Spit pesticides for rats and vermin, Seem like none of y'all chumps is learning
Tonight was crazy.
I feel like I'm in flames.
Tonight I encountered my first "In yo Face" racism in over year.
It started out kinda cool. Mason called me and told me about this party. I cruised over there, I was having a good time. I saw Ben who seemed slightly amused to see me. Alicia Roualt and Agata were there, AAroN showed up. Carey Beard was there, even Kenny made an appearance. Alicia, Agata, AAroN, Carey, Kenny, Bryan, Ben and this other kid that was there, let's call him Shithead. I decided to hang back with Ben and be all flirty as I was looking so cute and stuff. Shithead started telling us about how he once smoked crack. He was telling us about how he and his friends ran into these "fucking niggers" sitting on the curb somewhere when he was on a quest for cocaine. "So you know, they were fucking niggers man". He continued with his story.
I felt my hands form into fists. I felt my ears get hot. I felt my mood turn dark. I held it in, keeping in mind that Shithead is ignorant. Shithead doesn't know shit about the world. None of the people I'm friends with are really like that. If I could somehow get away from him and escape his nonsense, I'd be okay. I sped walk away from him and Ben. Disappointed in Ben. This kid who always seemed so cool to me, a little out of his head, but someone chill. Someone who could maybe understand.
I felt my pretty feet start walking faster. I called an old friend because I was reminded of a similar although less intense evening we'd had together. He didn't pick up and I'm sure I left an absurd message. My face was numb.
I caught up with the rest of the group. As we got to Dorian's there were some rowdy kids in the parking lot. I thought nothing of it. That's Dorians. Wescott. Syracuse. I bought AAroN a slice of pizza and a snapple. He always gives me rides home and he's such an important friend. Stays sober when the rest of us get fucked up. He takes care of his friends, he's a great person.
As we left, the rowdy kids were still outside and two of them were yelling at each other. AAroN, Kenny and I got away. Everybody else just kind of stood and stared. As we got to the bead place, Agata was like hiding in there talkinb about how one of the rowdy kids was stalking her and broke into her house. Then we found out the Rowdy Kid stole Ben's cell phone and hit Shithead in the face. Agata called the police. AAroN, Shithead and I followed Ben who was following the Rowdy kid. Then the cops showed up. And we went back to the party house.
Kenny, Carey, AAroN, Ben, Shithead and I walked back to the house and I quietly pointed out how interesting it was to me that Shithead had said "fucking nigger" several times moments before he got cracked in the jaw and that Ben hadn't said anything about it. Some wild form of karma, you could say.
So we're all sitting on the porch. Shithead starts talking about how he shoulda hit that kid back and I'm like "you woulda gotten your ass kicked, stupid.". Then he starts spittin to me that he's from The South and that guy definatly wouldn't have kicked his ass. THEEEN the ignorant bitch goes on talking about how he wished he coulda "busted out the whip and showed that Uncle Tom" and made whipping gestures with his arms. At this point in the conversation I lost it.
I started yelling.
Telling him that he was being fucking ignorant and offensive. He kept saying "I'm from the South, I'm glad I'm not a fucking Yank." At one point he asked how I'd like it if he punched me in the face and I told him that I wished he would so I'd have a physical reason to kick his mother fuckin' ass. "I'm from the South." I start screaming "You need to get the fuck away from me" just repeating it. And in my own echoes, I realize. I'm the only person saying anything. Carey's telling me to calm down. Shithead tells me that he's not fucking going anywhere and that if I want to get away that I needed to leave.
So I stood up, said "I guess I will leave then...", I walked to the step, took a look over my shoulder at my silent supposed friends and I said "I guess that's what I get, hanging out with a bunch of fuckin pussies."
And I was off. I think Ben called after me, but there was no fucking way I was turning back. I'd said what needed to be said. My eyes were stinging and my cheeks were flushed. I was gone. And you know who came after me?
AAroN Kelly did. AAroN came after me and calmed me down and even after I had said that I was sorry for making him feel uncomfortable he rubbed my back and said "It needed to be said." He brought me to his car and drove me to my house.
My head hurts. I am still so angry. I'm angry that Shithead is, in fact a shithead. I'm angry that The Rowdy Kid stole Ben's phone, which brought all of us into it. I am angry at what was said to me and about my people. I am angry that people I've known forever couldn't bring themselves to say anything.
We are from Syracuse. One of the most diverse awesome places around. We went to fucking Nottingham High School. There's no reason to just sit down while some shithead is talking about "fucking niggers" and "whipping uncle tom" and not say anything. If some black guy was on the porch with us trashing white people, I would've stood up for them. No doubt. Because they are the kids I grew up with, and far more above and beyond being loyal to old friends, racism is wrong. I don't care where you're from.
I learned a lot tonight. I am still fuming. I am so upset. Nobody's up except for Jalica who did calm me down for a bit. I feel like I'm the only one who understands why it's perfectly acceptable to get so upset over somethin like that. One thing's for sure, I'll never see certain people the same way again.
