologized
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: i k now you did, but that doesnt make up for anyhting. i fucking cried like a little emo girl because of that because i was so fukcing afraid that he was gunan dump me for again. and i didnt want that to fucking happen because i love him more than anyhting ont his fucking planet
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: for you again*
Ridefastorblast2: i kno im sorry .....he wont dump u for me we dont even like eachother ne more and i have a boyfriend ....trust me matt loves u youre all he talks about he doesnt want me ......were not even really friends we just talk when we see eachother in health but thats it and now that i know u guys r together i avoid him as much as possible and he doesnt walk with me ne more or ne thing like that
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: matt never talks about me sam, trust me, i know that for a fact
Ridefastorblast2: yea he does u can even ask my friend kelly when he sits with us in lunch all he talks about is u
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: oh yeah im sure. thats why you call everyday and im sure he talks to you and wqhen i call him he never answers his phone.
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: ..and kelly who?
Ridefastorblast2: westgate
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: oh
Ridefastorblast2: and most the time when i call i end up talking to his brother bc im friends with him matt will say hi and then hand john the phone
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: well thank you for calling him sam..at least he tells everyhting to someone
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: since you seem to know more than i do about him, he never tells me anything and he never wants to talk to me
Ridefastorblast2: me and matt r friends thats it when u guys are happy or fighting or when he just is pissed and needs to talk to someone he tells me bc he knows i wont tell ne one and hed rather call me up and bitch and curse at me then do it to you and make u sad ......everyone needs someone to talk to and if u dont want me to talk to him ne more then i wont bc i dont want u guys fighting over me ne more
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: then he must always need someone to talk to..because he never talks to me, so i must always be doing something wrong.
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: and whenever i tell him to call me he never does.
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: ill never win. ill always be second best to you since youre so wonderful to him and im shit.
Ridefastorblast2: no he loves u trust me he does and he doesnt want me i kno bc he tells me all the time and he even hooked me and my boyfriend up ..... matt just doesnt know how to express himself correctly and he says shit and does shit he doesnt mean
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: he seems to be able to express everyhting to you judt fine.
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: just*
Ridefastorblast2: listen i know me and u will never b able to b friends again bc of the hate u have built up for me and im sorry it has to b that way bc if there is ne thing i culd do to change that i would and i know nothing i say is even effecting the way u think/feel about me so i might as well stop trying i just thought id talk to u and attempt to make things better to the point were we at least dont have to keep hating eachother tell me what u want me to do if u want me to just act like i dont know who matt is and stay
Ridefastorblast2: away from him i will
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: he wont let you stay away from him, and once you tell him why youre staying away from him hell get pissed off at me cuz i hate you and he wants to "be your friend" so whats the fucking difference..either im fukcing paranoid going out with him, or im fucking miserable, im never going to win with this shit, hell never love me like he used to before you ever came and started to fuck things up. im sorry if that seems mean, but its the truth, and ill never be able to overcome the pure hatred ive bulit up over this past year because i tried that once..i tried to be somewhat of friends with you and it just came back and bit me in the ass.
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: and im sure that youre going to tell him all about this conversation so im sure hell know everything that ive said to you which will also get him pissed off at me..so really..whats the point of e trying anymore? so what if i fuckign love him to death..my love doesnt seem to matter anymore..to anyone.
Ridefastorblast2: i wont tell him and probly wont tell ne one bc like i said i dont want u guys fighting over me ne more so i wont mention that i even talked to u and how did being friends with me come back to bite u in the ass??? when u pretended u didnt care if we went out and then we actually did?? or was it when u pretended to b my friend and care that i was crying when he dumped me and then u went back out with him?? no u know what never mind i dont wanna talk about it bc well end up just fighting again and i dont wanna
Ridefastorblast2: so ill jsut go away bc i have a feeling im just making things worse
Ridefastorblast2: just**
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: because sam, in the summer i was nice to you and then it all came back and fucked my life over worse
Ridefastorblast2: what did i do though seriously ??? me and matt went out but u told me u didnt care if we would u actually encouraged me too ??? and after that yea we flirted once in a while and we talk every now and then but i never did ne thing that i thought would piss u off and never did ne thing that if u did to my bf would make me mad.....so i just dont get where all this is coming from???!!?
