Something about this post is not like the others.

[reka]

I'm starting this entry now so I don't forget why I decided to do this. For the week leading up to my birthday (I like to keep it not a big deal because it isn't, but it's a milestone or something), I'm going to be making some public posts. Because whenever I think about my major mental blocks, it all comes back to "too self-conscious, second-

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[reka]

Not only. There was a reason I started flocking, after all, and it's still a legitimate reason. Public is public. I run on a strict rule of "if one person knows, everyone else does too," so it's not so much that I share really private information nobody can ever know. It's... when I try to drop a relationship with someone (any sort of relationship), I cut all ties and don't mention anything about my life to them. When I began flocking my LJ I was doing that, and it made me uncomfortable that this person could continue following my life while I was trying to get him out.

I don't mind declaring how I feel as much as I worry about the other person and how much of a burden I must be to talk to/be friends with etc. It's really unsettling for everyone when somebody says "I feel awful!" How do you respond to that? I always feel terrible sharing my bad moods publicly. I know all these things are pretty dumb to worry about and are symptoms of my extreme srs. I just need to relax and say "WHATEVER, MAN" sometimes, and this is a good opportunity to force myself for a little while.