Dr Dracular and Bloody Hospitals
Title: Dr Dracula and Bloody Hospitals
Warnings: No Warning just more ranting
A/N: Another one of my long winded rants about the things in life I just can't stand :) enjoy
Ok so, I have been in hospital a lot recently, mostly due to I recently found out that I am allergic to sugar. I know! Tell me about it! Of all the things in the world to be allergic to, I’m allergic to sugar. Any way when I eat sugar my body goes into a form of shock. Sounds fun huh? lol. anyway so before we found out what was wrong I had a serious attack that put me in hospital. Now anyone who knows me knows I HATE DOCTORS!!!! and being in hospital for me is like my own personal form of hell!
I have many reasons why i hate doctors:
1. They are constantly poking and prodding and sticking those icy-pole-stick things down your throat.
2. My doctor is an old Asian dude. now I have no problems with Asians as many people very well know but I can not understand a word he is saying. Mostly because A) I'm there for hearing problems which happens a lot and B) because I'm not listening to him.
3.They normally can't tell me more than I already know
and 4. Because of bloody waiting rooms. I’m sure I would have achieved a lot more in my life if I hadn't wasted countless hours in hospital waiting rooms.
Now to fully understand why I hate.... despise.....LOATH doctors I have to tell you about the last two times I visited the hospital.
Occasion number 1 -
I spent five hours in the waiting room to see my doctor. FIVE HOURS!!! And do you know how long I saw him for??? Exactly 5 minutes and 58 seconds! After waiting for 5 hours I at least want to be told I have some life threatening illness….. but noooooo, I had a bad cold and he gave me anti-biotics, a lolly-pop and patted me on the head before sending me off. Let me tell you…. IT WAS SOOOO NOT BLOODY WORTH IT!
Now I don’t have a very good relationship with my doctor but we have come to an understanding...... I don’t like him and he doesn’t like me! but we both rely on each other to survive. He needs my money and I need his medical expertise (which I have yet to see because the man is bloody useless) My friends constantly tell me to switch doctors because this man has a reputation of being useless. He use to be my friends family doctor before her grandmother got sick and when he couldn’t figure out how to help her he sat in the corner and cried.
NOW THAT IS NOT THE KIND OF DOCTOR I WANT WITH ME IN A LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION! But anyway he is still my doctor because I am too lazy to find another and too cheap to pay for a better one.
So instead I spend my time there bugging the hell out of him. While he is examining me or when he leaves the room, I tend to play basket ball. The bin is my hoop and my basket ball is those delightful-lil’-lolly-pop-things that he constantly sticks down my throat when I have a cold. I like to see how many I can get in the bin before he catches me!
I also have a lot of fun with his Steph-o-mo-thingy (you know the one they use to listen to heart beats.) I constantly use it to listen through the walls to see if I can hear the people in the next room. I thought it was working once but it turned out to be my doctor trying to talk to me. It doesn’t help that the room next door is a filing room but then again you never know what is going on in there. Maybe the office lady is sneaking away for a little “private time” with one of the doctors O.O.
Occasion Two -
I was taken to the hospital because of chest pains, trouble breathing, dizziness (which I think was due to the lack of oxygen) violent shaking. I get there and have to explain to the woman what was wrong and then she tells me I’m Tri-3. Now I’ll explain what that means.
In the hospitals here there’s a ladder, it goes
Tri-1 = the doctor will see you immediately
Tri-2 = the doctor will see you in 10-20 minutes
Tri-3 = is 20-30 minutes
Tri-4 = is an hour
Tri-5 = is an hour and a half - two hours
Tri-6 = I can’t remember but you get the picture.
So anyway I was Tri-3. By this point I was barely able to stay awake due to lack of oxygen, my heart rate was double the normal rate and my whole body was shaking. What I’m wondering is what has to be wrong with you for you to be a Tri-1. I’m thinking you have to be..... Dead. Because I was pretty damn close....well I felt like it anyway.
The nurse in the office said that Tri-1 was for those who had major problems or needed immediate help to survive. Last time I checked not breathing was a pretty MAJOR problem and I’m pretty sure I can’t survive with out it.
Anyway we waited for ages. (20-30 minutes MY ARSE) I waited for over an hour before going in for chest x-rays, a CG thingy where they attached a whole bunch of wires to me (I’m not sure what it did but I’m pretty sure it was just to make them look like they were doing something) There were no hospital beds available so I was moved from one area to another and when they finally got a bed so they could do that CG thing, it a bed that was situated in the office area. Through glass windows I could see the whole waiting room and the whole waiting room could see me. I’m glad they closed the curtains before I had to take my top and bra off but the other doctors keep peering in and opening the curtains so everybody could see me! YAY!
So then I was left to wait for results before they decided to take blood. Now I HATE NEEDLES! As in I really, really, reallllllllllllllllllllly hate needles.
