Return to the Afterlife Bar & Grille - Simon Said
Well, I have to hand it to you girls - that was a great story. Now, usually I stick to the policy of one to two drinks per story... you know, depending on the details and the like. But, I think we will make an exception for you girls.
Hey, Dion, set these lovely young ladies up with a drink each. Wait a minute. Let me guess... I'm usually pretty good at this. I'm thinking a Bloody Mary for Angie (as long as the 'bloody' doesn't overpower the Vodka), a Virgin Mary for Angel (yes, please, I've never cared much for Vodka), and... hmm... Now, Angela, I'm getting a little bit of a salty-spicy vibe from you. How 'bout we try you out with a Mile High Mary? Basically, its a Bloody Mary - but its topped off with a rim of salt and paprika.
Oh, and Ramsay - make the girls up one of your tasty appetizer trios. You'll love this, ladies - Ramsay's own recipes for his signature bruschetta, mini vegetable egg rolls, and hot and spicy chicken wings. Its truly an unbelievable combination.
Now, where is #7032? Has anyone seen an angel-faced kid... Oh, there you are.
Oh, eh, hey... um... I don't belong here.
Excuse me?
Um... I said, I don't belong here. Its OK for you to just open up that door and let me walk on out of here. Its all going to be OK.
Yeah, um, kid? That's real cute and all, but Obi-Wan you're not. Besides, Jedi mind tricks don't really work so well down here. So, you can either go up there on that stage and tell us all a story, then get yourself a nice drink, or you can go ahead and leave any time, and begin your journey further south. I heard Charon, your relocation agent, found you a nice condo overlooking the Lake of Fire...
So, my story... Yeah. Hey everybody. My name's Anson Williams - and please, no Potsie jokes; the woman who named me was apparently a bit of a 'Happy Days' fanatic. Other than that, I guess you could say I had a pretty normal life. Well, if your definition of 'normal' includes one painful disappointment after another, each one worse than the last.
My story begins with abandonment. When I was born, I was promptly given up for adoption by a young and unwed mother who obviously couldn't handle being tied down with a kid. She didn't even stick around long enough to give me a name. One of the nurses filled out my birth certificate. I guess the same thing happened with a baby girl that evening - as I still have a photo of myself in the nursery right next to 'Cindy Williams'. Like I said, woman must have been a big fan.
Anyway, I went from one foster home to another. I never really fit in anywhere. None of the families were ever right - I just had trouble getting along with everyone. I figured that, when I found the right family, I would know.
It was the same at school. I went to my fair share of'em. There was just always something (or someone) missing. Of course, it didn't really help me that I was really smart, pretty small, and had a baby face. Not a great combination when growing up if you don't have friends to watch your back.
It wasn't until my senior year in high school that my life took an unexpected turn in the right direction. There were two completely unrelated happenings that changed my life forever. For the first, I remember that I was called into the dean's office right after midterms. It seemed that, in three out of six of my exams, I had the exact same answers (including the essays) as another student - Tod Zimmer. The same Tod Zimmer who was not only class valedictorian, not only star forward of the basketball team (and therefore a foot taller than me), but also sat diagonally behind (and to the right) of me in those three out of six classes.
Now, the fact that we sat alphabetically so that he was in the perfect position to look at my answer sheet was the only thing I had in my favor. Other than that, the students liked Tod; the teachers liked Tod; heck even the dean liked Tod. Everyone in town knew him, loved him. And then there was me - new to the town, new to the school, and with no possible way to bring the basketball team to victory for the fifth year in a row.
Neither of us had been in any trouble before (but that was partly due to my being new and the faculty's insistence on looking the other way where athletes were concerned) but, because of the school's three strikes rule and the fact that the charge was cheating on three midterms, whoever was found guilty would be expelled from school.
Needless to say, I was worried. The dean, in all of his creative genius, decided to have a sort of a trial since neither of us were backing down from our claims of innocence. It was awful. Tod's side of the room was packed with students, all with evidence of Tod's previous academic career and his lack of disciplinary problems. There was a senior girl who had somehow gotten a hold of my transcripts to reveal my up-and-down grades and list how many demerits I received from each school I had attended.
It was looking really bad. I sat at my table, watching all their smug faces... looked behind me to find only the curious janitor, who had wandered in from mopping the halls. And I snapped. Before the dean could bring his ridiculous little gavel down, I shot out of my seat and turned to Tod, and demanded that he tell the truth.
Then, it was almost like watching a movie. The giggles of the girls sitting with Tod were muffled by the sound of my own heartbeat drumming in my ears. The world seemed to slow down as I felt my energy pulse out of me, and the next thing I knew, Tod was standing as well. He began talking - confessing. How he hadn't done his own homework since the sixth grade; how he hadn't passed a test without looking at someone else's paper or using a cheat sheet since fourth grade; how he didn't even take one of his exams because he was sleeping with the teacher... who was also (one of) his girlfriend's mother.
Everyone had frozen while Tod continued to talk. The students were stunned; the teachers were shocked; the dean's eyes were as wide as they could be; the janitor had dropped his mop; Tod had tears streaming down his face but he didn't stop. I didn't know how I did it, but I somehow knew that I had caused Tod's confession. It was all I could do to keep from laughing hysterically.
I practiced and practiced my new-found talent. Some nights I concentrated so hard that I gave myself a nosebleed, but that didn't stop me. I was getting better.
The second life-changing event happened towards the end of the school year. One of my teachers, a new guy named Goldaugen, had given us the assignment to find out about our families. We were not only to create family trees, but delve into where we came from and who we really were. He offered to give me extra help since mine would be the most challenging.
With my new abilities, I had pretty much figured out how to get out of assignments and tests that I didn't feel were necessary, but this project seemed intriguing. And Mr. Goldaugen was a big help. Together we found out where I was born - the specific hospital - my birth mother's name and even the doctor who delivered me and oversaw my adoption.
One day, I was sitting alone in the computer lab in the basement of the library, waiting for Mr. Goldaugen, when I hear the door open behind me. I had assumed it was my teacher, but was surprised to find Tod staring at me as he locked the door behind him. He was furious with me - blaming me for ruining his life. And worse, he had a particularly crazy look in his eyes.
I was scared for only a moment - after all, I could talk him out of anything he was planning. Even as he pulled the switchblade from his pocket, I was confident that I would be OK. Except, he wasn't calming down, wasn't rational at all. I started to panic as he got closer, cornering me and standing directly in my path to the exit.
Sometimes, came a deep but quiet voice from behind Tod, you need to push a little harder when a person is... unstable.
It was Mr. Goldaugen. I didn't know how he got into the lab since the door was locked - in fact, the door was still closed and locked. And Tod didn't even seem to hear him. But the strangest thing was that Mr. Goldaugen looked different. It was his eyes - instead of their normal brown, they were like two glowing yellow marbles.
He's not hearing you, he continued as if reading my thoughts. Try and use only your mind... without words.
Woah, woah, wait a minute there kid. Did you just say this guy had yellow eyes?
Well, yes... but that's not the point. I just noticed it, is all. See, he told me I was special and how to use my powers and...
Kid, I know you're new around here so let me fill you in. We all know that the folks in these parts don't care much for the Winchesters - after all, they're the reason this pub is so packed. But, do you know who folks here hate even more than the hunters?
God?
Ha, ha... no kid, not God. Folks here are pretty teed off at the yellow-eyed demon -
What? But he's great! He helped me find my brother...
- grumbles from the crowd -
No, no - that's a good thing... he helped me find my twin brother... the yellow-eyed guy's great...
- crowd boos and hisses and throws things until Anson has left the stage -
I tried to warn you, kid.