I feel like I'm in flames.
Tonight I encountered my first "In yo Face" racism in over year.
It started out kinda cool. Mason called me and told me about this party. I cruised over there, I was having a good time. I saw Ben who seemed slightly amused to see me. Alicia Roualt and Agata were there, AAroN showed up. Carey Beard was there, even Kenny made an appearance. Alicia, Agata, AAroN, Carey, Kenny, Bryan, Ben and this other kid that was there, let's call him Shithead. I decided to hang back with Ben and be all flirty as I was looking so cute and stuff. Shithead started telling us about how he once smoked crack. He was telling us about how he and his friends ran into these "fucking niggers" sitting on the curb somewhere when he was on a quest for cocaine. "So you know, they were fucking niggers man". He continued with his story.
I felt my hands form into fists. I felt my ears get hot. I felt my mood turn dark. I held it in, keeping in mind that Shithead is ignorant. Shithead doesn't know shit about the world. None of the people I'm friends with are really like that. If I could somehow get away from him and escape his nonsense, I'd be okay. I sped walk away from him and Ben. Disappointed in Ben. This kid who always seemed so cool to me, a little out of his head, but someone chill. Someone who could maybe understand.
I felt my pretty feet start walking faster. I called an old friend because I was reminded of a similar although less intense evening we'd had together. He didn't pick up and I'm sure I left an absurd message. My face was numb.
I caught up with the rest of the group. As we got to Dorian's there were some rowdy kids in the parking lot. I thought nothing of it. That's Dorians. Wescott. Syracuse. I bought AAroN a slice of pizza and a snapple. He always gives me rides home and he's such an important friend. Stays sober when the rest of us get fucked up. He takes care of his friends, he's a great person.
As we left, the rowdy kids were still outside and two of them were yelling at each other. AAroN, Kenny and I got away. Everybody else just kind of stood and stared. As we got to the bead place, Agata was like hiding in there talkinb about how one of the rowdy kids was stalking her and broke into her house. Then we found out the Rowdy Kid stole Ben's cell phone and hit Shithead in the face. Agata called the police. AAroN, Shithead and I followed Ben who was following the Rowdy kid. Then the cops showed up. And we went back to the party house.
Kenny, Carey, AAroN, Ben, Shithead and I walked back to the house and I quietly pointed out how interesting it was to me that Shithead had said "fucking nigger" several times moments before he got cracked in the jaw and that Ben hadn't said anything about it. Some wild form of karma, you could say.
So we're all sitting on the porch. Shithead starts talking about how he shoulda hit that kid back and I'm like "you woulda gotten your ass kicked, stupid.". Then he starts spittin to me that he's from The South and that guy definatly wouldn't have kicked his ass. THEEEN the ignorant bitch goes on talking about how he wished he coulda "busted out the whip and showed that Uncle Tom" and made whipping gestures with his arms. At this point in the conversation I lost it.
I started yelling.
Telling him that he was being fucking ignorant and offensive. He kept saying "I'm from the South, I'm glad I'm not a fucking Yank." At one point he asked how I'd like it if he punched me in the face and I told him that I wished he would so I'd have a physical reason to kick his mother fuckin' ass. "I'm from the South." I start screaming "You need to get the fuck away from me" just repeating it. And in my own echoes, I realize. I'm the only person saying anything. Carey's telling me to calm down. Shithead tells me that he's not fucking going anywhere and that if I want to get away that I needed to leave.
So I stood up, said "I guess I will leave then...", I walked to the step, took a look over my shoulder at my silent supposed friends and I said "I guess that's what I get, hanging out with a bunch of fuckin pussies."
And I was off. I think Ben called after me, but there was no fucking way I was turning back. I'd said what needed to be said. My eyes were stinging and my cheeks were flushed. I was gone. And you know who came after me?
AAroN Kelly did. AAroN came after me and calmed me down and even after I had said that I was sorry for making him feel uncomfortable he rubbed my back and said "It needed to be said." He brought me to his car and drove me to my house.
My head hurts. I am still so angry. I'm angry that Shithead is, in fact a shithead. I'm angry that The Rowdy Kid stole Ben's phone, which brought all of us into it. I am angry at what was said to me and about my people. I am angry that people I've known forever couldn't bring themselves to say anything.
We are from Syracuse. One of the most diverse awesome places around. We went to fucking Nottingham High School. There's no reason to just sit down while some shithead is talking about "fucking niggers" and "whipping uncle tom" and not say anything. If some black guy was on the porch with us trashing white people, I would've stood up for them. No doubt. Because they are the kids I grew up with, and far more above and beyond being loyal to old friends, racism is wrong. I don't care where you're from.
I learned a lot tonight. I am still fuming. I am so upset. Nobody's up except for Jalica who did calm me down for a bit. I feel like I'm the only one who understands why it's perfectly acceptable to get so upset over somethin like that. One thing's for sure, I'll never see certain people the same way again.