another dreary sunny day
could someone please tell what the fuck am i supposed to do here?
i'm just so freakin confused right now, its not even funny. what am i supposed to do? sit around waiting and wanting him forever, for the rest of my freakin life, while he's off with another girl just because he "doesn't know" the answer to any questions i have about me and him? and the weirdest thing is he says that he wants us to be just friends, but he knows that will be hard for me because he knows that i'm still freakin crazy about him. so, ok, i decide to try this friends thing, but everytime i ask him to do something with me, AS FRIENDS, he always tells me no. and why? because of her. does she hoenstly mean more to him than i ever did? i want to be friends with him. i'd like for anything thats better than what it is now. its just that everytime he talks about her, which is basically all the time, i just get so mad and depressed and all blah. i mean i even cried in the movies last night just thinking of what the two of them could be doing at that moment just a few theaters down. i can't do it. i seriously cannot anymore. and apparently i can't do anything right so....i do want all or nothing. anything else is just too painful.
if he wants to be with her, so be it. but i just wish that he'd tell me once and for all that he is finished with me, instead of making me wonder of the time. he can say that he knows how i feel right now, but i really doubt he does. your first love is definately the hardest. and it hurts so much to still be in love with them, but they don't love you anymore. and worst of all, you have to sit there and watch them fall in love with someone else.
geez, i feel more alone now than i ever have.
and i HATE that when i am sad and crying, that he's just like "ugh, get over it. it's not my fault." i know it's my fault you moron. he tells me to tell him whats wrong, and my problems and everything, but hello! my problems will always be the same. YOU shall always be my problem. and yes, im going to cry. you don't wanna hear it, don't talk to me. have i not suffered enough already? all i want is a few answers. thats it.
i'm just so freakin confused right now, its not even funny. what am i supposed to do? sit around waiting and wanting him forever, for the rest of my freakin life, while he's off with another girl just because he "doesn't know" the answer to any questions i have about me and him? and the weirdest thing is he says that he wants us to be just friends, but he knows that will be hard for me because he knows that i'm still freakin crazy about him. so, ok, i decide to try this friends thing, but everytime i ask him to do something with me, AS FRIENDS, he always tells me no. and why? because of her. does she hoenstly mean more to him than i ever did? i want to be friends with him. i'd like for anything thats better than what it is now. its just that everytime he talks about her, which is basically all the time, i just get so mad and depressed and all blah. i mean i even cried in the movies last night just thinking of what the two of them could be doing at that moment just a few theaters down. i can't do it. i seriously cannot anymore. and apparently i can't do anything right so....i do want all or nothing. anything else is just too painful.
if he wants to be with her, so be it. but i just wish that he'd tell me once and for all that he is finished with me, instead of making me wonder of the time. he can say that he knows how i feel right now, but i really doubt he does. your first love is definately the hardest. and it hurts so much to still be in love with them, but they don't love you anymore. and worst of all, you have to sit there and watch them fall in love with someone else.
geez, i feel more alone now than i ever have.
and i HATE that when i am sad and crying, that he's just like "ugh, get over it. it's not my fault." i know it's my fault you moron. he tells me to tell him whats wrong, and my problems and everything, but hello! my problems will always be the same. YOU shall always be my problem. and yes, im going to cry. you don't wanna hear it, don't talk to me. have i not suffered enough already? all i want is a few answers. thats it.