(no subject)
argh i'm so freaking angry.
i have a feeling that this might have something to do with a hormonal issue, and the fact i'm in pain, but ...... i just want to move out. not for ever, but for a while. just a few nights not having to deal with everyone, not having to be mum. i want to book myself into a hotel, spend a weekend reading newspapers and eating croissants in bed. i want to just wallow in me time, to indulge in comfort foods on white cotton sheets. i want to romance myself a little i suppose...have a nice lunch by myself, window shop alone, to sit and watch the world go by. i'm starting to think i'm just not designed to cope with other people. i'm too used to sitting in a room with no one but a dog for company, watching tv.
i also want to be sat on a beach, with a bonfire and a blanket, staring at the stars. but nights like that just don't seem to happen anymore. i never get to fall asleep under the stars.
i want to smell the sea breeze, to eat chips on a stone wall by a beach, to dabble in the cold british water.
hell, i just want to run away for a while. just me. and lottie. and as much fatty food as i can handle.
instead i'm going to hide in the cinema alone tomorrow, and then spend saturday afternoon with just the dog. i'll go get myself croissants for breakfast, and orange juice, and i'll make believe i'm some place else. in the evening i have to play the loving friend, but by sunday i'll be wrapped up in me time again, just in the same old house.
of course, i know that even if i did get away for a few days, i'd just end up getting annoyed with the same old things as soon as i got back (mainly incompetence and selfishness) but it would just be nice to not have to think about things for a while.
oh. and i got my exams results today...got a 2.2. not great, but considering how little prep i did for it i'm fairly pleased. blagging just isn't an option this year though, which is hard to get used to after last year.
ach, this is too long. i'll stop moaning in a few months, once the sun comes out and i get more space. and until then i'll just moan to myself.
pah.
i have a feeling that this might have something to do with a hormonal issue, and the fact i'm in pain, but ...... i just want to move out. not for ever, but for a while. just a few nights not having to deal with everyone, not having to be mum. i want to book myself into a hotel, spend a weekend reading newspapers and eating croissants in bed. i want to just wallow in me time, to indulge in comfort foods on white cotton sheets. i want to romance myself a little i suppose...have a nice lunch by myself, window shop alone, to sit and watch the world go by. i'm starting to think i'm just not designed to cope with other people. i'm too used to sitting in a room with no one but a dog for company, watching tv.
i also want to be sat on a beach, with a bonfire and a blanket, staring at the stars. but nights like that just don't seem to happen anymore. i never get to fall asleep under the stars.
i want to smell the sea breeze, to eat chips on a stone wall by a beach, to dabble in the cold british water.
hell, i just want to run away for a while. just me. and lottie. and as much fatty food as i can handle.
instead i'm going to hide in the cinema alone tomorrow, and then spend saturday afternoon with just the dog. i'll go get myself croissants for breakfast, and orange juice, and i'll make believe i'm some place else. in the evening i have to play the loving friend, but by sunday i'll be wrapped up in me time again, just in the same old house.
of course, i know that even if i did get away for a few days, i'd just end up getting annoyed with the same old things as soon as i got back (mainly incompetence and selfishness) but it would just be nice to not have to think about things for a while.
oh. and i got my exams results today...got a 2.2. not great, but considering how little prep i did for it i'm fairly pleased. blagging just isn't an option this year though, which is hard to get used to after last year.
ach, this is too long. i'll stop moaning in a few months, once the sun comes out and i get more space. and until then i'll just moan to myself.
pah.