(no subject)

[reminded_of_you]

This summer has had its share of ups and downs. I have lost contact with some old friends and met many new friends. I feel like a totally different person, and almost guilty when I have to choose who I want to hang out with. I love my old friends, they have been there for me so many times but i know now they wont always be there when I need them. I think it is healthy of me to expand my social network, its good practice for college. I cant really say that i have net any new friends through Purdue. The only people I have really hung out with were partners in projects or guys on the same floor (they were assholes). I feel like I have just got settled and now summer is over and I have to go through another change. I guess I should get used to it. Nothing ever stays the way you want it. I don't know what im doing with my life. Im just going through the motions like i have been for the last 20 years of my life. I never have any plans until the last minute. I feel excited and sad at the same time. I making new friends and reconnecting with my old friends but there is still something missing. I wish there was some affection in my life. I have tried that with friends and that usually makes things awkward for a while. Once I wanted more than was given, another time i offered more than i should have. I hate crossing that line of friendship. It might be different if both of us still felt the same way the next day. I'm always afraid of getting involved with friends because there is always that chance that they will say it was all a mistake. It makes me wonder, should I have done more? When really I think i would wish that it hadn't happened at all. Its so much easier to think "what if" than knowing what you are missing. All i want is consistancy. If you feel one way toward me, please dont let that change all within a day. If we are just friends, leave it at that. stop messing with my head. I feel like people like to do that with me. "The Game of Love"... Love is not a fucking game. This shit will fuck you up if you arent careful.

This is my last week in Indy. Im going to miss my new friends, but Ill miss my old ones more. Im hanging out with them tomorrow. It sucks that i only got to see them a few hours this summer. Aja, Tulsa was awesome. I hope I get to hang out with Heather a lot this year. Im going to need a friend up at PU and I think she could use a friend too. Thats about all I got for now.