Anyway this is where I began to come up with the idea that my doctor is a vampire. Dr Dracula is what I’ve started to call him, which going by the face he makes every time I say it he doesn’t find it that amusing. Anyway he took heaps of blood (three vials) and then walked away with half a syringe of my blood. Now call me weird but I like to know where my blood is going! He probably went off for a small snack!!
Anyway so more waiting......more waiting.....more waiting........ and FINALLY just as I was falling asleep the doctor comes in and says......
“we need to take more blood”
I was like “WHAT!!!”
The following is the convocation that followed:
“what! Why do you need more blood? You already took heaps!”
“we would like to run a few more tests just to be safe.” *big cheesy smile*
*Glare* “well I think you need to learn how to use what you have better! I’m not made of blood you know!”
*Weird Look*
“well I am! but I’d rather keep it where it is thank you very much!”
*Chuckles*
*Glares*
“well I’ll send Judy over to take the blood.” *Big Smile* *exit stage right*
When Judy finally came in I have to say I wasn’t impressed. This woman looked like she was fresh out of medical school and hadn’t slept a wink in at least a month.
She was friendly enough, though she treated me like a little kid, promising if I was good my mum would bye me something nice on the way home (Which of course mum told me to bugger off)
Judy told me I had 'bad veins' which begged me to ask the question….. “HUH?”
So after stuffing it up twice she went and got my doctor to do it. By this point I was feeling like a Voodoo doll with all the needles that had been stuck in me.
My doctor makes the worst jokes! When I flinched because, trust me he was not gentle with that god darn needle, he laughed and said “Did that hurt you? It didn’t hurt me!” which got me thinking of all the ways I could hurt him. And while trying to find my pulse which took a good ten minutes (for some reason doctors always have trouble finding my pulse) he couldn’t find it and laughed and asked if I was still alive. at which point he received my deadliest glare, which was pretty weak because I was feeling like shit.
Eventually after more blood being taken and a lot more time waiting and waiting and waiting, my doctor came to the conclusion…………..
That he needed me to come back in a week for more testing.
I had been in the hospital for over 8 hours and was about to kill someone.
We later found out I’d had an anxiety attack! Yay! That’s what year 11 does to ya.
Anyway these are only two of my long and annoying trips to the doctors but I’ll stop there because my hands are sore and for the sake of anyone reading this. I congratulate you on getting this far!!
That’s it for now, I’ll probably be back soon whining about something else :DDD
Warnings: No Warning just more ranting
A/N: Another one of my long winded rants about the things in life I just can't stand :) enjoy
Ok so, I have been in hospital a lot recently, mostly due to I recently found out that I am allergic to sugar. I know! Tell me about it! Of all the things in the world to be allergic to, I’m allergic to sugar. Any way when I eat sugar my body goes into a form of shock. Sounds fun huh? lol. anyway so before we found out what was wrong I had a serious attack that put me in hospital. Now anyone who knows me knows I HATE DOCTORS!!!! and being in hospital for me is like my own personal form of hell!
I have many reasons why i hate doctors:
1. They are constantly poking and prodding and sticking those icy-pole-stick things down your throat.
2. My doctor is an old Asian dude. now I have no problems with Asians as many people very well know but I can not understand a word he is saying. Mostly because A) I'm there for hearing problems which happens a lot and B) because I'm not listening to him.
3.They normally can't tell me more than I already know
and 4. Because of bloody waiting rooms. I’m sure I would have achieved a lot more in my life if I hadn't wasted countless hours in hospital waiting rooms.
Now to fully understand why I hate.... despise.....LOATH doctors I have to tell you about the last two times I visited the hospital.
Occasion number 1 -
I spent five hours in the waiting room to see my doctor. FIVE HOURS!!! And do you know how long I saw him for??? Exactly 5 minutes and 58 seconds! After waiting for 5 hours I at least want to be told I have some life threatening illness….. but noooooo, I had a bad cold and he gave me anti-biotics, a lolly-pop and patted me on the head before sending me off. Let me tell you…. IT WAS SOOOO NOT BLOODY WORTH IT!
Now I don’t have a very good relationship with my doctor but we have come to an understanding...... I don’t like him and he doesn’t like me! but we both rely on each other to survive. He needs my money and I need his medical expertise (which I have yet to see because the man is bloody useless) My friends constantly tell me to switch doctors because this man has a reputation of being useless. He use to be my friends family doctor before her grandmother got sick and when he couldn’t figure out how to help her he sat in the corner and cried.
NOW THAT IS NOT THE KIND OF DOCTOR I WANT WITH ME IN A LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION! But anyway he is still my doctor because I am too lazy to find another and too cheap to pay for a better one.
