(no subject)
It's so easy to let bitterness get the best of me. To be cruel and unremorseful and inflict pain on others. And why not? It's also cathartic, lets it out even if it doesn't change anything. But instead I'm careful and don't say the things I want to. The bitter, cruel things that might get the best of me. Because I might regret it later. So how do they get out? If I can't scream those things at the object of my bitterness what should I do? Write cryptic livejournal entries that nobody reads anymore and even if they did I wouldn't check back with them again? Do I couch it in philosophical terms, blame it on the superego or society or a lack of meaning? Do I seek God? Do I become destructive, either towards myself or towards others?
::shrug::
It's all been internalized now anyway. Maybe it's karma. I've done this before, now it's being done to me. Maybe it's fitting. Maybe it's just a joke. Cryptic cryptic cryptic. I should go into cryptography, study how to hide things. Too much math, though. Much too much math. Maybe that's the source of my problems. Too much math.
::shrug::
It's all been internalized now anyway. Maybe it's karma. I've done this before, now it's being done to me. Maybe it's fitting. Maybe it's just a joke. Cryptic cryptic cryptic. I should go into cryptography, study how to hide things. Too much math, though. Much too much math. Maybe that's the source of my problems. Too much math.