(no subject)
**WARNING~ THIS IS A RANT ..LIFE DOESNT SUCK, BUT BE WARNED**
Lately Ive been regretting alot of my actions and thoughts to a point where I wish I never said or did those things, and that is completely unlike me. I usually say something or do something, and no matter the consequence, I stick by it, but now, Im not so sure I should have done or said certainb things.
And I know its disgusting to think and feel this way months after what I did.
I guess its one of those things that grows over time, I guess I just never saw it comming until it was too late and all i can do now is dwell on it.
I sat in my room today with my head in my hands for 2 hours ( no joke ) thinking about stuff, and the more i thought about it about *her* the more it troubled me.
Perhaps I care too much, or maybe that giving everything isnt enough, though I know I didnt try at all.
And its the strangest thing to feel as if you are sure about everything you said and did, and then second guessing everything I ever thought about the subject..It feels like Im staring at myself through the window and trying to stop myself from every little movement I make.
I cant take it back, and I know I want to, but Ive somehow convinced myself that growing up is all I have left, but Im still such a freaking child that I feel like I keep tripping over my own two feet.
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I dont want a family with 2 kids and a beautiful wife, I dont want a house with a beautiful garden to cover the yard and a garage to hold my cars, nor a tv with a million chgannels, cause all of the sound would be drowned out my every voice in my head telling me that whatever i did was wrong .. I want to fall asleep with my eyes open, and I want to stand in the rain with my arms spread and my mouth opened wide .. I so deeply want to lay on the beach or ever see the night sky filled with stars. Where I live, the park lights are too bright and kill any emotion the sky would hope to show.
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I hate the kids that live in the mall, and every little prick that consumes the fuck out of Hollister or Hot Topic. If you open your closet and you have the entire fall catalog of fucking Abercrombie and Fitch hanging on a rack, then you can burn in hell.
If you own a pair of pants that are tighter than your sisters, than you better start saving up for the hours of therapy you are going to eventually have.
Dont think thay the music and the clothes you wear determine who you are. I got lucky, I ve got amazing friends have a free sense of music and style.
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I wake up with my fathers face and my moms eyes every morning, and I couldnt be more greatful for that
I love being alive, and I hope that I make my parents proud of the person I am
God Bless my sister for being able to put up with my shit
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Tonight, when I go to bed, Im going to dream .. It will be colourful and breathtaking, and In the morning, i wont remember it at all .. And thats the way it should be, because nothing perfect should last, cause If it did, then what would be the point in dreaming?
.....Goodnight..................................
Lately Ive been regretting alot of my actions and thoughts to a point where I wish I never said or did those things, and that is completely unlike me. I usually say something or do something, and no matter the consequence, I stick by it, but now, Im not so sure I should have done or said certainb things.
And I know its disgusting to think and feel this way months after what I did.
I guess its one of those things that grows over time, I guess I just never saw it comming until it was too late and all i can do now is dwell on it.
I sat in my room today with my head in my hands for 2 hours ( no joke ) thinking about stuff, and the more i thought about it about *her* the more it troubled me.
Perhaps I care too much, or maybe that giving everything isnt enough, though I know I didnt try at all.
And its the strangest thing to feel as if you are sure about everything you said and did, and then second guessing everything I ever thought about the subject..It feels like Im staring at myself through the window and trying to stop myself from every little movement I make.
I cant take it back, and I know I want to, but Ive somehow convinced myself that growing up is all I have left, but Im still such a freaking child that I feel like I keep tripping over my own two feet.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I dont want a family with 2 kids and a beautiful wife, I dont want a house with a beautiful garden to cover the yard and a garage to hold my cars, nor a tv with a million chgannels, cause all of the sound would be drowned out my every voice in my head telling me that whatever i did was wrong .. I want to fall asleep with my eyes open, and I want to stand in the rain with my arms spread and my mouth opened wide .. I so deeply want to lay on the beach or ever see the night sky filled with stars. Where I live, the park lights are too bright and kill any emotion the sky would hope to show.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hate the kids that live in the mall, and every little prick that consumes the fuck out of Hollister or Hot Topic. If you open your closet and you have the entire fall catalog of fucking Abercrombie and Fitch hanging on a rack, then you can burn in hell.
If you own a pair of pants that are tighter than your sisters, than you better start saving up for the hours of therapy you are going to eventually have.
Dont think thay the music and the clothes you wear determine who you are. I got lucky, I ve got amazing friends have a free sense of music and style.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wake up with my fathers face and my moms eyes every morning, and I couldnt be more greatful for that
I love being alive, and I hope that I make my parents proud of the person I am
God Bless my sister for being able to put up with my shit
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tonight, when I go to bed, Im going to dream .. It will be colourful and breathtaking, and In the morning, i wont remember it at all .. And thats the way it should be, because nothing perfect should last, cause If it did, then what would be the point in dreaming?
.....Goodnight..................................