(no subject)
Life's been good and bad recently.
Today was one of the worst day's I have had in a REALLY long time.
The morning started out wrong and it just progressively got worse.
Tonight was the first time ever that I just got in my car and drove, I drove for about 40 minutes, then I went to the grocery store because we don't have much in our refrig. But for those 40 minutes, I was ok, it didn't clear everything, but it helped a wee bit. I just didn't feel like being social today, and I know that I am not social as it is, so when I don't feel social, it's even worse for me. I just hope the rest of the week is on the uphill. My insomnia, or whatever it is, is back, I haven't been sleeping very well and when I am supposed to be asleep I am wide awake and when I am wide awake, I am EXHAUSTED. I don't mean to bring anyone down with this post, i just wish I knew what to do with myself.
I am tired of who I am. I want a change and that change won't happen unless I do something about it. I am afraid, I think that at every moment someone is watching me and I am afraid to make mistakes because every mistake is being watched and counted against me. I need to be more outgoing and not living in a shell. I need to spread my horizons and not be afraid to try something. This also goes along with being in love, if I am not out there to show the world who I am, how will that man ever find me, how will he know that I am around. He won't and that is another reason why I need to change who I am. I need to do it sooner than later, but I am scared and terrified about what people think of me.
Today was one of the worst day's I have had in a REALLY long time.
The morning started out wrong and it just progressively got worse.
Tonight was the first time ever that I just got in my car and drove, I drove for about 40 minutes, then I went to the grocery store because we don't have much in our refrig. But for those 40 minutes, I was ok, it didn't clear everything, but it helped a wee bit. I just didn't feel like being social today, and I know that I am not social as it is, so when I don't feel social, it's even worse for me. I just hope the rest of the week is on the uphill. My insomnia, or whatever it is, is back, I haven't been sleeping very well and when I am supposed to be asleep I am wide awake and when I am wide awake, I am EXHAUSTED. I don't mean to bring anyone down with this post, i just wish I knew what to do with myself.
I am tired of who I am. I want a change and that change won't happen unless I do something about it. I am afraid, I think that at every moment someone is watching me and I am afraid to make mistakes because every mistake is being watched and counted against me. I need to be more outgoing and not living in a shell. I need to spread my horizons and not be afraid to try something. This also goes along with being in love, if I am not out there to show the world who I am, how will that man ever find me, how will he know that I am around. He won't and that is another reason why I need to change who I am. I need to do it sooner than later, but I am scared and terrified about what people think of me.