(no subject)
I haven't updated my LJ in ages. I haven't read my LJ in ages. I haven't looked at my friends list in ages.
So I considered deleting it entirely, but that felt wanky, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to. So I just kind of let it sit.
Not sure why I'm updating now. Maybe it's a bit like writing in a diary. Maybe I'm upset and want to say a few things.
... Maybe I got some cool new icons and want to use them.
It's all the same, it all falls back to the beginning sooner or later. Yeats said the center cannot hold. It doesn't. And no wonder, with everything flying around it so fast.
if you deny this
then it's your fault
Karma's got quite a kick to it. Sorry, John, it's not as instant as you thought. But it'll come around sooner or later. You have to trust in that.
... Does that sound too much like it's geared towards revenge? It's not, really. Sometimes you just wish for everything to get back to where it started. All debts to be paid off, all lies and hypocrisy exposed and held to the light, all the boards cleared.
Sometimes you're rooting for entropy. For the center not to hold. I wonder what Yeats would think about that.
every time I rise, I see you falling
can you find me space inside your bleeding heart?
I hate my color scheme. I can't get it to work properly. alkaloid sent me to a color wheel thing that was enormously helpful and is the only reason it doesn't suck outright, but it's still not quite right. Particularly not where I had to figure it out on my own, like text and tiny little accent shades.
LJ is inherently wanky, like most things in life. Such a shame when you get right down to it.
it falls apart
it falls apart
falls apart
I now have an MP3 player. (Thanks to Syzy, long story.) I leave it on at night. It's helping me sleep. Few things are any more. My psychiatrist took one look at me and wrote me a prescription for sleeping pills. I don't like the idea of taking them. But I also don't like going to bed at 11 am because I've been up for a day and a half and think I should, not out of any real sleepiness. I'm never sleepy any more.
Or hungry, either, for that matter.
I wish I were in T'ai Chi again. Maybe I'll get Syzy to practice with me in the mornings.
Maybe I'll go get a job in a bookstore for no apparent reason.
Maybe we'll go on vacation and see San Francisco again.
Maybe I'll log off and go watch Law & Order: SVU.
You can guess which of those are actually going to happen.
So I considered deleting it entirely, but that felt wanky, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to. So I just kind of let it sit.
Not sure why I'm updating now. Maybe it's a bit like writing in a diary. Maybe I'm upset and want to say a few things.
... Maybe I got some cool new icons and want to use them.
It's all the same, it all falls back to the beginning sooner or later. Yeats said the center cannot hold. It doesn't. And no wonder, with everything flying around it so fast.
if you deny this
then it's your fault
Karma's got quite a kick to it. Sorry, John, it's not as instant as you thought. But it'll come around sooner or later. You have to trust in that.
... Does that sound too much like it's geared towards revenge? It's not, really. Sometimes you just wish for everything to get back to where it started. All debts to be paid off, all lies and hypocrisy exposed and held to the light, all the boards cleared.
Sometimes you're rooting for entropy. For the center not to hold. I wonder what Yeats would think about that.
every time I rise, I see you falling
can you find me space inside your bleeding heart?
I hate my color scheme. I can't get it to work properly. alkaloid sent me to a color wheel thing that was enormously helpful and is the only reason it doesn't suck outright, but it's still not quite right. Particularly not where I had to figure it out on my own, like text and tiny little accent shades.
LJ is inherently wanky, like most things in life. Such a shame when you get right down to it.
it falls apart
it falls apart
falls apart
I now have an MP3 player. (Thanks to Syzy, long story.) I leave it on at night. It's helping me sleep. Few things are any more. My psychiatrist took one look at me and wrote me a prescription for sleeping pills. I don't like the idea of taking them. But I also don't like going to bed at 11 am because I've been up for a day and a half and think I should, not out of any real sleepiness. I'm never sleepy any more.
Or hungry, either, for that matter.
I wish I were in T'ai Chi again. Maybe I'll get Syzy to practice with me in the mornings.
Maybe I'll go get a job in a bookstore for no apparent reason.
Maybe we'll go on vacation and see San Francisco again.
Maybe I'll log off and go watch Law & Order: SVU.
You can guess which of those are actually going to happen.