Feels Like Fall
I spent the day home sick, yet again. After drinking tons of tea, I ended up coming home and opening my shutters so my bed would be splashed with sunlight. I put in my Charmed DVD's of ones I haven't seen or have only seen once and layed on my warm bed in the sunlight while watching my show.
Today feels so much like fall. I feel the need to go jump in a pile of leaves I collected that have fallen. I feel the need to eat pumpkin pie and to wear a cute scarf and jacket everywhere I go. I expect to see my breath when I walk outside. And the excitement of sitting infront the fire with hot chocolate and marshmellows after I just froze my ass off sledding... in what will be happening in a month.
Or so it would feel if I were in Maryland. Happy Maryland. Not "I-fucking-hate-you" 7th/8th grade Maryland(mostly 8th). I feel the need to curl up under a blanket and read stories while having the excitement that soon the smell of a christmas tree will overwhelm my house. To think of what to wear for Halloween and who I will go with and the thought of how freezing it will be not be on my mind until I'm walking out the door with a pillow case in my hand.
To wake up every morning and go to school with people that I have grown up with and I never and they never have the same interest in anyone except the SAME people because you have grown up with them and for some reason the same people stay friends, the same people date, and the same people like eachother.
I DO(!) know people. I know a lot of people. They just all happen to live in Maryland. I can understand gossip too... it's just in Maryland. I just found out a few buildings on Main Street burnt down yesterday! I don't want those stupid people to recognize me when I go back to visit, and yet they do. I want to be something different and desireable. And yet I'm not. I'm Kristen Callender. Not KC or K.C. or "Casey with a K or a C?... yes." Just Kristen Callender. The "sweet" and "nice" girl that was people's friends, but never love interest. The girl that hung out with Madi. The girl who loved POTC.
Am I different? I believe so. GOD I hope so. Yet... I'm not. I know I'm no longer that hateful, angry 13 year old. But I am that innocent, loving, happy little girl that once loved Maryland. That in 5th or 4th grade actually cried at the thought of leaving it.
Here I see know fallen leaves to jump in... but maybe I'm the fallen leaf.
Today feels so much like fall. I feel the need to go jump in a pile of leaves I collected that have fallen. I feel the need to eat pumpkin pie and to wear a cute scarf and jacket everywhere I go. I expect to see my breath when I walk outside. And the excitement of sitting infront the fire with hot chocolate and marshmellows after I just froze my ass off sledding... in what will be happening in a month.
Or so it would feel if I were in Maryland. Happy Maryland. Not "I-fucking-hate-you" 7th/8th grade Maryland(mostly 8th). I feel the need to curl up under a blanket and read stories while having the excitement that soon the smell of a christmas tree will overwhelm my house. To think of what to wear for Halloween and who I will go with and the thought of how freezing it will be not be on my mind until I'm walking out the door with a pillow case in my hand.
To wake up every morning and go to school with people that I have grown up with and I never and they never have the same interest in anyone except the SAME people because you have grown up with them and for some reason the same people stay friends, the same people date, and the same people like eachother.
I DO(!) know people. I know a lot of people. They just all happen to live in Maryland. I can understand gossip too... it's just in Maryland. I just found out a few buildings on Main Street burnt down yesterday! I don't want those stupid people to recognize me when I go back to visit, and yet they do. I want to be something different and desireable. And yet I'm not. I'm Kristen Callender. Not KC or K.C. or "Casey with a K or a C?... yes." Just Kristen Callender. The "sweet" and "nice" girl that was people's friends, but never love interest. The girl that hung out with Madi. The girl who loved POTC.
Am I different? I believe so. GOD I hope so. Yet... I'm not. I know I'm no longer that hateful, angry 13 year old. But I am that innocent, loving, happy little girl that once loved Maryland. That in 5th or 4th grade actually cried at the thought of leaving it.
Here I see know fallen leaves to jump in... but maybe I'm the fallen leaf.