(no subject)
my brother really surprised me today. sometimes i feel really awful about my relationship with him, i was such a horrible bratty teenager to him. today i noticed how much he's struggled with my parents too. and although there's been thinly veiled hatred and looks of pure disgust thrown around the place like the lee family version of christmas confetti, whispered conversations between us have made me happy to be home. which is odd, here i am in a middle of a war zone and i'm content, because i know it's not just me anymore. i'm not the only one who stands up to my parents. in fact, today our roles switched and i was the mediator and he was the brat. i bloody loved it.
so tomorrow is going to be awful. it'll be all the same arguments plus a few new ones. and i have to feign surprise and the right amount of happiness when i open my presents....and then help my brother confront mum later in as peaceful a way as possible.
me and danny went for a walk on the beach today and it reminded me of when we were kids and would go running around rock pools and how me and ellie would dance around on the beach like idiots for hours. was nice to think back to when i was that young, whenever i think of home these days i think about the last few years of comp, and all the problems that started then. i really should go see ellie, she wants me to go visit tomorrow, think i might go for a while but not stay over. i'd feel bad about leaving danny alone. it's strange but i always feel so protective of him that sometimes i forget that i'm the younger sibling.
it's a little crazy and obsessive, but i'm already day dreaming about next christmas, and spending it somewhere else. i know things will get messy tomorrow, but i can deal with messy. and maybe i'm being stupid and delusional (isn't that what christmas is about? blind optimism?) but i feel like things will get better soon.
so tomorrow is going to be awful. it'll be all the same arguments plus a few new ones. and i have to feign surprise and the right amount of happiness when i open my presents....and then help my brother confront mum later in as peaceful a way as possible.
me and danny went for a walk on the beach today and it reminded me of when we were kids and would go running around rock pools and how me and ellie would dance around on the beach like idiots for hours. was nice to think back to when i was that young, whenever i think of home these days i think about the last few years of comp, and all the problems that started then. i really should go see ellie, she wants me to go visit tomorrow, think i might go for a while but not stay over. i'd feel bad about leaving danny alone. it's strange but i always feel so protective of him that sometimes i forget that i'm the younger sibling.
it's a little crazy and obsessive, but i'm already day dreaming about next christmas, and spending it somewhere else. i know things will get messy tomorrow, but i can deal with messy. and maybe i'm being stupid and delusional (isn't that what christmas is about? blind optimism?) but i feel like things will get better soon.