"What are your thoughts about it?"
What are my thoughts about it..? I'm frustrated, to say the least.
Life is ironic. Things are ironic. Things change quickly and swiftly, and feelings cannot be counted on. Do I even know exactly what I feel? Nope, I don't. Is it explainable? Yeah, probably. Do I have at least a rough understanding? Yeah, probably. Do i struggle with it? Most certainly.
Unless I'm crystal clear on direction and leading, I refuse to move from where I am.
The last few times I thought it'll work itself out along the way but I was terribly wrong. I don't want to be wrong again. It's not that it sucks being wrong, but it really feels like a part of me inside dies or is lost. & how many times do I want to be chasing after something that does not fit Your will... Like no more please. No more.
You gave Your son for me. I want to give my life to You in exchange. Not that moving from one stage to anothe doesn't mean I won't, but come on, I don't think I'm ready. So how can You think that I'm ready?
When I prayed for my heart to be broken for whatever breaks Yours, I don't think I was expecting this. How could anyone expect this? How could this even end up where it has ended up today? I never foresaw a day like this. Sure sometimes thoughts like these end up in my mind but.. Did I ever think that I would be really sitting here thinking about this and typing all these? Not. At. All.
It's such a huge struggle and tough fight. To want to do this rightly and obediently. To want to do this in a way that pleases You. To want to do this so that I can come to a deeper knowledge and understanding of you. To want to do this so that I can have a deeper relationship with You.
Ah, why couldn't You come quicker? Or why couldn't You defeat this quickly for me!
I don't want to raise my fist in contention to what You are doing and moving within and amidst everything. I don't want to feel like I don't know where I'm headed, even if I need to feel this way to know that You're in control. So be near me, and assure me. Be near me and walk with me. Don't let me ever feel alone and dark.
Show me the way I should go for in You I entrust my life. Clearly. Clearly. Crystal clear.
Life is ironic. Things are ironic. Things change quickly and swiftly, and feelings cannot be counted on. Do I even know exactly what I feel? Nope, I don't. Is it explainable? Yeah, probably. Do I have at least a rough understanding? Yeah, probably. Do i struggle with it? Most certainly.
Unless I'm crystal clear on direction and leading, I refuse to move from where I am.
The last few times I thought it'll work itself out along the way but I was terribly wrong. I don't want to be wrong again. It's not that it sucks being wrong, but it really feels like a part of me inside dies or is lost. & how many times do I want to be chasing after something that does not fit Your will... Like no more please. No more.
You gave Your son for me. I want to give my life to You in exchange. Not that moving from one stage to anothe doesn't mean I won't, but come on, I don't think I'm ready. So how can You think that I'm ready?
When I prayed for my heart to be broken for whatever breaks Yours, I don't think I was expecting this. How could anyone expect this? How could this even end up where it has ended up today? I never foresaw a day like this. Sure sometimes thoughts like these end up in my mind but.. Did I ever think that I would be really sitting here thinking about this and typing all these? Not. At. All.
It's such a huge struggle and tough fight. To want to do this rightly and obediently. To want to do this in a way that pleases You. To want to do this so that I can come to a deeper knowledge and understanding of you. To want to do this so that I can have a deeper relationship with You.
Ah, why couldn't You come quicker? Or why couldn't You defeat this quickly for me!
I don't want to raise my fist in contention to what You are doing and moving within and amidst everything. I don't want to feel like I don't know where I'm headed, even if I need to feel this way to know that You're in control. So be near me, and assure me. Be near me and walk with me. Don't let me ever feel alone and dark.
Show me the way I should go for in You I entrust my life. Clearly. Clearly. Crystal clear.