A Response to a Blogger
I recently read a very biased blog entry entitled "10 items you think make you cool, but don't." I say biased, but let's be reasonable; blogs were basically invented so Opinion Editorialists could feel like they're being published more often. What I mean to point is simply that 99% of all blogs are biased.
Anyway, I digress. Here, in a nice little (read: gigantic and really long) nutshell are the main points (with my responses).
10. iPhone
Clearly someone is simply bitter since he can't afford one. Though, I will give it to him that people who draw attention to anything they own purely for the purpose of showing off are caught in a moment of douche-bagery. We've all done it, but it's a dick-move when we do.
9. Ironic Belt Buckles.
I can agree that people who wear ridiculous belt buckles are trying way too hard to be cool, but I would argue that any belt buckle no matter what is completely unnecessary. Although props must be given to the guy in the photograph of this one because he is sporting an old-school NES Joystick controller. Pretty funny in my book. Also, none of the buckles he mention are ironic, because he is a dumb ass that doesn't know how to use the word "ironic." A belt buckle being big and stupid and useless are just that: big, stupid and useless. They'd be ironic if, instead of holding your pants up, they made them fall down more often. Grammar book-not that hard, folks.
8. Blue Tooth Cellphone Headsets
Amen. These things are indeed stupid, and make people that wear them look like they think they are better than everyone else. Which they usually do, but never are. I will concede that they are handy for driving.
7. Quoting Borat/Austin Powers/Old School
I personally haven't heard anyone quote Austin Powers in at least 3 years, and haven't heard anyone quote Old School since the week it came out. Which leads me to believe this blogger is not familiar with movie quote communication system becoming ever more prevalent in our culture. The blogger, I think, should dig a little deeper and find a bigger set of balls. High five! (You like my Die Hard 4/Borat Combo? VERY NICE!)
6. PT Cruisers
The Blogger makes an excellent joke at this point, his only good one, actually, saying: "If you've ever wondered what a gay transformer would turn into, wonder no more." Besides that, I don't really care one way or the other about PT Cruisers and never really understood why they piss people off so much, and why these people need to vocalize their complaints.
5. Tricked-Out Bicycles
I've never seen one. The closest thing would be my old low-rider bike from when I was a lad. And having a recumbent bike because you're handicapped is way cooler than have something crazy different just for the point of being different.
4. Fidel Castro Hats
I rarely see these, the blogger clearly is running out of things to bitch and whine about. Now, if #4 was Fidel Castro's Beliefs and Values, that would be something that makes you very uncool. And it would make your face that much more likely of being spat in by Carlito.
3. Guitar Hero
It's been confirmed, the blogger is simply an elitist asshole. This will be taken into consideration for the remainder of the comments. (in a whiney voice: ) "I don't like Guitar Hero, I don't like sunglasses, I don't like...oranges..... I don't like, Red Crayons...bitch bitch bitch..."
2. Longboard Skateboards
Who cares? Get a life. Elitist pig.
1. Funny Ringtones
They can be annoying, yes, but it's their decision, not yours, so lighten up, Elity McElites-a-lot.
So there's his list. Allow me to add some of my own points of things that I believe do not make one cool. Keep in mind that this is my opinion, and that simply disagreeing with it does not mean you should be malicious like the majority of people that left comments on his blog.
0. People that use "your" instead of "you're."
Pay attention in English class, America.
-1. People that refer to the language we speak as "American" because they think it is that different than English. It's not. Commence crying because you're (look at that!) a worthless douche-bag with no original ideas.
-2. Men with no sense of reasonable fashion.
Come on, fellas, there's nothing wrong with looking good. Just because it goes against your desire to look dirty and having just fallen out of bed, doesn't mean you shouldn't try a button-up shirt once in a while.
-3. Women that point #-2 out just to be flaming bitches.
Is it really necessary? I guess, if you really need to make yourself feel better about yourself...
-4. Presidents that needlessly invade other countries. (That's right, I went there.)
-5. People that annoyingly bitch about the government. (damn it!)
-6. Describing something in a negative fashion by making the adjective a name and adding an "-y" to the first name and a "Mc" to the last name.
Guilty as charged, but it does sound Dumby McDumbpants 87% of the time.
-7. Any uneducated Richard Cranium that sports a Che Guavera T-Shirt.
That's almost like wearing a George Bush T-Shirt. Hey, I think I'm onto something...
-8. Being an obsessed fanboy/girl about ANYTHING.
This includes, but is not limited to: Anime, Clay Aiken, American Idol, Oprah, or Macs. I'm definitely guilty of the Anime one, but after consideration, spouting fragmented Japanese and wearing cartoon t-shirts is about as cool as public defecation.
-9. Thinking Ebonics is or should be a language and/or using it.
Learn real English and quit sounding like an uneducated fool, because you do.
-10. Hallmark Holidays.
Sweetest Day? Seriously? Are you kidding me?
So those are some things I don't like...
Wait a second! Did I seriously just spend all that time trying to critique a blog and all I did was succumb to bitching and moaning myself? Damn you, internet! Damn you!
Anyway, now that I wasted all that bit of life, you can find the original article at:
http://www.holytaco.com/2008/05/14/10-items-you-think-make-you-cool-but-dont/
In conclusion, find something to be happy about today and don't get bogged down by the things that piss you off. They're not worth your time or energy.