So instead I spend my time there bugging the hell out of him. While he is examining me or when he leaves the room, I tend to play basket ball. The bin is my hoop and my basket ball is those delightful-lil’-lolly-pop-things that he constantly sticks down my throat when I have a cold. I like to see how many I can get in the bin before he catches me!
I also have a lot of fun with his Steph-o-mo-thingy (you know the one they use to listen to heart beats.) I constantly use it to listen through the walls to see if I can hear the people in the next room. I thought it was working once but it turned out to be my doctor trying to talk to me. It doesn’t help that the room next door is a filing room but then again you never know what is going on in there. Maybe the office lady is sneaking away for a little “private time” with one of the doctors O.O.
Occasion Two -
I was taken to the hospital because of chest pains, trouble breathing, dizziness (which I think was due to the lack of oxygen) violent shaking. I get there and have to explain to the woman what was wrong and then she tells me I’m Tri-3. Now I’ll explain what that means.
In the hospitals here there’s a ladder, it goes
Tri-1 = the doctor will see you immediately
Tri-2 = the doctor will see you in 10-20 minutes
Tri-3 = is 20-30 minutes
Tri-4 = is an hour
Tri-5 = is an hour and a half - two hours
Tri-6 = I can’t remember but you get the picture.
So anyway I was Tri-3. By this point I was barely able to stay awake due to lack of oxygen, my heart rate was double the normal rate and my whole body was shaking. What I’m wondering is what has to be wrong with you for you to be a Tri-1. I’m thinking you have to be..... Dead. Because I was pretty damn close....well I felt like it anyway.
The nurse in the office said that Tri-1 was for those who had major problems or needed immediate help to survive. Last time I checked not breathing was a pretty MAJOR problem and I’m pretty sure I can’t survive with out it.
Anyway we waited for ages. (20-30 minutes MY ARSE) I waited for over an hour before going in for chest x-rays, a CG thingy where they attached a whole bunch of wires to me (I’m not sure what it did but I’m pretty sure it was just to make them look like they were doing something) There were no hospital beds available so I was moved from one area to another and when they finally got a bed so they could do that CG thing, it a bed that was situated in the office area. Through glass windows I could see the whole waiting room and the whole waiting room could see me. I’m glad they closed the curtains before I had to take my top and bra off but the other doctors keep peering in and opening the curtains so everybody could see me! YAY!
So then I was left to wait for results before they decided to take blood. Now I HATE NEEDLES! As in I really, really, reallllllllllllllllllllly hate needles.
Anyway this is where I began to come up with the idea that my doctor is a vampire. Dr Dracula is what I’ve started to call him, which going by the face he makes every time I say it he doesn’t find it that amusing. Anyway he took heaps of blood (three vials) and then walked away with half a syringe of my blood. Now call me weird but I like to know where my blood is going! He probably went off for a small snack!!
Anyway so more waiting......more waiting.....more waiting........ and FINALLY just as I was falling asleep the doctor comes in and says......
“we need to take more blood”
I was like “WHAT!!!”
The following is the convocation that followed:
“what! Why do you need more blood? You already took heaps!”
“we would like to run a few more tests just to be safe.” *big cheesy smile*
*Glare* “well I think you need to learn how to use what you have better! I’m not made of blood you know!”
*Weird Look*
“well I am! but I’d rather keep it where it is thank you very much!”
*Chuckles*
*Glares*
“well I’ll send Judy over to take the blood.” *Big Smile* *exit stage right*
When Judy finally came in I have to say I wasn’t impressed. This woman looked like she was fresh out of medical school and hadn’t slept a wink in at least a month.
She was friendly enough, though she treated me like a little kid, promising if I was good my mum would bye me something nice on the way home (Which of course mum told me to bugger off)
Judy told me I had 'bad veins' which begged me to ask the question….. “HUH?”
So after stuffing it up twice she went and got my doctor to do it. By this point I was feeling like a Voodoo doll with all the needles that had been stuck in me.
My doctor makes the worst jokes! When I flinched because, trust me he was not gentle with that god darn needle, he laughed and said “Did that hurt you? It didn’t hurt me!” which got me thinking of all the ways I could hurt him. And while trying to find my pulse which took a good ten minutes (for some reason doctors always have trouble finding my pulse) he couldn’t find it and laughed and asked if I was still alive. at which point he received my deadliest glare, which was pretty weak because I was feeling like shit.
Eventually after more blood being taken and a lot more time waiting and waiting and waiting, my doctor came to the conclusion…………..
That he needed me to come back in a week for more testing.
I had been in the hospital for over 8 hours and was about to kill someone.
We later found out I’d had an anxiety attack! Yay! That’s what year 11 does to ya.
Anyway these are only two of my long and annoying trips to the doctors but I’ll stop there because my hands are sore and for the sake of anyone reading this. I congratulate you on getting this far!!
That’s it for now, I’ll probably be back soon whining about something else :DDD