Why, oh, why do I do these things to myself?
Y'all may remember that I sent my former best friend a letter telling her that I wished her the best but would not be contacting her anymore?
Well, I've never heard from her...no surprise.
But that isn't the end of it. Oh no it is not because I'm a big farking idiot. I went looking on facebook for A. and J. She didn't have a facebook but J. did.
Not only has been chatting with "the old crowd" (i.e. drug friends), he has been chatting with an ex-girlfriend that I know A. would never approve of...even if it was friendly chat...which it is for the most part except commenting on her "sexy" pictures. A. hates this particular ex. It doesn't matter that I miss her terribly and feel like she personally stabbed my heart, I still can't stand knowing that her husband is probably either looking to cheat or has cheated. And if she is remaining sober and staying away from the old crowd but he isn't, he will relapse and that can either lead to a relapse for her or to a whole lot of pain. Both circumstances, of course, leading to lots of pain for the kids.
But then, as if I needed salt in my wounds, I start noticing dates on his status changes. Little rants about how "some people will never get it" and how "some people need to mind their own business and stop trying to 'help' his family" and how "people pretend to be friends but aren't". So I came back to my journal and noticed that the dates matched up with the dates my early suspicions made me confront A. about their weird behavior. So now I know why he was so cold to me last time I saw him. He thinks I was a pretend friend and needed to mind my own business. WTF ever.
I need 20 lashings for being so stupid and curious. I should have never gone looking. Stupid, stupid, stupid Holly.
I seriously need to learn how to let go and stop caring, quickly.
And yes, it is 2:17 in the morning and I'm still awake. I have no idea why. But I don't feel tired yet. There will be hell to pay in the morning.
Well, I've never heard from her...no surprise.
But that isn't the end of it. Oh no it is not because I'm a big farking idiot. I went looking on facebook for A. and J. She didn't have a facebook but J. did.
Not only has been chatting with "the old crowd" (i.e. drug friends), he has been chatting with an ex-girlfriend that I know A. would never approve of...even if it was friendly chat...which it is for the most part except commenting on her "sexy" pictures. A. hates this particular ex. It doesn't matter that I miss her terribly and feel like she personally stabbed my heart, I still can't stand knowing that her husband is probably either looking to cheat or has cheated. And if she is remaining sober and staying away from the old crowd but he isn't, he will relapse and that can either lead to a relapse for her or to a whole lot of pain. Both circumstances, of course, leading to lots of pain for the kids.
But then, as if I needed salt in my wounds, I start noticing dates on his status changes. Little rants about how "some people will never get it" and how "some people need to mind their own business and stop trying to 'help' his family" and how "people pretend to be friends but aren't". So I came back to my journal and noticed that the dates matched up with the dates my early suspicions made me confront A. about their weird behavior. So now I know why he was so cold to me last time I saw him. He thinks I was a pretend friend and needed to mind my own business. WTF ever.
I need 20 lashings for being so stupid and curious. I should have never gone looking. Stupid, stupid, stupid Holly.
I seriously need to learn how to let go and stop caring, quickly.
And yes, it is 2:17 in the morning and I'm still awake. I have no idea why. But I don't feel tired yet. There will be hell to pay in the morning.