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: i shouldnt get pissed off if a girl flirts with my boyfriend? are you fucking kidding me? if matt was in my position and i did half this shit he would fuckign kill me. iwhich is another thing, because he can talk to you and im not supposed to suspect anyhting, but if he sees me talking to another guy hell get pissed off at me. so what the fuck sam? why shouldnt i get pissed that someone flirts with him?
Ridefastorblast2: i didnt flirt with him while u guys were going out excpet the one time he walked me to class and i didnt know u guys were going out untill the day after that and now that i do i never even go near him
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: ya know what, i dont even know why i try to be everything he wants anymore, im not getting anywhere, this conversation is just gunna make him dump me anyway. obviously, i was never what he wanted and i guess i never will be..thank you for ruining my life..you have no fuckign clue how much he means to me, id do anyhting for him, id fucking never talk to my friends again jsut to be with him, no one ever fuckign understands that anymore. why the fuck do i even try..
Ridefastorblast2: im not going to tell him ....he wont find out about this conversation unless u tell him......and what do u mean u try to be what he wants.... and im not trying to ruin ur life and i never did if u didnt encourage me to go out with him i probly never would have and no of this would b happening im not saying all this is ur fault or ne thing bc its not but i wouldnt even b friends with him right now if u didnt tell me it was ok in the begining ....i dont know what u want me to say or do but just tell me
Ridefastorblast2: so i can aviod pising u off from now on
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: nothing, theres nothing you can do, hell just continue talking to you. and ill continue being a piece of shit thats just there when you arent. why try to change the world? why the fuck should i have the one and only person i love more than anyhting in the world? nothing else has ever worked out for me..so why this? obviously..im not everything he wants..so whatever makes him happy. and im sure that would be me not being there...since he cant tell me anything, and im just another thing for him to fuck, i love him with all of my heart, i truely do, but there doesnt seem like i ever do anyhting right, so whatever. next time you talk to him, which im sure will be later, just tell him i said i love him.
Ridefastorblast2: ok....but u dont want me to tell him ne thing we talked about befor right???
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: noa nd if i fukcing find out that he knws anything about it i swear to fucking god, you will regret it, and thanks for fucking call him everyday. why dont you tell himto call me too..not that he will or anything
Ridefastorblast2: i wont say ne thing and im not gonna call him bc im goin to the peds concert tonight but if he calls wich i doubt he will then ill tell him u love him and to call u .....i guess im glad we talked even though it didnt really get us ne were.....at least i understand u better now.....if u ever need ne thing or wanna ask me sumthing ...not that u ever will ...but just in case 939 6475 is my cell .....u probly will never call but if u ever need to know ne thing dont b afraid to just ask me
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: thats nice to know the he fuckign calls you. he called me fucking once, why the fuck do i always have to be second with him, first it was weed then me..and now its you then me..i should just drop off the face of the earth, he wouldnt care.
Ridefastorblast2: wow....ok ill just go away bc everything i say is being taken the wrong way and ur not even hearing me right now and this is going no were except bad and it seems like its just gonna keep getting worse so like i said need to ask me ne thing in the future call but im gonna go b4 i say ne thing wrong again tootles
ThiSxIsnTxLovE: whatever i dont fucking care anymore, ill never win against you so im just gunna give up and not try to make anyhting better..ill let him do whatever he wants. bie.
Ridefastorblast2 signed off at 5:09:55 PM.
Sam put that in her journal..and he said she wasnt gunna tell ANYONE..so I guess THE ENTIRE WORLD isnt anyone anymore. Ugh. She really pisses me off to the max. God, why cant she just stay out of my and Matts lives..instead of ruining mine. Whatever. My parents just left to go food shopping so I'm alone..maybe I'll get kidnapped or something.
I Love Matthew Kreckie Forever and After!