rambles part 1.. XD
It's been a long time since I've typed my crazy ramblings here. :D
I'm not sure what I am anymore. Are women polygamous as well? we can't always blame men for being polygamous right? although I have a strong belief in feminism we cannot be sexist on the fact that there are women out there that are polygamous as well. It's funny to think about it--women tempt men to them. I'm not generalizing this fact, we just have to be open minded about these very fragile topics, we have to face it. Characteristics as well as human interactions change and evolve (devolve) into new chains and patterns. So how do we link this to love? We can't, that's the nasty truth.
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kisses?
Kisses are overrated--it's not. You'd really understand a person's feelings when you think about it. It's not illogical, on the contrary, you'd understand a person's feelings by the way their muscles move and their pacing, if it's fast and rough or sweet and soft. You might think it's funny and doesn't make sense, but when it comes to love, arts, passion and physical attraction and preference, does it really make sense MOST of the time? I think not. A kiss actually opens up your whole emotion, your desires and your characteristic.
A person doesn't need to know how to kiss, they just have to feel it--to move with the rhythm of his/her partner, like dancing--it takes two to tango and it takes two passionate/lustful persons to experience this sensation.
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Am I even In love?
I have no idea... There is no reason to love him anyway, I can look for a better man nor look for someone for better physical connection but there isn't one--he's lousy, can get distracted easily and can be such an asshole but deep inside--he's sweet, caring and gentle. He can be a know-it-all and most of the time arrogant and argumentative but that's why I like him--He's sweet in his own individual way. Physical attraction or intercourse I can live without for a long time but him--for being himself--I can't seem to let go. He's giving me signs to let him go, he's giving me reasons to leave him but why can't I seem to understand his intentions. Because I still see the good inside of him. I am optimistic and I stick to what I believe is still good, I love him because I see the good inside of him--whatever he tells me, I know for a fact that he's good person; gentle, caring and loving. I don't care what he was in his past because I'm trying to build something with him right now, if he'd let me. But I guess that wouldn't happen not by a long mile. Although I'd wish he'd give me a chance to at least love him.
Everytime I see him, my vision gets blurred--I can't help but smile and I can't find the right words to say 'Hi' I don't want to be needy because I'm not in the position to do so, I can't feel jealous and I can't be demanding because I'm a nobody to him, I just exist when it's most convenient for him. I'm really sad to type those words, that specific phrase because I know for a fact--that's how I see myself. I don't know if it's true or not but... I don't really care, why do I let myself be treated this way? don't I deserve someone better--I do, I do deserve someone better, so why can't I just move on to another person, another inspiration? why?
I have no idea what to do, I've been idle far too long and it's CRAZY to think I'm acting this way, am I being too desperate when it comes to looking for personal love and happiness? I mean, does it necessarily mean that I need someone to complete me? I need my own inspiration, I can't make someone else my inspiration because people may disappoint and may hurt you, it would either make you stronger or weaker and to make that person your inspiration would prolly hurt you or make you stronger. Well, if you're that type of person who find this a chance to make yourself stronger then congratulations to you. For those who are somewhat weaker and are easily hurt, don't fret--you just have to suck it up and move on to another inspiration. We all have to learn that everything happens for a reason and every meeting would be either an opening or closing to another connection with another person. Funny thing is, the heart can be repaired--it may be scratched or torn apart but it will always find a way to mend itself no matter how many times it gets broken.
I'm not sure what I am anymore. Are women polygamous as well? we can't always blame men for being polygamous right? although I have a strong belief in feminism we cannot be sexist on the fact that there are women out there that are polygamous as well. It's funny to think about it--women tempt men to them. I'm not generalizing this fact, we just have to be open minded about these very fragile topics, we have to face it. Characteristics as well as human interactions change and evolve (devolve) into new chains and patterns. So how do we link this to love? We can't, that's the nasty truth.
-------------------------
kisses?
Kisses are overrated--it's not. You'd really understand a person's feelings when you think about it. It's not illogical, on the contrary, you'd understand a person's feelings by the way their muscles move and their pacing, if it's fast and rough or sweet and soft. You might think it's funny and doesn't make sense, but when it comes to love, arts, passion and physical attraction and preference, does it really make sense MOST of the time? I think not. A kiss actually opens up your whole emotion, your desires and your characteristic.
A person doesn't need to know how to kiss, they just have to feel it--to move with the rhythm of his/her partner, like dancing--it takes two to tango and it takes two passionate/lustful persons to experience this sensation.
-------------------------
Am I even In love?
I have no idea... There is no reason to love him anyway, I can look for a better man nor look for someone for better physical connection but there isn't one--he's lousy, can get distracted easily and can be such an asshole but deep inside--he's sweet, caring and gentle. He can be a know-it-all and most of the time arrogant and argumentative but that's why I like him--He's sweet in his own individual way. Physical attraction or intercourse I can live without for a long time but him--for being himself--I can't seem to let go. He's giving me signs to let him go, he's giving me reasons to leave him but why can't I seem to understand his intentions. Because I still see the good inside of him. I am optimistic and I stick to what I believe is still good, I love him because I see the good inside of him--whatever he tells me, I know for a fact that he's good person; gentle, caring and loving. I don't care what he was in his past because I'm trying to build something with him right now, if he'd let me. But I guess that wouldn't happen not by a long mile. Although I'd wish he'd give me a chance to at least love him.
Everytime I see him, my vision gets blurred--I can't help but smile and I can't find the right words to say 'Hi' I don't want to be needy because I'm not in the position to do so, I can't feel jealous and I can't be demanding because I'm a nobody to him, I just exist when it's most convenient for him. I'm really sad to type those words, that specific phrase because I know for a fact--that's how I see myself. I don't know if it's true or not but... I don't really care, why do I let myself be treated this way? don't I deserve someone better--I do, I do deserve someone better, so why can't I just move on to another person, another inspiration? why?
I have no idea what to do, I've been idle far too long and it's CRAZY to think I'm acting this way, am I being too desperate when it comes to looking for personal love and happiness? I mean, does it necessarily mean that I need someone to complete me? I need my own inspiration, I can't make someone else my inspiration because people may disappoint and may hurt you, it would either make you stronger or weaker and to make that person your inspiration would prolly hurt you or make you stronger. Well, if you're that type of person who find this a chance to make yourself stronger then congratulations to you. For those who are somewhat weaker and are easily hurt, don't fret--you just have to suck it up and move on to another inspiration. We all have to learn that everything happens for a reason and every meeting would be either an opening or closing to another connection with another person. Funny thing is, the heart can be repaired--it may be scratched or torn apart but it will always find a way to mend itself no matter how many times it gets broken.