(no subject)
I want out of this hell. I am miserable. I can't get enough sleep and when my husband touches me, I just want to cry.
The house is one big room from 4 feet down...all the sheet rock is gone. I have 5 pairs of shoes, 3 of which are heels and the other 2 are flipflops....there were the only ones that didn't get wet.
I know people have it worse off than me but right now, I don't care. I only care about my own shit. My own pain and my own frustration. Hearing or knowing their pain doesn't help me deal with mine.
I am tired of this shit. I am tired of the roads being congested, tired of living with people I don't normally live with , tired of my husband wanting sex when all I can think of is avoiding depression.
Tired of everything. And if another of those storms come here within a few weeks, I will fucking take enough pills to sleep through the whole thing...even if I am in another place. I will sleep until the damn thing is over and the news shuts the fuck up.
Layla has a doctor's appointment tomorrow and it will take me 2 hours to get 10 miles. And I have to cancel school before the 23rd. The only fucking thing I was looking forward to before the storm is gone. I will never finish. I will be fucking 38 years old before I have an undergrad degree. I can't believe that everything we worked for is gone. The beautiful paintings I collected, the puzzles I loved working on and then loved having framed, the books I collected, the pictures that are now moldy and stinky...but at least salvageable, and everything. Fucking everything. Whatever. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself right now but I don't fucking care. I don't.
The house is one big room from 4 feet down...all the sheet rock is gone. I have 5 pairs of shoes, 3 of which are heels and the other 2 are flipflops....there were the only ones that didn't get wet.
I know people have it worse off than me but right now, I don't care. I only care about my own shit. My own pain and my own frustration. Hearing or knowing their pain doesn't help me deal with mine.
I am tired of this shit. I am tired of the roads being congested, tired of living with people I don't normally live with , tired of my husband wanting sex when all I can think of is avoiding depression.
Tired of everything. And if another of those storms come here within a few weeks, I will fucking take enough pills to sleep through the whole thing...even if I am in another place. I will sleep until the damn thing is over and the news shuts the fuck up.
Layla has a doctor's appointment tomorrow and it will take me 2 hours to get 10 miles. And I have to cancel school before the 23rd. The only fucking thing I was looking forward to before the storm is gone. I will never finish. I will be fucking 38 years old before I have an undergrad degree. I can't believe that everything we worked for is gone. The beautiful paintings I collected, the puzzles I loved working on and then loved having framed, the books I collected, the pictures that are now moldy and stinky...but at least salvageable, and everything. Fucking everything. Whatever. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself right now but I don't fucking care. I don't.