whats wrong with me?
(This entry is not aimed at anyone specific. It's just very genralized. I am just pissed off)
(This entry is not aimed at anyone specific. It's just very genralized. I am just pissed off)
Am I really that stupid? Why do I so desperately seek attention from those I won't get it from. All my life I have wanted to be friends with people because they look fun. They look like the type of people that I could never be in a bad mood when Im around them. But you know, friendship is more then just looks. I have come to realize, I don't really have many friends but I know many people. I'm a people person, but it seems that no one is an "Anthony person". My friends that I do have are busy with thier own problems (which is understandable because everyone has problems. That is why I need more friends, so I dont have to depend on a couple people) or too far for me to visit on a regular basis. I think it is easier to get through times like these with the help of friends. I have always told myself that I would never use this thing to spread my problems out to others. I dont want my problems to be yours, but who am I kidding. Does anyone read this? Aja and Donkey, ya I bet you do. Anyone else? Ok, thought so. So why do I so desperatly need attention? Well its fucking obvious. I'm tired of feeling like the only one that exists in my own little world. I want to interact with people. Talking on the phone or online is nice but that is not enough. Of all the calls made on my phone, probably 90% of them are going out. Why doesn't anyone call me? What is wrong with me? What is not to like? Please someone tell me so that I may be able to fix this and stop bitching about it. Sometimes I just want to get away from it all and start all over. Meet new people. Maybe even change my personality so that I become more outgoing. But would that mean that I have to change my morals too? Would I have to pick up smoking, drinking, drugs, and crime just to fit in? If so, I could just do all that here. Is that what you want? Should I change? Should I change to fit that standard of "cool" of socitey? Well I think it is "cool" that I dont give in to shit like that. What the fuck is wrong with society? You are supposed to like nice people. Am I really not as nice as I think I am? Maybe it is me. I know I am uncoumfortable talking about certain things with people. I dont drink, dont smoke, dont dance, so I guess that means I dont party. So what fun can I be? I know I can be fun, given the right friends and right situations. I make people laugh everywhere I go. I guess I need to do more than just that. I need to find more people like me. People I can be comfortable with, people that dont smoke , dont drink, and just enjoy good fun. Im not saying that I wont be friends that smoke or drink, i really dont care. Im not looking for smoking/drinking buddies. I want friends. Aja, you and donkey have always been there when I truely needed someone and I thank you both for that. Maybe engineering is perfect for me, because at this rate my only friend when I get out of college will be my computer. When will it end? God, I am ready when you are.
(This entry is not aimed at anyone specific. It's just very genralized. I am just pissed off)
(This entry is not aimed at anyone specific. It's just very genralized. I am just pissed off)
(This entry is not aimed at anyone specific. It's just very genralized. I am just pissed off)
Am I really that stupid? Why do I so desperately seek attention from those I won't get it from. All my life I have wanted to be friends with people because they look fun. They look like the type of people that I could never be in a bad mood when Im around them. But you know, friendship is more then just looks. I have come to realize, I don't really have many friends but I know many people. I'm a people person, but it seems that no one is an "Anthony person". My friends that I do have are busy with thier own problems (which is understandable because everyone has problems. That is why I need more friends, so I dont have to depend on a couple people) or too far for me to visit on a regular basis. I think it is easier to get through times like these with the help of friends. I have always told myself that I would never use this thing to spread my problems out to others. I dont want my problems to be yours, but who am I kidding. Does anyone read this? Aja and Donkey, ya I bet you do. Anyone else? Ok, thought so. So why do I so desperatly need attention? Well its fucking obvious. I'm tired of feeling like the only one that exists in my own little world. I want to interact with people. Talking on the phone or online is nice but that is not enough. Of all the calls made on my phone, probably 90% of them are going out. Why doesn't anyone call me? What is wrong with me? What is not to like? Please someone tell me so that I may be able to fix this and stop bitching about it. Sometimes I just want to get away from it all and start all over. Meet new people. Maybe even change my personality so that I become more outgoing. But would that mean that I have to change my morals too? Would I have to pick up smoking, drinking, drugs, and crime just to fit in? If so, I could just do all that here. Is that what you want? Should I change? Should I change to fit that standard of "cool" of socitey? Well I think it is "cool" that I dont give in to shit like that. What the fuck is wrong with society? You are supposed to like nice people. Am I really not as nice as I think I am? Maybe it is me. I know I am uncoumfortable talking about certain things with people. I dont drink, dont smoke, dont dance, so I guess that means I dont party. So what fun can I be? I know I can be fun, given the right friends and right situations. I make people laugh everywhere I go. I guess I need to do more than just that. I need to find more people like me. People I can be comfortable with, people that dont smoke , dont drink, and just enjoy good fun. Im not saying that I wont be friends that smoke or drink, i really dont care. Im not looking for smoking/drinking buddies. I want friends. Aja, you and donkey have always been there when I truely needed someone and I thank you both for that. Maybe engineering is perfect for me, because at this rate my only friend when I get out of college will be my computer. When will it end? God, I am ready when you are.
(This entry is not aimed at anyone specific. It's just very genralized. I am just pissed off)
(This entry is not aimed at anyone specific. It's just very genralized. I am just pissed off)