Friend rambling. That's like all I do on here.
Things have their ups and downs, ya know?
And yeah I;m happy I guess.
Brandon and I aren't awkward at all.
I'm so thankful for that becasue I just need him to be my best guy friend right now. I need him to be someone I can really rely on. I depend on him. I suppose since Matt isn't here, he's my dose of testosterone fueled reasoning I guess? It's just different with guys. When you become their best friends. It's better sometimes you know? less complicated, less emotional, and sometimes just what I need. Brandon and I are so alike that it's just simple for us to hang out and be close and be best friends. He's like a Matt gaw, with a hint of Nick thrown in, and then a ton of just Brandon and it's good it's nice. I can see things in him that I cherished in Nick and Matt and he also brings a whole lot to the table that is just him and he really is a fantastic friend. Everything I need right now.
And yeah so I KIND OF like him, but so what? I don't want to date him. We don't need that right now. I need him to be my best friend and that's all. And he's good at that. Good at being there for me when there are things going on with Nina and Siobhan that I just can't talk out with them, or things I feel they don't need to be bothered with. Idk I've been comparing and contrasting friendships with boys, and friendships with girls. They both have their good and bad parts and both of them are needed because neither of them are flawless friendships.
Yeah.
Nick talks to me more. He wished me a happy thanksgiving which was a pleasant surprise. And He talks to me about TV from time to time and even IMs me. And Sometimes I feel like he just does it to show me that he doesn't need me anymore, that he's happy and awesome without me. Because I still care, and ask about his life, and his new friends, and I'm genuinely glad that he is happy! Yet he never asks anything about my life or my friends, and I guess I was expecting him to at least ask out of politeness but maybe that's pushing it I mean talking in general is a huge step for us as. friends? if I can even call us that. I'm not sure I would consider him a friend.
And yeah I still miss him, and us, and what we had, but I don't need him anymore. Not at all. There is nothing he can give me that I actually NEED. Not like before, when I had to have him all the time, When I craved his attention and needed to be around him to be happy. When he was all I thought about for months. Now I don't and I feel so free. I don't need his acceptance. Or apporoval becasue I am who I want to be and I like my life. And I have filled the void he left with Brandon. And yeah, it;s not a perfect fit. I'm not 100% good again. there are still things Nick gave me, or parts of myself that He took away when we split, But i'm alright. I;m happy. My friendship with Brandon is a lot healthier than my friendship with Nick. He doesn't make me sad all the time, I don't worry about what he will think of me if I do a certain thing, and I can be myself and be totally cool and tell him anything and it's cool and just. I don;t worry like I did with Nick. I don't have to not give my oppinions on certain things for fear that he will get mad at me or something. Whatever idk I miss Nick but I don;t Need Nick. You know?
Siobhan and I. I feel as though we are at a different level in our friendship. Like she is a part of me. Everything I know she knows automatically. She knows absolutely everything about me, I'm closer to her than to anybody on the planet. I'm comfotable with her to the point where she can totally rag on me and I don't care! Becasue she's my best friend and I know she doesn;t mean to and it doesn't even bug me most the time becasue it's just Siobhan . I feel like sometimes we are the same person and I don't even know how to describe the connection we have but I've never had anything like it. No matter what I know we will stay close. I really love her a lot, and would do anything for her and just ah she is my best friend. I know I have more than one, but it's not a secret that Siobhan like., is. My best friend ever.
Nina. She's is the person second closest to me in the world. Like, siobhan is on a whole other level. Like Nina is also my best friend. It's just that Siobhan is more than a best friend... like I don't know. Like Nina would be Level One. Which is the highest level, but Siobhan would be like Zero because she's just a whole new level of friendship.
SO I put Nina on Level one. She is like completely the best. I know I can say whatever needs to be said and she will be the most understanding person ever. We get along like we've known eachother forever. She's sort of like a sister to me I think. Like we just idk had an instant connection and I would totally Marry her if I wasn't a straight Woman. We have our rough patches that are hard, and Like. She shuts me out. and I think that is what seperates her from Siobhan. The fact that I have know Siobhan long enough to have broken down all the walls between us. I know Sio better than I know myself. But Nina and I still have a ways to go, and I;m totally willing to go there. And I will wait and fight and not let Nina run away from me becasue I love her.
And then Matt Gaw, well, I'm practically in love with the kid.
