(no subject)
i used to think that tv programmes that showed business people staying up all night to write presentations were faintly ridiculous. yet people seem to be doing just that in my living room right now. (well.... not in suits...or in front of cameras...). i want to tell them that they are ridiculous, but i don't think they'll appreciate it. so instead i baked them a cake. it's always the best response to any social situation. cake should be more involved in diplomacy. cake should always be included to UN food packages. cake prices should be monitored by the CAKE 1000. it would make for a happier (if fatter, and more diabetic world). but you can even get sugar free and fat free cakes. and cakes that are ok for vegans. so it's a pretty flawless plan.
recently i've been in a silent panic, which isn't in any way fun. i spend most of the time panicking while asleep, or panicking while trying to keep myself busy. baker tilly seem super keen to have me as one of their employees, so i'm hoping that if i do get a 2.2 they'll still let me work for them, although part of me hopes that it'll all go to shit and i'll be able to run away to south america instead.
but the panic isn't just degree results related, i'm also panicking about finding a place to live. i don't want to share with anyone, and i want to have enough room for lottie, which basically means i'll have to spend 80% of my take home wage on rent, and give up eating. which doesn't sound very plausible.
but all my worries have seem terribly self indulgent, as my chinese gran died on saturday. i found out before my father did, and i suddenly had this horrible piece of information to somehow disseminate. i haven't actually spoken to dad since i found out, which is worrying in itself. i can't imagine my father grieving, it's just too horrible. i'm not even sure where my parents are at the moment, or when gran's funeral will be. i never really knew my gran, we only met 3 or 4 times and only managed to say a few words to each others mother tongue, but i know she was a strong woman with a great sense of humour, and a wonderful story teller.
her death has also brought with it some strange chinese traditions - no one is allowed to get married in our family for the next year, as it would be hugely disrespectful and would bring a lot of bad luck. so my cousin's wedding in november has been cancelled, so i won't see that side of my family for at least another year. i felt like i'd been slapped in the face, and then punched in the stomach.
it's my last week of uni and i'm completely lacking sentimentality. i think in my mind i've left nottingham already. hopefully by this time next month i'll have secured my job, found a place to live, and will be finally able to relax a little.
August 11th marks the start of a new era. it's the date i have to accept that i'm finally an independent grown up. that's the one think that isn't panicking me. not yet, anyway.
recently i've been in a silent panic, which isn't in any way fun. i spend most of the time panicking while asleep, or panicking while trying to keep myself busy. baker tilly seem super keen to have me as one of their employees, so i'm hoping that if i do get a 2.2 they'll still let me work for them, although part of me hopes that it'll all go to shit and i'll be able to run away to south america instead.
but the panic isn't just degree results related, i'm also panicking about finding a place to live. i don't want to share with anyone, and i want to have enough room for lottie, which basically means i'll have to spend 80% of my take home wage on rent, and give up eating. which doesn't sound very plausible.
but all my worries have seem terribly self indulgent, as my chinese gran died on saturday. i found out before my father did, and i suddenly had this horrible piece of information to somehow disseminate. i haven't actually spoken to dad since i found out, which is worrying in itself. i can't imagine my father grieving, it's just too horrible. i'm not even sure where my parents are at the moment, or when gran's funeral will be. i never really knew my gran, we only met 3 or 4 times and only managed to say a few words to each others mother tongue, but i know she was a strong woman with a great sense of humour, and a wonderful story teller.
her death has also brought with it some strange chinese traditions - no one is allowed to get married in our family for the next year, as it would be hugely disrespectful and would bring a lot of bad luck. so my cousin's wedding in november has been cancelled, so i won't see that side of my family for at least another year. i felt like i'd been slapped in the face, and then punched in the stomach.
it's my last week of uni and i'm completely lacking sentimentality. i think in my mind i've left nottingham already. hopefully by this time next month i'll have secured my job, found a place to live, and will be finally able to relax a little.
August 11th marks the start of a new era. it's the date i have to accept that i'm finally an independent grown up. that's the one think that isn't panicking me. not yet, anyway.