Anyway, I digress. Here, in a nice little (read: gigantic and really long) nutshell are the main points (with my responses).
10. iPhone
Clearly someone is simply bitter since he can't afford one. Though, I will give it to him that people who draw attention to anything they own purely for the purpose of showing off are caught in a moment of douche-bagery. We've all done it, but it's a dick-move when we do.
9. Ironic Belt Buckles.
I can agree that people who wear ridiculous belt buckles are trying way too hard to be cool, but I would argue that any belt buckle no matter what is completely unnecessary. Although props must be given to the guy in the photograph of this one because he is sporting an old-school NES Joystick controller. Pretty funny in my book. Also, none of the buckles he mention are ironic, because he is a dumb ass that doesn't know how to use the word "ironic." A belt buckle being big and stupid and useless are just that: big, stupid and useless. They'd be ironic if, instead of holding your pants up, they made them fall down more often. Grammar book-not that hard, folks.
8. Blue Tooth Cellphone Headsets
Amen. These things are indeed stupid, and make people that wear them look like they think they are better than everyone else. Which they usually do, but never are. I will concede that they are handy for driving.
7. Quoting Borat/Austin Powers/Old School
I personally haven't heard anyone quote Austin Powers in at least 3 years, and haven't heard anyone quote Old School since the week it came out. Which leads me to believe this blogger is not familiar with movie quote communication system becoming ever more prevalent in our culture. The blogger, I think, should dig a little deeper and find a bigger set of balls. High five! (You like my Die Hard 4/Borat Combo? VERY NICE!)
6. PT Cruisers
The Blogger makes an excellent joke at this point, his only good one, actually, saying: "If you've ever wondered what a gay transformer would turn into, wonder no more." Besides that, I don't really care one way or the other about PT Cruisers and never really understood why they piss people off so much, and why these people need to vocalize their complaints.
5. Tricked-Out Bicycles
I've never seen one. The closest thing would be my old low-rider bike from when I was a lad. And having a recumbent bike because you're handicapped is way cooler than have something crazy different just for the point of being different.
4. Fidel Castro Hats
I rarely see these, the blogger clearly is running out of things to bitch and whine about. Now, if #4 was Fidel Castro's Beliefs and Values, that would be something that makes you very uncool. And it would make your face that much more likely of being spat in by Carlito.
3. Guitar Hero
It's been confirmed, the blogger is simply an elitist asshole. This will be taken into consideration for the remainder of the comments. (in a whiney voice: ) "I don't like Guitar Hero, I don't like sunglasses, I don't like...oranges..... I don't like, Red Crayons...bitch bitch bitch..."
2. Longboard Skateboards
Who cares? Get a life. Elitist pig.
1. Funny Ringtones
They can be annoying, yes, but it's their decision, not yours, so lighten up, Elity McElites-a-lot.
So there's his list. Allow me to add some of my own points of things that I believe do not make one cool. Keep in mind that this is my opinion, and that simply disagreeing with it does not mean you should be malicious like the majority of people that left comments on his blog.
0. People that use "your" instead of "you're."
Pay attention in English class, America.
-1. People that refer to the language we speak as "American" because they think it is that different than English. It's not. Commence crying because you're (look at that!) a worthless douche-bag with no original ideas.
-2. Men with no sense of reasonable fashion.
Come on, fellas, there's nothing wrong with looking good. Just because it goes against your desire to look dirty and having just fallen out of bed, doesn't mean you shouldn't try a button-up shirt once in a while.
-3. Women that point #-2 out just to be flaming bitches.
Is it really necessary? I guess, if you really need to make yourself feel better about yourself...
-4. Presidents that needlessly invade other countries. (That's right, I went there.)
-5. People that annoyingly bitch about the government. (damn it!)
-6. Describing something in a negative fashion by making the adjective a name and adding an "-y" to the first name and a "Mc" to the last name.
Guilty as charged, but it does sound Dumby McDumbpants 87% of the time.
-7. Any uneducated Richard Cranium that sports a Che Guavera T-Shirt.
That's almost like wearing a George Bush T-Shirt. Hey, I think I'm onto something...
-8. Being an obsessed fanboy/girl about ANYTHING.
This includes, but is not limited to: Anime, Clay Aiken, American Idol, Oprah, or Macs. I'm definitely guilty of the Anime one, but after consideration, spouting fragmented Japanese and wearing cartoon t-shirts is about as cool as public defecation.
-9. Thinking Ebonics is or should be a language and/or using it.
Learn real English and quit sounding like an uneducated fool, because you do.
-10. Hallmark Holidays.
Sweetest Day? Seriously? Are you kidding me?
So those are some things I don't like...
Wait a second! Did I seriously just spend all that time trying to critique a blog and all I did was succumb to bitching and moaning myself? Damn you, internet! Damn you!
Anyway, now that I wasted all that bit of life, you can find the original article at:
http://www.holytaco.com/2008/05/14/10-items-you-think-make-you-cool-but-dont/
In conclusion, find something to be happy about today and don't get bogged down by the things that piss you off. They're not worth your time or energy.