So yeah.
Enough said.
And yeah I;m happy I guess.
Brandon and I aren't awkward at all.
I'm so thankful for that becasue I just need him to be my best guy friend right now. I need him to be someone I can really rely on. I depend on him. I suppose since Matt isn't here, he's my dose of testosterone fueled reasoning I guess? It's just different with guys. When you become their best friends. It's better sometimes you know? less complicated, less emotional, and sometimes just what I need. Brandon and I are so alike that it's just simple for us to hang out and be close and be best friends. He's like a Matt gaw, with a hint of Nick thrown in, and then a ton of just Brandon and it's good it's nice. I can see things in him that I cherished in Nick and Matt and he also brings a whole lot to the table that is just him and he really is a fantastic friend. Everything I need right now.
And yeah so I KIND OF like him, but so what? I don't want to date him. We don't need that right now. I need him to be my best friend and that's all. And he's good at that. Good at being there for me when there are things going on with Nina and Siobhan that I just can't talk out with them, or things I feel they don't need to be bothered with. Idk I've been comparing and contrasting friendships with boys, and friendships with girls. They both have their good and bad parts and both of them are needed because neither of them are flawless friendships.
Yeah.
Nick talks to me more. He wished me a happy thanksgiving which was a pleasant surprise. And He talks to me about TV from time to time and even IMs me. And Sometimes I feel like he just does it to show me that he doesn't need me anymore, that he's happy and awesome without me. Because I still care, and ask about his life, and his new friends, and I'm genuinely glad that he is happy! Yet he never asks anything about my life or my friends, and I guess I was expecting him to at least ask out of politeness but maybe that's pushing it I mean talking in general is a huge step for us as. friends? if I can even call us that. I'm not sure I would consider him a friend.
And yeah I still miss him, and us, and what we had, but I don't need him anymore. Not at all. There is nothing he can give me that I actually NEED. Not like before, when I had to have him all the time, When I craved his attention and needed to be around him to be happy. When he was all I thought about for months. Now I don't and I feel so free. I don't need his acceptance. Or apporoval becasue I am who I want to be and I like my life. And I have filled the void he left with Brandon. And yeah, it;s not a perfect fit. I'm not 100% good again. there are still things Nick gave me, or parts of myself that He took away when we split, But i'm alright. I;m happy. My friendship with Brandon is a lot healthier than my friendship with Nick. He doesn't make me sad all the time, I don't worry about what he will think of me if I do a certain thing, and I can be myself and be totally cool and tell him anything and it's cool and just. I don;t worry like I did with Nick. I don't have to not give my oppinions on certain things for fear that he will get mad at me or something. Whatever idk I miss Nick but I don;t Need Nick. You know?
Siobhan and I. I feel as though we are at a different level in our friendship. Like she is a part of me. Everything I know she knows automatically. She knows absolutely everything about me, I'm closer to her than to anybody on the planet. I'm comfotable with her to the point where she can totally rag on me and I don't care! Becasue she's my best friend and I know she doesn;t mean to and it doesn't even bug me most the time becasue it's just Siobhan . I feel like sometimes we are the same person and I don't even know how to describe the connection we have but I've never had anything like it. No matter what I know we will stay close. I really love her a lot, and would do anything for her and just ah she is my best friend. I know I have more than one, but it's not a secret that Siobhan like., is. My best friend ever.
Nina. She's is the person second closest to me in the world. Like, siobhan is on a whole other level. Like Nina is also my best friend. It's just that Siobhan is more than a best friend... like I don't know. Like Nina would be Level One. Which is the highest level, but Siobhan would be like Zero because she's just a whole new level of friendship.
SO I put Nina on Level one. She is like completely the best. I know I can say whatever needs to be said and she will be the most understanding person ever. We get along like we've known eachother forever. She's sort of like a sister to me I think. Like we just idk had an instant connection and I would totally Marry her if I wasn't a straight Woman. We have our rough patches that are hard, and Like. She shuts me out. and I think that is what seperates her from Siobhan. The fact that I have know Siobhan long enough to have broken down all the walls between us. I know Sio better than I know myself. But Nina and I still have a ways to go, and I;m totally willing to go there. And I will wait and fight and not let Nina run away from me becasue I love her.
And then Matt Gaw, well, I'm practically in love with the kid.
So yeah.
Enough said.