Hello from my cave
I've been very busy and haven't had time to be friendly. I miss y'all.
School is ok. All A's right now but it's a hard semester so I don't know if the A's will be kept to the end. I'm treading water most of the time and the information is learned for the test and then quickly forgotten...which is stupid because most of my finals are comprehensive.
I'm struggling with the three jobs I have: Student, mother, and housekeeper. Lately, student and mother are the only two that are actually being worked. The mothering job is wanting too. Devon, especially, has been "acting out" to get my attention. Yesterday, he looked for things that I he knew I would get pissed for. So I had to stop my homework and stop doing laundry and say,"What do you want to do?" He chose go outside, where he continued to misbehave. Come dinner time, I told him to talk my ears off. And I payed the utmost attention to him. Every word. I won't pretend I felt any better but he seemed to calm down after that.
I've realized that I'm not at all comfortable reading my poetry to my poetry class. For Halloween, anyone that had originals were allowed to read them to the class. Three students, including myself, chose to do it. I've never had a problem letting people read my work but reading it myself was horrible. I couldn't get through one of them about my mom. I cried in front of the class and am still embarrassed about it. It was a shock to me, honestly. I never thought reading them in front of a crowd would do that to me.
When Tony and I had sex last night, it felt very awkward to me. Not our bodies, just my feelings during and after. It was like it wasn't happening while it was happening and I didn't feel satisfied although my body was. I don't know...it was weird.
School is ok. All A's right now but it's a hard semester so I don't know if the A's will be kept to the end. I'm treading water most of the time and the information is learned for the test and then quickly forgotten...which is stupid because most of my finals are comprehensive.
I'm struggling with the three jobs I have: Student, mother, and housekeeper. Lately, student and mother are the only two that are actually being worked. The mothering job is wanting too. Devon, especially, has been "acting out" to get my attention. Yesterday, he looked for things that I he knew I would get pissed for. So I had to stop my homework and stop doing laundry and say,"What do you want to do?" He chose go outside, where he continued to misbehave. Come dinner time, I told him to talk my ears off. And I payed the utmost attention to him. Every word. I won't pretend I felt any better but he seemed to calm down after that.
I've realized that I'm not at all comfortable reading my poetry to my poetry class. For Halloween, anyone that had originals were allowed to read them to the class. Three students, including myself, chose to do it. I've never had a problem letting people read my work but reading it myself was horrible. I couldn't get through one of them about my mom. I cried in front of the class and am still embarrassed about it. It was a shock to me, honestly. I never thought reading them in front of a crowd would do that to me.
When Tony and I had sex last night, it felt very awkward to me. Not our bodies, just my feelings during and after. It was like it wasn't happening while it was happening and I didn't feel satisfied although my body was. I don't know...it was weird.