(no subject)
I have very few pictures of Chris in my possession, outside of the ones that are posted between Myspace and LJ. I have him on film on two separate occasions, and even now, a year later, I'm STILL looking for those fucking pictures of him from our second date. But there are semi-visual bits of him still floating around.
I'm a big believer in how much of someone you can find in little things. I still carry around the little Admiral Ackbar figure he gave me on Tuesday the 2nd...I still have his ZooTV shirt, I still have the mp3s he sent me throughout our short time together.
I still think he's there in numbers and beautiful bass lines. At points on the F line, just before you hit Ditmars, in PiL's _Seattle_, and in that time of night just before bed and his third Coded Transmission is spilling into my headphones.
He's a hard boy to shake off. I like the fact that he isn't completely gone.
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More than that, I still have my physical memories, my more violent recollections. I can still plot out points on his body. I remember every bit of him.
I still know what his hand felt like when it was over mine. I still know what it was like to look up at him as he hugged me. I still know what he felt like when I put my arms around him from behind...
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This week, one of the last pictures of him I took smiles back at me from my desktop. I'm back in the basement apartment, all apologies from a drunken adventure the night before, and just playing with my favorite tool of the trade at the time...
In one of his last imprints, Chris' eyes are green, his cheeks are pink, and he's looking at me with quiet intent.
No weight, no depression, just calm.
...and I'm more than grateful that he left me with just that image.
That's the Chris I carry around on a 13" screen.
That's the Chris I remember.