Feelings and such...
I've taken a bit of a break from posting in blog format, but here goes..
After reading the contents of this journal from years past, I never realized how much of a depressed little shit I was in my younger days... I cannot believe how important I thought things were only a few short years ago. Yet now, its all bullshit compared to the state of the world in which we live. Nothing makes sense anymore. Who knows, maybe all that Glenn Beck crazy talk might be true, and we might be on the brink of the end of the world as we know it? Truth be told, I don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm armed to the teeth with pieces of weaponry that have stood the test of time, and yet, I sometimes wonder if all the doomsday scenarios played out like Mr. Beck says, would I even care enough load up a survival pack?? ...Or would I simply grab my favorite rifle and a little ammo, and find an awesome secluded place to pick off some apocalyptic zombies while singing the REM song "This is the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine..." until I have one round left, reserved for my own skull. You know where it goes from there.
I think as we grow up, sadness becomes apathy. What used to hurt me means nothing to me now. What used to frighten me gets little more than a shrug. My burning desire to be something special to someone has diminished in the face of pure heartbreak.
I remember the brief period of radiant happiness I felt on the 7th of December, 2008 and a few short days that followed. Ironically enough, it was on the anniversary of one of the most infamous days in history, but so it goes, right? I'll never forget that night on the balcony of my condo overlooking the river... That magical kiss that started it all.. The connection of two souls so full of repressed passion, apathy and angst will forever remain eternal within me. Weather or not it does her, I'll probably never really know, for she is as mysterious and emotionally aloof as I am. The hopeless romantic in me likes to believe she does anyway. The reality is, however, I was probably a repulsive fat-bodied mistake. Either way, what's done is done.
Occasionally I'll get a wild idea to try and chase after another irrational female, but that usually just gets me back into an emotional world of shit all over again. Usually I'm okay though, just as long as I don't get too close to anyone ever again.
My goal in life at this point is to surround myself in friendship, and maybe make an eccentric statement with a big ticket purchase from time to time.. That's really it though.. I could care less about the bullshit "american dream". Its all a lie and a scam anyway...
..but hey, it could always be worse, right??
that's all for now. good day.
After reading the contents of this journal from years past, I never realized how much of a depressed little shit I was in my younger days... I cannot believe how important I thought things were only a few short years ago. Yet now, its all bullshit compared to the state of the world in which we live. Nothing makes sense anymore. Who knows, maybe all that Glenn Beck crazy talk might be true, and we might be on the brink of the end of the world as we know it? Truth be told, I don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm armed to the teeth with pieces of weaponry that have stood the test of time, and yet, I sometimes wonder if all the doomsday scenarios played out like Mr. Beck says, would I even care enough load up a survival pack?? ...Or would I simply grab my favorite rifle and a little ammo, and find an awesome secluded place to pick off some apocalyptic zombies while singing the REM song "This is the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine..." until I have one round left, reserved for my own skull. You know where it goes from there.
I think as we grow up, sadness becomes apathy. What used to hurt me means nothing to me now. What used to frighten me gets little more than a shrug. My burning desire to be something special to someone has diminished in the face of pure heartbreak.
I remember the brief period of radiant happiness I felt on the 7th of December, 2008 and a few short days that followed. Ironically enough, it was on the anniversary of one of the most infamous days in history, but so it goes, right? I'll never forget that night on the balcony of my condo overlooking the river... That magical kiss that started it all.. The connection of two souls so full of repressed passion, apathy and angst will forever remain eternal within me. Weather or not it does her, I'll probably never really know, for she is as mysterious and emotionally aloof as I am. The hopeless romantic in me likes to believe she does anyway. The reality is, however, I was probably a repulsive fat-bodied mistake. Either way, what's done is done.
Occasionally I'll get a wild idea to try and chase after another irrational female, but that usually just gets me back into an emotional world of shit all over again. Usually I'm okay though, just as long as I don't get too close to anyone ever again.
My goal in life at this point is to surround myself in friendship, and maybe make an eccentric statement with a big ticket purchase from time to time.. That's really it though.. I could care less about the bullshit "american dream". Its all a lie and a scam anyway...
..but hey, it could always be worse, right??
that's all for now. good day.